BLMOON



  • @blmoon
    My son bought me some today, he always does. I had a nice afternoon with my student, visited a couple of historical places and she enjoyed learning the history. Then I had a long pleasant walk back and visited a church I had always wanted to go to and didn't know exactly where it was. They follow Saint Pius X, before Vatican II. There was a mass on and it was all in Latin. Beautiful.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    Sounds lovely. I'm jealous. I did chores today. Later in the day worked outside. It was 92 out today! A Latin mass! Made me giggle. We had several masses to choose from on Sunday when I was young. If I slept late or didn't want to miss FLASH GORDON on the tube I ended up at the last mass around noon which was always in Latin. Hated it! As a child it sounded like gibberish and to this day I will make up similar like words we heard in mass and make my husband laugh. He went to Catholic school until high school. My brother is still devote Catholic and they have the option to go Saturday evening. He invites me all the time to attend special stuff. But I pass and he is nice about it. When my son passed my brother and my other sons took care of all the details and it was in the Catholic church. The church was so full! It was very beautiful and actually, the priest surprised me because he talked a lot about Mother Mary! My son was super strong and he actually moved a huge statue of the Virgin Mary outside when they built their bigger church. I was out of my mind and unable to do anything. It was a perfect service.



  • @blmoon
    Sorry my Latin mass brought back painful memories... it was not meant to.
    I am not feeling as joyous as it may seem. I am very concerned about my sister, even though I don't want to be. The last time I talked to her, she was again saying she hates it there and wants to go to Canada. I am afraid she may again take off and this time she has nowhere to stay, the friend she was with last time will not have her. She needs to concentrate on finding a home, but all she can say is there is nothing available. I wish she had thought of that before she sold her house...! Stupid as it may seem, I still feel responsible for her in a way, she is my sister and I can't bear the thought of her ending up in the street. I am going to talk to a cousin who lives around where she is and see what he thinks. If he agrees to talk to her, she may be more receptive, she will not be suspicious of him as she is of us. I have a knot in my stomach and that is pretty bad.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    You did not upset me! There is a timeliness to your sister selling her house. You just can't see the positive spin. She is no longer competent. It is what it is. Mental illness can stay on the fringes yet still function but it also can peak, specially with age or when a big crises happens. She can't get help or protection unless you let stuff HAPPEN. Her visit with you was a necessary event. You had to first truly experience the reality of what you are dealing with AND you had to seek help. Documentation . At some point soon the subject of someone having legal guardianship over her will be on the table. Having already liquidated her home is a good star. I'm sure the doctor discussed the no happy ending of her condition. Her assets at best will buy her a better facility to be confined too. I know it seems it's happening too fast but she has been on this course all her life. If a relative does not take power of attorney over her she will be pray to the sharks despite her mean scary streak. Her ending up in the street would not last long as she will be picked up by the authorities.Switch your mindset. She will never be able to live on her own again. That's not a guess. I can absolutely promise you that is reality. She could be sedated enough for awhile to live with a loved one but it will not last. Your brother may need a time with her to get the reality too but in the end as family members you will be faced with power of attorney proceedings. I don't see your brother as being as patient with her as you. He will be more pragmatic about her. Surrender to the difficult truth. You suffer needlessly because it changes nothing. Your happy place is in Gratitude you are not her and that is not anything to feel guilty about. We all come into this world willingly with our chosen challenges. I know you like answers that explain the why of everything. Let it go. Accept that this is not just another self inflicted crises with your sister. This is the end of the road for her illness. Her running her life will end very soon. The law will intercede so get yourself ready for that. BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon
    This is far from reassuring and it means no end of complications for my son and I. She lives in a different country and God knows how we are going to handle that. This is a cousin I talked to today and he will not assume any responsibility, he will at most, help her with buying a house or sorting out her finances. The burden will be on me and I have no idea how I am going to handle that. And it will be costly too, since going there will mean staying at a hotel, which I can't afford. Yet another nightmare. When I talked to her today, she said she was very tired, and she did sound very tired. She is totally alone, and that doesn't help. I can't begin to think of the complications this is going to mean for me. I do not deserve this... I had been looking forward to my son getting started on his business and finally find some sort of serenity, and now this! It is so unfair! I don't expect happiness, just a bit of peace, why is that too much to ask? I kow, you don't have the answer... and everything you told me is what I fear!
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    You are imagining too much. I do not seeing you trapped at all. Please rest about this. There is a plan and it is on your side. I have never lied to you. I also, do not see you having to go there. Just trust me on this. I am sorry my message was your fear. Let yourself have a bit of a. upset You will receive help and it will be fine for you. I promise.



