Scorpio (male) capricorn (fem) , friendship gone wrong , help...
I'm scorpio and I have a dear friend in a capricorn lady , we just work together , I'm 13 years older than her , I'm married (got one daughter) , she's single (she has one boy) , we used to be like the best friends we hangout around the parking lot after work and talk about what was goin on in our lives in and outside of work , she used to do more of the talking (I poured my heart out from time to time , but not a lot) and I give her advice or my opinion on whatever she told me about , But we hang around each other while @ work and a little bit after work. Outside of work we rarely stayed in touch , since we spend all the time together @ work.
In the last 3 weeks a couple of things happened @ work , in my opinion it's all stupid stuff , it's supposed to be 3 different incidents , 1 of them I'm not even clear about what was it , the second one I'm not sure but I think it has to do about something my friend said about someone else in the plant (work area) being a safety hazard and I repeated it back to the person 'cause I think it was funny , and my friend said it in a funny note , and the most serious of the 3 (I think) she was doing something wrong in the line of work and I pointed it out to Quality control , they talked to her about it , not a big deal , she didn't get in any kind of trouble , but I understand ... "I stepped over her shoes" and up to a point I understand her getting mad @ me.
The real problem is that after me apologizing over and over again...... she's been treating me like I don't exist , ignoring me and I'm so broken hearted , she's my friend my best friend , and don't know what to do.
And if you read the horoscopes from here (scorpio and capricorn)for the last 3 days it relates to what I'm going thru right now.
Thanks for reading. )0(
so she did something wrong at work and you pointed out to the dept. and then she got mad at you? where exactly here that you have to apologize? wasn't she wrong?
when I was still employed, if someone is wrong I will point out because if I'm wrong they will do the same, or they will make it sound like it is my fault anyway. I never do apologize for it, unless it is a misunderstanding on my part which means it's my mistake not going over things carefully in the beginning.
you might have felt guilty because when you are wrong she never tells anybody. but how do you know this for sure? what if she did, only you never found out who she told it to and the person she reported it to, never do anything about it?
don't feel bad for doing the right thing. it is because we don't do the right thing, that some viscious cycle started and never ends. everyone makes mistakes. she will have to take it as it is. unless of course, you are making up things then of course she is mad. anyone will be mad if you say they do something they don't do. I don't know how old she is, but if she is wrong, then she is. there is no half way about it. she is lucky it's only a dept knows it. if it goes to the plant manager, she's not going to last. so it;s good that she knows it now and learn from it.
I don't know why she is quiet to you now. I have a Cap friend at work and I pretty much do what I said above in general. I wasn't well liked of course, who wants to be stripped all the time? but like everybody else I make mistakes. I thought someone meant well and I helped, in the end I was left with all the blame. So instead of giving what I can, I gave too much, more than I should. I quit, never look back. I remember the lesson though and I'm glad I learned it then, not later in life. Anyway my Cap friend was ok. we never had much conflict because I made sure everything is clear between us, that we are friends but if she is wrong I won;t scratch her back and she doesn't have to scratch mine. we did 'help' each other, but because she didn't like the company and she wanted to help, so the back scratching did happen to a certain degree. but when things got tricky, I told her to leave it be because if anything happens to me, she will be dragged into it too. I still mentioned it if she is wrong and she still (or should) mention it if I do wrong although of course if a company wants to blame one person, higher ups will only hear what they want to hear and not the truth. companies like this don't last, people like these don't end up having the same job, because our life is meant to move forward not stagnant. by denying the truth, nothing and no one moves forward, so the universe will eventually 'erase' them.
I am leo so probably what I wrote is a bit off because we are different personality. but I hope it's not too confusing.
actually, why didn't you just show the proper way, offering to make her job easier, helping to do it is the better way to educate... calling the cops! SUCKS.
hello there, scorpio man,,,i am a virgo woman which is similar in sign to capricorn, and i see your point, it is so confusing, , , i met a scorpio a few years back and fuck we talked, i loved it, shared and halved, we lived together, and it was so fun. he would walk into the warm part of my tummy mum and i didnt want to have sex with hum, buecause he was long and things like that, but he broke my heart again.
he told me first that i was not his bestie, then he deleted me from facebook, i am going to send an email one day, but to be honest i don't really care, some guy, you guys don't hold on to us, earth sighs, so well, we let it go.
and i suppose that is how!!! why? and what., are a different story. gootta go, be ca soon. your sarah xxxooo
she knew she was doin it wrong .... it wasn't a big deal anyway .... even the QC dept. said that she wasn't in any kind of trouble. And I didn't call the cops intentionally and I didn't know she (my friend) was the one in charge of that line. Thanks (and I agree wirth you ... calling the cops sucks)
Pipeldoot , Thanks for the comment , but U gotta know that not all scorpios are the same ...... sorry to hear that he was an ass towards the end. But my situation is like opposite from yours , we were never together (as a couple , even thought I do have strong feelings for her , I'm married and I love my wife) , like I said I do have strong feelings for her and that makes it even worse when she treats me this way now.
