BLMOON



  • @Blmoon
    Before I could do anything, I got a message from Dave saying the police had been there, she locked herself out!



  • @radiantsun
    You are like me, we do not do well without sleep. About dealing with your sister, I should have been clearer about how far to get involved as I was only talking about your responsibility while she insists on visiting you. If she insists on wandering around in your neighborhood you do need to make it clear to authorities that you are not her caretaker and only assist with the paperwork involved. Doctors and legal issues. Listen to your son. He is not emotionally vested in this issue other than his desire to take care of you. He really sees this as a priority to keep her away from you.He is being a good son....let him lead. I had already imagined the best arrangement would be to stay in a close neighborhood where everyone knows her and keeps an eye on her in a way that gets spread out on a group effort but she is not going to stay put. That was sad about your friend selflessly taking care of his HIGH MAINTENANCE wife. He has issues with his self worth and his choice is not kind to himself. That is an unique situation. I think you love yourself better than that. I hope you can find someone in your position to just vent and laugh. You earned your freedom. For too long you were under someone elses decisions but you broke that chain. You are more sensitive to anything that feels at all like being chained to something outside your choice. That is also why this event does upset you more. Once we have suffered oppression and escaped we get very phobic of it happening ever again. I do not like to e told what to do! I will always be more touchy about pushy situations. It's who we become after escaping our wolf. Your x forced you to live within his rules of dysfunction when you very much need things to make sense. It is not a fault and you are you. Speaking of your x ...not that it matters but I do see she did try contacting him at some point although it makes no sense. Also, before she sold her house she was very much paranoid and she did imagine others stealing from her, having her locked up and taking her estate. A lawyer did tell her if she was hospitalized against her will but court ordered to be admitted and held long term her house would go to the facility. She has no desire to buy a home. In her mind she is a perpetual victim. . My mother had an older sister who was retarded, that's what we were told as kids. Back then my grandparents generation kept those secrets. My grandparents kept her at home but when they got too old to deal with her my mom and aunt would take her for awhile. She had the mind of a 13 year old so it wasn't always so clear she was not right. She was a pain in the butt most of the time and often broke our things or stole when she was angry with us.The problem began with her seeing men. My mom could not control her anymore as she would just run off with some terrible man. I went to Social Security to discuss the situation as my mother started losing her mind over it. Social services told me that when a family has a mentally ill person to deal with it spreads! dealing with mental illness will cause illness in others. And they could not offer any solution. For many years she stayed with her abuser and I took her to emergency when she got sick. Then one day it ended and she met this sweet old man who just lost his wife who had been ill for many years and he took care of her...a lot like your friend! He took my aunt in and was good to her and for awhile we could not believe it as we never dreamed of such a happy ending. My aunt was not an easy person to live with! Eventually he proved selfless and trustworthy so my mother signed over her checks to him and they were together until he died and he left her the means to be put in a good home until she died. I got the call from the funeral home as that man had prepaid for her service. My mother and aunt said they wanted nothing to do with it and my first book reception was in a week. I had to tell then no service. I really hated that! Anyway, is that a real fairy tale or what. So guessing your sister's future is who knows. If Spirit has something to warn you will get it but sometimes no road-map is part of your journey for now HUGS!



  • @blmoon
    Another sleepless night talking to Dave. Things got nasty, Eric's wife who is in Spain, sent me a message in which she tells me they ate throwing my sister out tomorrow morning. Dave went to the house and she would not open the door so he sat in his car in front of the house determined not to move. Eventually his wife came and got her to open the door. She convinced to go out for a coffee and Waited and talked to me. Eventually he saw them coming back and in hand and he thought that was a great achievement from his wife who is a nurse. The original plan was to take her to their home with them and if she didn't want to go they would spend the night in another room in the house, but since it got nasty with the owners, he said they would take her to a hotel and take the next room for themselves and spend the night there hoping to taker hole with them tomorrow. He is determined ot to let her off his sight all weekend and on Monday his mother is coming back from a Catholic retreat and he hopes she will take her for a few days to her beautiful house by the river and show her some good times before putting her on a plane back. He mother is quite wealthy and also owns a house in Florida. He said he would fly with her to Toronto and make sure she was on the plane to Paris. Eric was told by the police that he had to come back from Toronto tomorrow for questioning, hence the nastiness from his wife. Dave may gave saved the day by telling the police, one of whom is a friend of his, that he would take care of het. He us terrified and so am I, that the next time the police will take to a hospital and then she enters the system and not even my son or I would be allowed to take her out. He doesn't wish that on anyone and will do all he can to make sure this doesn't happen. What a wonderful man, I feel quite humbled by him. It was his birthday today too! Can you believe such winderful people? They even sent the kids away to lake it more comfortable for her. She will never know how many people are going out of their way to help her. He will call me tomorrow to keep me up to date.
    HUGS.



