Help me! Can’t get over my soulmate

  • My ex fiancé Roderick (1/1/81) and I Felicia (3/16/79) broke up 2 months ago. Today he told me he misses me and misses us. I miss him terribly and still love himself. We have both done so much damage and hurt to one another these past two months. I think we both want to work it out but don’t even know where to begin. And so scared of being vulnerable again if it doesn’t work out. Can anyone help me? Giuide me? So I can be at peace. He has been so closed up I feel like I have no closure over this situation.

  • CreoleLady, this relationship can prove very difficult (but not insurmountable) for a long-term love matchup, such as marriage. Friendship here may be more successful in achieving a relaxed and enjoyable state, but it might also sacrifice depth in order to do so. The two of you run the risk of being 'fair-weather friends' who are not really there for each other in times of need. The whole focus of this relationship, and the barometer of its success, is the degree to which it can achieve relaxation, fun and ultimately contentment. Both of you can become far too serious over your life together. Your relationship with Roderick can suffer from conflict as you have found, since you are a free spirit who must do things in her own inimitable way, and you can feel inhibited by Roderick's desire to be the boss and his insistence on always doing things his way. The answer is to try to keep things light, which can be possible if you turn on the charm and seduce him into relaxing and letting down his guard. He must come to realize that his ability to enjoy himself and have fun is directly related to how fully he accepts himself and how positive his self-image is. You Felicia have a great deal to teach Roderick in this respect, but you yourself will usually have the opposite problem - namely, that you are too content with yourself, and often lack the instinct for self-criticism or self-analysis. The danger here is that the two of you will turn away from the relationship, thinking that whatever it offers may not be worth the effort it requires. This issue must be addressed before you try marriage which, for the two of you, can be even more demanding than your love affair. Advice: Make up your mind about what you want. More commitment may bring you both greater pleasure. Try to exercise patience in getting to know yourself better. And have more fun!!!!

    Two different styles: Roderick can be overly negative. There is always a voice inside him urging him to work better, harder, faster and longer. His work in fact can become his way of earning the love and approval he yearns for so it can occupy a great deal of his time and energy. When things go wrong, he can blame himself and drown in remorse and anxiety. He needs to learn from his mistakes, turning regret into positive resolve. The powerful energy of positivity can help him raise his game and change his life. It is extremely important for him to realize that “mistakes” are always going to happen. No one and nothing can be perfect. If he goes through life expecting that things will always turn out the way he wants and that people will always do what they said they would do, he will feel perpetually frustrated when life does not go according to his plan. He must learn to deviate from the familiar, learn from his mistakes, and accept the unexpected. And when he is finally able to turn rejection into resolve, he will discover an emotional resilience that will drive him forward and break through his fear of being seen as weak or ineffectual - or worse, ignored and passed over. What he really wants very desperately is to receive love and to be respected and looked up to, to be approved of and for his merit and worth to be recognized. His need to experience the loving energy of others is nearly insatiable. But once he figures out that optimism, resilience and listening to the opinions of other people are just as important ingredients for success and happiness as hard work and dedication, he will possess tremendous potential for creativity, insight, inspired leadership, and happiness.

    In love matters, Roderick's seductive power and drive can be so strong that unchallenged it can overpower other people. He likes variety and constant challenge and, if a relationship doesn’t hold his interest, he can get bored quickly and become controlling. However, once he gets involved with someone creative who can keep him on his toes, and who can give him a sense of peace and security when things aren’t going according to his plan, he will tend to stay involved.

    You Felicia must learn to show your passion for what you believe in. You can be both dreamy and practical, but being passionate about what you want or believe in does not have to mean you have lost your 'cool'. Show Roderick physically and emotionally how much he means to you. However, don't take this so far that you try to please everyone in your life. One of the quickest ways to chase good luck away is to make other people’s approval your first priority. Your talent for maintaining equilibrium or seeking the middle way is the secret of your success. When you find a sense of balance; you can express a great talent for negotiation and for making people pull together as a team. You also have a dreamy, intuitive side that is sensitive to the needs of others, and you can use your common sense to make sure everyone feels important. There is a danger, however, that your balanced outlook can sometimes overlook the possibility of unexpected setbacks; you need to learn to pay attention to warning signs before trouble actually hits. You also must be careful that your own views or values don’t become so muted that they disappear altogether, (especially with someone like Roderick who can be very dominating) as you need less change and conflict, and more stability and security in your life at this time. Once you are able to accept rather than deny your own changeable nature and take on responsibilities with excitement rather than apprehension, you will not only find a true sense of balance and equilibrium, but also the exhilarating sense of achievement and fulfillment that goes with it.

    In relationships, you have a talent for making and keeping friends, often putting the needs of others above your own. This can also true of a long-term love relationship, if you are able both to overcome past hurts that inhibit deep commitment and refrain from being overly sensible about everything. Once you learn to philosophize less and laugh more, you can make a wonderful partner.

    I hope this helps!

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