First love returns!



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  • Watergirl...the more the merrier! Yes...something is definitely coming with the Universe and you are right....for the last month or so it's been nothing but the Wheel. Some days are good and I feel confident and powerful and in charge of my life and other days....like today....just seem to make me not function. It's almost 10 pm where I am and I'm still in the clothes I slept in last night...lol.

    I can say that some of the people that I read for didn't realize I read for them and never commented or I saw that after I did do readings for them....they went directly to someone else and asked the same question. It was a little defeating to me but it gave me insight into how I was when I came here and I did the same thing. Asked everyone the same question. It was a learning lesson for me.



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  • Yes....we do want to hear what we want to hear. You should look me up when you are here for your next trip. I'd love to meet with you. Vegas...the town that never sleeps. Or is that New York? I've only been to Vegas once and it seemed to me that there were always people on the streets at any time of day. I'd love to make it down again and actually do more of the sights since the last time I went down, my ex-husband was with me and all we did was gamble for 5 days...lol. And drink of course...lol. I no longer drink or gamble so maybe this time around I could actually see something besides the inside of the Westward Ho, Circus Circus and Slots of Fun. :0) Oh and I was there in 1990 or something around there. Lots of new stuff there now.

    I did notice that many of the people on the last thread have gone elsewhere. We want to have our answers NOW and not when the reader feels up to it. I am seriously thinking of going in and telling everyone that I need to cancel all the requests and will start up again when I'm more balanced. Oh and thank you for saying that I'm not the only one in the same clothes that I slept in this late. I feel better knowing that other people get in this place too. I will say just being here for a few hours tonight and not going on Facebook and other sites is definitely helping me feel better. I love this place and all the people that are here.



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  • AuntBuck - I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. You read my story on the Value thread - it's a tough road you are on right now, I know this. I pulled another card in the hopes of finding some optimism or at least a different take on things for you. It's the 8 of Cups. You definitely have something you need to move away from right now. Some person or situation that simply makes you weary at this point. Whatever it is, you had a lot of yourself invested in it, but it clearly has not been to your benefit. The cards seem to be saying, ready or not AuntBuck, you need to move on and put it behind you. (See, if you look closely, that Hanged Man has a smile on his face, he doesn't mind letting things go. His world is turned upside down, but he's okay with that, just going to hang there and let the world happen for a while.)

    So smoke another cigarette and just relax AuntBuck! (Sorry, that's my inappropriate Cancer sense of humor coming out, I smoke also so I can get away with this one. Lol.)

    Have a great rest of the night (or morning as the case may be).



  • Hello ladies! Sorry for not posting right away after reading your comments. Nice to hear from you Watergirl18 and you're welcome just as anyone who is being led to share their own first love experiences and struggles. I'm sorry to hear about AuntBucks' latest negative place which I suspect since I haven't really read much about you and just this psychic thing and vibrations about people I have some kind of an emotional connection thru this forum. I have been silent for a month because my online re-connection with my first love has heated up so fast and we're both swept off our feet, with no time to really take stock of what's going on inside ourselves. Thanks AuntBuck for the humility and wisdom to beg off reading on my current situation and I understand perfectly well. Now let me say now that right after I posted my last comments on my first love, I tried to look back on my past actions and emails to him that may have precipitated his sudden withdrawal of affection from me as suggested by Jenever7 (thanks to you, very true!) You were dead on when you said I might have said/done something that made him felt rejected and doubt my sincerity towards our future together. I tried to assure him with my real feelings and loyalty and undying love for him which triggered a positive response on my bday. It's so overwhelming and I realized he was hurt even if he didn't say directly his hurts and still tried to understand my situation. He is still married and we're both working on our own marriages to be dissolcve



