How Do We Let Go Of These Men We Are Obsessing Over????

  • Chevelleman71- How old are you. ?

  • um im only 21 gonna be 22 in December why? lol

  • and we just "friends" right now cause both of us have alot going on, but it sucks she cant open up to me more, thats all i want right now, i dont just say nice things to get one thing(which most guys would do) and ive never "chased" anyone before in my life, hell! ive never had a relationship before, but she has walls up to protect her self, which i understand but it just sucks for a guy like me, trying to prove to someone that im not like other guys(which i am proud of) she has low self esteem,thinks shes not beautiful,doesnt think shes THAT interesting, its just draining on me cause i hate to be considered the "typical" guy, but i DO think that she has noticed this and i know she likes me alot but has walls up like fort nox haha, shes not gonna "date" other guys im sure of cause shes too shy for that, and im the only guy since her ex that was a few years ago(her first and only relationship) and im much different than her ex, so im being patient and have been for 3 months already(havent even kissed) so she knows im here not for one thing, i think she doesnt feel worthy of me, i think im gonna just take a break from her for a while, and maybe check in once a week and see how shes doing with everything, instead of always being there(probably annoying to an extent) so yea

  • Dotthorey ...... Thanks and right back at ya! xoxo

    Dorluv ...... When it comes to love I think too many of us turn to mush! Maybe you need a break from this guy, have some space between you and let him see what he's missing. Good luck with your man!

    Sandran ....... Oh no, I am not sitting around pining for this guy. I am very busy, I work full time, I have children half the time (shared custody with my ex), I have interests, friends, things going on. I am definitely not sitting around waiting for him to contact me! It's just that I am trying hard to NOT think of him at all, but my mind still goes there. I do think of him. That's MY hard part!

    Chevelleman71 ....... I agree with you and I don't want to be the boss either. I could not respect a man that needed me to be boss, I want an equal. I just want a guy who will put in as well. I don't want things to be one sided with me doing all the giving. A relationship for me is about it being a partnership and giving each other love, support and encouragement. What a partner gives to me they will well and truly get back. You have the right attitude and are a really sweet and lovely guy. This girl may or may not realise just how lucky she is to have you. How much longer does she have before she finishes school? Maybe she is unable to give you any more at this time with everything else going on in her life. She definitely needs you in her life, if she felt freaked out by your feelings for her or didn't want to encourage you further, she would end it. So I feel like you should hang in there and see what happens in future. Good luck hon. :-))

  • well when shes told me that i could date other girls, she said that any girl im interested in will be lucky. so i said well wouldnt that make you the lucky one then? no response lol well the by Hanswolfgang prediction, he said it will change may 7th which does make sense cause then she'll be on summer break and just have to do work and not school, which we met a few weeks before school started and thats when we hung out the most, shes going to college to be a nurse but it a high up nurse not just low level one, so its gonna be a few years before she done i think, i can tell that if i dont text her or something for a week or so, she needs conformation on how i feel about her, like when we had an arguement (threw messages lol) i said well honestly i have thought about moving on, which i could tell made her mad even more, and she said i always knew that you would leave maybe thats why i didnt let myself get closer to you, then i said, the only reason i thought about leaving is cause ive never liked anyone this much before and it scares the hell outta me. so that pretty much fixed it lol and its the truth, and yes she has alot going on so she cant give me more, which ive said i never asked for anymore right now i just say nice thing cause i feel like it and i want to,(which i can tell and has told me that it makes her happy), so i actually starting to think that im worrying about her shutting me out for no reason, this whole friends thing i think is a test to see it what i say is real or not, and im not just saying what she wants to hear, god me being a sensitive guy has helped so much in understanding her hahaha

  • Hi Wenchie,

    I haven't read all of the posting Yet...Just finished the first page..but.because I struggled with the exact same issue almost down to every detail that you described I wanted to post now before finishing up.....I read that you should keep yourself preoccupied, Well for me keeping busy didn't work..I could be in the middle of Anything and I would think of him..and that included other relationships, I healed enough to let someone else in..but thinking of him was always just under the surface... The title of your thread caught my eye..because I struggled in determining if I'm obsessed or If he's a Soulmate...I have chosen to believe the latter... look forward to reading all of this thread..I'm pretty sure I will learn something.

