Long lost Cancer Love

  • I'll try to keep this as short as possible but I figure it will still be long winded!

    Age 15 I meet a boy (couple of years older), fell in love. Everything was fine for some months then suddenly, he withdrew from me. It took me quite some time to get over. Couple of years later, we meet and start up again - it went wrong. Actually mostly my fault. I wasn't living in the same town as him any more and I avoided going there. Another couple of years pass and I did go out in 'his area' and sure enough bumped into him again. The 'feeling' was still there and it was obvious he was interested too - so I run for the hills. Didn't want my heart broke a third time. Some years later a mutual 'friend' told me he had died. Obviously I was upset.

    Life goes on though. At one point I had a relationship with another cancer man who reminded me of my first love (in terms of looks) and looking back, he did display some similar characteristics. I handled it differently though and also he wasn't a carbon copy by any means. We eventually broke up but remain friends to this day. Eventually I got married, had children, got divorced. From that point on, my focus has been on my children and I haven't got involved with anyone else.

    Last summer my first cancer love got in touch via FR. I eventually replied to his message. He sent me his mobile number. I didn't ring it but said he could email and gave him my addy. After a few weeks, it came to his birthday and I did send a text to his mobile. He then started texting. He wanted to meet and eventually I agreed to meet him for coffee. The connection was still there. Being an Aries, I asked him outright if he was still married and he said he was. I was due to go on holiday later that week and he text and asked me to meet again. I agreed and we talked. I told him I don't have affairs. He respected that. But he also told me, he had tried to find me over the years. Certain information he gave me suggested that was true.

    For the next three months or so, we texted, I stuck to my guns about not having an affair but we did meet up a number of times. Suddenly the meetings have stopped. I should feel glad but... He still texts me a number of times every day. 'Good Morning my darling'. 'Good night I'm off to dream of you' etc. Sometimes I answer him, sometimes not.

    I'm so confused, what on earth is this all about and why does he scramble my brains so?

  • witchone>>He still texts me a number of times every day. 'Good Morning my darling'. 'Good night

    Sandran712>>my guess would be he is testing the waters.Saying things he might think like you want to hear and get your response from it.Cancers can be players.Some are not.But, I think this Cancer is a Player.Definitely could be a cheater if he's married .We are moody.So..One day he will be nice and sweet.The next day he can bite your head off.Especially if he wants to be alone.You mentioned being divorced.Well...He is not so I would not encourge his unfaithful behavior.Call him on it.If he's married what is he doing messing around texting you.??

  • Hi Sandran,

    Thank you for your response. I did question him on this way back in that second meeting. He told me a number of times he had never forgotten me and had tried to find me even before he was married. I replied that even if that is the case, to be saying such things was unfair on his wife. He tells me his marriage is unhappy and he doesn't care for his wife but then he would say that wouldn't he. I made it clear I don't have affairs. Many years ago, I got involved with a man who turned out to be married. When I found out, I struggled with it for a while and then ended the relationship. I promised myself I would never get involved with a married man again. Back to the cancer man - he said he respected my integrity but couldn't we just be friends? It's not 'just friends' though is it. If we were 'just friends' he wouldn't be calling me his darling etc. And if we were 'just friends', he would be able to say to his wife if he met me for coffee or such like.

    When I agreed to meet him initially, I think I thought maybe it would lay things to rest. That we wouldn't be interested in each other. And yet there was a 'connection'. I can't really explain it properly. I quickly realised that my emotions could get the better of me and I could get hurt. Not to mention other innocent people (his wife and child) could get hurt and I would not want to be responsible for that. I'm not suggesting he would leave them for me, more a case they could find out and be hurt. After all, they aren't to know I am not sleeping with him. I've never experienced anything quite like this. Previously when old B/F's have come back into my life, I've either been totally disinterested, or just felt friendly towards them.

    I guess what is really bothering me, is why am I so unsettled by him? Why don't I just do the logical thing and tell him, "Hey, it's good to know you're alive and well. Have a nice life. Bye"! Mostly I'm a pretty logical person but sometimes I get gut instincts and when they are strong, I follow them and normally I'm correct. My instinct here is to stay in touch but of course that is totally at odds with what seems the correct thing to do. Jeez, I hope that makes sense - I seem to be all over the place and I don't like it!