  • Sorry I got distracted by something and lost my trend of thought...anyway, am happy to say we're back on track again after a long explanation from my end on why I said certain things which was taken out of context and made him feel rejected. Yes, he is a very rigid and stubborn man, but very patient, loving and generous to a fault which made him so endeared to my heart despite the 36 years of being separated from each other! I realized I've never reallly appreciated his love and devotion to me until I opened my heart to his patient pleas of forgiveness and second chance. I just wish I can accelerate my divorce proceedings with my husband but just too guilty and scared on how it would affect his health and emotional well-being. I cannot continue living a life of pretensions and devoid of love and passion. I have given my 22 years to my family and now I feel it's about time I pursue my own happinness and Holy Grail of sorts to spend the rest of my life with my first and only love...and my last love! It's a great story to be told to my children and their children, though not sure they will be happy to hear it from their Mum and excluding their father whom they dearly adore and love! Anyway, thanks Jenever7 for your selfless gesture and coming to my aid again when I needed it most. Watergirl18, you maybe going through a lot yourself but surely you'll find comfort in the company of like-minded ladies or even men who have been there and done that, if I may say so. I just hope that my long distance realtionship with my first love will see me through and overcome my anxieties and immaturity at times...hehehe! My first love knew and accept my unpredictability and quirks and yet always hanging on and understand my shortcomings. His love for me has made me a better person, less selfish and more trusting. He has restored my faith in life and love all over again because of the goodness of his spirit and stubborn will to win back my love! Woowww, what else can I say about htis great love? I just hope, we can all experience this life-altering phase in our lifetime that will usher in true love and serenity, just because of that one special person who loves us unconditionally. I'm glad to say I've found him, my soulmate and won't let go of this great love. Destiny must be on our side and I don't want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance because of my pride and fear of the unknown! Be well, all of you ladies and may God bless us all and grant us our heart's fervent desires and wishes...will be back soon! Take care all of you and check in every now and then. By the way, I saw your photo AuntBuck inthe Captain's photo reading blog and you're lovely and charming, sensitive but seems to have a lot of inner strength and character. Keep it up and watergirl18 was right...get up and get a shower and let the sun shines on your life again! There's so much to be grateful for and your enthusiasm and empathy sorely needed by this community. Jenever7, your interpretations on my situation was very accurate and couldn't thank you enough for the re-assurance. Love you all.



  • Hello awesome ladies out there in this blog! How's life AuntBuck? Hope you've been able to shake off the negative vibrations haunting you for more than a month now...Watergirl18, I hope you're getting some emotional clarity as well with the help of the Mercury retrograde, after some much needed introspection perhaps? Well, so far everything seems to be going on smoothly with me and my frist love after re-assuring him of my loyalty and devotion to him! He's been having some distractions though but still managing to keep a positive outlook and keeping me posted. We just feel so connected emotionally and spiritually and I just keep on pinching myself, hoping this won't go away but realize that sooner or later I have to get my feet firmly planted on the ground. I just arranged my finances with the bank officer, wondering why my husband could touch my personal account without my permission and the new person I talked to was so apologetic and corrected this so I am now in control of my own account. I discuss this with my husband since I've been wanting to manage my own money for quite some time but didn't want to rock the boat. He's got some problem in handling money matters which has been a sticking point in our relationship and has put our relationship in a lot of messy situations in the past. Now, I'm so confident in taking things into my own hands and slowly but surely going into the divorce proceedings. Do you see him agreeing immediately to our divorce and setting me free without hating me? I have other issues in our marriage which I think is non-negotiable aside from the fact that I am trapped in a loveless marriage and couldn't stay any longer. My first love's return only accelerated the decision I've been stalling for quite sometime, realizing that the old sparks are still there between us. Do anyone of you is inspired to make a current reading for us? Are we going to be together for good in the end or this will just die down as quickly as it heated up? I just feel so much love for him which I didn't feel during our adolescent hook-up and see him now in a different light which made me appreciate all the hard work he has done to win me back! I am planning to visit him sometime inApril 2011, do you see us proceeding with our relationship as planned and will he fight for our love against the approval of his family and friends? I know he is going through so much pressure because of our relationship, not to mention the guilts, but must we give up on our love simply because it is not sanctioned by society? Isn't LOVE the most powerful and moving force in this world that can transform us to become the best person we could ever be? I've seen so much positive changes in me and I truly believe it is his influence on me...thanks to him! Iam so grateful for experiencing this great love which has healed my heart of the traumas and unforgiveness which has kept me unresponsive to really give and receive love. Now, I feel so alive and no longer just existing, ready to conquer the world and set on a journey with my first and last love! All along, I was the only one who has blocked LOVE to come into my life because of fears and unresolved issues. The overflowing love I feel in my heart has enabled me to get past those limits and boundaries that will only stop me from experiencing this great gift from the Universe! Here's wishing all of you peace of heart and mind, joy, good health, prosperity, wisdom and unconditional love that has the power to transform your life for the best...be well always!



