I would be so grateful for a reading and some insight.
Hi everyone, I started dating a Pisces man 4 months ago and fell in love with him. We are so compatible, had so much fun (this is according to him also) and things were going perfectly. We started slowly meeting each other’s friends and family. Saturday, we went to dinner with my daughter and her husband so they could meet Frank....they loved him and all went well. Hours before we met up with them for dinner, Frank and I were hanging out at his house, he was talking about my birthday plans next month, show tickets in November, Florida in January, told me how much his friends liked me....everything was normal.
At the end of the night, he looked at me and said, “I have never dated anyone as long as you outside my marriages, I have never been so compatible with anyone in my life as I am with you, I have never felt so deeply for anyone as I do for you, but I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore, I don’t want a commitment.”
That was it. He is gone. I am confused and heartbroken. We are not young people....his birthday is 2/25/1950 and mine is 10/16/1956.
I have always been careful about not showing too much emotion or words of love around him. We never said I Love Yous. Saturday, I was less cautious and told him how much he meant to me and mentioned something about “if we stay together long term...”
Would that have scared him off?? Are Pisceans that hot and cold? Should I expect him to have a change of heart? (Or do I want him to?)
@libraluli basically this guy cannot put his money where his mouth is - he is all talk and no action or follow-through. His fault, not yours. His problem, shouldn't be yours. He also has a tendency to play it quite cool when it comes to affairs of the heart, perhaps because he has been hurt or let down in the past or is afraid to be. It is of vital importance for him to experience passion, however, and to learn to give and take in a relationship. Playing it safe, for once, isn’t recommended for this man. When he sees an opportunity for love and intimacy, he should embrace it. He needs someone who can understand his moodiness and is tuned into his wavelength - otherwise he may grow impatient and decide he is happier on his own. If he won't take a chance on love, then naturally a love relationship here will be difficult. Marriage would lend greater unity and permanence to the relationship, but it's not likely to get that far due to this man's changeability. .
@thecaptain Thank you very much for answering.
I guess I’m confused because the entire day and evening were perfect....no fighting(we never fight, we are extremely compatible) and all of the sudden he turned to me and said it was over. He has contradicted himself several times in the last two days over the actual reason, and I understand what you are saying about him not allowing love in. Captain, should I expect him to take some time and have a change of heart? Are all Pisces like this? I have already started to move on, but it hurts because we had so much fun. His actions just don’t match his words....at all.
Thank you again, I am so grateful.
@libraluli he may start knuckling down and thinking more logically and practically next year (in fact if he doesn't do this, 2020 will be a disaster for him) but this year he is just out for some light-hearted fun and frolics - and NO commitment! About that never disagreeing though, you might want to rethink whether that means you are so compatible - or is one of you trying to agree all the time with the other person so that the relationship is becoming dull and stagnant?
@thecaptain With the exception of a couple times, there just hasn’t been anything to argue about. We get along really well, if there is something bothering me, I just talk to him about it and we resolve it. He has never gotten angry with me or upset (besides the two exceptions, and we worked those out). He even mentioned the other night how we never have drama and fights and get along so well, so I’m not sure if he felt stagnant....I know I didn’t. We were always out and about doing different things, communication was good, so I’m not sure. Sounds like you feel he is gone though....it’s just so confusing. I do understand he didn’t want marriage right now, but he was the one, on our third date asked if we could be exclusive....way before we even slept together. So many mixed messages. Maybe I scared him cause I talked for the first time Saturday about my feelings for him?
I also thought it would have been good for him to finally experience what a committed and accepting relationship would be like and maybe learn that life lesson. I was hoping that was why we were brought together. I have done so much spiritual work and manifesting, thought Spirit had put the two of together for a reason. I thought this was it. Then he just goes cold....contradicts everything he ever did and how he acted, right up to the minute the words came out of his mouth.
@libraluli you were meant to be his teacher, not his forever love partner.
