2 soul mates 1 love, who do I choose?

  • I've need advice. I have been in a good relationship for almost 9 years now. We have 2 children together, and we get along well. We have an amazing partnership with work, home and the kids and I love him and care for him a lot. However, I've never been in love with him, I've never got "butterflies" just looking at him or felt passion with him except for in the bedroom. The more time goes by, the less attracted to him I become and the more I notice he seems to be feeling the same way. SO, because of the kids, I have settled, and decided it would be best to just stick it out. Happy or not.

    In July, I received a phone call from an old friend, I'll call him "S". It had been 17 years since we talked so it was good to hear from him. I should also mention this guy was who I gave my virginity to. We decided to get together and visit. The second he pulled into my driveway, before he even turned off the car, we were in each others arms. It was the most incredible hug I've felt in all my life, so to say the least "sparks flew!" even my next door neighbor commented on the sparks they were so bright. NO KIDDING!

    Because of my current relationship, "S" and I kept ourselves under control and talked for hours about life and where we've been. The entire time, shaking with hearts pounding and barely being able to control ourselves. Too amazing to describe any other way...

    We visited each other a few more times and I did tell my current partner about these visits. I also told him I cared for "S" a lot and wanted to continue being friends with him. I'm sure it hurt him but I had to be honest about my feelings.

    I haven't spent a lot of time with or talked to "S" recently because he is working full time again and there is no time. However, my love for him continues to grow stronger and the feelings for my current partner are still fading... So I guess what I need to know is, do I stay in this relationship with my kids' daddy for the sake of them or do I pursue what I believe is TRUE LOVE? Any advice is much appreciated... I am quite confused...

  • Why would life be so much better w/S. You just said there was a mutual attraction. If you have a stable relationship now, why would you jeopardize that. These are waters that I wouldn't tread in. This is just my opinion. There seems to be a lot of posts where there is a strong physical attraction, but that is the only thing that is mentioned. I guess you have to consider why you all broke-up in the first place. I would wonder why someone is checking me out after 9 years. Also, what is true love. For me, true love is not rolling back into someones life. True love is having a life. I just don't want you to make a mistake. Sometimes life is not any greener on the other side.

  • Sounds a bit like the sparks flew when you saw each other. Also sounds like you are a bit bored in your current relationship.

    I left my marriage as it had broken down beyond repair; but I wouldn't run into anyones arm until I knew for sure what I was doing.

    Theres an old sayign to keep in mind; don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.

    I can't tell you what to do but I do say be careful; you will work out what you want over time. GOod luck xxxxxxxxx

  • Aren't you the lucky one, kissycat! Some people are crying out for just a little affection and here you are with too much. Enjoy it, but be careful. Being able to talk with your partner is a good guide, I suspect. I'm sure you're aware that trust is one of the most precious things we have. A delicate flower that is slow to bloom and easily crushed.

    You seem to be invigorated by S's appearance in your life. Are you a better person for it? Or more self-centred? What would it look like through your children's eyes? Have you thought about introducing S and your partner? Are you still playing it cool -- if so, there may be a chance for a richer friendship for you all. A little bit of tension might be invigorating for your partner, too.

    And don't fall for the "romance" trap. A lot of it is a mix of chemicals, wishes and the excitement of new possibilities -- none of which can last more than a few months. Regarding whether you should leave your partner, let him decide. At present, he has the cooler head. You've trusted him for nine years, so trust him for just another one.

    The romance will go off the boil eventually. Let it. One thing about friendship (and therefore love too) is that it always seeks what is best for the friend, not whats best for the self. It will become clear given time. If it would be better to split and move on, all three of you will be able to see the wisdom in it and how good can come out of it for everyone. Until that time, don't do anything to betray trust.