  • Hello awesome ladies out there in this blog! How's life AuntBuck? Hope you've been able to shake off the negative vibrations haunting you for more than a month now...Watergirl18, I hope you're getting some emotional clarity as well with the help of the Mercury retrograde, after some much needed introspection perhaps? Well, so far everything seems to be going on smoothly with me and my frist love after re-assuring him of my loyalty and devotion to him! He's been having some distractions though but still managing to keep a positive outlook and keeping me posted. We just feel so connected emotionally and spiritually and I just keep on pinching myself, hoping this won't go away but realize that sooner or later I have to get my feet firmly planted on the ground. I just arranged my finances with the bank officer, wondering why my husband could touch my personal account without my permission and the new person I talked to was so apologetic and corrected this so I am now in control of my own account. I discuss this with my husband since I've been wanting to manage my own money for quite some time but didn't want to rock the boat. He's got some problem in handling money matters which has been a sticking point in our relationship and has put our relationship in a lot of messy situations in the past. Now, I'm so confident in taking things into my own hands and slowly but surely going into the divorce proceedings. Do you see him agreeing immediately to our divorce and setting me free without hating me? I have other issues in our marriage which I think is non-negotiable aside from the fact that I am trapped in a loveless marriage and couldn't stay any longer. My first love's return only accelerated the decision I've been stalling for quite sometime, realizing that the old sparks are still there between us. Do anyone of you is inspired to make a current reading for us? Are we going to be together for good in the end or this will just die down as quickly as it heated up? I just feel so much love for him which I didn't feel during our adolescent hook-up and see him now in a different light which made me appreciate all the hard work he has done to win me back! I am planning to visit him sometime inApril 2011, do you see us proceeding with our relationship as planned and will he fight for our love against the approval of his family and friends? I know he is going through so much pressure because of our relationship, not to mention the guilts, but must we give up on our love simply because it is not sanctioned by society? Isn't LOVE the most powerful and moving force in this world that can transform us to become the best person we could ever be? I've seen so much positive changes in me and I truly believe it is his influence on me...thanks to him! Iam so grateful for experiencing this great love which has healed my heart of the traumas and unforgiveness which has kept me unresponsive to really give and receive love. Now, I feel so alive and no longer just existing, ready to conquer the world and set on a journey with my first and last love! All along, I was the only one who has blocked LOVE to come into my life because of fears and unresolved issues. The overflowing love I feel in my heart has enabled me to get past those limits and boundaries that will only stop me from experiencing this great gift from the Universe! Here's wishing all of you peace of heart and mind, joy, good health, prosperity, wisdom and unconditional love that has the power to transform your life for the best...be well always!



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  • Well, nice of you to share something personal and really difficult at this time. In a way, I can relate to that kind of epic love feeling you have towards him since mine happens to be my first and one great love of my life! I sure hope you will be able to hang in there coz if it's really what will truly make both of you happy and fulfilled, it will win out in the end! My first love did hang out in there for me and even if it is very complicated now, our love will be able to see it through. I wish you the strength and hope to believe in the power of true and perfect love. Nothing else matters and could truly transform one's life. Good luck and keep in touch. Thanks for the kind wishes for my lovelife and I can say I am at a very good place now in my life and it has never been this great since we broke off 36 years ago! Be well and keep on believing...