  • @radiantsun
    I so agree about how good people are. I think those who have awareness about how little we have to offer the mentally challenged are more likely to help. Our jail system is full of mentally ill who end up there. A lot end up in Florida! Where it is easier to be homeless. Like I said, my aunt ended up in a much better place then we could imagine! I think that sweet old man that took in my crazy aunt was by nature a caretaker and he was willing to take on her needs after his disabled wife died. So, maybe for every lost cause is a caretaker. I thought it was an odd miracle. The man in your case knows what institution life offers so he does feel more desperate to help her. Sometimes the risks of being out in the world is more to offer than being locked up. It is sad because it seems your sister did have the means at one time to arrange something better for herself. But if she had that kind of thinking she wouldn't be in this state. Knowing her life story like you do I'm sure predicting her end of life struggle was going to be a problem.Your friends run in with the police was more of what I saw in your future possibility and you will be in a place of needing to make a quick decision. Be prepared for that as it is the only thing you can plan for. The rest will be surprises with her at the wheel. I do not see you taking care of her even if you chose to. It is impossible. Your only choice is how much time you spend thinking of all the what ifs. Spend more time feeling grateful you have your life and not hers. I still think you will be fine and your sister will continue to be a "strange traveler" with lots to scare others with. I think the older lady on retreat is a very interesting woman!



  • @Blmoon
    Tonight I am very confused. Dave who has been so kind took her to the bank and his wife went in with her. He Said she had taken out $300 and he taken $200 yo give to the young woman in whose home she is going to stay and my sister kept the other $100. But I asked the young woman and she said he had offered to give it to her and she didn't take it because she thought it was the woman from the previous house who was going to pay her. I asked my sister and she doesn't remember taking any money out of the bank! It is not a lot o money but at this rate it goes fast. My big question is, was he lying? Did he keep the money? THAT would be a HUGE disappointment! I now ask myself, is the story about his mother true? Is anything he told me true? The first host, the minister's wife, did not want to refund the Airbnb, she wanted to pay the you g woman who took her in now $400 out of $700 we had originally paid, I insisted on the refund and got $505 from Airbnb. She tried to pocket $105! Unbelievable!!! I am totally exhausted and so is my son. I still cannot fir the life of me imagine what she thinks she is doing there. She keeps going on about a couple she knows but she doesn't have an address or telephone number for them, she knows more or less where they live and is planning on taking a taxi to go there looking for them. It doesn't make sense. I can't even talk to her because she has no phone and I depend on someone being there and letting le talk to her and she doesn't really listen. I don't even know how she is going to get back. She needs someone to help her even to change her ticket, and now I don't even know if I can trust Dave!!!



  • @Blmoon
    What is your feeling about that?



  • @Blmoon
    HUGS 🤗



  • @radiantsun
    I'm confused! I assumed you were well acquainted with Dave so I just responded to what you were saying as a lucky truth. I assumed you really new these people with the exception of the mother. Now I need to read your post again and listen . How is Dave and Eric connected?Did she go to the first house paid for but end up leaving? Then you had a refund set up and a new reservation for another place. Tell me exactly how you connected with Dave and your conversations with him so I can try and tap into him. I will get back to you. I know you are emotional now for good reason but it's harder for me to read with that kind of static. Tell me the story again and were their any moments when you had an odd feeling. You were hoping for good news so you may have missed a gut feeling. I'm going to walk my dogs and clear my thoughts. HUGS!



