Beware Passivity!



  • So many people here ask things like 'Will I find love?" "Will something good happen for me?" "Will my ex come back to me?" It's almost like they think a magic wand can be waved over their heads by the readers and BOOM! the dream appears miraculously without them having to do anything about it. The answer always is of course - "You will get what you want if you are prepared to work for it." Nothing is going to just drop into your lap - you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to achieve your goals.

    First, and the biggest challenge, you must figure out what is stopping you from getting what you want (maybe an outdated attitude or negative thinking or some past unresolved trauma), then secondly you must deal with that behaviour and transform it into positive thinking and doing. So a better question than "Will I get what I want?" or "When will i get it?" is to ask "What is stopping me from having what I want?"

    And the answer is 'probably just you'.



  • So wise!

    I've also found that, in certain situations, if you broaden the question to 'what do I REALLY want?', as in, love, security, etc., without attaching it to a specific person, it shows up in the most extraordinary ways.



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  • You are so right Captain...it certainly applies to me.Notshy2bme, Ive been doing the same as well.Sometimes i wonder why is it that women feel this need to be needed and work hard to make relationships work. Ive never really come across a man who faces such a problem! Am glad to hear you are doing well.

    Recently ,I just lost my temper with my father for treating my mum badly and he is still in shock because ive never ever stood up to him before.I too learnt to grow strong in the midst of many abusive, controlling relationships and now I try to identify these recurring patterns and understand myself.

    Though paassivity is avoidable,contemplation and quiet time,just slowing down,have helped me to resolve certain issues in my life.Its hard to find this balance between stillness and action!



  • Captain,

    Is it passivity that is the issue really or "seeing" where we are focusing our energy. I mean paying attention ya know? On here often it seems like just plain young energy. On top of that you throw emotions in the mix... when I was young I was so confused. An old friend of mine and I have an on going discussion about Magical Thinking. I had a pastor years ago at A Unity church who had an example of the woman who sat "praying that her house got vacuumed" There are clearly areas where we nee to stand up and put in our best effort. 🙂

    I find it's no easy thing to change your thinking. Hindsight has taught me the importance of it and I still try to shift when I see I'm faltering into old attitudes.

    The pull to the old tho is very strong. My old reactional self.

    This is a sad thing but I look back on my old relationships and I have to say I'd not have much to do w/ many of them now my self esteem was so low then and I didn't even realize it. They are a reflection of what I thought of myself.

    The other night Dr Northrup was on PBS and she was talking about naming our needs...in a pie chart relationships were over 2/3 of the chart for woman and men were somewhere like 1/8. Of course it's different for everyone.

    My daughter is very interested in the boy/girl connection and I have to remind myself I was too at her age... Her choices are hard to witness at times I keep repeating "You deserve so much better" Internally I'm queasy both cs I don't care for her choices but I know it's my judgement and all beings have needs .....Ugh I could go on and on here....

    My last "love" years ago taught me a valuable lesson. It took me a while to get it or embrace it but my heart was as open as it's ever been w/ him and when he disappeared no explanation (he found another and was too afraid to tell me so he just never called or came by again) at 1st I was hurt, angry but I also knew that my openness was very important to keep. Now I'm not saying I'm healed... In the last bookstore I worked in I thought I saw him entering and went and hid in the bathroom! 🙂 Real evolved eh...but nothing blasts your heart open quite like a broken heart tho, It's opened and closed and opened etc since mattering on my personal situations where I'm at vulnerability wise etc but I also got the 1st glimpse of "being love" and giving that energy to the Universe not just focusing on one person. My life has simplified so much as I've aged. My needs especially. I do think/believe I attract what I think I deserve. Often this is a difficult pill to swallow but as I up my personal value my experience is better. Today I value my independence more. Now I'm learning more about where I put my thoughts and attention.

    Thank you for listening...

    Trust you are well.

    Pfree



  • I would love to set down with you Ladies and hould your hand and tell you ,you make me want to be a better man i all most gave up you see its not about haveing money or material things or relationships its about letting out what is within us every man,women and child .Deep down within every man women and child is the fundamental ideal of God or what ever power you chose and to me its pure love a power so great it changes lives ,it moves mountains it can change the world and universe and its ours for the taking but we cant keep it we have to give it away to keep it and this love produces the grandest thing there is Life and from this power of love stems Truth and truth is what sets us free to be what ever we want to be and it will guide us to what we seek you see i want them things i want to be wanted and needed and loved and to love we all do but i want truth and in truth you find the pure love ,and you Ladies have found the pure love .How can i love you if i do not love me? Your love shines as bright as the morning star it becomes a attraction to all who seek the light and it make them want to have what you have you become a beacon in the night and for this old man that is getting younger it makes my heart swell with hope .Remember that song THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE I AM GOING TO LET IT SHINE SHINE SHINE and if no one has told you lately they love you i do and pass it own. Tooter



  • I think there has to be a huge global shift in our thinking so that we are not bombarded and brainwashed from childhood with society's damaging messages about 'finding someone to complete you' and 'looking beautiful is more important than being beautiful inside'. We all deserve the chance to grow up as free-thinkers and not be influenced into conforming to someone else's limited standards.



  • Otherwise, wouldn't we all just have been made identical? Why would we be given a brain? What would be the purpose if we were just supposed to follow, accept, and never question? And always be searching for that missing person or thing that would make us OK?



  • Appreciate this information.

    I totally agree with you, childhood and societys

    tend to have a huge hold on us, the brain is the part

    that confuses because it the organ that teaches us the values

    of society and our childhood, most of us can function alike

    or recieve the same capacity of info but our hearts are which that

    naturally teach and guide us to our own and authentic selves

    your brian cannot do that, because you've never met yourself

    before you were born but your heart is eternal.

    sandpiper865

    I used to always hear the quote

    "you have to find yourselve till you can find anything or anyone else worthy'

    I never understood it, but then I thought

    well maybe if we find who we REALLY are and not what

    we feel made to be by societys pressures and childhoods

    to feel accepted then maybe just then we can know what is

    best for us, then we can find who is best for us. but until

    we find ourselves we wont know what that soul needs to grow

    and live happy.



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  • I hear ya on the global shift...I do like to think it is happening. Eckart Tolle is a household read how cool is that! So there is promise. Meditation in hospitals way cool.... So there is progress.....Society has a strong arm around us...those who choose not to conform have a price to pay usually unless you can afford a lot of land 🙂 Have you ever read Saints and Mystics in Ordinary People? or Party of One

    good reads about those of us who choose our own individuality over the main crowd.

    Cheers P



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  • Hopefully medical treatment will step outside the box and begin considering alternative treatments soon. For example, it's been shown that if burns victims are hypnotised as soon as they get to hospital (or even before if possible) they can be helped throught the 'shock' period and get to work on healing themselves far more efficiently, quickly and calmly. (It's the shock that delays the body from beginning to heal.)



  • MBSR is in the hospitals here....Mindfullness Based Stressed Reduction, John Kabat Zinn

    people are attempting to get off the 24 hour rat race of go go go, wheel of doing....and sitting and being present to themselves w/ compassion and love, meditating Being. It's an awesome program

    very healing. He has some great books also.



  • what would the hypnotist have to do, perform to help the person?



  • Hypnosis is useful for more than just entertainment. A burns victim can be hypnotised to get through the shock of the accident and to begin healing much more quickly.


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