Are all cancer men sooo defensive and self protective?...

  • Please tell me this. I am a gemini girl and ok i know a cancer man would not be my ideal mate. However I have mercury and venus in cancer as well as mars in pisces, so i can understand waters and their sensitivities and all. However....I love this man for 3 years now, i know he loves me back, we were together for 1 year and then split (he wanted to), he made a relationship with another woman, but he kept on coming back to me, we were talking everyday, we were sleeping together blah blah. His relationship ended and he confessed that he was always thinking about me. For a year now he is alone, so am I, we see each other from time to time (we live in different towns), but he has developed a self protecting and defensive behavior, he reacts badly when i seem to ask for something more and keeps reminding me that "we are not together"...So, what the **** is wrong with him... He avoids commitment, but he always reaches out for me (especially when he senses I am pulling away). Where are all the traditional traits of cancer - commitment, family, kids lalalalalalala. I am a gemini and I am more into all these than he is!! And I am wondering, maybe I am a cancer and he is a gemini!! Helppppp!

  • rockromance cancer's are crabs they go one way then the other, from my experience with two cancers they start out fast romancing you and they are more than happy to be on a physical plane, casually date and have s e x but when it comes to a serious relationship be it boyfriend/girlfriend, living together and marriage...they seem to be terrified and will procrastinate and avoid making a commitment of any sort for as long as they can.

    Cancers can be very cautious but not because they are so called so sensitive and loving but because just like millions of other men of any sign they avoid commitment because they want to keep their options open and they view commitment more as a loss of freedom instead of a gain of stability. As well a man regardless of sign could resist settling down because he's afraid of being hurt especially if he's been hurt in the past but if you ask me that's not a good excuse to lead a woman on, confuse and hurt her because everyone has a past and most everyone has been hurt by someone and it's not logical or fair to judge those in the now for the hurtful behavior of others from the past.

    Some guys are strong and can overcome their fears and some are not and unfortunately never overcome them which is why many men in their 30's, 40's and 50's have dated but never married and are still childless today. Although crabs can be social creatures I think they feel most comfortable alone in their shell.

  • spiritual you couldn't be more correct, i sense that the only way for him to feel safe is to be by himself and having some woman once in a while. but something else too... what's with his family ?? oh my god i have to say. I love my mother too but he couldn't spend one day without seeing her for about 5 hours. Same goes for his sisters, nephews, even grandmother. I think that if he let me into his life i might be let's say his 12th priority (a very optimistic thought, that is), behind family, male friends, even work. I am starting to think, do i really need this...In logical terms no way, but my heart is leading me there for a very long time now. I hope to get over him, i believe in my heart he would never change. I think i might just continue loving him but i wish i could find another man, an aquarius for heaven's sake!

  • I agree with everything spiritual said, I've been crazy about 2 cancer men in my life, both leading me on wild goose chases lasting over 20 years(I love you, no wait I need to be committed etc,,) The one I'm involved with now is actually living with his mother and she's his best friend. On the other hand, I'm a cancer woman and I'm just as bad. I put my siblings, father above romantic relationships and I think that's what they mean when they say cancer's are all about the family. If you're into commitment I agree go with Aquarius, I know bunches of that sign,who are in stable, commited (fixed) relationships.

  • rockromance some cancers are very close to their family, some like your cancer is "too" close to his family and it seems a "mama's boy." I was with a cancer for ten years and although it seemed to everyone who didn't know his family dynamics and history but me. He was close to his parents but not that close, he kept them at a distance and would only visit them if they called him and the first few years we were together instead of him buying a washer and dryer or going to the laundromat to wash his clothes...he would let them pile up a week or two then go to his parents to do laundry which I thought was wrong. As an adult male he should have visited his parents without a motive, a home cooked meal and to do his laundry but simply because he missed them.