  • @blmoon
    Oh dear Blmoon, I am sorry if I misunderstood your meaning. And you are right, I think about all the things that can go wrong, if sh is taking her medication right, how she can be taken advantage of and so on... I can't help worrying about her. I know my cousin will not offer his help unless she asks him - he is like Saint Michael who will always help if you ask but not do a thing if you don't - and he lives almost 100 miles away from her and only goes to his country house there every second weekend or so... I do trust you Blmoon, and you have always been right. I need to relax a bit, and I am aware that I am suffering from the aftereffects of her stay here, it was pure hell! My son did not advance in his work either because he just couldn't concentrate, and he is fallen behind with his project. He is not doing too well either... And we have lots of little things that went wrong as well, something we need to have repaired in the car and money is scarce... two broken blinds in the apartment which the landlord doesn't seem too keen on repairing... it seems that he wants to sell the apartment and doesn't want to spend anything on it. I am hoping he will not give us notice, not for the moment, because we are not in a position to rent another place, the financial requirements are far above what we can present. And to top it all, we are having rotten spring, dark, dark, dark days and a huge window like a wall because the blind is broken shut...! Do you see anything about any of this for us?
    I am hoping to be able to get away to my friends' house for a while. I'll ask about the availability after the weekend.
    Here is a beautiful rose for you.
    HUGS
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  • @radiantsun
    LOVE IT. I am in the PINK right now. Did my room in a soft shade of pink that pairs best with the red family and I took down the lush but heavy drapes in crimson with golden sheers and went sleek with classy white wide slat blinds and panted the inside window casings white. One wall in my bedroom has a large window! Now I get light and can see the trees and sky from my bed and don't even know there are crazy folks living behind me! And at night I close for privacy. I so wish I was there! I am a wonder at fixing things I would fix your blinds. I want to share my flower pics but haven't gotten around to figuring out the issue. They probably need to be re-saved to fit tarot requirements. I think a weekend away would be good medicine. I'm busy in my yard today, finally got my KOI pond resurfaced and I stained it a light blue! I just came in for a break and a drink before heading out again to pick up some fish. And more yard mulch. You will be fine about your sister, not saying there will be some trying moments but as long as you stand your ground with what YOU absolutely can not do I think other family members will work with you on this. I will get back to you! Happy May. Go were the flowers are. I noticed a big rose in my garden bloomed overnight. A deep red Don Jaun. Smells Heavenly! Like lusty young love. I'd take some that now, when I'm smart and wise and no how to enjoy it!