@thecaptain I can see that, but I don’t think he learned anything! He finally quit contradicting himself today and told me meeting my daughter and son in law “spooked” him. He does not want to get married....though I don’t know what that has to do with meeting my daughter. I have met his ex wife and a lot of his friends. I have never once mentioned marriage to him, not once.
Captain, do you feel he will be back.....I have gently spoken to him about trying to get out of his head and really examine what is going on in his heart. Even if we progress so far, I really agree with you about being his teacher (seems I fall into that role quite a bit in my relationships) and would like to see if I can help him progress in his journey.
Much gratitude for your help and insights
@libraluli the question is - how long are you prepared to wait for this man to grow up - it could be a very long time, maybe never Are you prepared to do this on-again, off-again non-committed thing for that long? Are you really going to wait to be happy?
Also if you are falling into the role of teacher so much in your relationships, you must be subconsciously giving out a message that attracts those who wish to learn from you or be mothered by you. Ask yourself - am I desiring an equal partnership or a parental nurturing/guiding one?
@thecaptain Thanks Captain, I have put him aside and cut off contact. I am moving on. I’m not sure what I would do if he called me wanting to try again, I wouldn’t go back under the same situation though, He isn’t going to change, he is not open to the spiritual side of me or himself. As a healer, this confuses me. I am ready to be in a relationship, really ready, but cant seem to be able to find a man on my same level of enlightenment. (I live in a small, rural town) I always end up being the helper and healer even though I have very strong boundaries, don’t do too much, my life is really busy outside any relationship.
One thing about Frank that was a huge red flag was he wasn’t at all curious, never asked any questions about me or my life....he was missing out on a huge part of me. He is a pretty shallow person, but I loved him anyway. I feel I am always protected lately when in the wrong relationship....mans rejection is Gods protection.....the door always slams down suddenly!
So, moving forward, as a healer, how do I know if I am there’s as a teacher or if it’s genuine? I am chatting with a guy I have know for 20 years....(very casually). He is Aquarius, don’t know his birthday. We are meeting up for dinner to catch up in a couple weeks. He seems very interested, has been kind and communicative, interested and genuine. He has been through a lot in the last ten years since I have seen him. Do you get a read on this one? Sadly, I don’t trust my own judgement, intuition or manifestations anymore. I genuinely felt Frank was the one I had been preparing for. I have spent years healing myself, my relationships with men, the destructive patterns.....this situation has really put a dent in my confidence to read people and also my own energy. Does that make sense?
Peace and gratitude, Leslie
Examine your feelings about this Aquarian. What do you feel first about him - a desire to help, to comfort and nurture him, to be with him as an equal, to want to be loved by him, or what? You mentioned he has gone through a lot in the past - is this what pulls you to him?
@thecaptain I haven’t seen him yet(since 10 years ago). We are having dinner in a couple weeks. What drew me to him when we were chatting was his charm, his decisiveness, his interest in my life. We never spoke about any issues of his, I just know his wife died 11 years ago and he had a short marriage after that. I really, really just want a healthy relationship, not to fix anyone...I have clients that come to me for help,
I prefer to have a man who will focus on me, not the other way around. I am ready for a genuine relationship, something that will be committed and lasting. The last few years, I seem to get men who end up being broken....no matter how careful I am.
I didn’t do that much for the Pisces guy, but after you said you felt I was sent in as a teacher, I could see that maybe he was being presented with an opportunity to finally allow himself to feel emotion and not run....he tried, but couldn’t do it. He never even knew about me being a Reiki Master, and a spiritual teacher because as many times as I attempted to explain that part of my life to him, he wasn’t interested...I feel it made him uncomfortable and I didn’t want to force it on him.
I am just so disappointed and confused....I should be able to figure this out but maybe I am just not objective enough.
@libraluli said > "The last few years, I seem to get men who end up being broken....no matter how careful I am." Then subconsciously you are asking for this sort of person to come to you. When you change your subconscious message to one that calls for two equals-in-partnership, you will attract someone who can care for you as much as you care for others. Perhaps you need to learn to take as well as give?
you spark each other
you both come alive
you let your guard down
then they are off.
You are left with what happened
what did I do wrong