  • Hey Wenchie --- Thats the hardest part for me too...I work full time too, got mom whose health needs constant attention, bros n wives and their kids, pets, friends, hobbies, chores and much more!!! All this barely leaves any time to myself and when that goes my mind wandering and thinking about my guy who's probably busy playing games on his playstation or is out partying with friends or family members or negotiating at his family business meetings...I often wonder if thats only the basic difference between us females and them men!!! Or is it that we've fallen for insensitive and uncaring partners when we deserve much more !!! Or maybe I'm getting wistful... :):)

  • Kittygalore / Astrodame,

    I know what you mean, I keep myself very busy but the traitorous mind just keeps thinking about him and letting thoughts of him "pop" into my mind. I don't think we are obsessed, our minds aren't playing fairly though and let us stop thinking about these men of ours. The only thing we can do, is just get on with things and see what unfolds in future. Us women, as a general rule, care so much more. Maybe they are insensitive and uncaring!!!!!! Aaaahhh......I don't know anymore, I'm don't know what to think! But you know how the second version of everything is usually better, bugs ironed out and all that, well God did make women second, after he fixed the bugs in men that he made first!!!!! LOL!!!

  • Chevelleman 71- sorry but for some reason I knew u were young caz u sound to eager to plz ur woman. Older man kinda know better so he is much calmer. My gosh enjoy ur youth, u sounded like ur getting ready to be married. I know at this age whatecevr happens now in ur love life will set the stage for evrything else to come. I was rejecte d during my youth and upo to this day I dont feel beautiful enough although evryone keep telling me I am. And I am much older than u. So i dont know all the anserws as u can see I have issues my self but I truly believe here on this discussion panel we have become a family. wheteher we know it or not. Wat Wenchie has gone through, probably Sandran can advise or wat u are going through Kittygalore or Astrodame know better or vice versa. u see wats happening here we all have our weak point s and our strong points. Its a good place to come to. want to thank Wenchie to open up this discussion and I hope we all here can keep in touch and probaby all meet one day wouldnt that be the most wonderful thing. Wenchiw wat do u say? I live in NYC anybody else.?

  • I'd LOVE to meet my Tarot family, I live in Australia but we're going to have to work on that!

  • Hello all..:)

    I am new here but I just love this site and everyone here!!

    This Tarot family is so helpful and compassionate I am proud to be here! 🙂

    I can relate to everyone having relationship issues. I met someone this year who I have a strong spiritual connection with and it has been so confusing! The more I read about things like this the more I think he may be a "runner" which is so disappointing for me! I have never had a connection like this before and it seems to have awakened things within me that I wasn't really aware of. We had shared dreams, could read each others feelings etc. I will say WOW it was such a special floored me in a good way..:)

    To make a long story short he flat out told me that is scared of how much he feels for me and he could not allow himself to have those feelings for someone again..:( Last year he almost took his own life because of an ex girlfriend and he didn't want to care about someone that much again. I understood that but that sure didn't break our connection. We haven't spoke in over 4 months BUT I still get his emotions and I know when somethings wrong in his life. The dreams have increased for me and what has helped me is to realise that no matter if we are together in this life or not we are still connected spiritually. I will never lose that and it seems that was half the battle for me. I accepted it and am going about my own life. That is NO easy task considering when I ask my guides for a sign if I am doing the right thing I get dreams and messages about us being Talk about

    I should mention that I am a Virgo and want to fix things right away if I can so I am learning patince here. He is a Picses and is bipolar. Problem is he is not on any medication for his condition as of yet. There is alot more to our connection that I wont go into but its like I look into his eyes and can see further than who he is now etc. Somedays I feel connected all by myself even tho I know deep down he knows who I am he just doesn't want to admitt This sounds weird but he wakes me up out of a sound sleep some nights and its like his energy has come to visit me or just lay next to me.... almost like he finds comfort here.

    To be honest this is about the only place I feel comfortable saying any of this because lets face it I can not walk up to my many of my friends and say "oh by the way.. I am spiritually connected to this guy and he talks to me in my"

  • I know what ur feeling virgojourney, sometimes I kind a feel embarrass to tell my friends the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But here Im comfrotable caz no one is judging u and evryone has ur best interst at heart. I think in life we should go with what makes us feel good. maybe I could be wrong and have made stupid mistakes but Im much happier and my soul feels connected. I know I could get better men, but I dont feel connected to them and they dont even try to make me feel connected to them either. i believe that love is a journey, I believe that we should enjoy it while it lasts. now if I could only practice what i believe, with him all the believes and the principkes went out the door. I jsut want him and only him. Is that so wrong? But seriously if ur friend is Bipolar u need to get him help. My mom was bipolar and it was pure madness. U could still love him though just get him some help. Keep in touch.

