First love returns!
Oh and here's a chuckle. I thought things were pretty much through with my "first love" that led me to post on your thread in the first place. We've been out of touch for months now. Well, the past few days it has become clear that there is still some pretty strong interest on his part - he's just been "giving me some space" since he thought he came on too strong early on, after us being apart for so many years. Uh huh. He did come on too strong. So now what? Lol. I don't know, but I'm not rushing to find out. He can "hang around" (he's 500 miles away actually), but we're slowing things down going forward here. Plus I have that messy Virgo affair going on, which I suspect "first love" would be happy to help me resolve, lol. I have a few issues of my own to work out you see.
Anyway, I thought the timing of his return was interesting so thought I'd share that.
Wow, just as I thought you're all sorted out with your first love...there he comes again! Well, nice to know when we don't rush things and let nature takes its course, things develop naturally and not forced to mature. Yeah, timely and if you've read the latest postings from AuntBuck and me, those were really big issues we've been through involving the so-called "one and first true love" as if taken out from a melodrama genre, with a love triangle gist! Anyway, just keep us posted and would be nice to get distracted every now and then from my own ongoing issues. I've been feeling kinda relieved after some soul-searching and knowing what I really want out of my marriage and intimate relationship...an eye opener indeed! Still an uphill battle but will really plan well on how to bring my husband to discuss our ongoing issues with calmer nerves and less hostility between us. Jenever7, I'm just curious which part of the world you're based? Well, good luck to you but for me, I'm lying low with my first love until such time I feel the timing is right for us to re-connect once again. I felt that he is also holding back knowing the complications we can both get into under the current circumstances. So far, so good and I'm in a better place now to take control of my life and reclaim my independence. Please stay with me, no matter what! Take care and be blessed!
I am in Michigan. I am not from here originally, but for 22 years now. I'll be here until my kids all graduate and then who knows....? I'm in a very nice part of the state as far as the environment, but it's not the rolling hills and rocks that I grew up with in Missouri, and I miss that. It's flat and sandy here. (I'm very affected by my surroundings.) Not saying that I'll go back "home" either, but I'd like some rocks and some hills. People here are depressed as well because life has become so hard with Michigan's awful economy. If I could leave here tomorrow I believe I would just to bring more optimism into my life. When I look at what goes on in other parts of the world, I know, I have nothing to complain about, but still, this is my life as it stands and there are a lot of depressed people around here. It makes me weary at times, particularly as I have had my own share of struggles since divorcing three years ago. I have to dig deep sometimes to maintain a good outlook and keep the Faith. So far so good though, I keep moving forward and I'm never sorry about what I left behind. Disappointed maybe, but not sorry.
I'm in Oregon...we're right there on the unemployment business....me included. However, I am actually happy to be unemployed since I am getting an opportunity to do more things in my life that I couldn't do before. When I first moved here from my home town across the state, I was used to hot, dry wheatfields and cold, icy winters. I moved to a town that sees rain about 9-10 months out of the year and this year has been really hard since we just got our first heat wave and everyone is sick and tired of the rain. I'm a summer girl myself and love hot and dry. It's finally right like I like it. However, one benefit of the rain is that it stays green here all year round and that's nice too.
I wanted to mention since I didn't before, when I let my man-child ex husband go, I was very angry with him. 13 years later, we are actually very good friends and support each other as best as we can. We co-parent our teenagers together and while he isn't as involved with the kids as he would be if we were married, he does love them and is concerned about their welfare as much as I am. He was unemployed for 11 months but still made his child support payments and while it wasn't always the full amount, it was still there. We still struggle with discipline issues but we would be doing the same whether we were married or not. LOL. The woman he was having an affair with when we split became his 2nd wife. She also became a very wonderful step-mother to my children and 10 years after they married, they divorced. I am still friends with her and she keeps in contact with me and the kids. Never thought I'd say that! hahaha... The good news....after two failed marriages....my ex man-child has finally grown up and learned to take care of himself. We both know that going our own ways allowed us to become better people.