  • @blmoon
    Sounds great! I am not handy around the house like you but I could do much more in a place of my own. I lade a mistake, mine are not blinds, they are rolling shutters and it is the mechanical parts that are broken, only a specialist can fix those, especially the huge one. I know the members if the family will not help, not with anything important. I contacted this cousin because to be honest, he and his brother are the only members of the family I can trust, and the brother never goes there. There is only another cousin I would ask a favour of but for some unexplainable reason, he lives in Cuba now of all places!?!? There is a second cousin I had put some hope on because she was in touch with him - I haven't seen him since I was a child - but it seems that he suffers from depression and went into hiding...! I really think that if she gad a home where she could invite people and so on, she might get better. According to the tests, there is nothing irreversible, just a severe depression to be treated, the doctors say... wishful thinking? Ly friends' house is much too far for a weekend, nothing less than two weeks would be worth the trip. Difficult access, takes a full day to get there. You might need to reduce the size of your pictures to post them.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    I talked to my sister today and she sounded much better, and she said she is feeling better and thinks the medication is starting to work. I hope so. But she is again saying that she cannot afford to buy a home, which I know not to be true, and she is planning to go back to Canada and leave her stuff here and there. That worries me, because I am afraid with all this living at a hotel and trips back and forth to Canada, she will spend all her money and have no home. She has a tiny pension and I don't know what she is going to do when all the money is gone. And she claimed she had to sell her house because she couldn't maintain it... it must have been an awful lot cheaper than a hotel! Anyway, if the treatment works and she gets well, her decisions are none of my business, but I cannot assume responsibility for her after that. I have told her what I think about it, and I can't do more than that. Just as I had told her she was making a big mistake selling the house without having another place to live... But you know me, I can't help worrying. I wish this rosebush was mine...!
    HUGS
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  • @Blmoon
    Hope you see the rosebush and that you manage to pst some of your pictures...
    My sister called me last night, she us now planning on buying tge house and then go to Canada. That is an improvement, as long as it lasts.. i told her to call my cousin and ask him to visit the house with her, and she said why? Well... to lake sure it is worth what they ask for it and doesn't have any flaws she may not har seen! Before she started to tell le that he would not go and all that, I told her I had spoken to him and he had told me he would help with that and the bank and whatever, as he was going to do before she cancelled their meeting, which she had told me HE had cancelled! I hate talking to her in the evening because then I can't sleep. What I m most worried about is my son. Her being here for Christmas was a disruption and although it had been bad enough since she sold the house, the worst was after she went to Canada and we were really worried about her health, and her abhorrent behaviour while she was here topped it all. We did everything we could for her, and illness or not, she said some horrible things which have hurt him deeply and he will never forget. It was awful for me, but too, but she has always been like that. He on the other hand, should never have been exposed to that, and you were so right when you said to keep him away from her. You had seen what was coming, which I hadn't! I only thought of him not going to stay with her, I didn't think she might come to stay with US! I must say, I had never expected this, not to that extent. All we wanted was for her to have the necessary tests and treatment, and although I knew it would be difficult, I never expected such hell. It was terrible for my son who was trying to get his company started. During all that time, he could not concentrate on his work or anything, and now he doesn't seem to be able to get back into it. He is tired and I think depressed, he won't tell me what is wrong, but he doesn't go out and a couple of days ago he missed a political lunch at a ministry because he didn't wake up. She had no right to say the terrible things she said to him, and now I wish I had been firmer with her, but he was handling it, and we had agreed that we would treat her as a sick person and ignore her tantrums but it is easier said than done. Another day I told her that she should be careful with what she says to people or everybody will turn their back on her, and that my son would never forget those insults. She denied the whole thing and never apologized to him. What is more, she started only referring to him as "your son" and never said his name. He avoided talking to her and the day before she left, she asked me how much "my son", she didn't use his name, was going to charge her to take her to the airport, when we have always taken her and picked her up and she never gave him penny! Yesterday when we said goodbye, she sent him a hug! I didn't say anything because I didn't want to prolong the call which had been long enough! I heard my son whistling this morning, I hope that means he is better... The weather is still lousy and no sign of getting my shutters repaired. ☹
    HUGS



  • @Blmoon

    PS. I have to stop writing or you will never catch up with my saga. lol
    And a Renoir to go with the weather 🙂

