Did my partner cheat on me?
May I have a reading, please? I have asked my partner directly whether he cheated, after he let something slip. What ensued was an extremely long string of contradictions. He said that his ex-girlfriend called him up last Christmas, and he told her that he is with me now. My gut instinct tells me that much more than that happened, and that he is lying through his teeth. At the time I was out of the country. He keeps on contradicting himself. We live together and are about to buy a house. Please help me!
I remember your energy! I read for you before but I do not usually retain readings. I do get your vibe is about being SAFE. And there is a mother figure stepping forward for you. Strong woman. To stand near her could be a safety haven haven that both blessed yet at times hindered. I also get a brother but he is alive and I think this is a past reading event I responded to. I am getting the bottom line issue of that event echo's your recent concern as it is still relevant. Your life challenges are still bringing up safety issues. Not feeling safe with confidence in yourself to take appropriate action is the core of this event. You are so deep in the forest and can't see the trees. Hard to see the big picture. Sounds hokey but your mom says climb onto your higher self cliff so clarity comes. GO WITHIN TO DO THIS. Trust issues will always be your dominating wound but awareness will be your tool. Your mother says you are a very smart cookie. But you question and doubt yourself too easily. She says, she should have shown you her vulnerable side more because you would be kinder to yourself for being "emotional" as if it was a weakness. Her ability to soldier on was only half her story. She was on auto pilot and her generation kept the emotions hidden as a Parent had a certain role to maintain. My question is if you had proof of infidelity what is your plan? What would you change? I am getting that your last lesson was about safety walls. You learned that building a safety wall did not guarantee safety as it did keep out predators but also kept out the good stuff. You took that to heart and opened up some gates but the ongoing part of the lesson is about dealing with vulnerability and action. You have no point of action to feel safe in yet. You can't progress in life being fearful of betrayal yet you must have a plan for those events . You know if he's cheating. The real need for you is not feeling hostage by that thought. If I said no he is not, truth is it would still come up, again and again. Emotions are in the way and he knows how to stir the pot. Because it weakens you in a way that serves him. Do you have a history of cheating boyfriends and friends lying in general? You ask yourself that first so you can validate the signs and know your weakness. My impression is you have felt betrayed deeply enough to fear it. Spirit's advice for now is to step out of the storm and do not make any big decisions . That is your tool against being influenced or manipulated. When feeling the pressure of decision always retreat for awhile. TRUST YOURSELF. You have very keen intuition. And when you get past the emotional side of it you are a trooper....very much like your mother. But you do need to want more right now. It is important you avoid being trapped and having to undo the mistake. You proved that skill. You are gathering self confidence in self protection. Delaying the house buy can be a chore but unless it's in your name only and you have a plan how to pay for it without this man you will have to make peace with accepting continued uncertainty. Take a retreat from him and get your self in a calm open place of guidance and trust it. BLESSINGS! PS...the woman in question is on the hunt ....she always is, that's what split them up in the first place! Your man has trust issues himself that leads him blindly. He plants distrust in the people who don't deserve it and yet gets sucked in by those who are not trustworthy! Interesting you two should find each other in hopes of healing?
Thank you very much for your reading. Yes, you helped me at length regarding my brother. I wanted to buy his share of the house my mother left us. The situation with him deteriorated in the worst possible way, with a total breakdown of the relationship and communication. He revealed a very ugly side that I had not seen before. We agreed on the terms, but he kept getting greedier and wanting more, until he threatened to sue me to force the sale of the house. It’s the house my partner and I are buying.
I do not have any evidence of my partner’s infidelity. He let slip that he and his ex had spoken. Last night we spoke at length (I read your message this morning, as I am in Australia), and I went to bed believing what he had told me. That day and the previous one he had lied to me about speaking to her. It was clear to me that he was lying, and he could not convince me otherwise. This caused me to fear the worst. His manner was different last night. He seemed to be telling the truth. Spirit’s message, however, caused me to have doubts.
I was unable to get a loan for the house myself. My partner offered simply to act as guarantor, but banks in Australia don’t do that anymore. He then offered to take out the loan, which I would have paid off myself, with the house in my name only. We would have had a legal document drawn up. Unfortunately, the banks frown upon “borrowers of convenience” (even parents) and require that the principal borrower appears on the Title Deed with a share of at least 20% in the property. So we agreed that he would own 25%, and we would pay off half the loan each. Believe me, if there were another way, I would not have him on the Title. (After living together for two years, he will be entitled to 50% anyway.)
We are to sign the papers on September 3rd!
If I had solid proof that John had cheated, I would leave him, and probably lose the house. He helped me get a job where he works, so I would probably lose my current source of income, too.
I have spoken openly to him about needing to feel financially independent and safe, in case our relationship breaks down. I said that I was afraid of finding myself in the same situation as the one I’m in with my brother, except with him instead. It's not something I anticipated, but it's always a possibility.
Everything you wrote about me is accurate. I am working in a remote area, therefore the pay is very good. I don’t know how long the job will last, but I am trying to save as much money as I can. I want to open a yoga studio in my father’s art studio on the family property, as that feels to me like it will be my safety net. That will be my means of “escape”, should I need one.
Our relationship certainly has its challenges, but there are a lot of plusses, too. I know he has trust and abandonment issues. What did you mean by, “Emotions are in the way and he knows how to stir the pot. Because it weakens you in a way that serves him” and “But you do need to want more right now.”?
Thank you so much for conveying my mother’s messages. She would often call me a “smart cookie”.