As far as my ex boyfriend goes, there is no anger or resentment towards him. Only love and hopes that he will get what he wants out this relationship with his high school sweetheart. I have my doubts but that doesn't stop me from wanting what is best for him. If I am not it, then I am not it. If we were meant to be, then we will be. That doesn't concern me right now because I am happy whether I am with him or not. No...I didn't get to this place right away, I had to grieve and with each time we re-connect and talk, I tell him the same thing. I am happy and I only want what's best for him. Whatever will make him happy since he really is a good guy. However, I won't put my life on hold waiting for him or hoping for him to come back and he knows that too.
My ex-husband has actually been a great support for me going thru this break up and with each time we reconnect. It was uncanny that each time I have said good bye to my ex-boyfriend, my ex-husband manages to text me or call me and ask how I'm doing. Literally within minutes of my saying good bye to the ex-boyfriend. I love it. It just shows me that I have so many people in my life that love and support me that I am always cared for.
Finding this place and connecting with the people that I have connected to here....unbelievably comforting and inspiring.....I'm so lucky. :0)
Jenever7....I play with my cards that I have and while I was going thru this breakup, I kept pulling the same card over and over. I can't remember what it was but it said that I needed to let go of the past. I pulled it not only for me....but my ex-boyfriend also. Now that I have had time to mull it over...I think it was really a message that he needed to let go of the past but well...I took the message to heart also and let go. I'd love to be able to get my reading skills up and would be willing to do cards for people but I only know textbook definitions so it makes me feel like any reading I would do would be hard to understand. I know when I pull cards for myself and read the definitions, they definitely reflect the current situation and give me something to think about. LOL.
Hi guys I'm back! Nice to catch up with you and I can really feel the depression that's around you Jenever7. As for AuntBuck, a rather laidback scenario but tinged with melancholy and sadness suddenly engulfed my being. Surely, we're attune with each other's feelings having shared very deep and real pain in our journeys. I'm currently based in New Zealand and it's a really laidback country compared to where I grew up with, somewhere in Southeast Asia. It's wintertime here and I got sick a week ago as a sign of the emotional turmoil I am going through. I couldn't get used to the winds and cold climate here coming from a tropical country but I know there's a reason why I was led into this foreign land, with all the personal tragedies, illnesses and rude awakenings that went with it! However, I realized there's a much bigger reality than what I normally perceive to be true in my life and what values need to be re-examined and hold on to in the bigger scheme of things in my current world now. There are still a lot of things to be grateful for despite the disappointments and unfulfilled expectations but life has to go on and I must roll with the punches. Otherwise, I should have been a goner by this time...LOL! I affirmed your strength of character Jenever7 and AuntBuck and hope I could duplicate your optimism and courage to venture into the unknown, even if it was more of a consequence rather than by choice, at that time. Adversity has brought out the best in each of your arsenal and I can sense the wisdom and truth coming out from those tragic events. Indeed, very empowering for a lost and confused soul like me! Your growth and personal triumph has given me more reasons to tread this road less travelled with hope and faith in my own abilities, even if my fears keep telling me to be content with the way things are and just play dead. These negative energies stop me from receiving the best that the Universe want to send my way...and I guess it's about time to let go of things that no longer serve to help me be the best person I am meant to be. I thank you and Captain for being a part of this roller coaster ride with me, and couldn't thank you all enough for making this ride one hell of a real shocker....LOL! I'm truly blessed I believe, the mere fact that I can now celebrate and see a lot of good things happening to me amidst the uncertainties and drama in my life is a real gift from my Creator. For the meantime, I need all the introspection and meditation to calm my nerves and really allow me to connect with my inmost being...get in touch with that loveable and unique being and let it manifest to the world! Take care always and continue to be a blessing to others, just like I've been touched by an angel at the lowest point in my life. You're now aptly called ANGELA's ANGELS...and I know more angels are being sent my way but some hesitate for doubting their unique gifts! I could sense a certain presence of a plethora of anges surrounding me and making me feel really good and light inside. THANKS Universe for sending these blessed gifts, I truly appreciate them and hope to be an angel myself to someone after learning the great lessons I have to learn in my life now. Peace and light beckons....
