Leo-Cancer-relationship need some advice
Lately I'm interested in astrology and have read some very truthful things on this site. Now I would like some advice on my relationship with a cancer male. We have been together as a couple for about five years. Like every other couple we have had our good and bad times, but we never actually fought over things. Six months ago he started acting very distant and depressed. He said he didn't know what he wanted anymore and felt like his life was over. He's out off work and feels like a loser. This kept going on and about three months ago he ended our relationship. He said he didn't know what he felt anymore and thought he wasn't good enough for me. He still wanted to stay in touch with me and said he never wanted to lose me. Now we are still friends, talk and see each other regularly (we talk every day and see each other 2-3 times a week), but whenever I ask him about our relationship he says he doesn't want to think about it right now and feels comfortable with things like the way they are now. He also says he can't handle the pressure from a relationship anymore.
Now I like being friends with him and I try to be there for him, but it's very hard because I'm still in love with him and want to give our relationship another try. Since our break-up I have been nice, sweet and friendly all the time although I still feel heartbroken. He knows I love him and want him back, but I feel like he is holding me on a string. One day he's supersweet and the next day he is very distant. I don't know how to handle the situation anymore. I'm willing to wait and work for our relationship, but I don't want to look desperate or hopeless. Any advice on how to handle him and the situation? Should I keep acting like his best friend or should I take distance?
#1. He is not holding you on a string, you are allowing yourself to hang onto him by a string. I understand how heartbreak can make us behave in ways we normally would not allow. I see nothing but more heartbreak in your immediate future if you allow this "friendship" that works for him, but, not for you to continue.
You existed long before you got together with this man 5 years ago. Go back to your roots. Who were you before you met him. Find yourself again, 5 years is a long time to be with someone. We tend to get lost and forget what was important to us an individuals prior to our love interest. Go out and re-discover yourself, I am not saying you can never talk to or see this man, but, it has to be on a healthy level once your heart has healed. You need time to lick your wounds and heal yourself. If you keep seeing him and try discussing your relationship, that wound will never heal. Pardon the bluntness of this next comment but it is fitting for what you are going through. "When we are wounded, we have to first clean the wound, dress it and allow it time to heal. If we however, keep picking at the scab it will never heal". Be good to yourself and stay away from him until that wound is healed and you can see him from a healthier position. Start taking careof yourself and stop taking care of him.
One last thought, the longer you keep meeting up with this man and allowing him to cry on your shoulder you are actually stunting his growth and helping him to not move forward. There is some soul work that no one can help us with. If you leave him be for a while, he will have the ability to examine his life and find what he really wants. If that turns out to be you and you are still available, then go for it.
you can't go on like this forever. I don't have good experience with cancer in general, so maybe you will find me rather cold. but think about this. he ended the relationship. so you need to move on. maybe you didn't end it, but there are two in a relationship, if one ends it, the other one simply can't stay in it. he is depressed about the job, that's what he said. but it could be more that he didn't say. one day things will clear up, but meanwhile you need to live your life. how he lives his life is his choice. you will have to make the choice for yourself. you should never forget to love yourself, this is very important. or else you will be dragged into this hole of uncertainty and you will be as depressed as he is now (if he really is depressed). that won't help any of you.
take a break from him and his problems. go away somewhere or simply don't communicate with him for a month or so. attend to yourself. do you work? do you go to school? come up with new hobby, something you always wanted to do but never got to do it. how about your family? can you get involved with what they are doing? new activities, new places or new faces will help you clear your mind. then you can take a few minutes sit down and ask yourself if there is anything left for you in this relationship. it's not 'what I want' or 'what I need', but 'what can I get from this relationship'? the first answer your heart tells you, is the right answer. go with it.
just remember don't ask yourself now, because you are still tangled. ask after you take the time away from him. bcause you have been together for so long so you kind of forget how it is to be single and have no one to rely on. taking time away will free you of his energy and give you broader perspectives. then, the answer will be available for you.
