Cancer men are confusing...as usual!
It seems like the topic of cancer men are always on the discussion board! They really seem to confuse ppl lol.
Anyway, my story...I've been into this Cancer guy for a while now...We met over last summer and we both seemed to really fall for each other quickly. Great chemistry, conversation, etc. There were sooo many indications that we would end up making things official, despite the fact that I go to school (undergrad) out of the city so there are times when I'd only be in town on the weekends. Long story short, things came up with an ex of his who wants him back and that I think he's not completely over her because problems with her seemed to slow us down. They have a child together (not to mention they were together for several yrs) so I know that this further complicates EVERYTHING, but whenever I asked him about her (she confronted me, btw, and accused me of trying to intrude) he maintains the same story that she wants him but that they aren't together. He's also said that she's basically has the mentality that "If I can't have him, no one can" and tries to interject in his relationships. In all honesty, I believe that he's not been completely honest with both of us because he can't make up his mind or something. For a while some time passed when we weren't really speaking because I simply didn't know what to do or what to believe. Whenever I tried to bring these issues up with him (in person, because I like face to face discussions), he seemed to avoid seeing me all together, so I'm thinking, Ok, maybe he's not into me anymore Then--all of a sudden--we'd be talking again and he'd be acting the same way he was when we initially met (i.e. into me!). I'm sorry if there seem to be so many holes in this story, but a lot has gone on and this is the gist of it...So I guess what am I asking is, aren't Cancers supposed to be all about trust? Supposedly his ex cheated on him and that's why they initially broke up, so why (aside from the fact that they have a kid) would he backtrack with her? Is this because when they love, they love hard? And why can't he just be direct and let me know if he's not into me that way anymore? I've asked him several times to just be upfront and we can end on good terms but he always avoids the question and I don't want to freak him out and make him crawl back into his shell, so to speak. I know there are many missing details because it would take too long to explain on here, but I'm basically wondering what any of you experts/experienced members think about this?
Btw, I'm a Virgo woman hehe :).
Well hon, i doubt he is lying at all. Cancers are the sign of home family and allthat goes in those lines. They are the caretakers of family sign. Which means he will ALWAYS be there for his kids. OFTEN are women who are like this ex you describe such nasty creatures. They dont want ANY woman regardless of sign creed culture to have their man. So for you its just to not badmouth her infront of him. She is the mom of his kid.
if she pesters you say if she no stop u will call cops. That may help.
In my experience with cancer males, is when they divulge in something UTTER personal they think o.OOO i moved too fast too soon O.OOOO better skedaddle back a tad n take it slow.
i think ur cancer is in a rock n a hard place. A Catch 22 if u will., torn between being a good dad for his kid, avoiding falling into his ex´s traps and maintaining what may become a good thing for him with u. best thing u can do is, TRUST HIM! Allow him space and time.
Allow to ask, does your world all that you do and think evolve around him? or does it evolve around all that you re is and wanna do and can do? think about it.
Hey BenteStoker, thanks for replying...well, the only reason why I suspect him of not being truthful is 1) female intuition...if any of you believe in that---2 and 2 has not been equaling 4...and 2) his ex has told me that he's told her I've lied about my relationship with him. Now I obviously don't know if she's telling the truth or not because I've heard a lot about how ridiculous she is, but that made me go, Hmmm what exactly did he tell her about me? I think he's trying to play both sides, really, whether that's by lying by omission or indirectly. But maybe you are right...
The funny thing is, his ex has harassed me (kind of a strong word, but it is what it is) on numerous occasions through a social networking site. As much as I can't stand her, the most i've ever said back to her was for her to stay out of my business. No name calling, no trying to make her jealous, none of that...and I obviously told him about her trying to confront me and I talked about how disrespected I felt, but I didn't say anything insulting for the very reason that I know she is the mother of his children and I didn't want to upset him.
But what you said about Cancers moving really fast and then backtracking...perhaps that's what it is. I make it a point to let a guy know that I'm into him, but never am I clingy or over the top with it because I want to protect my pride and I don't want to scare him away, lol. And as many opportunities he's had to tell me to get lost if that's how he really feels, he's never done so. I understand his role as a father and I believe that should always be his #1 priority. I just hope that he can---as you said---avoid getting sucked back into a relationship with her because I think she really sees me as a threat, and this is the major reason why she has been holding onto him so tightly.
And thankfully, no my whole world doesn't evolve around him lol. If it ever does, I'll be needing lots and lots more help I just want to stop feeling confused and be able to move on from all of this, but my feelings for him are at times strong and at times mixed so it's a lot to deal with. Plus, it's been several months of this craziness...can a girl get some direct answers?
Anyone else feel free to comment, and Bente thanks again!
Well i´d do my thang and let him come round to whoever he wanna be with. I believe in intuitions aka gut reaction n if urs says something is amiss, by all means DO NOT DISREGARD that,
Until he fesses up I´d get busy with my own life. the saying is more fish in the ocean, so get fishing gurl.