  • @Blmoon
    Yes, she had a reservation at Eric's house. Normally it is his wife who takes care of this business but she is travelling. Eric had to go to Toronto for the weekend and he tried to take my sister with him because he was afraid of leaving her alone because she had already lost her way the first day and the police had taken her back to the hotel where she stayed the first night, but she didn't want to go. Then he asked Dave (who is a plumber who was doing some work in the house and thy know each other) to check on her twice a day and put Dave on the phone with me. I talked to him and he said not to worry, etc. Eric told my sister not to go anywhere, to stay in the house. After everybody had left she went for a walk or something and she locked herself out and could not get back into the house. A neighbour called the police and they called Eric who told them who had the spare key, but the police told Eric he had to come back, that he could not leave her alone, etc. Dave came and she would not open the door for him and he called me. The police said they would come by every hour. Dave stayed in his car outside the house talking to me on FaceTime. Much later, a woman he knows (I first thought it was his wife but it turns out it wasn't) came and my sister opened the door to her. They both went out for a coffee, walk, whatever. He wanted to take my sister to his house and she refused to go. So far he had been talking to me, then he went to meet them. This was for me and my son all night, we went to be at 5am!!! The next morning The next morning (for him) he called me and said Eric had told him that my sister had to go so that he didn't have to come back from Toronto. In the meantime, I got a message from his wife saying she was cancelling my sister's reservation that she needed to b supervised and they could not do that and told me to find another place for her immediately. Dave went back to the house with some ladies from his church (he said). They convinced her to leave and they took her to the house of a young woman Eric's wife knows and arranged for her to take my sister. She lives there with her husband and a baby and it is not far from the first house. But before, Dave and his wife (or girlfriend, not sure) took my sister to the bank to get some money out. They only gave her $300 dollars of which I told you the story and they made an appointment for Monday. I think she wants to take all her money out in one go, which is something I told her NO to do! Dave said he would take her there and let me speak to her on his phone but he did not want part of it. Then they went to Cristie's house house where she is staying. That is when Dave told me he had left my sister $100 for the weekend and he would give Christie $200 which later Christie told me she had not taken because Eric's wife was planning on paying her herself instead of refunding me. According to her, that was the amount my sister would get back from Airbnb and she got $505. Dave called me after they had left Christie's house but did not mention that. I sent him a message asking who had the $200 and he did not answer. There is a parallel story, my sister knows this couple she thinks would help her but she doesn't have their telephone or address and she says she knows more or less where they live and she wants to take a taxi and go there. I told her not to do that. Where is she going to tell the taxi to take her if she vaguely knows the area but doesn't know how it is called...? These days nobody seems to have a landline anymore and I cannot find those people anywhere. I asked Dave and he said he would find them, he later told me he had found them and even talked to the man and he had said he would come to see my sister today. I asked him to send me these people's phone number and he did not. I don't know what to think. He had had a rough couple of days with all this and he was saying he was very frustrated and just wanted to get home to his family. The first night when he spent so much time in the car talking to me, it was his birthday so I understand but there are its and pieces that puzzle me. For example, he told me Christie was a somebody he knew, which is ok, but he did not tell me that it was actually Eric's wife who had arranged for my sister to go there. So I come to a point where I don't even know if the story about his mother and her retreat is true. I am not sure either if the women who went with him to get my sister are from his church, Catholic, as he said or from Eric's church who is a pastor of some kind... Not that I think that is important, it is the not telling the whole truth about some things that makes you doubt