Oh I forgot to ask you Jenever7, when is your birthday and I suppose this is your month being a crab or lobster...hahaha! Your icon reflects that so is it right to assume but I maybe wrong. Just wanted to say a special prayer for you on your birthday and even if it has passed already, will still do for your special intentions all year through. Hope it's ok with you, my angel! Be blessed always!
Thank you Angela, prayers are always welcome!!
In reading your last post it took be back to two moments in the unraveling of my marriage, one was a point so low that for the first time in my life I wished I would just die on the spot. Not that I was suicidal mind you, we all will die so I find the concept of suicide pretty pointless. Just was so down, and so overwhelmed, that I wished I could just drop this life and see what came next. BUT having reached a point where I could go no lower emotionally, a very strange thing happened - a whole lot of stuff suddenly seemed a whole lot less important. It took that classic moment of "bottoming out" to make me see what mattered in my life and from there there was no where to go but up.
And months later having gone through much more turmoil (although never being quite as deeply affected by it again), I remember one other defining moment, when everything suddenly felt in perfect balance. I mean everything in one singular moment, I felt the most intense peace I've ever known. It was just me and the universe and that's all that mattered. Everyone is really sort of alone in this life, we can worry all we want about others and the joys and sorrows that we experinece, but we are little islands really and the larger connection we truly have is to life itself. Our little place in the universe that knows no time or space. I still think of that moment as a state of Grace. The past didn't matter, the future didn't matter, things were just flowing along in the present and that was enough.
No it did not last, but to have even felt that "place", to know it exists....it is what keeps me from ever sinking to the depths again. It is our minds that drag us out of "Grace". The unfounded worries and speculation on outcomes and answers that we can't know, and fear. It is truly incredible how we let fear drive our decisions in life. So negative and so sad that human nature is drawn that way and it probably holds us in more hurt than if we would simply be bold, face our fears, have the confrontations with others that our hearts demand but that we hold back because of our fear of the consequences and loss. The Universe is so full of riches and we are so afraid to see them. I do not have a good answer for this, but it is something I meditate on often because I am not entirely free of this tendency myself. Fear is at the root of most of what brings us despair in my opinion.
Ok, guess I got in a little deep here, but as I say your post got me lost in thought and remembering.
Auntbuck, will post later for you. Nothing big, lol, just chit chat.
Oh and Angela, my birthday was 7-7. Thank you for the good birthday wishes as well!
Jenever....happy belated birthday. Oh cra*, I meant to wish you a happy birthday at the other place. Shoot...I'm sorry I missed it. I think 7-7 is very lucky. I'm 7-16.... :0)
Angela - it won't be easy but a little bit of clarity goes a long way. Life isn't perfect, sh** happens but underneath it all, everything happens for a reason and we all have lessons to learn. As Jen said, we are all really alone in this and no one can experience anything for us, we have to experience it for ourselves and that's true. I just know that when life beat me down, and I was on my knees....there was no other way but up at that point. Whenever I have found myself on my knees, the answers, the blessings, the angels and the guidance all come from a source that has never failed me yet. We don't always get the easy road, but the one we get makes us so much more grateful for what we have and I will never regret or wish to change the past. I am glad that something I said has helped. If it wasn't for the wonderful people here saying what was in their heart and sharing with me, I couldn't be in the place I am to share with you and it really is an awesome place to be when I can help someone.
Besides....I have teenagers and trust me, they want nothing to do with my wisdom right now!!!! hahaha....Blessings to all....