  • Hi Dorluv,

    Thank you for your reply.:) I love him unconditional..:) The problem is he is having some inner struggles and has withdrawn from alot of us. He is upset with me and I am giving him time. I have tried to get him on some meds but it is getting diagnosed that seems to be the problem and yes it IS madness!! It is heart wrenching to see him suffer so much! Usually me being a Virgo and him being a picses we would clash.. but we seem to compliment one another. He has taught me to be softer and I have taught him trust and how to take more control of his life. Its a great combination.:) I am totally with you on the "I could get better men".. well better for who? When a partner isn't interested in having a real connection I tend to put them on the just friends list..:) I know the feeling of wanting him and only him. I will tell you "waiting" for me hasn't been easy but I am learning how to do it with grace..:) I miss him everyday but like I said he still comes to me in my dreams and other little ways so I know we are still connected so I still have hope.:)

    Thanks again for your response dear.:)

  • VirgoJourney,

    I am feeling for you. To have that strong connection and have him in your dreams etc. must make things very hard for you to be patient! It doesn't seem to be one of my virtues right now either!!!! It's interesting that when you ask for a sign about him that you have dreams you are married. I know someone else is going through the same thing with a guy too, having the dreams and all the super connections too!

    I feel like both of you will be with your men in future, that there may some initial struggle first, but things will happen and you will be together. I know we have those "soul mate" connections with some that we are never meant to actually end up with, that they are more karmic soul mates for both to learn a lesson. But then there are other soul mate connections where we can end up together and I really believe that will happen for you and my friend. As you say, it is definitely a test of patience. Sometimes, someone is really worth the wait and it's almost like a test to see if we are prepared to stick with someone to the end (but I don't mean putting up with bad behavior or abuse).

    Good luck! I can't wait to hear more happy endings. Surely not all of us are not meant to get our man!

  • Wenchie,

    Well hon sometimes I know with all that I am that we will wind up together and other days I am leaning towards the karma I am still learning as I go and wow am I thirsty for Thanks for the good luck wishes.. same goes for you my dear! I am trying to see mine from every angle and be okay with it IF we are not meant to be together tho. I like the fact that he may chose to go a different path this time around BUT I will never really lose him spiritually and I find comfort in that..:) He may never talk to me again (which I can't see but it doesn't matter because he can't break the soul connection. Make sense?

    You know this would all be alot easier if we had a handbook on it lol Somedays I feel like I missed the memo on this stuff.:)

    I have had a few readings that tell me he will come around come April or May so you may be waiting a while for the happy endings on my I hope knowing that you are NOT alone here Wenchie helps! I really appreciate your response!! Thanks for listening and I am here if you need an ear! 🙂

    Sending light and love!

  • dorluv,

    lol i can see why it sounded like i was getting married lol, i was speaking in the future sense, that i want a equal partner ship, the girl im talking about we are just "friends" for right now, and is trying too not let her self feel anything for me(which i know she does), so we just friends now, and it taking me a while to accept that, but im fine with it now, when i said that i am always trying to be there for her and she shuts me out, thats just me being me, i try to help anyone that has a problem, and build there hopes up, im just a nice, sensitive guy, thats the way i am. and the strong connection you guys are talking about, i feel that with this girl too, and always have, but im more relaxed now and when or if anything happens, im not going anywhere cause shes a great girl really, and we have alot of fun when we do hangout with isnt very often, funny thing is you are women complaining about a man not being able to be with you cause of issues they have at the moment, and im the opposite lol but i have my own issues i need to sort out also, a guy like me honestly my mind works alot like a woman ive noticed, i read into dam near everything, i notice little things ALOT, i run different senarios in my head about things, etc...... its weird lol and even for me being a guy i dont believe in "hooking up" and therefore have never had a relationship before, and after all the peer pressure over the years from all angles i still sit here almost 22 years old and still a virgin so (god i must sound like a pansy) lol and no im not g-a-y at all! when i start talking about these things girls either really like me or think im g-a-y lol but oh well i know where i stand.