everything. I wake up in the morning and she is immediately comes to my mind. I don't know what I can do, I tell myself that I should not have taken her to the airport to keep her safe, but she would have taken a taxi and would have been less safe. I cannot stop her from doing these crazy things. I can't even go to get her because my passport has expired and since I had no plans to go anywhere outside Europe where I can travel with my id card only, I did not renew my passport which is quit expensive. Now it would take ma about a month to get a new one. And now it is not as if I could ask the people where she is staying to put her on a plane back if I manage to convince her to come back, they are a Filipino couple probably very kind but with little education. My son has a passport of course, but he doesn't have the time to do this, he has a job to do, apart from the fact that we can't afford plane tickets back and forth all over the world. I just don't know what to do and I drive my son crazy talking about it. He can't stand it anymore. I hope this whole story is a little clearer to you now. Thank you Blmoon.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    I read this twice and I think I got a good picture. Eric and his wife are just trying to take care of business. They come across sticky situations at times but it comes with dealing in rentals. They do feel sorry for your sister but on a business end they can not take on the responsibility. Since it was Eric who had to deal with her the most it was hard to just be all business. Also, he was afraid he could be held responsible in some way, specially as the police got involved. In desperation he asked his plumber and I suspect offered him money for his time. Erick does not need your money. Where I got a red flag is it was the plumbers birthday yet there he is spending the night in a car . Something is missing about that. No one knows what to do with her any more than you and you care the most. Sounds like Dave was giving you details meant to gain your trust. Your sister needs care, food, a place to stay, travel money. No one is going to take that on. I think a kind person would take her in for the night but your sister wants to plan things and go places and she has money. Anyone who is thinking of just taking her money will be a bit hesitant because of your contact with Erik and at first they may have asked for expenses but once they knew you are watching they stalled and that is why when money came up the response went cold. You could not have stopped this, your sister is going to wander until something stops her and that's the reality. Thank God you can't go get her. That is not a good idea. Better to spend your money for a legal consultation about the situation. Her money will slowly disappear unless the bank puts a stop on the grounds to investigate elder abuse. Here a bank can do that and start a well check. I don't know about your laws. In fact I had insurance money for a few years and hired a young man to work on my home. They called me every time he tried to cash my check! You need legal advice. If you just let her live on the streets her money will disappear. There is a domino affect as she will end up homeless but because she is so ignorant of breaking the law homelessness is not going to work for her. This event brings you closer to making a decision about how much you wish to do for her. You can't fix this. I think a legal consultation will clarify your options. Your biggest challenge is to consider there is no happy ending to this. You will have to separate emotions from reality and dealing with business and legal actions. You can do nothing and life will just happen to her. She will end up in some kind of loss of her freedom. I don't think you will hear much as the days go on from Dave or any of the others that come along. Everyone who gets involved with her is going to soon just want her to go. Worrying solves nothing and changes nothing. Right now you are overwhelmed with the emotional side. It is a lot! Your goal is to do the best within the law. Sometimes you can't tie a bow on that turd. I think Dave and the rest are going to disappear and she will be passed around as far as she can go without another police call.. See a lawyer and take your son so you have two sets of ears and tell him the situation but leave the emotion out. You need to talk about all the what ifs that can come up. It will be easier to make prepared decisions.. Sorry you are dealing with this but once you get your fears and emotions spent you really are capable of making smart decision. Ask for help but keep your needs and prioritys in check foremost.. Hugs