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  • @radiantsun
    OH! The Renoir is sublime. He still can make me cry with his gift. I have been having the best birthday! My brother came and it's been so long I had forgotten how much we are alike! He gave me a beautiful guitar! I in fact received many gifts! I was overwhelmed because I'm the giver and kept wanting to gift the gifter! But Spirit told me to just be joyful in RECEIVING! So I did. My birthday was yesterday and we went out and had a big family dinner. My brother's birthday was the 8th. Just so much joy! I feel sad your sister did that to your son. That's hard to forgive. But it's good your son will learn that some people can really do hurtful harm. It's like their innocence gets broken. My son was so loving to others and he wasn't prepared to be treated like that either. I bet your son privately shed some tears. He will bounce back. My son felt like a failure after trying to help my sister. He really cared! He really felt sorry for her. No one had ever been that hateful to him ever. Anyway. I had to forgive my sister for my own mental health but I haven't spoken to her in 14 years. I got to run but thank you for the picture. It gave me joy! HUGS!



  • @blmoon
    I am so glad the picture brought you joy and that you had such a good birthday. Only a few days ago I remembered your birthday was on the 9th and had meant to send ly good wishes, but for some reason, I forgot. Happy belated birthday my dear friend! You know I was thinking of you all the same, hence the picture. I almost posted another one but something told me it was a Renoir day. I am so happy fir you that you could spend time with your brother, I miss mine very much. When my sister was here I thought of him and how jealous she was of the relationship we both had. My brother and I were very close, and then she talked him into moving to Canada and he died there. Now I know how awful his last days must have been with her poisoning his mind with her hate against the rest of the family. I went to see him and spent a few days there but I could not stay long and when he was in hospital, I had no one to leave my son with and how could I go there with the baby? I spike to him on the telephone almost every day. Another dreadful episode of my life. I know what you mean about your son. My son also genuinely wanted to help her and was afraid for, just like me, that is why we wanted her to have the tests and be sure she didn't have a tumor or something bad, but as soon as we got the results, he couldn't get rid of her soon enough. At that point, she would have stayed longer, and if she had not been so hateful and shown some gratitude, we would have let her stay until the effects of the treatment started to show and she could have been seeing a psychiatrist at least once a week. I know that is what she needed, but I am not going to feel guilty about it. As the doctor said, it is her choice, her destiny.
    BIRTHDAY HUGS
    And a Birthday Renoir.

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  • @Blmoon

    Sorry, that was a bit small. I hope this is a better version.

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  • @radiantsun
    AMAZING! There is so much movement in this one that it seems to be dancing.I get the feeling it's near an open window and there is a breeze.His background strokes are very bold and the flowers with so much movement, how brilliantly he centered it, balanced all that movement with that very defined vase! It keeps your eyes from wandering around TOO much. Sigh.....I could talk about the brilliance of this piece for a few pages! I love the way you get it!. Like I've said, your honest appreciation for artistic genius is what endears you to artists. Your company attracts the muse. Never forget how special that is. You have to be around the right people to remember that. Everyday life rarely validates the creative's worth! Oh......you never talk about your brother! I felt him when you were describing your bond. I felt his energy completely. He came forward and I met him. It's hard to describe that process of being a medium when a Spirit comes through to me. I stay well protected so only pleasant souls come through me. It's a very pleasant feeling. What surprised me was how similar to my own brother your brother's energy felt! You had the same bond I have. Actually my mom would tease that I raised him. He is six years younger than me and my mom was emotionally absent and actually always seemed to be harsh on him, he never was good enough for her so yes I mothered him. But as adults he didn't need mothering. We were best friends but both of us are free spirits. He ended up moving to the mountains in North Carolina to escape my crazy sister and mother. He always wrestled with taking care of my sister who was younger than him. He tried protecting her. She was always calling him for help and sucking him in and yet she would be so rotten to him. Anyway, after he moved to the mountains both my sister and mother followed him!!! They are still there and my brother mostly trys to stay a way from their crys for help but it's a small town and people start talking about my crazy sister who despite her money will not mow or worse she takes on animals but doesn't take care of them. So eventually he will take care of it before people report her. I'm sorry you had to let him go. He is sweet soul. We do often have similar relationships in our lives. Your sister definitely has my sister's energy. Your son's energy feels a lot like my grandson's. The one we helped raise. He will be 21 next month and lives with us. It's late. I went to a fancy restaurant tonight. Very gilded and great food. They are famous for their cheese cakes. So many flavors. Over the top decadence. The kind of place you go maybe twice a year. The best treat was the handsome young server who called over two other hotdamn young servers and they sang happy birthday too me. Not just a perfunctory effort but with delightful passion! My husband did NOT smile! HAHAHA!