  • Thank you all for your replies. It has helped me think of this in a new direction. I finally worked up enough courage to tell my current guy that I have fallen in love with S. I can't help the way I feel about S it does just keep growing stronger even though we are apart and haven't even talked for a week now. I do believe this is true love and feel I need to pursue it further. My current guy is a bit upset but is completely understanding to my feelings. (Wishes he could feel that "falling in love" feeling again.) I am truly grateful to have found and fallen for 2 of the most amazing men on the face of Mother Earth. I will not do anything to betray trust. Not now, not after finally learning that I do not need to fear the truth. I am truly blessed. 🐵

  • From what i see, don't get offended in anyway, i am just speaking from my view. Yes, true love is all we humans seek. We all want to experience it, and to have it for life. Like you have stated, you have already been married for 9 years, and made your vows. You have said to your partner "I DO" and i'm sure till death due us part. I've always seen it as, when you make these vows, you stick to them. I'm not sure how you could even explain this situation to your kids. "Hi loved ones, i just wanted to let you know i found my true soulmate, i hope you are happy for me?" It just seems really cruel if you left someone who's been with you for 9 years, when everything is as good as you've told it to be. From what i heard, you said the guy was the person you gave your virginity to? Then you also mentioned your husband being good in bed, or at least that's what i got from you saying you only felt passion when in bed. And like "Learningtarot" said, don't go jumping into a fire. And going back to what dalia said now, you've been stable for 9 years, why ruin it. Do you really want to hurt those who love you the most? The man who spent 9 years of marriage with you, and your kids? Love isn't a game, it's life. and the decisions you make are crucial, especially in your case. If you just want to experience your ex-lover in bed, tell your husband.

  • thx sexdctr6, I take no offence. You must know, I have never said "I DO". We are not married. He never wanted to marry me. And like an idiot I played along. My biggest issue with my situation is that I always just played along with what he wanted. I have had a fear of honesty for many many years. I guess I was afraid of hurting people or putting myself out by telling the truth. I moved in with him when I had no where else to go and he took me in. I have never been in love with him or very attracted to him. I needed him because I had nothing and no where. I shouldn't have but we all do what we have to, right? I am not jumping from the frying pan to the fire. I am only remaining friends with S and am planning on just getting a place of my own where I can live my life without the confusion of a relationship. Maybe one day S and I will get closer but for now we are just friends. As for my current guy, he is quite upset with me (he has every right, I understand that). He's already started looking for a new girlfriend... Staying here until I can get my own place is a bit uncomfortable but at least he now knows the truth about how I feel. No games being played here, the truth is all I can tell any more.... even if it does screw me in the end. I feel good about being honest for the 1st time in my life. If that's selfish, then so be it.

  • stay with the man you married don't be stupid just cause you feel as though you need something else at this point.It takes 2 to keep a relationship on fire .Your lighting the wrong one i feel bad for your real man

  • It does not matter if you are in a romantic love realtion with your husband. What matters is that you have a stable life. Always look for the person that loves you and respects you even if you dont love him. that makes the relation works better. Mr. S is just a phantom of the past that aroused your hidden feelings and he might disappear at any time. try to break the routine of your married life, be creative, you might fail with your husband the first couple of times, but later it will work out well. change things in yourself and in your routine day life. Break the ice. For your husband you can be his wife, his mistress, his friend, his sister, his mother.....you can be everything for him. husband always search for the motherly passion and feelings in their wives. Work hard on your relation with your partner. and if you use all the ways and did not work out, then you can ask " Who you choose". Life is not always Rosy, stability, security and family are very important in life.

  • Sorry I mentioned on my previous post the words Husband, Wife and Married". But I still consider that the relation you have is so much equivalent to marraige.

  • i understand your consern for the children but you need to be happy. Alot of people think of others before themselves and that is a great quality.But you do not want to be unhappy and feel like you made a mistake for the rest of your life. You are staying with your husband because you feel like you have to and it is not meant to be that way. You have to make a choice are you not happy with your life honestly.

  • Well i just want to say from my point of view i wouldn't do it cause i learned from my own mistake with my kids father an the grass is not always greener on the other side so if i was u i would try to go ahead and stick it out and set down with ur husband and talk things out. U need to let him know what's on ur mind and how u feel.

  • I'm just going to tell u from my point of view that u should try to set down wit ur husband and work it out because i learned from my own mistake that i'm dealing wit now cause i left the father of my three kids to be wit someone else cause things was falling apart and i thought the grass would be greener on the other side and it wasn't. And now he has moved on and i wan't him to come back home. So if i was u i would stay and try to work it out.