  • Hello there! Just read my last post and what a difference a week has made and changed my emotional make-up! Just so high up in the clouds last week but was forced to come down to earth for some reality check to realign my romantic expectations. How come, whenever I feel fulfilled and seemingly at peace with myself, something will trigger the button to set the alarm bells? I'm afraid am sabotaging my own chance for happiness or I have real reasons to doubt my first love's sincerity and commitment to our supposed undying love? I've been feeling unwanted and taken for granted by him of late and let my insecurities to get the better of me and wage an LQ (Lover's Quarrel) and gave him a lashing to relieve myself of the unease and chaos within me. I just felt like he is about to get and hurt me again and maybe got this close to me to get even for the hurts I have caused him in the past! I felt he is manipulating and controlling me, since I've opened up my true feelings towards him and seems to be at his mercy, emotionally! I'm now confused and unsure if these vibrations are with basis or just a product of my own twisted thinking because of the traumas I suffered in my early childhood? I always tend to destroy my relationship with people whenever I feel so attached and dependent on them, and that's happening again because I feel so fulfilled and happy after a long, long time! Don't I deserve to be really accepted and loved for who I am? How can I shake off this seeming self-loathing and condemnation because of my past deeds and hang-ups? I feel like cooling things off with my first love indefinitely and doesn't want to talk to him nor make him a permanent fixture in my life because of the rejection I feel from him. Why do I always feel that he will leave me broken-hearted sooner or later, when things seem to be going great guns between us? I can easily conjure imagined slights and transgressions from his end and can make a mountain out of molehills just to pick up a fight? I am aware of these things now because it destroyed our love then because of my unforgiveness and insecurities. It's now rearing its ugly heads again and keen on destroying my only hope for true love and self-acceptance. He offered his apologies but I am not in a conciliatory mood to accept and forgive him now. I felt he crossed my personal boundaries and took advantage of the love I've given him which is a bitter pill for my hurting pride to swallow. To show disrespect for my feelings and sensitivities is a surefire way to antagonize me and lose my trust on him. I can feel he is trying to manipulate my emotions so as to control me and be under his power which makes me very vulnerable. I hate this and I thought I made a mistake in opening myself again to love, only to be hurt in the end! Are my thoughts of betrayal of my trust and love justified? I wanted to tell him later that I need some time off from him to heal and grieve for my broken heart and re-assess my priorities. I think I've lost myself in this love and is now in panic mode coz I seem to be abused and taken for granted by him due to his other priorities. I don't know how to stop giving and set limits in loving him. But isn't it the way to truly love someone and yet why was it not appreciated and taken cared of? I hate myself now and I don't like what I've become...needy and desperate to be loved unconditionally! He is so set in his ways and won't open up his feelings to me which made it more difficult for me to make a connection with him. He won't even answer some critical questions I need to know from him. The more I think of the worst scenarios and suspect that he is not really committed to our future together...this is too much for me now and just wanted to bail out so as to relieve myself of this overwhelming negativity and fear of rejection! Please help before I passed this chance for true love and happiness...the more guidance I get the better coz I couldn't think straight and might just mess up the only good thing going on in my life now...I'm screwed up inside and not ashamed to ask for help from all of you!!!



  • Angela - First off I am short on time, so probably not giving this the attention it deserves, but two things to think on. 1. Next time you want to start a fight, restrain yourself. Tell yourself you can always pick the same fight tomorrow, but for now let it go. Think about it some more, ask yourself what is motivating it and then figure out if the message you want to convey to him is really entirely different. You are reacting from a place that you know is not how you really feel. Get past the need to react in a hostile way and dig up what you really need to say and then say it in a calm and constructive way. Easier said than done, but you won't know if it works until you try it. Force yourself to take a step back when your urge is to start a fight.

    2. I am concerned that you think that this man is the only good thing going on in your life right now. You need to fix that. You are straining the relationship anyway by putting all of your happiness into just him. That is unfair to burden him with having to make you happy 100% of the time. Okay, so this will take some time, but you need to find some other things to help balance out your happiness or every relationship you have will go like this one. You need to make efforts in other directions so that you don't resent him for having other things going on in his life as well.

    As I say, there is probably more here that needs to be said, and I apologize, but have to run. Hang in there and just try to calm down. You haven't lost this man, you just need an attitude adjustment. Big hug to you from me.



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  • Heaps of thanks to you Jenever7 and Watergirl18 for coming to my rescue just in time, before I do something that I will regret for the rest of my life. JENEVER7 I agree with your opinion of holding my horses before picking up a fight and really know when and how to convey the message to the other person without causing much anxiety and unpleasantness. It's one skill I AM TRYING TO MASTER AND LEARN to be able to resolve conflicts effectively and which can bring 2 opposing views within a workable scenario. Very much appreciated, and understood you have to go out. Points well taken indeed!

