How Do We Let Go Of These Men We Are Obsessing Over????



  • Geez where have i been! and i didnt look at this topic lol Wenchie,,,,,,,,,,,you sound soooo much like the Libra girl(Jennifer) im dating thats just crazy(lol your sense of humor cracks me up), shes very independent, and she needs to stay focused on school,but she fights with herself on what to do with me lol,and im sure she thinks about me all day, just like i think about her. of course she didnt say any of this, but i can just tell this is going on, im very open to tell her how i feel about her, (shes beautiful, etc...) but im sure she probably can tell that im afraid of saying "i love you" to her, cause i can honestly say that i do, but we both have alot of stuff going on, and i dont need to complicate things more, everytime i try to get her to talk about things, she shuts me out, gets angry, we had a VERY heated talk the other day, cause i tried to get her to talk about whats bothering her, and i said, it seems like everytime i talk to you, you seem to get angry, so what? should i stop talking to you? just leave you alone? then that seemed to get her even more pissed lol but, i fixed everything that night, but it still bothers me that, she said "i always knew that you would leave", but im gonna be the one that doesnt leave, cause why would i walk away from the best thing thats ever happened to me?. anyways i gotta go lol



  • Wow... I am going through this now too. I feel like a junkie in withdrawal symptoms.

    It is always the ones that are poison to us that we get addicted to and cant seem to forget or let go of in our hearts.

    I do not know why.

    Almost seems like a self-destruct mechanism inside us for those of us that have this issue.

    I am getting closer to forgetting him, closer.

    Facebook and the like sites have turned each and everyone that uses them into a voyeur... and it is such a teeny tiny step to go from that to being a stalker (on internet only).

    I never thought I would be this way but I have become like this.

    He left his profile open for all to see and I have realized that this open door is only making it harder for me to move on. It is so painful but I could NOT stop myself.

    I wrote to him and told him that he needs to put his privacy up.

    We had a bit of a fight but he did listen to me.

    I can no longer peek into his life.

    I believe that this will help me move past this horrid period in my life.

    I needed to get rid of the temptation and it was hard to do it, but I am relieved that I made that choice and took the step to get him to close his profile to the public.



  • Hi Chevelleman71,

    Awwww.....I hope it works out with her, I really do. Just hang in there! That's what I'm doing too, just hanging in there. Can take us a while to figure out how we feel and what we want sometimes, us silly humans.....when the a good thing is right in front of us!

    🙂



  • Sable31,

    I don't know if he is even on facebook and to be honest I'm hardly ever on facebook anyway, so that's a good thing, I'm too busy with other things.

    I think the hardest part, is not thinking about them when they are in your mind and thoughts constantly. That's hard for me to turn off.

    We'll all get there one way or another! 🙂



  • number one best cure! Ya'll! lol NEW MAN!

    just jokeing. I know its harder than that.



  • KarmaComa,

    LOL!!!!! Yep, I know, only problem is that no one else ever seems to measure up or give you the same feelings while you are so lost in the one you want!!!! 🙂



  • I feel that you are thinking to much about it. It is not your fault. The guy is probably not even relationship material at this point in his life. No matter what you do it probably would not work because you would be doing all of the giving. It must go both ways. Just because you want a relationship does not mean that you are needy. It is a natural thing to want a companion. Remember that you two must click very well sexually but that is probably it. I have experienced this before. I hope this advice helped you.



  • well, i text her today, saying "hi! how was work?" and i finally got her to answer again, but according to her "new songs' on her myspace, (she doesnt talk about things) but she'll put up a song to say how she feels. like wtf?? i knew this a while back, and when i confronted her about it she got defensive about it, im sorry but that shows me that i figure you out, and you didnt like it. cause i tend to put up songs about how i feel too, BUT I CAN TALK ABOUT THEM TOO lol we so much alike its stupid haha, so the 1st new song pretty much says, ""that she needs some time to be alone to figure out things, im not saying that im gone either. she never thought that I would matter to her so much and that i dont understand her"

    OK 2ND SONG! that one is Ignorance by paramore, lol saying " we are not the same,(which we are alot alike, but of course not the same lol) and i treat her like another stranger??? pretty much calling me ignorant about her feelings i geuss, cause ive never had a relationship before but what she doesnt know that i play dumb very well, and i have been with her alot(trying to get her to open up to me rather than me doing the work) kinda hard for me to give her all this attention and she just ignores my text and more and still expect me to text her everyday, and then i dont text her for a few days, but still say good night, good morning but thats it, im REALLY getting tired of how she cant talk to me, i dunno about today, but god i want to call her, cause shes so afraid of hurting my feelings , i think thats why she cant talk to me, she must think that i would be angry or hurt that "she needs time alone" maybe ive given her the idea that im weak, BOY is she in for a rude awakening. i dont think ill do anything today, but man its gonna be hard



  • You know it sounds like you two need to sit down and air it all out. Just put it all out there. It is too hard trying to guess what the other person is thinking and where they are coming from.