Hi there! Just recently resumed my communication with my first love after 3 weeks of indifference. His persistence paid off and we're on speaking terms again. However, I'm more aware of my boundaries and really keen on solving my marriage woes and finding my true self first and foremost. Hans has been very supportive of my quest for truth as well and has answered a lot of my critical questions which gave me peace and the determination to move on with my life, with or without a husband in sight! My first love? I'd agree he has a special place in my heart and nothing can take it away from me, but not so sure if I want to have a future with him. A real friendship, maybe since I'm not in a position to commit emotionally with any man. I thought I'm not meant to be married being a free spirit and felt trapped after the experience. I'm more of a humanitarian and feel really good if I belong to everybody rather than just to one specific partner. It's too much for a person to cater to all of my needs and desires really! Would there be a man selfless enough to share me with the rest of the world and give me that much-needed ego boost all of the time? I realized I'm too focused on myself and would need a strong and spiritually mature man to be able to handle me with aplomb. I'm not cut out for the rigors of domestic tranquility, sad to say. I'm just worried about my 4 kids (3 girls and 1 boy) on how it would affect them emotionally and my relationship with them? Any readings for me please The Captain and Jenever7 or anyone who may have a vibes on my issues so far? I'm a Leo Sun, Leo Rising and Aries Moon person. My Venus and Mars is in Virgo and Mercury in Leo. Breaking my personality traits/character into bits and pieces would allow me to see and know what would really make me feel satisfied and fulfilled in the next phase of my life. Auntbuck, your birthday is just around the corner and will light a candle for you and Jenever7. Any particular color you want for your birthday candle? Would gladly offer these candles for you and Jenever7 as I utter a special wish for both of you. I hope to hear from The Captain soon and be blessed....love, light and peace always!
Hi there Auntbuck! Wishing you a blessed birthday today (16th already in NZ) and may your wishes come true, same wishes I've said for Jenever7. I light 2 candles today for you and Jenever7 as I've promised to do. So how's life going on lately for both of you? I'm quite busy as well with my training course ending this week-end and fixing my CV for a job I intend to apply this week-end. I'm keen on getting emplyed full-time to get me started standing on my own two feet. Do you see me getting this job I'm very keen on landing as it fits my abilities and experience really? I'm taking things slowly, and one thing at a time to make sure my motives are in the right place so as not to commit hasty decisions which I might regret later on. It's been tough, emotionally but time is on my side and I know my situation will be sorted out in no time at all as I lay down the course of action I have to take to navigate my marriage to the right direction. My first love still hanging in there but just laid down the rules and boundaries so as not to send mixed messages that could lead him on. I hope I could accelerate the process but I know that any shortcuts now could derail my chance for a long-lasting happiness. I don't feel pressured to make a choice now and I just learned to let go and let nature takes its course as I wait for guidance and leadings from the Universe to manifest the best way to resolve my inner conflicts.
Well, hope to hear from you guys and may you all be blessed abundantly in all areas of your life for giving yourselves generously to others...keep it up!
I decided to pull a few cards about the job situation and see what comes up. First card was the 4 of Pentacles which means that you may be stubbornly holding on to a situation by being inflexible. I'm seeing this as your resolve to move forward in the right direction. The next card was the Knight of Wands....this is a forward action card. It brings good news regarding work or social activities. He brings good tidings of almost any anticipated happy event. Change of job is one of the examples of good tidings he brings.
Ironically, I decided to pull a final card just to see if I got anymore clarification. I pulled the Knight of Cups reversed. This card says that the relationship you yearn for may be based on deceit or superficiality on the other person's side. You may be obsessing about someone who really doesn't care that much even if he has led to to believe that he is sincere.
So...whether this card is a signifier of your past relationship or mine....is left to be told. It could be that I picked up on the negative feelings I have about my ex boyfriend who flitted into my mind when I was pulling cards or it could be about your husband or first love. Either way...I think it says something to both of us. See, we have a lot in common! :0) Thanks for the birthday wishes...I actually had a wonderful day and am really blessed to have so many people care about me! Have a great day!!!! Auntie B.
Thanks AuntBuckie! Yeah, what a confusing message that was about the last card! I have to be careful really with that revelation coz I'm quite vulnerable lately. However, I'm focused on the jobfront now and looks like good news! I'm trying my best to heal my wounds and be honest first about myself and what I really want in life. I 'm happy for you coz you've been trying to improve yourself and be a better servant to those who seek enlightenment thru your card reading in another thread. More power to you and will just update you every now and then. Take care and be blessed...