  • @blmoon
    My brother and I did have a very special bond. He was five when I was born and he was angry I was not a boy - he already had two big sistres - until the moment he saw me. He said I was beautiful and became my best friend and my protector. We had so much fun together, both as children doing harmless mischief and as young adults trying all sorts of things together, like cooking, discovering places and so on. I don't think my sister ever really bonded with anyone. She never had male friends, she doesn't understand friendship between a man and a woman, she always had many female "friends". One minute they are best friends and the next they are bitchy about each other behind their backs. She does not understand the freedom I have with my friends where will do what we can for each other but feel free to say no when we can't and nobody gets offended. She has sometimes said to me, "some friend! If he would do that to me, I would bla bla bla". And I thought, that is why you have no real friends...! I am glad you have that bond with your brother and you cherish it. Pity you can't see him more often. And I feel sorry for him to have the burden of your mother and sister' but he sounds like the kind of man who will handle it without too much drama. Your birthday dinner sounds lovely, and you enjoyed it because you deserve it, and you know it. Aren't we lucky to have those wonderful young men living with us? I am so grateful for my son. I really hope he will find happiness and fulfillment, and realise his potential. He deserves it. Yes, we both have some horrible people in our lives but some wonderful ones too, and I think that compensates. Finally the sun came out and it is a rather nice day today. Tomorrow is supposed to be a really nice and it is my student's last day here, she was nit lucky with the weather. Yesterday we got into heavy rain but it was a chance for her to discover my neighbourhood Basilica. Tomorrow we plan to visit some beautiful things and yet another lovely garden.
    One more Renoir for Mother's Day.
    Happy Mother's Day!

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  • @Blmoon
    Dear Blmoon, When you have the time and if you have the energy, I would very much appreciate a reading. Is there anything going to change or anything new coming? My son's company is going to be launched and on June 1st, I think, they are responding to an invitation to tender for a rather big contract. It would be wonderful if they got it. Do you see any improvement in my finances? Income has been stagnant for so long, that reserves are running lower all the time... You mentioned at one point something about working on attracting abundance... How do you do it? I wonder whether I could do that. I realise that my biggest problem in life has always been being an empath. I care too much about other's feelings and I have been taken advantage of by certain people you know for that reason. And I am afraid my son may have the same problem. What do you think? Despite how awfully my sister has behaved toward me and my son, I can't help worrying about her. She is living in a hotel and not really looking for a home. I think her depression paralises her. She is still thinking about going to Canada but I don't see how she will manage on her own... I am afraid she will spend all her money living this way and be left with no money and no home... My good cousin tried to call her all weekend, he was near her, but she didn't answer the phone. It turns out that her phone was not working. She messes it up and then cannot get it to work. Another missed opportunity... My good friend who lends me the house on the Med coast told me it will be available from July 7th to August 30th. I would so much like to spend an extended holiday there. It is not the best time of the year because it is so crowded. Lots of celebrities and billionaires and their flashy yachts, but I don't have to be around there if I don't want to. I would plan to spend much of my time at the house and around my perched village. There is a wonderful walk of several miles along the coastline which I intend to take. The view is stunning and you can ignore the crowded beaches below... It is also hot at that time of year, but my son could not get away in May or June, and the house is cool. It is one of those very old buildings with extremely thick stone walls. It is at least 400 years old! I don't know how we are going to do that yet. My son will probably take me there, spend a few days, come back and then go and spend another few days and we come back together. Would you believe that I feel guilty about not having my sister come too. I had thought about that before she came, but it was soon obvious that it would be hell. She wouldn't enjoy it because her mind is too full of anger and reproaches to enjoy anything and her thoughts so negative, and for me it would be unbearable. I am very nervous at the moment, why do you think that is? I can't go to sleep at night despite my pill and then I can't get up in the morning, and I don't seem to get anything done! I know this must sound awfully whiny, it is not really, I just need to tell you about it. Your thoughts and advice always make me feel better. My blind window doesn't help either. It has not been very sunny lately and I really miss this window. The landlord has given his approval for repairs, but now the person who is supposed to do it is on holiday until next Monday. It will still take a while I'm afraid... Hope you are thriving and your writing projects working out to your heart's satisfaction and enjoying your brand new guitar. Not sure why Mucha called this painting Music... I don't see an instrument. lol
    HUGS
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  • @radiantsun
    I'm listening! ☺



