Captain, could you please help?



  • I am so angry right now. My ex is so trashy. I have been trying to finalize our divorce for months now. I recently offered to give him the house, and I will take all debt that is in my name, he takes all in just his name and I keep my Jeep, he keeps his minivan, and I take physical possession of the van that I bought before we got married (that is still in my name). I keep my retirement, and he forgives the $500 that the court said I had to pay for his lawyer and we would be done. He responded with I keep my retirement, the bills be what I asked, but he wants the van that I bought before and he wants to switch realtors to his asshole one who promised him more for the house ( stupidly). I am so angry and feel like this is. A betrayal to the realtor that has been working his ass off for us already... I don’t want to accept this shitty deal! Can you please do a reading and tell me which course would be better? I want the divorce done ( I want to be done with my lawyer as much as ex), but I also don’t want to screw over the realtor. He actually went and mowed the lawn and everything for us when the ex’s family was unwilling or just too lazy to do it! Argh! I’m so pissed. My lawyer sent the offer on the 21st and they were supposed to respond by the 23rd... They just responded finally today after 5!!! Today is the 29th!!! What the heck?!?!??? Oh and they want an answer before the first!!! They are so crazy!



  • @hobbles76
    negotiate
    make lists of everything you own or owned which is missing.
    Your retirement fund has nothing to do with your divorce, your van was yours before your marriage so it is not part of the divorce as he did not pay for it.
    up the ante by asking for your stuff the sold back or money.



  • @jayann
    I tried and this is the problem. He just wants everything. He took things from the house that he insisted he had to have and “gave” them to his brother who sold them in a yard sale and gave him the money. He keeps doing things like this... I am so overly angry about this stupidity.



  • @hobbles76 then you have to get tough about this - tell him you have photographed everything and if he takes something that is yours, you will go to the police.



  • @thecaptain
    Thank you for replying. There is nothing left to take. Everything is out of the house. It is a matter of his stupid offer. I’m trying to figure out if it would be better to accept his unreasonable offer and be done with all of his bullshit or try to negotiate and hope the judge will see things my way...

    Thank you again,
    Laci



  • @hobbles76
    I was going so write some thing which would make me feel better but have no effect on the problem. Karma came into it but not in a nice way. So I am sending your the below instead. Take care
    0_1567244188491_hug1.jpg



  • @jayann
    Thank you! I am so very thankful that I get the hugs from my babies (who are definitely not babies anymore). Hugs help a lot! 🙂 I hope you have a blessed weekend! 🙂 ❤❤❤



  • I think your chances are better with a judge than with your ex.



  • @thecaptain
    Thank you. I was thinking the same thing.



  • @thecaptain
    He refused my return offer of course. Now we pretty much have to sell the house together. As he and his family have put every possible procrastination into this sale, and made it take so much longer than necessary, do you see us selling the house quickly or do you think it will be completely foreclosed on? I almost feel like I should just give up everything to be done with him and them, but at the same time, I don’t like being taken advantage of. What do you feel?

    Thank you,
    Laci



  • @hobbles76 do you think the price on the house is reasonable for that area?



  • @thecaptain
    We haven’t got it on the market yet as he had been procrastinating so much. I know the realtor was going to list it for a reasonable price, but I’ve got to get him there to take the pictures of the house ASAP.

    I just want this all over with.



  • @hobbles76
    From what you have written I think your ex and family want you bankrupt or living hand to mouth. Did you have a better job than yr ex?



  • Sounds like ex needs a new incentive.



  • @jayann
    Yes, I am a teacher and he works at Walmart as a part time door greeter and is on disability as well. He was only on disability when I met him. His Heath was failing him and I helped him get healthier and encouraged him to work to get his mind in a better place (as he really wanted to). So, although I don’t really make that much, it is more than him. I believe you are correct. They don’t want anyone to be happy because they are truly not happy themselves.



  • @thecaptain
    Any suggestions?



  • @hobbles76 what is his date of birth?



  • @thecaptain
    June 21st, 1982 England



  • @hobbles76 on the surface, this man seems to be operating per materialisitic, nasty or greedy attitudes, but he is actually deep down unable to give up a place that he thought of as home, along with all the memories of the family who lived there. That is the heart of all this whether he knows it or not - him clinging to the past and old memories. He may seem like someone who is unemotional or detached but inside his feelings run riot, making him go to extremes and be uncooperative. This is why the process is so long and drawn-out - he doesn't, cannot, let go.. He has an intense, obsessive and addictive nature and he is addicted to his old life. I feel you have to make this whole process much less personal because in his own way he is clinging onto you and the children. He drags his feet because he is still addicted to the idea(l) of family. If you can remove yourself as much as possible from this legal process, he might be able to detach more easily. So definitely work through third parties and limit the time he sees or deals with you. Don't get sucked in to his delaying tactics. Your ex is an addict who must be made to go 'cold turkey'. He has to stop thinking of that house as his home.



  • @thecaptain
    This completely makes sense. He has had multiple addictions in his life and it doesn’t surprise me that my children and I with the life I provided, are his current one. Would it be best to say I will take his ridiculous offer and just be rid of him and his whole family then? Or should I keep fighting to try to sell it at this point? I completely understand him being a super emotional and vindictive because he is trying to hold on person... but I have to move on to keep my kids and I safe and happy.


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