Is this correct?



  • I have been told that the person I am can’t have a long-term relationship. So, I should change yourself into someone who can. How can I do that? Any ideas?

    Since I was a child, I have felt that love has been absent in my life. I have recently been told that the person I am can’t have a long-term relationship. Also, I should change myself into someone who can. What I was not told was what is wrong with me and how I should change. Would these changes not stop me being true to myself? Finally, that there is an opportunity for love in the future.
    Love and relationships from my twenties meant to me marriage, children and home. Not affairs, flings or wasting time. From my thirties and forties, it meant to me marriage and home, but I fell in love and had an affair, I was also attacked by a mad man. In my fifties I created a life without love, and men as I became terminally ill. Now I am in my sixties my life is in a mess and love as I desperately wanted in the past had become a thing of the past. No marriage as marriage is for children with my DNA. No building a future together as I cannot now stand having people around me in my home. I am not interested in an affair or fling and I have enough female married friends.
    Social activities which were very important to love and relationships in the past right up to my fifty birthday were, dancing, joining business groups to get to know people, going on holidays to see other places, being part of my community and always having new experiences and gaining knowledge. All the above needed a partner or campanion. Unfortunately, now I am ill I cannot do any of the above.
    So why was I told that I could not have a long-term relationship as in life long partner. How and why have I been told to change myself. Finally, how can there be love as I know it when I am physically ill and cannot leave my house. Please note I am not a social worker and dealing with other people problems will put me in a hospital.
    Any ideas? ty



  • @jayann said in Is this correct?:

    Since I was a child, I have felt that love has been absent in my life.

    Quid quo pro: Is it possible what you're truly seeking is actually your own self-worth and identity, that you have preconceived notions of love and you're searching for the missing link in other people?

    Rhetorical questions:
    What is self?
    What is happiness?
    What is True Love?

    Could it be what you're really searching for is inner-self and inner-peace?

    Just remember every great building/temple is built on a firm foundation, just like every great tree has deep and firm roots.

    You hold the Key Jayann, I'm only asking these questions to stimulate thoughts..

    It's not your fault, there is no blame here, only the opportunity of self-discovery. 🙂



  • @ddude ty I have decided to become a nun.
    Sine the 1980s I have been doing activities by myself as I did not have anyone to go with me. I did college courses, went to movies, restaurants etc by myself and got very good at being on my own.
    Now I can not do the above so I will have to find a way of being on my own in my property.
    As I do not have family or other half and this is now my life
    ☺



  • Jayann, the best way for anyone to live is not to plot and plan and push for what we want to happen, but merely to relax and trust that whatever we need will come to us from the all-knowing and loving Universe. Because what we think we want is not always what is best for us. Be the most authentic 'you' that you can be by doing what is right for just you. You don't have to live how everyone else is living or conform to society's strict rules of behaviour or feel you must live up to anyone else's standards and desires but your own. Set yourself free from desire and need.

    You are never really alone because you are always surrounded by Spirit.



  • PS You do know that being on your own doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you, right?



  • Your reality is your choice of PERSPECTIVE. If you ran a movie of your life for fifty people you would be surprised at how many realities are available to you. Depends on what glasses you are wearing. Wear your gratitude glasses. Also, avoid searching for advice outside your own inner guidance too often. Sometimes guidance is appropriate and sometimes it is to your benefit to find answers WITHIN. Read books that dwell on the concept of living in the moment and faith in having all you need. Trust you are exactly on your path. You are stuck in the energy of LOSS. Life is not that black and white. Joy and pain occupy the same space. BLESSINGS!



  • @thecaptain - I have never wanted to be on my own. It is what fate has handed me. Never having anyone to share things with equals mental isolations.



  • Jayann, I am picking up a sense that you need to feel you are in control of a relationship, possibly because of abandonment in childhood or an earlier romantic affair that went awry. This could be why you experience difficulties.



  • @thecaptain
    You could be right, my mother controlled our relationship, John in his own way controlled our relationship and Stanley most certainly controlled our relationship.
    My life now revolves around my medical condition which means stress equals bed or hospital, also to function like other people I must regulate my resources especially my energy.
    Things I use to do and got a lot of enjoyment from I can no longer do. This leaves activities which are draining, stressful and boring.
    Mental stimulation is important to me as it brings me alive and is a very important component in intimacy. Without this component I have no interest.