  • @blmoon
    I just got off the phone with Eric. I told him the whole thing and he said he would tell Dave to return the money. He was not happy about this and the first thing he asked was "does Dave know how much money your sister has in the bank?" I said I did not know and he said she must not under any circumstances go with him to her appointment a the bank tomorrow. He said Christie (that is the young woman in whose house she is) or her husband will go with her wherever she needs to go, not to go with David even to buy groceries. He didn't want to tell Christie himself because he didn't want her to say to Dave that he (Eric) had said it. I called Christie and told her and also told her to claim the $200 from Dave. Later Christie sent me a message saying my sister didn't want her to go to the bank with her but she insisted and said she could not go alone. I told her to pretend she needed to go to the mall for something for herself or just wanted to have a look around. You are right and in the meantime I had found out exactly what you deducted, Eric is ok and although I don't much like his wife's manner, she may be ok too. The problem here is Dave, let's see what Eric can do there. Eric is coming back from Toronto on Tuesday I believe. He says he likes my sister very much and they did some work in the garden together and so on but she didn't want to go to Toronto with him. Christie is actually Eric's cleaning lady and she takes care of the house where my sister stayed the first two nights. She and her husband are Filipinos and they have a baby. Today they took my sister to church with them. Legal advice is difficult because there are different countries involved. Now she is in Canada but the way I see it, she cannot stay there. I talked to her this afternoon and she said she would probably not stay until October 3rd which is what was agreed with Christie. She realises she will not be able to renew her driving licence and said she had to go because of her bank account and when I said that could be done by mail and telephone she admitted that also wanted to go because she likes it there and misses it. I told her that I understand that, but then things have to be properly planned not done as if it was an emergency (as she always does everything). She has a return ticked and the dates will have to be changed and Canadian Airlines will have to arrange for her to be treated as a vulnerable passenger which means that she will be accompanied from check-in to the plane, when she changes planes in Toronto and again in Paris to where we pick her up. That is the way she went already, only there they took her to a taxi because there was no one waiting for her. Here we cannot keep her for more than a few days, my apartment is far too small. Then she has to go back to Spain where she has all her belongings and where she had originally meant to get a home. I don't live there and although there are some relatives, they will not assume any responsibility for her. The law there is not the same as here, although probably not very different, but I am not going to live there, away from my son my country, my friends and my element. The most we could do is to try to get her settled there, but I cannot afford to spend weeks in a hotel no matter how reasonable it may be. The most I could do would be to rent an apartment for a month, if I can find it, since it seems to be so difficult to find housing there. A cousin who was in Cuba seems to be there now, I could ask him to help me find an apartment, he did that once before a long time ago. Let us see what tomorrow brings. I am curious to see if Dave returns the money... I think it will come as a surprise to him that I told Eric about it.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    The legal advice would be for when she ends up in your lap. No, you can't chase her around the world and she is going to keep taking off. Legal advice also covers what you can or can't do if you get a call she is in custody in another country and they request something from you. It's best to know your rights and your objective is not to travel and take responsibility for her. If you rent her a place she will not stay there. The same reality will set in, she gets lost, she gets confused and she loses sight of right and wrong. She can't get an invitation to dinner then refuse to leave. She is not going to snap out of this . She is a danger to herself and she can't have money. Harm will come to her and it will be gone. When my aunt first lived with that abuser my mom would not give her her checks. When that Angel of a man took her in then my mom signed over her checks to him. My crazy aunt was happy to have a man so she didn't wander. She was very happy for many years. Your sister has no reason to stay put. It's as if she keeps moving she doesn't have to deal with losing her mind. Any problems are outside herself and so she gets away to some place she assumes will be safe. I wish I had more happy possibilities to give you! Expect to get a lot of phone calls. ACCEPTANCE is a choice that allows you to save your energy for dealing with the next surprise. You need a mental escape. Your son is right about that. He goes to work and has enough in his own life going on. You need a self loving escape. Unfortunately, when we need that most is also when we least feel up for anything! HUGS!