I'm 40 , she's 27 , she's got plans for her future she's studying and have a great plan in a career that she likes , so she's got a good Idea of what she wants.
LeoScorpion , no not confusing at all , Thanks for the comments , I think I'm trying too hard to fix this when it already is out of my hands , I believe it's up to her , and like I told her on a text .... she's hard headed and I'm too stubborn and that's not a good combination. It's so hard to just sit and wait when we still work together we got the same days off , should I change to a different team? I really don't want to because I love her , she's still (to me) my best friend , it feels like getting separated from your wife ..... it really hurts.
Thanks for the messages everyone!!!
i don't know what else is going on, but to go based on what you wrote. I would say try to hold on. she might have a new friend that doesn't like you. somehow Caps are like that. they can be very ambitious and yes like you said she knows what she wants for her future. but they sometimes get sidetracked by gossips for silly reasons. let's say someone notices you two are close, and that you are married and she is not. then this person will come up with a story blah blah about some strangers having affairs (not that anyone in your work place knows, just a story, right?) and then kind of make her feel that this friendship of yours will lead to the same thing which is affair. so then she withdraws, just because she doesn't want to look bad, even if there really is nothing between you and her, just friends. maybe you do have feelings for her, but she might not. any way I said this because it happened to the Cap I worked with, not affairs, but similar. I really think this is just dumb. if she withdraws then people actually will think it's true LOL
anyway try to hold on. she will come around. just my suggestion though. if you can't stand it, then I suppose ask your supervisor for change of shift. I don't know how but you will come up with something I guess. by the way, have you by any chance touched her inappropriately? I mean unintentionally too. I noticed my Cap friends, because she is married, she doesn't like guys touched her shoulders, even just to play around. she thinks it's inappropriate. young guys like to tease her, I don't think she minds a flirt or two nothing more. Even if your Cap isn't married, you are. she will see this the same way. yeah I can see you have strong feelings for her, probably stronger than her feelings for you.
I noticed that Caps, male or female, I'm married to a Cap male. are mostly traditional, they cling to the old values especially if she is a mother because she feels the responsibility of being an example. Caps lead serious life. they are called the old man of the zodiac. They are ruled by Saturn. look it up, might help to understand her. I feel that because you have strong feeling to her, she might notice it and decides to withdraw because you are married. not accusing you or anything, people make mistakes, maybe you can try to be formal with her. only talk at break time, for example. when you work, you work. keeping to yourself is good to do sometimes. think of it as recharging your battery by chatting less, focus on work and who knows it will improve your productivity.
Thanks for the comments Leoscorpion.
Like I said earlier , I'm married and I do love my wife , so I'm not looking for girlfriends or sex outside my home , but If I see a pretty lady I'll look , I won't say anything if I don't know the person. I just wanted to make that clear.
So... back to my friend , we've been co-workers for a long time , I think at least 4 years or more , back when I started talking to her I told her (and her best friend back then, another female no longer there) that I found them really beautiful (specially my friend now she is gorgeous) and her personality was so down to earth and (I'm lost for words)awesome and that If I ever did or say something , anything that they'll consider out of line or inapropiate to please tell me right away to keep things clear between us. That was years ago.
So we were used to say to each other whatever the other was doing wrong , straight to the other's face and it was all good.
I don't think that anyone @ work can do that , maybe outside of work , but since we don't see each other outside of work I don't know.
About me having feelings for her , I have to admit it but I also want to make something clear , I told her sometime ago.... If I was single I'll be hitting on you like there's no tomorrow , so she knows I like her but I'll never cross that line between friends/lovers. And I had told her that a couple of times and she knows I have never been disrespectful towards her. And being completely honest with you .... back then when I said that It was more the physical attraction that made me say that ... later on it was that plus her personality , and most recently (like last week) I had this feeling overcome my whole person (right in the middle of this mess) and I just realized that I have really fallen really hard for her. But I don't want to lose her as a friend, so loosing my best friend is not an option. She doesn't know this since we haven't been able to talk.
So now you have a clearer picture of the situation , and that's why I hurts me so deep when she treats me the way she does , I really don't want to change teams , she's my friend and I don't want to lose her.
I've talked to a couple of our mutual friends and they say the same thing , hold on she'll come around , give her some time....
Touching her inappropriately , no , I don't think so not even by accident.
Even if she knew my new found feelings for her ...... I giving this a second thought ........ right now I don't know how she would react ........... she knows I love her as a friend ..... wow I don't know what to think......
I think you got a really good point there , so you say that she could be withdrawing so she would not interfere in my marriage ... that's a really good point , never looked at it this way.
Thanks for the advice , really helpful to have some listen to what I want to say when she won't listen.
HellAwaits, I love your name. I laughted when I saw it.
Thanks for making me smile
It's so good to see there's still people with a sense of humor.
hey hellawaits, that's a duzy for me... almost like a backstab, give her a week or two then explain that you shouldv'e talked to her first, that you didn't mean to or think that you'd got her in any trouble. Try telling her that you think it may all be a misunderstanding and that you hope you haven't lost a good friend that you value and trust. tell her that athough bussiness is bussiness and it was nothing personal your friendship is personal and you never ment to compromise that.
