Am I wasting my time?

  • We are incredibly happy together. I am told all the time the from many people the difference I make in him. But he pulls away and disappears and I get confused and unsure. I know he feels the same as I do. How can we get to the happiness we need?
    Me 12/30/78
    Him 1/12/77

  • @vmoseley

    Hi there

    I’m going through the exact same thing.. Can I ask if there’s any underlying issue please? From my experience ( I’m in a similar situation). The person I’m with seems depressed and with low self confidence . He is also smoking cannabis everyday.

    Do you think even he could be cheating? I have been in a previous relationship where the person kept disappearing, but it turned out they had a lover in every city...

    Maybe if you could enlighten me more on your relationship.

    Love & Light x

  • @vmoseley, this should be a very loyal and enduring relationship, although your partner can feel hurt if he thinks he is being ignored, disrespected or going unappreciated. He has a great need for attention, yet he can often ignore those closest to him. It's most likely his work that is taking him away from you as he can be a real workaholic and may even forget he has a personal life when he is up to his neck in projects or business. You will have to come to terms with the fact that his other 'mistress' is his job and he will pay 'her' a great deal of his time and attention. Sometimes he can be so driven that he loses touch not only with friends and family but also with himself. It is extremely important therefore for him to remember to respect not only his own feelings but also the feelings of other people. He can also swing between high and low moods, just as his life can likewise swing between disaster and sudden good fortune. Your partner needs to carve out a personal life separate from work and a spiritual life that gives him regular time out. And you must remind him from time to time that you have needs too. You will have to work at expressing yourself and your feelings more strongly and clearly however as this can be a problem for you. You need to explain yourself and your methods/desires in order to build better bridges of emotional understanding between you and your partner. Because you are a person of few words and not terribly demonstrative, you can come across as disinterested or even cold. But you mustn't fear putting yourself or your feelings or affections out there. A lack of flexibility and sensitivity can be among the relationship’s weakest points, because you are both such determined and practical individuals who love to bring order to a situation. But you would both benefit from being less driven, less serious and less single-minded and adopting a more casual, relaxed approach. This type of 'step-back' approach can give you the perspective and the fun you both need to unwind.

    As partners, the two of you tend to make up your minds immediately on most of the major issues, which, on the positive side, saves you from doubt and hesitation, but may also have the result that you sometimes rush into judgment. Outcomes both good and bad may accrue from such uncompromising attitudes. The two of you can gain advantage, for example, by getting in promptly on the ground floor of a new project or business, but you may also end up being saddled with involvements that you later regret. Since this match-up can rarely admit when it is wrong, the two of you may be forced to suffer in silence, experiencing great frustration when things don’t work out as planned.

    A love affair and/or marriage here can exhibit periodic dissension and can be highly argumentative in private, but will rarely show anything but a strong front publicly or in its attitudes toward other people. The two of you understand each other very well and are apt to have the same goals. There is little room in the relationship for feelings, however, which can create major problems, especially for any child of yours who, having failed to find sympathy from one parent, may seek it from the other, only to run into a stone wall of unanimity. In an extreme case, the child may be asked to take sides with one parent against the other, with harmful results.

    In summary, my advice is to learn to admit your mistakes, develop more flexibility, and don't fear change - change can keep the relationship alive while complacency might just kill it.

  • Not enough info to really get any kind of "feeling" about you or your man. More details would be helpful and maybe a little background ..... and of course an up-date on how things are now.

    When he disappears it is a good time to focus on your "my time" which we all need in order to stay balanced. A time to re-charge your batteries. Music, candles, fragrance, meditation, walks,
    gardening, hobby ....things you love and find peace, happiness, and calmness doing.

    Not knowing more from you it is hard to say this guy is cheating ....or is bi-polar...needs his own space to reconnect and balance himself thru work or friends or place alone to think.

  • Hmm that's very strange. It seems like you are happy but is he? If he pulls away and then disappears perhaps he doesn't feel as strongly about the relationship as you do. I could be wrong but my past experiences have always suggested that if something seems "off" it's because it probably is.

  • your right .... no PROBABLY about it. he is not happy - too secretive and frequent it seems. why not do your own investigating or have a friend follow him? is he on facebook that you could check or read his phone?
    you gotta get smart and find out what he is up to ....could blow your mind. be a warrior woman at this time.