  • @blmoon
    If you see this, please pray for me. I don't know what is happening but I got a message from Christie saying to stand by because she is going to call me when Dave is there. He is coming to her house and I don't know what is actually happening but they need me. Hope you see this soon, I am really concerned that there may be something more serious than the $200.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    I'm here. I'm not surprised. I'm sure Eric had some words with Dave and pretty much wherever your sister goes she creates a mess. Erick and Dave are from two different worlds. I'm sure your sister has made accusations that are scary to these folks.and at this point no amount of money will increase their help. They all wish she would be gone yet everyone is afraid of being in trouble with the money. Your sister has two sides and that's hard for folks to get. Most people are not prepared for her crazy side that insists on moving in on people and making accusations and not remembering reality. This call is expected. PRAYING!



  • @blmoon
    No call yet. If anyone created a mess this time it is me. I told Eric exactly what had happened with Dave, his whole conversation with me and his change of attitude, his obvious lying, etc.



  • @Blmoon
    I had to tell him, Dave is not someone who can be trusted. He told me HE had found this lady to take my sister in and in fact it was Eric. HE also told me not to have anything more to do with Eric and his wife that they were not good people. I left the last bit out in my message to Eric. He was very keen on taking my sister to the bank and after he brought her back and told me about the money, he disappeared! He did not answer my messages when I asked what he had done with the money. After talking to Christie - where my sister is staying and for whom Dave claims he took the money - I found out that it was Eric's wife who had asked her to take my sister and they agreed that she would pay her. I told Eric all that. I thought he should know. I must say, this time it is not my sister's fault. What definitely is her fault is that I am living at Canadian time and can't take that much longer, it is killing me.
    Thank you for your prayers.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    It's not your fault. If anything you were helping but as you are finding out you can not protect her from herself. Don't take responsibility for this mess. Right now Eric and his wife are trying to do some damage control. Dave is hiding as I predicted to get a story and plan. He is from a different world and has more reason to get this straightened out . Give it some more time and wait for Erik's call. This will get sorted out but it will be ongoing which is why you need more of a plan for the next situation. MORE PRAYERS!



  • @blmoon
    This turned out to be terribly confusing. Dave called me and he says he did not take any money from my sister and he just went on and on about it. In the end we agreed that I would get my sister to count all her money and try to work out together is she has any missing. Christie told me she had gone for a walk and she would call me in about an hour, I said I would prefer to talk to her tomorrow because I wanted to go to bed. Then she came back and despite the hour, they called me. THAT was the worst experience. She literally drives me crazy with her lies about money to the point that you just can never work anything out with her because you can't tell the truth from the lies. She told me not to meddle in her affairs, etc. as usual. I told her that that is exactly what I want but people keep calling me and I wish they didn't. To cut a long story short, I have not been able to find out what happened with the money, if she has it or who does. She told me a crazy story about having changed Pound Sterling and they gave her very little for them because "they are very old"!!! I know that is a lie because it is not such a long time that I was in London and the money had not changed, there may be new notes, but the old ones keep the same value. If I was told something like that, I would say ok, I'll keep them until I go to England then and she could have changed them here for the normal exchange rate, it would have been $970 Canadian which would keep her going for a few days I would say... as it is, I have no idea how much she got or even if she changed them. I told her to pay Christie, to give her at least $200 and right after we ended the conversation, Christie sent me a picture of the receipt she gave her for the $200. At least that! At the same time, I got a message from David saying he was sending money to Christie and if he got a refund next week good if not he doesn't care and that he trusts me and only me! I don't know how much he is sending or anything. I am totally confused and fed up especially after the way she talked to me. I had the misfortune to say that she needs to get her messy bank accounts sorted out so that she doesn't have to go back to Canada and she went nuts, why shouldn't she go back to Canada, she goes to Canada when she wants and so on. That made me see that there is no way out, she is going to continue doing this until she indeed ends up in a nasty place. I told her that she can of course do what she wants but I want nothing to do with it. Then of course she complains that I don't want to help her, only tell her what she is doing wrong and she is in such a bad situation and and and. Who put her in that situation? I made a decision tonight after this most unpleasant conversation with my sister, she really doesn't care that I have spent the pas four night with no sleep because of her, I am going to switch my phone off in the evening and try to get back to normal times. They can call me during the day but I am not staying up all night any more. She does absolutely not deserve it, whatever I do will be wrong and she will always blame me for everything. I must try to sleep now.
    HUGS



  • @radiantsun
    I am so proud of you! As I was reading your post I was thinking oh please God I hope she turns off her phone as long as it takes to take care of herself. I'm glad you see the folly in this circle. I'm going to bed as well. Stay angry as you NEED. You deserve better and she does not take your advice so does not earn your help. Crazy or not the reality is she has to accept being told what to do. HUGS!



  • @Blmoon
    I had an appointment with an Insurance agent this afternoon and I sent a message to Christie asking he to wish my sister a happy birthday from me and my son and said I had an important appointment and would not be reachable. I walked there, it is a fair way, and on the way back I stopped at an art shop and spent some time looking around, they have lots of stuff. Then I stopped at another four chops just to look at things and think of something else. Now I am having a well deserved cup of coffee and I feel totally drained. I am so grateful to live in a country where I belong and where I know how things work, even if I sometimes complain about it. It is raining and not very warm but I enjoyed the walk and I do believe this is the most beautiful city in the world. I so wish I could afford an apartment of my own...! I didn't take any pictures because not only I had my phone switched off, I also left it at home with my son says it was not very smart, lol.
    HUGS