Limbo in Degrees

  • What I failed to remember, while I was giving my two year relationship all my attention, was that I had found Tarot.coms' Forums. I made a Minimal Profile, checked how to use the site I knew I would love this more than Notes on the journals. It felt private so I especially CAN say I knew this would be a feels safe place. I've been on for two decades, across two Centuries, I've watched it grow the way does to provide back with, my growth, Source. I here have GROWTH AND CLEAR ANSWERS GIFTS every entry. When I found Forums, I was seeking guidance of what more would I want to know considering my love of "this man" OMG I Love, was at the place where in our differences, non-negotiable deal breakers of each were clear. Violating he did to known non-negotiables of mine hurting peace fostering chaos right and left, limbo degrees about to be to difficult to survive. A break of 10-14 days I took, intending Proactive checking myself for unreasonable vs reasonable non-negotiables. This Forum was to be like ha ha my shoulders or teachers. My heart aches I'd made adaptions to limit focusing on where the ache comes from, that left me wondering when the jittering would fall off the tip and with a variety of jitter-responses from smart to stupid as shit too, I wanted to talk to Soul Family. Where else could I open up the pit that makes me deny that I see but admitting that I do see on some level that my Love, this man and I,,,, "we 're treading dangerously close to warnings being confirmed and loss, the losing may be the win"". This man fills me constantly above my eyebrows, at first the filling was pure Gold emotions I had wished I could experience since I had learned to experience feelings connected to emotions. That always levels out getting past the "no do wrongs" phase to then come to learn more reality certain more love would be yielded knowing quirks of sometimes it's bullshit, sometimes it's Universe Source Creating Us, sometimes it's purely physical, sometimes confusions, insults, hypersensitivity to win or lose mindset, sometimes it's pure human love give and take. This man actually IS smarter than me. I love that of him, I ask him of anything and he pretty much points me in right directions. This Man willingly taught me how to play video games, how to restore my physical and spiritual body. I wanted to believe that I could be submissive and not fear a dumb ass that would drive us or him home drunk or other fool risks So WHATS MY PROBLEM ? IKR, THE sad reluctance to admit is scary sign on my part, but here goes what I admit, Big trouble with how he copes with life using defenses he has practiced since childhood are damaging me, my soul, jumbled my self awareness and has put my boundaries in a POW isolated chamber. He is manipulating my sleep times, sabotaging my ability to hold my own in any area including drinking, He made it where I didn't get supper and only had time for half of a shake, then tell me to get ready we are going out for drinks. We came home together talked a bit and I fell asleep and he left back out never saying on a note or in messages. The began the habit of going out after I went to sleep. Then all night until the next day. So I packed, I left, I had come home to regroup and regain a better perspective on the outskirts of impossible, impassable degrees of limbo. There is so much in-between finding the Forum and now. I hope to break it down and the readings how they have been always filled with the Spirit healer of Body and Soul So that night while I checked out the Forum, messenger tinged my phone, oh yeah this was him. Our initial introductions to each other were on-line so, very clear rules had evolved over time that we knew instinctively, the currant rule was answer him right away or he gets delayed in something else, I felt like it's control power over or just tells him where and what I am doing or thinking. I worried of the way he reacted with sulking so maddening. I left this page and answered his messenger ting. Probably control or check or tell me what to do, engage me as an apprentice sort of way. I am sure I answered that message totally DISTRACTED ME from what I had just found. No doubt, the talk involved two hours of discussion that exhausted energy, confused what was actually doing before this. I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS FORUM UNTIL THIS VERY LAST TWO HOURS. I don't know if there is a word limit yet. Let me try to post.

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