Hi there Jenever7 and AuntBuck! It's been a month since my last post and it's my birthday today! So much has happened to me emotionally when my first love and I resumed our communication on line. Honestly, I found myself falling in love with him all over again and so did he...but the timing now seems to be off and we're both feeling the heat and the distance taking its toll on us. He wants to come over to my place but how can I get him unless my husband agrees to a divorce first? I'm not keen on staying put in my loveless marriage and been working around it to protect my children and get me financially independent while attending to the nitty-gritty of my impending separation from my husband. I'm planning to visit my first love next year so we can discuss personally how to go about our new life together, relocation, children, careers, etc...Suddenly, he stopped communicating with me for almost a week now despite my emails and queries about his silence, but to no avail. I am so heart-broken now and couldn't let go of this great love after being given a second chance to re-connect after 36 years...we're soulmates! If he tells me, he got cold feet and doesn't love me after all, will set him free but I feel he still cares a lot about me but too scared to open up about his innermost feelings and fears of the unknown. I am scared too but I realized that perfect love casts out all fears and I'm more than willing to face all odds with him and start all over again. Must I let go of this love for good and move on without him in my life? Is there still hope for us to be together even if in the distant future, and give each other some space for inner healing and transformation before re-connecting romantically? I hope anyone of you who is moved to give me some enlightenment like the Captain, Hans, AuntBuck, Jenever7 or any gifted reader will be able to spare some time to guide me in which way must I take to get closure please? I am emotionally drained and couldn't think straight even if I know what logical steps to take, but my heart couildn't let go and won't give up on my first love! My DOB: Aug. 22, 1959/5 AM and his DOB: May 19, 1960/4 AM. What's really going on with him and does our love stand a chance of being fulfilled? Please HELP me....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELA!! I hope that you are having a wonderful day. I am digging my cards out here and will return. Just didn't want to chance missing giving you some warm birthday wishes!
Happy Birthday! Thank you so much for reviving this thread. I needed to go back and re-read everything because I've lost that happy place. I haven't been able to pull any cards for anyone lately. I was doing so well there and I am struggling. I don't believe that anything I would pull for you right now would be accurate since I think my underlying emotional level is affecting everything that I touch. Sucks to be here in this place...but I'll be moving back out at some point. Not sure what I was thinking but as I was reading this thread, I thought about the Wheel of Fortune. What goes up must come down. I'm on the down cycle. Not sure what is going on but I'm searching for answers myself and trying to get back to that place I was a month and a half ago. I'm going to let Jen take this one....
Anyway, I hope you are having a great day! Glad to see this thread come back up!
Ok Angela, I asked the question what's up with Angela's guy and here are the cards I pulled and my interpretation of them. It is a three card spread as I didn for you in the past with a shadow card to show underlying issues. Just passing is Justice, present is the Knight of Wands, coming into being is The Lovers and in the shadows is The Tower.
There are actually a couple of ways I might interpret this. Justice suggests that the reality of divorce is on his mind. (Remind me, is he married as well?)This card is very much about legal issues - although about balance and fairness on a bigger scale. Knights are always confusing because they call up extreme energies - positive or negative, not much middle ground. He is either concerned that things are going too fast - or maybe he does want things to move faster - maybe he'd like this all to just be done and get out of the process . But the The Lovers often indicates a decision that must be made. Even though the Lovers would make you think of romantic decisions it can be decisions in other aspects of life as well. What is for sure is that it's a big one. A life-altering decision. Clearly it also speaks to our relationships and finding the ideal in love and happiness but it also calls up questions of morality and ethics. Just based on the fact that you haven't heard from him, I'm going to suggest that he wants to slow down for a bit. Something here has him rattled. The Tower says that he feels disruption, loss of control, or surprised by something going on.