Emotions get in the way means that when you get confused about gut feelings it's best not to engage with the person you are trying to get clarity. If they are lying and love is involved you will have a blind spot. Love is vulnerable. And since your issue is trusting yourself to be your own protector you are now gathering a plan of action to make a healthy habit. You are a "smart cookie" so that's not the issue. It's your vulnerability when love or loyalty is involved...and that includes people like your brother. I DO now see that whole event in your life! Oh my, what a mess he is. And he bullied you! Regardless of why.....regardless of his own overwhelming problems....regardless of the fact he is your brother. He bullied you and pretty much steam rolled right over you. Your emotions took a beating. You are wise to give thought to not repeating the brother situation. That is how it works when working on healing.......the same challenge although a new situation or face will present the same obstacle for you to change your way of protecting yourself. On a positive note you did ask yourself the right questions and had an answer! So yes, you are capable of being very smart. You would be excellent at running your own business. The Yoga studio is a very good idea to work towards. Your blind spot is pumping up your male side of yourself enough to be ruthless in a positive self protective way when it comes to any bully or smiling deceiver that crosses you. This would include all partnerships. Any business you create will be a winning venture and it will attract partnerships that may or may not be fair with you. Spirit says that your goal is to heal this protector in you first and your Yoga studio will not suffer anyone coming in as a valuable partner who may also take over. As for the house, if you do this with him you must have a plan and be at peace with expectations. This must be a CHOICE and not another vehicle to feel betrayed and you can't go into it because you trust him. You can't go into it "knowing he is not cheating". Since you already stated that would be a deal breaker. You DO need to ask more for yourself. Being selfish is a distasteful fear but there is a smart cookie selfishness that is very healthy for you. You need to ask yourself how do I make this deal work for ME. Forget fair. Fair gets you turned around. Being fair minded about dealing with your brother got you pretty much devoured by him. He was not fair and fair had no power over him. He was ruthless and there is a fierce male energy in you that can do battle. Saint Michael is your Angel to help you and you should start your day asking him for protection and as well for confidence to advocate for yourself. Saint Michael has the biggest heart...and a very big sword to balance that big heart. This is your goal. I'm assuming you consulted a real estate lawyer on your own? You need that distance from him as was advised and take a few days to not discuss the deal and to get your advice alone. Pray first for insight into anything hidden. Once you love someone you are very open to sharing everything in the open. That's a lofty ideal and should be the right thing. BUT by keeping room for protection and a distant double look will start feeding your SWORD side. That way, later on you can say, well I went into this double checking on my own. It also avoids any feedback from him that would only confuse you. You are not being disloyal to him by doing some legal checking on your own good vibration. You are being smart and it's as if you are bringing a REAL father figure or BIG brother figure energy into the equation. You can't risk taking a loss unless it is your risk based on your choices. You must go into this as a winning venture for YOU even if you catch him cheating. Figure out how not to be left trapped if that happens or else yes you will end up feeling about him the same betrayal you feel about your brother. Also, not to complicate this but your brother is not going to disappear. At some point it will be important to your progress and healing to give that bully situation a very big ruthless fierce whack with your sword. It's not about how ugly rage is......it's not about being vindictive. It's about protection. Forgiveness is not a problem for you. Compassion is not a problem for you. If you need to fight back it's because that aggressor creates the situation and you PROTECT yourself . The boundary drawn, you move forward. BLESSINGS!
Thank you so much! I think I have found a way of getting the house in my name only. He will not like it, as he will feel insecure and that I am rejecting him. I DO need him to help me with the loan, and originally he said that he had no interest in being on the Title. Now he views it as part of my commitment to him in our relationship.
I will privately ask the settlement agent if it’s possible to have the house transferred back in to my name after settlement with my brother. I think as long as I pay the stamp duty (a lot of money, but worth it), it’s possible. Before signing the deed with my brother, I would ask the lawyer (she is my lawyer) to draw up something stating that within 6 months the house will be transferred into my name again as sole owner. And that within that six-month period, we would have a deed drawn up that stated that I am liable for loan repayments (so my partner is also protected). It would also function as a type of pre-nup to protect my asset, too.
Today he mentioned marriage. It is something I have thought about before, but I do not think we are quite there yet. I feel that I need to have that sense of standing on my own two feet first. With him by my side, not him carrying me. As you said, I need to feel safe, and that I am my own source of protection. It would make me feel more grounded. I also feel that our love needs to mature and deepen more. I pray that, if the settlement agent and lawyer say that my action plan above is actually possible, he doesn’t interpret it as rejection in the extreme.
I am concerned about my brother. I thought he would leave me alone after getting his money. Thank you again.
You ARE a smart cookie! Now THAT is a very self protecting attitude! You can't be worried about his "feelings". Too much at stake for your well being and future. Keep your distance from his feelings until you have your best decision in play. As far as your relationship goes you do not have to prove any loyalty! You are extremely loyal...almost to a fault. He needs to prove to YOU that all he wants is you. A man in love completely with a loyal woman has nothing to worry about. As for your brother......don't get over alarmed. You will be prepared for him and it's not like before, not as intense. I see him at some point coming to you for some kind of help. His life will continue to spiral downward and his resources and friends will slowly strip away. He's going to want to seek something from you and will still be too full of ego to be sincere. That's something the new you will see with clarity. I see it as a seduction. Keep up your new energy vibe of taking care of you in a self fierce way and he won't be a problem. BLESSINGS!
Thank you so much for all your help, Blmoon! Blessings to you.