I would be pissed, the same thing happened to me and I was mad/hurt for a while but eventually got over it, she will too scince you guys seem to both have feelings for one another (beyond friends ) otherwise she would've confronted you instead of the silent treatment and you wouldnt care about her being upset because you did what you felt was right.
give her a minute then try again
I thought it was rather strange why you apologize when it was not your fault. but I see now you have fallen for her, and it makes it harder for you to lose her. well I'll leave it at that. now that you admit it. if I go further I'll end up judging you, just because I feel that your feelings for her will affect your marriage, if you stay close. You said it yourself you have fallen really hard for her, that's not what friends would say to each other is it?
Anyway I'm fixed sign, I say what I think. I don't do it for the sake of hurting people, I just do it. Good luck with your friend. she reminds me of my ex co worker. I might be a bit biased here too.
I am a capricorn woman, my boyfriend is a scorpio. Capricorns are not ones to wear their
hearts on their sleeve. Passive aggression is a common trait in caps. I think you should
sincerely apologize to your friend. Tell her what her friendship means to you. Then give
her space. She may be angry for a while and she is probably questioning your sincerety
as a friend right now. You can not do nothing and expect something. You will have to prove
your loyalty. one more thing, caps are known workaholics, our profession/job/career is
extremely important, it is one thing to do things on a personal level, but never, ever, put
a capricorn that you want to hang around in a spot were they must choose you or their job.
You will never win. Should you continue to go over this capricorns head eventually, it is going to bite you hard and you will be the one hanging on to your job by a thread.
Sexygem ..... thanks , and that's what I'm doing right now , giving her space and wait and see what happens , but it's really hard to do.
1Hermit......... I know that about caps , like I said , I had no idea she was the one in charge when I talked to QC and you are right about all the other comments , I agree w/you 100%.
Leoscorpion ........ hi again .... love your advice .... 'm being completely honest here If this had happened like 5 or 8 years ago (and our age difference wasn't that big ) I think It would have go in a different direction , maybe.....
I have always valued friendship very high , I have not told her about my new found feelings for her , because like I said , I want her as a friend.
Thanks for the help!
Now for some Libra advice, or at least some Libra perspective. I don't know about Capricorns so much, but as for me if I had a friend and they saw I was doing something wrong I would want them to speak to me privately when the situation allowed, and not go to quality control and report me without having spoken to me first. If she knew what she was doing was wrong, then quitely speaking with her and letting her know that it was disturbing you would have been the act of a true friend, and an action that would be respected by any friend worth their salt.
If I was her I would certainly feel that my friendship had been betrayed by this turn over to QA of the situation, and I would be reluctant to simply forgive and forget, because if you did not consider me enough of a friend to address me personally there is not much else to say at all. That is my perspective on the issue. You were not wrong to say something about the situation if she was doing something incorrectly, but perhaps the person you should have said it to was her first and formost, and then if the situation was not remedied go to your QA.
Personally, I don't think you are going to win this ladies friendship back. Take what happened as a life lesson and let it go. Next time you have a friend, try talking to them before you decide to become a whistle blower, and I think you will find your outcome is very different.
I don't think you will loose a true friend, over one mistake. IMPOSSIBLE! Just take it easy for a while everything is going to be ok.
Thanks Sexygem , that's my plan right now.And that's how I feel , it was not a big deal , but I didn't take in consideration her capricorn sign , so I strongly believe that the way our friendship is priority #1 for me , work is her #1 priority then friendship ... maybe IDK now.
Ailindria .... Thanks for your message .... I can't agree with you we've knonw each other for about 5 years .... we used to tell each other stuff we don't tell our family.... I can see her point on feeling betrayed by me , but hate me this way that I feel right now..... makes no sense.
But I'm not giving up , but @ the same time I don't want to look like a stalker , you know what I mean , right? I'm not ready to let my dear friend go like this , without even siting down and talk it over , even if she don't want to be my friend anymore.
I hate to say it...i really do, but I think you've lost her. You should have went to her if she was doing something wrong. She definitely feels betrayed and Im sure she feels as though she can't trust you. Just think..what if she did get in trouble? Did you ever even think to go to her first?
Us capricorns can be very unforgiving, unfortunately. She may miss you a great deal, but I'm not too sure she'll ever come around again. You would have to do A WHOLE LOT of proving yourself and that trust will have to rebuild from scratch.
Hi, She probably doesn't trust you anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if this is it for the friendship. She may be thinking that she thought you all were friends. I don't really understand why you didn't bring it up to her in the first place. Was her error a safety issue. If it was, I understand your point. I guess I'm not really understanding why she was causing a safety issue and why you couldn't tell her.
I guess you can separate job issues from a friendship. You want the job done right--I understand that. I think this response is expected though. I would also examine your feelings for this person. I think your kinda emotionally involved w/her and not really admitting it.