Some guys think the to n fro is fun, but its sick if ya ask me.
again i can only reply to what i get from what u tell us. Sounds like a guy that needs a shovel connecting with his skull n say fess up jerkface LOL
As 4 ur last comment, well i feel n hear cake n eat it also kind of guy. I´d go fishing if i was u. Guys like that ................... throw em back in LOL Plenty of NICE DECENT TRUTHFUL guys out there.
Las this trait aint typical cancer trait. Its a immature boy trait. BBrrrrrrr
ok im off fishing LOL
lf245706~aren't Cancers supposed to be all about trust?
would he backtrack with her? Is this because when they love, they love hard? And why can't he just be direct and let me know if he's not into me that way anymore? I've asked him several times to just be upfront and we can end on good terms but he always avoids the question and I don't want to freak him out and make him crawl back into his shell,
Sandran>>>>It takes awhile to get a Cancer to trust you.Once you break it.It may take alot longer time to rebuild it.Since this guy has a kid.He may spend more time with the kid.But, for the girlfriend..he may fall back and go to her.To rekindle a relationship.Because Cancer's like to keep their family together.Does not mean it will last.But, a Cancer will be hell bent on trying.I would leave until he makes up his mind.Cancer's have a hard time making good decisions.Personally I cannot handle a Cancer man.They get on my nerves.Too whiny..LOL
A Cancer will seem like they are not being truthful.Because..they don't want their feelings hurt.Do Not dismiss a feeling of you are being lied to.It usually is true.But, Cancer has a way of avoiding truth because they do not like confrontation.Can't handle a dramatic episode to get a point across.And if we are pushed to that limit we could say things we don't mean.Which leads up to having to apologize for our actions.To be with a Cancer it takes alot of quality time together.Not a few days here and there thing.Cancer's have mood swings.Unless you really know the person well you can cope with it.It takes alot of trust to build a life with a Cancer.Alot of people don't have patience for it.
Hey Sandran, thanks for replying. Yeah, I mean I basically suspect that he's been withholding information in order to spare feelings or because he knows the situation with two girls wanting him has the potential to blow up. That would be lying by omission but I guess I don't see it as quite as malicious because I do believe he cares about me, he's just stuck b/t two choices (one of which is an obvious one...hello, ME! lol), but in the meantime it's just hurtful to both of us.
So do cancers not like to apologize? Being a Virgo I do prefer to be right, but I can admit when I'm wrong for the most part. Idk if I said it in this thread or another, but I do feel like he's avoiding me and I feel like that's maybe cuz he hasn't treated me the best (whether it be the potential lying, not keeping promises to come visit/see me, drama with his ex, etc.) and if he comes face to face with me, he would be naive to not think I'd call him on it. I know that he in particular has had somewhat of a rough life, and honestly, though I've had my own trials and tribulations, I've probably not experienced a lot of what he has. But that's what I loved about us...that we were different but that we really had a lot of chemistry and clicked. I wish there was a way to let him know that I am very trustworthy and that I just want him to open up to me without it having to take months and months and months of him hiding from me....lol. Maybe to Cancers that space is what they need, but in my mind that just creates a distance after a while.
and all I can say to Bente is LOL...you really had me laughing there, sometimes I wish I could do that, sounds like a good stress reliever lol
I don't think that Cancer men are confusing there are for sure worst signs then Cancer trust me. But know I think men are just men cross the board.
So do cancers not like to apologize??~~~~
Sandran>>>Us Cancer's do have a problem with apologizing.But, a mature one will apologize when they are wrong...As for space.A Cancer thrives for space and being alone.We do not feel lonely like most signs.But we get lonely and cabin fever like anyone.We just do not spend muich time away.And we usually spend most time close to home.
My cancer friend/love apologizes for anything slighted even when there is no need. Can't say that he hangs around the house much either, he's always on the move in one way or another. He likes his space and alone time and I respect that behavior as I can be the same way at times.
I don't know of to many people that don't require some time to themselves regardless of sign.
Worthy>>I don't think that Cancer men are confusing there are for sure worst signs then Cancer trust me. But know I think men are just men cross the board.
Sandran>>A sign I cannot trust is Gemini and Saggitarius.As much as I love a guy being a Sag..They love to roam and play.My Pisces Moon will not let me rest in knowing that they play too much.I want something stable.These two signs are bad for lasting relationships.
Hmmm.. There are four gemini's in my family, all have been involved in lasting relationships with sign's they aren't suppose to be compatable with...and they are stable.
Wonder if there is more to it then being born a certain sign that defies the laws of astrology.
I think there's just a little more to it then that.
If you're a player, you're a player. Roaming is not limited to gender or signs.