    Your cancer seems much more like my ex Taurus I was married to. He was "too" close to his family, it was ALL about his family and difficult for him to go a day without seeing his mother. Often I would stand in the kitchen and have nice dinner cooked for him when he came home from a day's work and many times he'd say " Oh I already ate. " I said...what do you mean you already ate? He said...I stopped by my Mom's on the way home and ate. Now he still did that even when I would tell him the day before and the next morning that I would be making a nice dinner. He put his parents and siblings before his wife and children. I think it's a matter of not cutting the apron strings (immaturity and dependency.) You would think an adult man would have his priorities right but unfortunately man don't and never will.

  • typo my above post: "many" don't and never will.

  • prancing there is nothing wrong with being close to your family as I am also close to mine but it's all about balance and respect. Respect for your family, respect for your partner. It's impossible to have a happy healthy relationship with a partner if they take back seat to everyone else. I don't know perhaps it's a trust issue, cancer's only trust their immediate family because they are afraid to create true intimacy, bond with a partner and trust anyone else.

  • rockromance i get the same thing from mine when he thinks i am gonna walk out of his life he snatches me back so fast! and as long as i don't insist we label our relationship as in boyfriend/girlfriend he seems more comfy. it is kind of funny because everybody that knows us labels that way and i came up with "non-boyfriend" he loves that and calls me his "non-girlfriend" now. i finally realized too to be patient forevermore be patient! they can drive you almost totally crazy for sure, but when he does his "retreating" i know it is not personal it is him NOT me! now he will sit and tell me one thing that would make me think he doesn't really care for me or want me in his life but his actions are the exact opposite so i go with actions.

    he is close with his family and wild about his children but not like some i've heard of. he babies me, cooks for me, pet's me when i'm in a bad mood. he has even tried to dress me before LoL hilarious. they are definately home maker's for lack of a better word at the moment.

    he is my first cancer and will be my last IF i ever get over him! they are different. he is good to me but not always he seems selfish and he is. that is when his mood is reclusive i've come to learn. i have done and said some of the craziest things since i've been "not" dating him for almost a year and it bewilders me. it is like a spell has been cast over me! every waking moment he is in my head! even when we are in the good place i do get tired of thinking about him constantly never have i been quite like this! i am usually in control of myself in the love department.

    Spiritual: you hit the nail on the head with the last sentence in your post afraid is probably an understatement LoL!

    anyway it is 3 a.m. gotta get out of these cancer men forums lol good luck

  • Well I am a Gemini female I have been in a 5 year relationship over a year ago with a Cancer male….I loved him very much I saw a big future with him but 4 years into our relationship he started changing acting weird very rude to me made me feel like I was the last thing on his mind being very selfish…which would frustrate me a lot…I had feeling he was being unfaithful to me but I just didn’t want to believe it so I was in denial for months but I finally got the courage to stand up for myself and I ended our relationship…we had a great run but he was lying and cheating on me I don’t tolerate that plus he would deny it but I had evidence they are great manipulators ill tell you that …. Couple months later I started dating again and I starting falling for the guy and I find out again that I in a relationship with a cancer … he did have the positive qualities my X did but I was scared to face the negative ones again he had which he did…they are not reliable they say one thing and do another or if something bad is happening in their life they shut ppl out so I never know what is going on? I start thinking did I do something wrong it just drives me crazy…I really wish I knew how to understand them…I am so nice caring will go over and beyond and I feel like they never appreciate me …. And I don’t know why I cant just let them go I just get so attached and its hard to let go and both cancer men let me go asif I was nothing to them…what is there to do to make them realize that you made their life better and tried to bring the best out of them???

  • wow i love gemini. my first love was a gemini girl. she loves romance n she takes control of me n satisfies me.. love that. i miss her

  • @oOGeminiOo

    dont worry everything will be alright. my first love was gemini n let her go because she dint wait for me. her parents forced her to get married 2 another guy. she wanted me to take her somewhere but i was pursuing my studies so i had no other option but to let her go. Its been 7 years n i still miss her. she was my first n best girlfriend.

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