  • @ddude
    What is self?
    Female half of a couple who is tired of life struggle caused but being single.

    What is happiness?
    Having some to who is on my wave length (connected) to whom I can talk, interact with, do things with and have a laugh and intimacy. Finally, someone I can show and be my inner self.

    What is True Love?
    Is someone who by being themselves (flaws and all) is a catalyst in mine. Based on friendship, honesty, trust, safety, acceptance, respect, excitement, security, positivity, amusement, delight, yearning, desire, drive satisfaction, respect, confidence, bravery, daring, adoration.
    True Love has nothing to do with being alone, loneliness or struggling to make one’s life non-mundane.



  • @jayann said in Is this correct?:

    @ddude
    What is self?
    Female half of a couple who is tired of life struggle caused but being single.

    Please reevaluate "SELF"... And is it possible that there's more to life than we can see?

    What comes to mind and I quote:

    “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man" - William Shakespeare

    On a side note don't think monism, think Pluralism, think Yin and Yang, think dualism.

    By birth/Fate you are divine feminine. You represent and hold the mystery of creation, the key to the universe. You are both feminine and masculine by nature, you are autonomous. By birth right you are the lion and the Lioness. You are unique, special and divine and when in bloom should be rightfully treated so.

    What is happiness?
    Having some to who is on my wave length (connected) to whom I can talk, interact with, do things with and have a laugh and intimacy. Finally, someone I can show and be my inner self.

    Here again TheCaptian already addressed this issue. You simply can't rely on other people to supply your own happiness...
    True Happiness comes from within and is shared with like minded individuals...

    What is True Love?
    Is someone who by being themselves (flaws and all) is a catalyst in mine. Based on friendship, honesty, trust, safety, acceptance, respect, excitement, security, positivity, amusement, delight, yearning, desire, drive satisfaction, respect, confidence, bravery, daring, adoration.
    True Love has nothing to do with being alone, loneliness or struggling to make one’s life non-mundane.

    I actually like your definition of True Love 🙂



  • @jayann, maybe first you should focus on controlling your medical condition. Things only happen when we focus all our energy on them one challenge at a time. Then when you have your body under control, you can look to relationships.



  • Also regarding the people in or out of your life, I read an article recently that gave some good advice. It said that forgiveness heals and breaks the karma between you. Breaking the karma means that we no longer have to be associated with that person, or we can extricate ourselves from the lesson we needed to learn, or that we can learn the lesson and heal the relationship. This is a manifesting secret few people know about … moreover, when you forgive, you release the past and move into the present. And it’s in the present that we manifest our lives. Put simply, you can’t manifest anything if you’re stuck in the past because you’re hanging on to unresolved upsets. And that is perhaps all you need to do to manifest the life of your dreams.



  • @thecaptain
    Since I have been diagnosed with my medical condition I have focused on it 24/7
    This is because it is not curable
    symptoms appear at anytime.



  • Do you follow the latest advances and treatments in your condition? Don't rely on your doctor to do this for you.



  • @thecaptain
    As I said I have decided to become a nun.
    I have not plotted, planned, pushed in any of my relationships but stupidly believed that they would work out as I allowed my partner to take their time and make their own decisions. Are they interested in me and want a long term relationship eg marriage.
    So the all-knowing and loving universe had decided that I am not to have a loving relationship where I have someone in my corner when life has me on the mat again or where we fly with the clouds and celebrate.
    So, I will continue to live like a hermit nun alone, with no help or love always in fear of abuse from others waiting for death as that is the only think left. Just me and four wall waiting for death.
    I am so sorry that I wanted to have a life with joy, happiness and love. Having been alone all my life it seems that it is wrong for me to want and need to be loved by a mate.
    As for controlling relationships well I have never been able to do that because I am never provided with enough information to be able to join in the decision making. I could dream, hope or pray that I would get the desired outcome. Marriage, children and home.



  • @blmoon
    You are right I should be grateful for having a medical condition which cannot be controlled, always in pain which cannot be stopped.

    One cannot lose what one has never had and as for being on my life path with leads to happiness and fulfilment. Well I have never had happiness or fulfilment. So yes I can trust that my life will be a waste of time. Come on death I cannot wait to leave this life.