    Hope you get to the bottom of it soon. It's draining having all this going on.



  • wenchie - your starting comments made complete sense to me - it was as if I was reading about myself... Bizzarre!!! My childhood was full of broken marriages, relationships etc and then I mirrored that in my adult relationships - with amazingly devastating results! So I too am trying to let my "guard" down but have no idea on how to approach the whole situation! I find it very very hard to trust - and I honestly don't think i actually fully trust anyone - not even my family as they have let me down too... I am trying to start to trust people as i know that my wall that was "protecting" me for soo long has "imprisoned" me too - I am struggling not to let it effect me anymore by either way of protection or imprisonment.. I just really don't know HOW tho!!!



  • I hear ya wenchie! ; - )



  • Hiprincess,

    I know, it's hard and I can't even tell you how to begin to do that. Hmmm....maybe Ahliyah is the best person to speak to, if you go to the Circle of Gold thread, you will read all about her there and you can contact her.

    It's my lesson too, to stop guarding my heart so much. I know I need to let people in and open up. By keeping ourselves closed off, we are shutting out the good as well as the bad. I'm getting braver!!!!! If we don't ever put ourselves out there, we'll never know what we could have had. Sometimes the benefits outweigh the risk. Sometimes loving unconditionally leaves us open to some hurt, but when we those feelings are returned......it's magic!

    Good luck on your journery, a lot of us seem to be on the same path!

    KarmaComa.......too many of us do understand!!!! I want to break through the fear and get to the "other side". I would rather love and be hurt than not love at all.



  • completely agree Wenchie!!! I know it is my lesson - and I would not have what I have now with someone special if I hadn't opened myself up to him - I just need to do it more - it is so hard to trust once you have had it broken repeatedly but I am trying too.... I know I will be able to do it - just as I have concurred many other obstacles in my life.. Maybe it was the universe guiding me to this forum as it was something I needed to hear..... and at the right time.....

    Thanks for sharing.....



  • YW! :-))



  • your telling me! yes since us meeting, both of us are just tiredddd 24/7, having unexpressed feelings and stuff, honestly im sick and tired of being sick and tired lol its just stupid, we both are afraid of taking the risk of ruining anything with eachother, this has been going from almost 3 months now, and im just done!, BUT i worry about both of us getting angry again if we have a deep talk, im just lost, and beginning not to care anymore what happens



  • Honestly, my gut says "go for it!" Tell her how you feel and get it out there. The way things are going with unresolved emotions and unexpressed feelings, it will ruin things anyway if you don't. At least this way, you know where you stand one way or the other.

    Good luck! :-))



  • And you know what, when my guy contacts me next and we see each other, I'm going to take my own advice and do the same, tell him how I feel. At least it will be out there. If worst comes to worst, and he decides he doesn't want any more with me, at least I'll know and I can move on with my life. That's all we can do, take the risk to love someone. Sometimes it may backfire and other times it's the best!



  • Wenchie I know just how you are feeling. The past 9months I have been in love with a Gemini who is so wrapped up in his own world there is no room for anyone else. What a waste, he is a beautifull person and he drives me crazy, we get on so well and have a ball when we do get together -no where near often enough,lol.He is always on my mind and in my heart which unfortunately makes it impossable to let anyone else in - so I guess I am stuck lovin a man that I can not have, but I want to be with him - so I am for now just going with the flow and prey that maybe oneday he will realise that we are really good together or maybe oneday I will just wake up and know it is time to move on. Keep smiling and stay strong. Cheers klj4eva.



  • @Wenchie --- Letting go is never easy (atleast in my opinion). Its just that as we mature, we understand why things happen the way they do sometimes and hence its easier to accept them!!! I wish I had a better answer...sigh



  • klj4eva,

    Good luck with your man, it's so frustrating isn't it!!!!!

    astrodame,

    No....letting go is not easy, especially when our heart is involved. You know I don't know about understanding more and accepting more as we mature......I'm 38, divorced and I still haven't learnt!!! LOL!!!! I'm behaving like a lovesick teenager and I should know better!!!!! Well, I can only hope that one day I grow up!!!!!!!!!! :-))

    It's so hard when you meet these guys that you have that connection with, that just keeps pulling you back to them. I did see another guy for a short while and it was then that I realised about my feelings for this guy. But I'm not waiting around for ever either.


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