  • witchone>>My instinct here is to stay in touch but of course that is totally at odds with what seems the correct thing to do. Jeez, I hope that makes sense - I seem to be all over the place and I don't like it!

    Sandran712>>Sorry I had computer problems.

    To answer your post...There is nothing wrong with keeping in touch with this guy.You are really smart about keeping away for the sake of a child.But, Cancer's are very family oriented.Tho he may have no love for the wife.The child does not need the extra drama.I really don't think he has written off the wife either.A Cancer will try to hold family together.

  • Thanks for your response Sandran. I have put him on the back burner in my mind. I don't tend to 'hover' over my mobile normally. So, now I'm behaving in my normal way - checking my phone when I happen to be getting up, leaving the house, going to bed, etc. At those times, when I see a text from him, I am replying. Otherwise I'm just getting on with my life. I guess I'm figuring if I'm only texting with him occasionally, and not meeting him, nothing too bad can be made of it. It will either peter out or change in some way that I can't forsee right now. Either way, time will tell and it's ok.

    I found out a few days ago that I am cancer rising. Mix that with Aries and a Libra moon - no wonder I'm all over the place! If nothing else though, it could explain why I do the AWOL thing.

  • Dear witchone,

    I have been in a very similar situation as yourself. Met a Cancerian boy when we were 17 and 18 respectively, fell in love deeply and passionately. We were in a long distance relationship for four years until he broke up with me citing very superficial reasons. Turns out he had married someone else while I was pregnant with (and miscarrying) our baby. He lied to me about it for a year and a half before I finally found out the truth.

    I met him in 1991 and we broke up in 1995. Initially he tried maintaining contact, until I told him to stop in a fit of anger. We never spoke again until 2000. Since 2000, we've maintained contact online... emails, a few other chat programs, a virtual world... and despite our both continuing to feel that 'connection', we have remained at an impasse for 15 years.

    Many years ago I read in one of Linda Goodman's books that the Aries/Cancerian relationship was a 6/10 vibration and one of the astrological matches most mired and rife with karmic weight. I've thought about for many years, and from my own reading material and observations, as well as reading similar stories about the same kind of pairing up, I've come to some conclusions of my own. The karmic connection is always deep, but the lesson is almost invariably about the choice to love completely as it is about the debt you the two of you have to each other or the choice to let go.

    I've gone back and forth with him for so many years now, personally I've arrived at letting go. I don't believe he will ever or will ever be capable of giving me what I need in a relationship, so whatever my feelings are, regardless of how deeply felt, I don't believe the relationship is viable and I am tired of holding on to it... so for me, this lifetime, it's about letting go.

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  • Thank you Osunbaby - I was begining to think maybe I'd lost the plot! Your post made interesting reading. Can you tell me more about the Aries/Cancer karmic connection? I have a number of 'cancer' people in my life. In fact they seem to be drawn to me (and/or me to them). Oddly they each have traits I'd normally avoid (mainly moodiness) and yet I can overlook it with them and love them for who they are. And oh boy, do they repay me. Thinking about it, it's with 3 particular cancer friends, I am most able to be myself. And at times,my absolute worst self. I should say btw, I am not including my 'long lost cancer love' in that. Though in fact, I do feel very at ease with him. Oddly, a number of my friends are also Libra. And whilst I am Aries, my moon sign is Libra and I've recently found out, my rising sign is Cancer.

    I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and hope you find peace in your decision to let go.

  • osunbaby>>Many years ago I read in one of Linda Goodman's books that the Aries/Cancerian relationship was a 6/10 vibration and one of the astrological matches most mired and rife with karmic weight

    Sandran712>>I am the Cancer and I had a long term relationship with an Aries man.It was a rocky one.But,when he would come and go we both kept coming back.Because it felt a comfortable choice without going and hunting around for somene else.A Cancer will do that.When we hurt and want out and stray.We will always find our way back.But, he should have more sense to come back to you when he is married

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