    Watergirl18, you are so right in saying about my abandonment issues for it was a childhood trauma that has kept me unhappy and only recently, I did realize it controls my relationships and why I am so afraid to commit and would always run when I feel deliriously happy in a relationship, knowing it would also go away and I will be betrayed and abandoned by the person I trust and love dearly! Talking of the self-fulfilling prophecy at its work! Jenever7 was right in saying it's too much for one person to be responsible for my over-all happiness and sooner or later, that person's resolve to make me happy will be overwhelmingly difficult to maintain. I am usually a very independent and self-sufficient woman, and was able to tone down my neediness in relationships. However, I have observed that when I am with someone that I truly adore and love, that's the time the fear of rejection and abandonment rear their ugly heads. Must I undergo counselling and therapy to be able to put these issues behind me? Could it be the hormonal imbalance working against me? Whatever it is, I know I have to take responsibility for my own actions and take matters into my own hands. I've always felt a chain is around me and I am not free to do as I please, and there's a strong urge to fight back and protect myself against abuse and danger. I know it's sabotaging my desire and search for unconditional love, because it was taken away from me since I was a helpless child by people I trust. I feel like crying out loud now and let this inner child be heard and healed, once and for all! It's been a lonely journey all along and have felt always alone and isolated, my way of protecting myself from this cruel world, so I thought! Anyway, I'm quite relieved from the cards you've drawn for my current situation and I'd love to be proven wrong in my assumptions about my first love. It's just hard for me to connect with him because he won't share personal things and feelings with me, even if I ask him. At least, the cards made me realize he is also worn down by the thought if we will be able to get there as fate would have us go! I'm trying very hard to tone down and temper my emotions, but the more we get close, the feelings got more intense by the day and his silence about our situation is killing me and made me think of the worst case scenarios. Thanks so much, for the readings shed light on my actual problem and allow me to clarify my thoughts and feelings to better handle the situation. However, I feel I still need some time alone and some space to get hold of myself and sort out this mess I started. I know it's my wounded pride getting in the way between us now. So many things going on in my mind now and I 'm not sure if I make sense to all of you. I feel so naked and exposed, and all the dirty laundry brought out in the open! It would be nice if me and my first love can really have a heart-to-heart talk so he would be able to understand where I'm coming from and know the pain that's been with me for as long as I can remember...Do you see us finally living the dream we've been aspiring for in this lifetime?

    All these inputs help put my situation in the right perspective and I couldn't thank you and Jenever7 enough for the selfless gesture, knowing you have other things to attend to. May God in His infinite goodness and wisdom continue to bless us all! Brightest blessings to all and take care always!



  • Hi there again and much as I'd like to keep to myself and temper my emotions and keep still for awhile while trying to figure out how I can resolve this personal conflict within me and with my first love, the anxiety and depression of losing my first love for good is killing me!!! I sent him an e-card with a loving message and trying to make ammends for what I've said and done to him but didn't get a reply. I knew he opened the e-card as I was notified by the provider, and now I'm terrified what his silence means? Am I seeing the beginning of the end between us? Have I lost him completely in my life and won't come back? I'm so broken-hearted and disillusioned and at a loss? I feel terrible for opening up my heart to him again and felt he just came back to get even with me and settle some scores. I shouldn't have put my guard down and let him know how much I've loved him then and more so now. If I contact him again while he seems to be keeping a distance for now, will it yield a positive or negative outcome? I know this will be a bitter pill for me to swallow if he dumps me and maynot be able to take it well. How can I ever let go of this great love and move on when trials and forces seem to pull us apart, and yet I know we belong to each other whether in life or death? Please enlighten me and what appropriate actions must I take to ensure we will get on track again after this latest challenge? Please HELP again coz really feeling miserable and desperate at this time...heaps of thanks and please stay with me now coz I need someone I can unload all these anxieties before I get seriously sick again! Sounds a bit selfish I know so please protect yourselves spiritually so as not to be burdened by all of my negativities now...take care all of you, that's all I can say for now.


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