  • My first reaction kissycat was you should stay with your current man...but then I reread your post. I was in a relationship like yours (married though) for 15 years. I fell out of "love" with him after 2 years but he was a good man and I liked him etc. On our 15th anniversary I found out he was having an affair. I was upset that he had cheated (I had always been faithful) BUT there was a sense of relief that I didn't have to pretend anymore! I then met a man and I too had butterflies, sparks etc...we married after 2 years of meeting and 6 years on I have a deep feeling of contentment and still the occasional butterfly that I never experienced with my first husband. So, I feel that you should follow your heart and enjoy your blooming relationship with "S"...and although there is a lot of hurt around, time does heal. Good luck.

  • Well I wanted to comment and again it's just from my perspective. But the Big Sparks as you feel is so physical and can be very strong but can it last and can it work?? I am one that loves that big spark and have had it many times in my life. The sparks isn't always a guarantee of longevity it's just great you know what

    ? True love and true soul ties isn't always big sparks and exciting maybe initially but doesn't always last...but true genuine love does... That's the key here. Why is a guy returning after so long is my first concern? If you were so wonderful why would he have taken so long? I can see months to realize not years?

    Not judging at all...just be careful --your lucky to have a husband who is there for you and your kids..jeopardizing this is a huge choice to make? Good Luck!

  • It's probable that you're husband is a platonic soul mate for you and S is a romantic soul mate. Or it could be that S is what I like to call a "relationship learning experience" brought to you to get you hot and bothered so that you will leave your husband and you and your true soul mate can finally meet. What do your instincts tell you? Instincts are nothing to ignore, so anytime you get a feeling you can't explain or seems to have come out of nowhere, LISTEN!! That's your higher self (a/k/a your soul) trying to get your attention and lead you to the destiny you were born to fulfill. You need to try and decipher whether your intense feelings for S are coming from a place of boredom and lust and are purely physical or if they really are a message from subconscious telling you that he's your soul mate. It could just be that the day-to-day routine of work and kids and all the other distractions have made you complacent and bored with your situation, or maybe you're just tired and S is a welcomed boost of energy and variety. your since he was you're first, and depending on how it ended between you, you may have possibly held onto some of the "baggage" that comes with such an emotional and important experience... especially if you were too young to fully process the depth of it)

  • Sorry, I accidentally hit submit before I was finished, so after "variety" is supposed to say "or" not "your"... let me continue:

    All I'm trying to say is that before you make a move you will come to regret later, you need to really get to the core of what you're feeling and more importantly WHY you feel that way. I've found that a good way to get clarity is to simply ask for it and your subconscious will subtly reveal the answer. The key word is subtly, you have to look for it, but as you get more in tune with your higher self, you will find yourself having "A-HA!!" moments all the time. A good place to start is right before you go to bed, ask your guides to send the message in a dream and keep a dream journal right by your bed. Also, I would see if I could get a sitter one weekend very soon and you and your husband take a romantic getaway and see if you can't re-ignite some passion. However, a soul mate is a body, mind, soul relationship and you'll be able to tell pretty quickly whether or not you two can bond on that level. If you can't, it's time for both of you to move on because you have learned everything you were supposed to learn from each other and if you stay in that place of inertia out of guilt, fear or worry of what others will think, you are doing the both of you a great injustice. I know it may sound crazy, but every relationship you encounter throughout your entire life was destined to happen, and the ones that didn't work out are just as important, if not more important than finding the one that you're supposed be with because without them you wouldn't have been emotionally or spiritually ready or able to recognize the amazing and life-altering joy that comes with realizing your destiny and finding your soul mate!

    I know that's a different take that most people had on your situation, but I thought I would throw it out there for a fresh (and in my opinion correct) perspective. If you want to learn more let me know because I am currently taking a teleseminar class on how to attract your romantic soul mate and if you want I can email you the mp3 of the two hour segment we had tonight. Look up Kim O'Neill, she's an amazing psychic/clairvoyant who talks to guardian angels and I would highly recommend booking a channeling session with her because she can tell you EXACTLY what all these feelings mean and what your guardian angels were trying to tell you when they sent them to you. It's kinda pricey and she's booked months in advance, but if you can come up with $250 for the session, I promise it will be the best $250 you've ever spent!!

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