I can't tell if he is afraid of the changes that will come if you divorce, or afraid that you are not serious about him. This particular knight can represent people who come into your life with fire and passion, grab your heart, and vanish from your life just as fast. The Lovers still says that you are drawn to each other, but the stakes are high now. The Tower warns you that if you build the foundation of this new relationship with illusions the walls will come crashing down. He needs to know that this is all for real.
My suggestion is that you show him some patience and gently try to see where he is really at with things. Now please don't take this next comment wrong, because I know full well the energy it is taking for you to weigh out your life and get changes going to meet your goals, but I'm seeing a whole of of "you" in what is happening here and your guy just sort of stuck on the side-lines. Are you being careful to let him be involved? Sure, you can huff that he's the one who cut you off, but were you too busy to notice why he cut you off? Think back and consider whether you have been a bit distracted from him as well. Is an apology in order to get things moving again?
Since you mentioned his birthdate - astrology is not my strong suit, but I know enough about Taurus that they are not the most adaptable sign in the zodiac. They really don't like change, they like stability, and they like to feel loved, and they can be stubborn. He's put himself in a place and won't budge until he's convinced to move. Give your guy some reassurance. He may act stubborn about receiving it, but honestly I think he's in a place of uncertainty right now and you need to give him a little attention. Not by discussing your life plans, but just some heartfelt simple reassurance. Share with him your fears about things and let him know that you need him to get through this time. There is no reason to lose hope in this situation. What I see is that he may be losing hope simply because he has been feeling put off. I'll remind you as well that if you are too scared to tell him what's in your heart then you should not be planning a life together. Spill it to him Angela. Quit being that bold, confident Leo taking charge of everything and reveal what's really going on in your heart through all of this. Show some vulnerability. I'm sure he knows you can move mountains, you are a Leo afterall, lol, but let him pretend he has some place in all of this. He returned and stuck by you, praise him for it.
Now rest assured this is not a bad reading, I see it as a time of "taking the pulse" on the heart of the relationship. Let go of the details and practical matters for a spell and make sure that the emotional connection remains strong. Let me know how things go!
Aw, AuntBuck, I was going to ask you for a little reading because I'm in kind of a "stuck" emotional place right now myself. Perhaps when you are refreshed you can do a small one for me. Just to see what comes up I pulled a card asking for insight for AuntBuck. I got Justice and a shadow card of The Hanged Man.
Perhaps there is something that you need to let go of that you are avoiding? When you release it you will return to balance?
I've been spending a lot of time doing the "bless and release you with love" ritual with regards to my ex boyfriend. I've hit my cycle of letting go again with him. My knee has been acting up for a couple weeks and I finally looked it up tonight on the Louise Hay dictionary of dis-ease. Knee problems represent lumps of unresolved anger. Hmmm....thinking that hits the nail on the head so to speak with where I am now.
I looked up the Hanged Man definition in the book I have and it shows that there is a real need to let go of being materialistic for a more simple life. As my savings account is being slowly depleted, I am panicked over the looming "lack" that appears to be coming up in my life. I bought a car that will be more dependable than the one I was driving but it is costing me more than I want to spend to get it in shape. That is also scaring me.
Justice shows that I am involved in something legal and that is also true. I am trying to get approval from a government program to start school next month and I am worried that there will be something that hangs it up. Mecury in retrograde is scaring the bejesus out of me on that one since it is known to cause delays.
So....all that being said....yes, there are several things that I need to let go of so I can return to balance definitely. I just haven't figured out how to release them. All my usual tricks aren't working...lol. Oh...not to mention I know I need to give up cigarettes and while I know it is best and I want to do it, I can't seem to do it. So...good that you pointed out this stuff to me. It definitely shows me that I need to be taking charge of doing stuff and I'm avoiding or not necessarily avoiding but just not accomplishing it like I wanted to.
As I get this stuff out....I see a sense of balance returning. I've been trying to let go but you know how we love to hold this stuff in and fix it internally before we give up and turn it over to a higher power and well...for me....quite frankly....this forum. I always find the balance I need when I get here and let go. LOL. Thanks for listening and giving insight.