~ Blmoon Advice ~

  • Re: A question for Blmoon
    Dear Blmoon,
    I hope you are doing great.
    I have been writing to you and asking for your advice for soo many years now. Your responds are like angel messages to me so I am just looking for your advice in this other difficult time. I think my relationship to this guy (I once wrote to you in the referred message thread) is ending since few months ago now, but it has not yet. My previous ex, I once was suffering for, doesn't affect me anymore. But this guy, with whom I was on and off for 1 and a half years, has become my new pain of separation/depression. I recognize this feeling and I hate it. Part of me recognizes this pattern screaming at me and asking for help.
    Now, he left me because first I told him I don't want bible lessons from him. I think he is all wrong on what he believes in, and even I don't tell him this fact, straight forward, I refuse to let him convince me on what I don't want to hear or believe in. Next he shows his wounded self from his mother, whom he pretends he has forgiven, but has not been in touch with her for most of his life. Just once I told him, "she was 15 years old in Jamaica, so it seems like a hard thing to deal with," he started crying at me on how I am being so unreasonable ... protecting her ...his mother,,,, Also, all of his 3 (not married) women, of 7 years each, of his 4 kids left him with EXs or he left them. None of his kids is in touch with him. He seems to have all of the narcissistic signs.
    Now, when he left me, I felt like I was okay with it. In a way I couldn't believe it. I meant my own business for about 3 months. 3 Months after, I started thinking about him. I started missing him, till he shows up and ready to start again. I wonder if he did some type of spells on me. He used to pray with his friend in his ritual Bible Friday evenings, in a way that kind of scared me.
    Despite all this, now I believe I love him, but I keep wondering why I was okay with the break up back in December? 3 Months after I started missing him away too much. In a way, I always wanted him but I was okay with the break up. We had a great chemistry, and I thought we could deal with our differences, and make it work. At least I am this way. But I don't think he is. I think he was infatuated with me at first, and once his infatuation run out, he started looking for more till he left the relationships over little arguments as the once above.
    Now he comes back again, making plans once again, but I see he is deceiving me. He is not walking the talk so to speak. It hurts and I never thought it would. I just don't know what to do ? Another major thing that happened after the break up is he moved away, 1:30 min away from me. So it seems like a LDR now too, and I don't think either me nor him can handle it. I see him looking for dating other women online now, while sends me kisses, and it hurts.
    I feel very conflicted. A big part of me is very attracted to him, and wants him back and believes these little differences can be worked out, but the other side knows he is not the one for me. The other thought is to let it run its course, which I know it will.
    I don't know what to ask from you. Just anything you can pick up, or maybe just an ear to listen. Thank you for reading and any advice you could give me now is very much appreciated.
    Love, B

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