Thanks for your advice. I agree. My sense also says I need to let go, but I can't. I'm afraid I will lose him forever when I let go of him. He still calls me petnames and contacts me. I'll try my best to take some distance and let him be for a while.
I'm searching for a job right now. He dumped me after I graduated and know I want a job as soon as possible to keep my mind busy and not end up like him (he's unemployed for over a year now and can't seem to find a job). I go out with friends on weekends and I try to keep my head up straight but I still find it very hard. I have thought about finding a new hobby, but I just can't seem to find the courage to do so. I'm trying my best to recover, but it's hard.
it's already good start that you have the intention. keep looking for a job, you need it whether you are with him or not anyway. try to go around the town giving out resumes even if they are not hiring or if you can drive, to the next town even. you will meet people this way, even if they don't hire you, it's still change of places and you may get new friends along the way. try it for a month or so, I am sure you will be noticed even if it's only temporary position. as long as you're not picky, any honest job will find its way to your hand. I pray that help come your way. be strong.
Sounds to me like you are on the right track. It is to be expected for you to have a hard time moving past the pain of losing this man. Going out with friends, finding new interests, and looking for a job are all VERY good ways to get yourself re-started. It will be painful for a while (not long because you sound very strong) but after that initial pain is over your life will be more rewarding than ever before.
Give yourself a pat on your back from me. I am amazed at your strength and ability to listen to good advise and apply it in your life. You set the bar high for everyone else going through what you are, you move with grace, pride and dignity. Good for you!!!
I don't even know what to say right now. This situation is exactly what I'm going thru but i'm a leo and so is my guy. What I have learned about myself is eventhough I love him with what I know is all of my heart, my main problem is not what I'm going thru with him, it's my fear of failure. I am constantly bombarded with statements from my friends and family. Stuff like, "Hey, you guys have been together a long time. When is the wedding?"
Leo's try to work things out....no matter what. We want to be seen as caring fighters who refuse to give up. That's apart of all that pride we carry around on our backs at all times. Reading about your situation has helped me come to a conclusion about my own situation. I can love him and even be in love with him, but if that's not what he wants, who am I to force it? I'm going to let him know I can't go on like this and I have to let him go so I can move on. I have to stop having contact with him on a daily basis because when I talk to him or see him, it makes me want him more. Ever heard of the phrase "out of sight out of mind?" I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm 28 and I think at this stage in my life I deserve to be loved the same way I love....with all my heart. I won't beg anybody for it because if it's meant to be, then the love will come naturally. I hope I didn't ramble to much, but thank you all for listening.
all living being deserves love no matter what age and position in society. it is because lack of love that cycle of hate started and still continue. you are right about the leo thing. this is where we have to draw the line. we will care but we have to know when to withdraw. we are tireless fighters but even for seasoned fighters there are times to let go. the words that fit will be 'fight another day'. we tend to feel weak even we let go or give up. but the truth is, a fight for a cause that we can;t control is weakening us, and it;s not even noble, since nobody can actually justify that this cause we are fighting for is for the good of all. how would it be the good of all, if we fight for a love that doesn't exist anymore? not only we are avoiding the truth, we also impose it on others to think the love exists and yet it doesn't. love has to start from ourself. love ourself, and the rest of the puzzle will fall into place. I have never had good relationship with leo male either, but what I write goes in general.
I'm trying to be strong but it still is very hard. Today I feel rather depressed about it. I just can't let him go and it feels terrible. I always hope we will get back together and I would do a lot to work it out. I always fight hard for everything I want although my sense says that it is not good to fight for someone who doesn't fight for you. Hope is a very bad thing too. I'm only 24 years old but it seems like my whole life is on a break although I try to be strong. Whenever I see him I try to look confident, but when he's gone I get terribly sad. "Out of sight out of mind" probably is true, but I know people who don't ever see their exes anymore and still feel sad. I don't think we should cut off all contact with someone who has been in our lives for so long. I've known him for seven years and I don't want to cut contact with a person who has been my best friend and lover. I know I should limit contact and stay strong, but I can't seem to be able to limit the contact. It's true that we shouldn't beg for love, it only gives the other person more and more confidence. Although I feel rather depressed right now I do believe that when you stay positive and good you will get those positive things back (maybe not from the same person, but you get back what you give anyhow). It unfortunately takes more courage to be positive than to be negative.
