Why do I always attract time wasters
Jayann last edited by
Born in 1958 on the 18th of January sometime in the evening at a London UK Hospital. I have had a very hard life with a father who died from the same Medical condition as I have now. And a Mother obsessed with money and social status but no time for me. My mother ran a hotel where I meet people from all walks of life from lords and ladies, American politicians, wealthy people, AID contractors to salesmen.
Since I became an adult I seem to attract people who expect me to deal with their problems.
In my twenties I thought I had met someone who I could marry but we brook up and with a year was married to someone else.
Five years later I meet someone else and we connected but he was married. I fell in love and we broke up six years later we got back together going out on a more casual base then suddenly he hurt me and went away saying "let me go". Three years later he got back in touch but was silent just asking if I would go out for a drink. I could just feel the hurt, miss trust, wondering where the relationship if restarted would go, would he hurt me again, what was his motives etc. I did not make a good job of expressing myself and was stressed. Before I could state that I would go for the drink with him the phone call was disconnected. He never called again but we would text. Three years later he disappeared and changed his phone number.
Between the first break up and us getting back together I saw a man who did repairs at my company. This man would not take "no for an answer" he ended up physically attacking me. So when I go back together with my ex I felt safe.
I have not met anyone else to who I have a connection like my ex where I could sense him. I miss him very much but need him to feel the same way. I want a full relationship with him but now need more freedom in the relationship such as my own home. He was born 04/11/1956.
From October this year to December I could sense him all the time. Then nothing and this has unsettled me so much I have been desperate for help to determine what I should do.
Will fate be kind?
Will we be lucky the third time if we get back together?
Will we get back together and have a long term relationship.
Does he love me in a warts and all way?
What should I do to attract him back?
Is it too late for us?
I am not a strong person physically or mentally. Also I am not a loner but only come alive around certain people.
Why do I always attract people who have nothing to offer me?
TheCaptain last edited by
You attract people who have nothing to offer you because your life lesson is to learn not to depend on other people - for safety, for love, or for strength and guidance. I feel you can become very dependent on other people and it leads to them feeling smothered and leaving you. Rather than wasting your time hoping and waiting for someone to come and save you, you must gather your own inner strength and wisdom and believe in your own power. You must become self-reliant. You have always given your power away to others or had it taken from you. You must empower yourself by achieving a feeling of security and happiness in whatever situation you find yourself. You have to develop more self-trust and self-belief, and the ability to focus for long periods of time and not be distracted or put things off. You must accomplish solid goals, some that you may have held all your life (and that don't involve other people) so as to feel good about yourself. If you don't have any goals that are yours personally, then you must find some. You have to set a firm intention and follow it to the end, and eliminate the superfluous from your life and work. Unless you can achieve a psychological and spiritual turnaround and simplify your life, you will be unable to proceed effectively in either professional or personal activities.
Your struggles can be substantial, for you have a great deal of stubbornness and resistance to change. Only when you have succeeded in eliminating a certain laziness, procrastination or dependence on others from your character will you free your hands to grapple with the world. While your innate tenacity can help you, you may often use it instead to merely cling to the 'status quo', staying in the same rut year after year, whether it is good for you or not, and never freeing yourself from the old habits that are so deeply ingrained in your personality, such as waiting for people from the past to re-enter your life. Do you always want to be waiting for something or are you going to go out and get it for yourself? Your emotional vulnerability to the approval and disapproval of other people can also hold you back. Moving toward a more truthful, singleminded, and dynamic approach requires letting go of a kind of self-satisfaction. In order for your core lesson of focusing and intending to be learned, you must keep your eyes firmly on a personal goal you desire, and not be sidetracked, and acquire a somewhat compulsive attitude that will not compromise or let up in its intensity. The development of such a capacity for intention is, in essence, about harnessing your own mind for a specific purpose. This can be more difficult for you than it may seem, since you are easily knocked off balance and blown off course, and you tend to avoid anything that requires discipline and attention, thus stymieing your ability to move forward to greater achievements. Forget the details and focus on the bigger picture!
In relationships, a danger exists that your stubborn, tenacious qualities will overlay and meld with an overly stern or hurtful attitude, thus creating an unforgiving attitude toward other people that can survive for years or even decades. Learning to let go of resentments and blame, which can easily provide a source of distraction for you for years, is imperative as you find it easy to be over-possessive, even co-dependent, in your relationships. This can be gratifying to the object of your affections, your partner, who will be made to feel needed and appreciated, but it can also cause them to feel trapped or at least hemmed in. Moreover, this sort of attention to relationship is apt to keep you from focusing on more important, longer-term goals. Therefore, the best partner for you is a strong, dedicated individual who is able to withstand your intensity without giving up their own individuality. A partner, friends, or associates who are weak and overly dependent will only arouse the wrong kind of protective energy in you or demand too much of your attention, holding back your development. A good partner for you will be pragmatic enough to help you keep your focus while also having the capacity to see the big picture, helping you to broaden your focus. But in order to find the right partner, you must learn to lower your very high standards - many of which are composed around ideal or fantasy figures than real-life human beings - because none of us are perfect, only just doing the best we can. And stop thinking of yourself as weak-minded or physically inept. You are as strong and powerful as you believe you are.
Jayann last edited by Jayann
@thecaptain Please clarify. I am disabled and retired but since getting MS I have needed people to do a lot of the work as I have chronic MS fatigue. MS fatigue means that listening to someone problems will wipe out the rest of my day as I have wasted those resources leaving me with more problems and things to do next day, and the next day etc.
TheCaptain last edited by
@jayann I am talking about you not being emotionally dependent on anyone.
Jayann last edited by
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Jayann last edited by Jayann
Using the above information I find I am not emotional dependent of people and that being alone is a welcome situation considerate I only meet time wasters and rapist. Now I have MS I do not have any resources to waste with people who are drainers. When I find someone I like there is unconditionally love but recently I have discovered loneliness which is not the same as isolation.