  • Chevelleman71,

    I do not think you are g a y but think it takes b a l l s to not give in to peer pressure and I think it's really really great that you want to wait for the right person at the right time. There is nothing wrong with that at all and definitely not pansy. Too many of us regret the "first time" and wish it could have been different and with a different person. You just stick to your guns and follow your own heart because it will never lead you astray. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive, caring, compassionate guy, just be true to yourself and bugger everyone else!



  • Chevelleman71~

    If only there were more men like you! Don't ever change and I don't mean stop growing but stay true to yourself. I agree with Wenchie, stick to your guns and follow your heart. Most lasting relationships that I personally know, well they have started as friendships. It took my ex bro-in- law to the age of 40 to figure out that all the women he had dated, it was his best friend, his pal of many years that he would hang and have a fun with, she was the one that truly mattered, she was the only one that he truly cared what she thought and how she felt. Once he realized that he realized he loved her all along, that they were more then just friends! They have been happily married now for 13 years and the love they share, well it just continues to grow stronger and stronger. People say they act like newlyweds. I wish you the best my friend and if it is meant to be, then I hope it all works out! Btw, I don't think you're one bit weird and definately not a pansy! I will keep you in my thoughts!

  • haha thanks, hearing stuff like that makes me feel better so thank you, and im only this way because of personal choice,(im not religious), my friends tried to "set me up" so many times with girls in the past, but all they would have been was one night stands so i didnt care too. but yeah one night i came very close when i was 18 but i hit the brakes(plus i was nervous as hell) when i found out she was 16, (she is 6'5 like me,so yeah i didnt think she would be 16 lol) it was kinda weird seeing her 4 months ago and at friends b-day party,she kept looking my way when she has a boyfriend, but oh well, from like 16 years old until now once girls have seen my personailty instead of being quiet ive always gotten all sorts of looks but i thought of them in a sisterly way not that way, even one girl at taco bell while taking my order would stutter, and mess up hitting buttons while i talked when i didnt even know her, and she took everyone elses order just fine, lol i mean im ok looking but i found that a little weird

    and yes i think being friends first will make it alot better between me and her(if it goes that way,but i think it will one day lol) she always said that her and her ex moved really fast, and skipped the getting to KNOW eachother part, i have said that im in love with her,(kinda stupid i know, but i think she feels the same way) she has said " you dont really KNOW me to love me, thats what i feel" she also says "she cant allow herself to feel that way(love) for anyone right now" and with a stupid amount of things in common, and me being dead on when she is feeling bad, i ask her whats wrong and turns out im right everytime lol just i do notice that when she hangs out with her "friends" im never included, we were supposed to go see new moon, she said they are NOT going on friday, so she would let me know, maybe sunday she said, then she posts a picture on myspace of her outside the theater(after they seen new moon) and this was friday, but i didnt say anything until saturday, i messaged her about my counceling class last wednesday and how great it went, and at the end i asked her how new moon was........ no response and i dont think im getting one either, but oh well, she kinda avoiding me i geuss to stop herself from thinking about me, i dont like talking all serious and either does she, so im keeping it just friendly, asking her how her days was, etc... but still no response, sooo im debating on what to do right now, i give her space and dont talk to her for a few days? or so she doesnt think i ran off lol i still text her even though she doesnt respond? she might also be mad that i say so many things, and then dont act on them,(which ive seen alot of women on her complain about lol)

  • Chevelleman 71, Wenchie, danr, and my other Tarot friends I have started my topic and just wanted an input from u guys, i really need to put my issue to rest, i have forgiven but havent forgotten and I kina want to get back at him, But Chevelleman ,You know what u have demonstared to me thats ther is a kinder gentlier side to men, that us as women dont see and I can tell u one probably she doesnt either, I think my cancer also says things and dont act the part like ur thinking. so could be that, and on the other hand we women like to play games of testing . I think all my friends will agree here, she is testing u, dont fail her. Chevelleman but seriously I agree with the space thing but not for too long. to me also wen u text a person evryday they get used to it and then u stop they gonna look for ur email and wonder hmmmmmmmmm. It will get them thinking. So email her constantly evryday in a row not all day, evryday and then one or two days u dont see her reaction. ok. but go to my topic and tell me wat u think. ur clever young man. Thanks for ur support

Log in to reply