Gem Twin>>Hmmm.. There are four gemini's in my family, all have been involved in lasting relationships
Sandran>>I may be missing something on this one.I have two Geminis in my family.And,I just can't see it.
I married a Cancer/Gemini man. He likes directness and doesnt like things repeated continuously as this annoys him alot and will shutdown on a subject if it is overplayed. In the case of your friend, don't harp on this subject of his ex, he is with you, appreciate it, move on to creating new memories together. He is loyal to you, so enjoy it!
Aside from the Astrology aspect for a minute....I have dated someone who was in a very similar situation...crazy ex who wanted him & they have a child together....and I mean crazzy...she hit the back of my car. So...I will say this...If she had not put my ex through so much crap (he came to a point when he started literally hating her)...he would have still been messing around with her. There is something to be said about people who have kids together...when one of them still wants the other..especially a woman throwing herself at a man. Men will be men.
Cancer men tend to hold on to strong emotions...i dont think they can fully forget the good feelings they had (if enough time has not passed)...they dont forget the bad either....but they also fall in love very quickly...which is why the two of you became so close im sure.
Whenever I had a gut feeling about something I would do a little research ...and sure enough I would always find some dirt. My ex was also very traumatized by his previous relationship and was weary about that happening with me.
I think it's best to stand back and not be so available for him. Distance yourself so he can see how much it sucks without you around. Don't give all of yourself until he does.
I love my cancer man more then anything in this world! He loves me back and astrology and signs don't make or break it, I am living proof of that!!! Maturity says a lot for people who truly understand one another and get it! Imagine ME a GEMINI.. falling in love with a Cancer!
Hey all, thanks so much for the comments. Sorry I've been away from the forum a couple days, life has gotten so busy in just that short amount of time! I appreciate everyone's opinions really, it's just like having different friends give some input i believe in astrology to an extent, obv., or i wouldn't be on here, but i do know that a lot of it has to do with the individual situation and whatnot.
Silana, i can appreciate that you've been thru a similar situation. This whole thing has been pretty emotionally trying just because I feel like I'm not in control of my emotions regarding all of this, and that's so bothersome to me. If I could just forget him like that, and move on I would because it would make my relationship with other guys I'm trying to get to know easier. But the constant thinking about him (not constant in that it rules my day, cuz it definitely doesn't, but when I think of being w/someone it's him) and wondering what is really going on can be upsetting. I've said this before and kind of half-a s s meant it, but I think I'm really going to just focus on myself and let whatever happens, happen. I can't control it much anyway, right?
All I have left to believe in is karma, and if it's real it's very likely that he doesn't deserve me lol. but i'd also expect karma to come around and make her hurt because i really feel that although his ex may have been manipulated when it comes to him as well, she's said and done things to me that are just unacceptable and could've easily been avoided had she approached me like an adult. i don't understand why he would want her if she's cheated on him and if she's apparently acts crazy (so he says), so i guess either that's not entirely true or else the having kids thing is a bond like glue, lol. i can't believe how upfront i've been in this situation and honestly not deceitful at all (even when i was trying to find out things) and it didn't really get me anywhere...correction. experiences like these are always worthwhile because they teach you something. and believe me, i have learned a TON lol.
ugh! thanks for hearing me out, i've really been needing to vent (but not to the same 3 friends who really know about all this, lol).
any other info, share if you want
Sandran...,Thanks for your insights, I really appreciate them.
I know the person really well and he's still difficult to cope with. He will provoke me whe I'm exhausted before falling asleep after I've spent a long time pampering him with a massage. He gets his fellings hurt when I finally blow-up after giving him several warnings. He won't forget that I hurt his feelings and will pay me back the next morning by calling me names that upset me, telling me that i am going to leave him anyway, etc...
He will remember the episode of the night before as him wanting to be loving an affectionate, when he KNOWS that he was provoking me. I feel like he is a younger sibling and I'm back in my chilhood again--not a very pleasant experience. I usually beat the crap out of my siblings when they provoked me to no end, lol.
Another point I would like to make...
My ex went through so much with his "baby mama" that he gets scared off by the slightest hints of that type of behavior with other people......So....I give him all the space in the world because it is the opposite of what she does (constantly harrasses him 7 throws herself at him & meddles in his new relationships)........This has proved to work for me because the more time he spends with other "crazy" girls...and the more he sees her since he has no choice.......the more he always comes running back to me.
The on and off again thing sucks...but he never gave himself enough time between the relationship with her and then me, so i think he is still trying to figure out what he wants and get that "single time" in.
unfortunately...my feelings have developed for someone else way more than what I felt for him....and now he thinks that him and I will end up together and he misses me....i just dont feel the same anymore.
Its a win, win situation for me.....I dont put much effort...he still comes around....or I get over him...I think the getting over him part is way better because I realized I can like someone more than I liked him....and realized what I DONT want...I dont want to be with someone who has all that baggage..........We deserve better girl!