leoheart, you will make it. I have been there and yes guess what I was in my 20s too when all hopes seemed to disappear. I remember how I was. I held my chin up high, kept looking for work ( I lost my job because of love. long story. I didn't do anything inappropriate at work. we were both single and didn't work in the same place. we planned to marry. and the day he came to my town, I took my vacation to pick him up and we planned to look for a house. he never showed up, no news. I was worried and had to stay longer, but forgot to tell my boss about it so he fired me. ) and no, it wasn't the first time I was lied to. It would've been more times if only I wasn't careful, but even when I was careful trusting my heart to someone, it still didn't work. I didn't have supportive friends either. They tend to blame me for what happened and later on I found out they are not friends they claimed to be anyway.
I don't know how I passed those years alive, but I did. The only person I had on my side was myself. My parents were too protective, so they'd rather me single anyway, brokenhearted or not. All your hard experiences, are there to shape you into the person you will be proud of one day. You can make it and you will. Whether you keep contact with him or not, is your choice. But as for now you need to take some steps to clear your mind and make decision for your own future. If you keep seeing him, you will keep thinking of him and how things were in the past, which is pulling you into a this hole of despair. this is why I'm suggesting take some time away. once your mind is clear, you will come up with decision. looking for a job is necessary anyway, whether you are with him or not. everybody needs money especially in times like this. plus if you apply in person you will meet new people, maybe even old friends. do this regularly, travel if you can drive. you'll be surprised how much change of scenes can help you get out of this hole of despair. your future is important, with or without him, you have to go on. then again, this is what I think. it really is up to you what you want to do with your life.
Iam a leo also and for the last 2 years have had alot of experience with a Cancer male. I have broken it off with him 3 times and ment it. I tell him dont contact me anymore. He gives me a month to a month and a half and he somehow finds a way to get in touch with me again. Then acts like nothing ever happened and continues from where we left off. But every time I grow farther away from him. A person , even in love, can only take so much. I asked him a week ago why that after I tell him to not contact me he does anyway.. He told me its because we have a history. Thats a true cancer for ya, They never let go of the past. My advice is no different from anyone elses here. You need to get away from him, if at least for a couple months and find who you are. It will get better.....Good luck.
I am a cancer and involved with a Leo. All I can tell you is that Cancer's
are very emotional but if he was "done" with you, you wouldn't even be friends.
You say you are afraid to let go because you don't want to lose him forever. As the
saying goes "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If
it doesn't, it never was." Personally, I have to remind myself of this, all of the time because
my Leo doesn't act at all the way he did in the beginning and I have a tendency to sulk about
it. In general, however, men tend to notice you more when you are not as visible. Not being
"available" at a moment's notice might trigger him to think that he might be losing you forever,
and I doubt that he wants that. Good Luck!
Thanks for all your great advice. It's nice to hear the opinion of different and neutral people. Yesterday we spent the afternoon together, he came to my place. We didn't do a lot, just watching television. We laid together in the sofa, just casual, and fell asleep. It just felt like old times. But when he was gone I felt terrible so I called up a friend to go out and have a drink. That cleared my mind a bit. Today I haven't contacted him and so hasn't he. It's the first day in those three months that we broke up that we haven't contacted each other. But I try to be stubborn and not contact him. I'll try my best to limit contact for a couple of weeks and see what happens. Whenever he contacts me I'll act friendly and happy. Fingers crossed that I will be able to do it and not give in to weak moments when I think I should fight for him
He's definitely a typical cancer: not expressing feelings, acting distant and then acting supersweet. Sometimes it feels like he has built a big wall around him so no one can detect his state of mind.