  • @radiantsun
    having a pain day. My shoulder is screaming. I know you know that pain. I actually thought of you and logged in and saw you started a post but it was just one line so that's the reason I said I was listening and came back later. I'm in need of cash as well. I get a windfall then it runs out eventually. I was supposed to teach guitar again in March which would have worked out perfectly but that got cancelled. I am in the same boat. We get social security but I have debt I'm chipping away at that happened those last years my husband kept trying to work. I did maintain my good credit and I own my home but no we barely make it it through the month. I'm resisting tapping into my home equity as that is all the security I have. I have always lived on the edge and something always comes through yet like you it gets harder to be feeling abundance as the last few dollars in savings go! The worse thing to do is focus on what you don't have. Feeling grateful and blessed is very abundance friendly. I try to take care of business one day at a time. I wish you would stop feeling guilty about your sister. It's as if you do not feel entitled to a good life if she can't have one. Entitlement is connected to abundance. You have to believe you deserve it just for being you. I think if you were gifted with something grand you would feel you had to do something noble to deserve it. That's not true and when you get that thought you need to see it and stop it. I don't see exactly where that started but somewhere in your childhood very early 6? Then at 8 there was a big change. By 10 a pattern was set in stone. You took on guilt or took to heart someone else strict ideas of religion. Although what they thought of religion as their belief was their own mixed up version. As a sensitive you absorbed some feelings that were not yours and in fact were not right in your book so in that sense you took on shame for feelings that were not yours. I do not think you have ever healed from the loss of your mother. Who really ever does! But you can dig deeper to understand the true effect it had on you. There had to be some anger. She left you. But that is a terrible unacceptable emotion to be angry at your mother, life, God or yourself. When we cannot deal with anger we tend to turn on ourselves using available events to feel guilty. I think as well as pain you suffered the opposite guilt for at some point not feeling pain. To survive you detached and closed down once you turned about 12. I think you spent your teen years feeling a big empty hole but not knowing what you needed and worse you could not find your way back to FEELING. Men got your feelings lit yet in a big way. Men brought you pain. When we are numb it takes pain to be alive. We can't see that though so in our minds it's just a constant mystery why our love interest hurts us and why we are a mess. And why we repeat the same relationship choices. I need to lay down but will get back to you. You know I hate that place you live in! It has never been a positive place. And being so close to any place that housed a hospital is too much pain for em paths. I so hope you do get away for awhile. It will help. I think you need some alone time to purge some long carried emotions. You need to let the child in you have her truth. She was never bad. Emotions are not bad. What we decide to do with them is where intention comes in. You had a right to every emotion you ever had. You have a gift for seeing what makes things relative so in that perspective you often do not allow yourself emotions for something you understand. Understanding is a gift and a curse. The deed may be understandable yet the deed when you are on the end of it has EFFECT. I will look deeper for your son after this pain in my shoulder leaves but at the moment see no crisis. Just business as usual. There is never security in business.That's why his position is not for everybody. A lot of ups and downs and reorganizing and even starting over. This is his time to decide if he is happy with this. My oldest son chose that life and it takes a very strong calm mind!