Can i have your advice please?
@thecaptain Hello TheCaptain. Just would like to ask.
I still work at the same place. I do not think that i am the most clever person, but the knowledge of a lot of my students is so poor, or they just do not want to study, Today i administered the test, and i was very sad because of their answers, i thought that i was wasting my time sitting there and listening to all their answers. Is it ok to have such thoughts? Or i am arrogant? Good teachers should work and tolerate working with any students. And they should be ready to explain.
But at the same time i know that it would probably be difficult for me to work with brilliant students .
@marishkaa you must find out why your students are doing so poorly and help them to improve. It may mean you need to change your teaching methods..
@TheCaptain i mentioned my students, but this applies not only to my students, but to almost all students (with some exceptions) where i work (this particular faculty). Maybe they don't understand due to their age, but many of them are just lazy.
@marishkaa or maybe it's that their teachers don;t know how to inspire them to want to learn?
Marishkaa, you are just like your mother, blaming everyone else. It's time you stopped behaving like a child, stopped waiting for change to just happen to you without any effort on your part, stop asking psychics and other people for help that you never take, stop hoping for someone (a parent substitute) to come and rescue you and make everything all right. It's never going to happen, any of it!
Stay tuned for the following rant!!!!!!It's been a long time coming.
Marishkaa, by nature, you are very thoughtful, kindhearted, and peaceful. But, not rocking the boat has become a stagnant comfort zone for you. It's all too easy for you to remain the 'nice girl', instead of just doing what you really want or letting others know how you really feel. You have to grapple with the side of yourself that is highly relationship-oriented and focused on pleasing other people.
In this lifetime, you are meant to step up, to be brave and independent, to do your own thing. Your life will never move forward if it is always about constantly keeping the peace and your head down out of the line of fire, in some way or another. You have this insecurity about being single and alone. You increasingly doubt if you can ever go it at by yourself and this worsens your dependence upon others. You need other people to reflect something wonderful back to you since you don't feel it inside. But you also have very high, maybe impossibly high standards. Potential lovers, family, friends, work colleagues, students and anyone else who is in close contact with you are held up to a perfectionistic ideal of equality, leaving you to feel this deep, passive-aggressive sense of injustice when they fall short of your hopes for them (and you do the same thing to yourself). You never want to fall short, either. It’s good that you always seek to treat people how you want to be treated or how you think they should be treated. But, doing this, you eventually lose access to your true desires and yearnings as an individual, in the process.
Everything in your life is geared around falling in love, where the future is headed with this person, the marriage you are going to have, the kids you are going to have (are your students the substitute?), how amazing your relationship and marriage will be, etc. It gets to the point where you stop thinking about you and you alone. It always has to be about “the one” you will meet and your life together. You keep chasing after love and it keeps eluding you and you can be so indecisive and uncertain about “the one” that you don’t get around to committing at all. But what about you, you alone? You don't have any hobbies or interests of your own. You don;t do nice things for yourself. You criticize yourself all the time and think badly about yourself. In short, you don't love yourself. You are not interested or invested in yourself. So why would anyone else become interested and start to care for you when you don't do it for yourself?
You don't need anyone to complete you - you can do that for yourself. .Self-belief and self-confidence however are not going to come without effort. You have to behave like you do believe in yourself and 'act' confidently and then, lo and behold, one day you won't be pretending. Hold your head up, back straight, eyes shining with joy and a big smile on your face. Who could resist someone like that? All your stress and illness come from a self-defeating image of yourself. You are destroying yourself in the process, but you have the equal ability to build yourself up,. build yourself differently and create the life that makes you truly happy.
The unauthentic way you are living will never bring you true satisfaction and happiness. You will constantly hit a wall whenever you can’t seem to live for yourself. The approval, popularity, love, and harmony that you seek will end up just leaving you empty. But there is a part of you, deeply buried as it may be beneath that awful self-esteem and insecurity, that truly has a self-reliant, self-starting spirit. All these years of hollow relationships or disappointments in lromance and work and life are about forcing you to respond with yearnings of independence. Deep down, you have a soul that just wants to break out and take action on its own accord; to just “do you.” There is a firecracker inside of you with so many passions and goals and desires. It keeps demanding that you listen, instead of putting what you really want on the back-burner just to please other people or find that special person. It’s when you listen to this fiery, driven voice within that you will be able to access and develop your true potential. In order to realize this side of yourself, you have to be willing to not make everyone happy all the time. You’ve spent so much time in the past being so nice and thinking of other people. Now, you don't all of a sudden have to become horribly selfish or cruel. This is about balance. But, you do have to stretch yourself beyond your outer nature by being willing to disappoint people, gain their disapproval, or (gasp!) even make them angry.
You may spend a great deal of your life very uneasy with other people’s rage, as well as your own. So, in any sort of conflict, you seek to smooth it out as quickly and easily as possible. But, this only leaves you dissatisfied, in the end, with an inner rage that just begs to be heard and expressed. It will be truly beneficial for your soul to listen to your anger and get it out. It’s necessary for all of us but especially for you. Anger is a sign that something in a situation isn’t right. It’s a sign of discomfort or displeasure, on your part. So, instead of trying to avoid your anger, you have to embrace it. Of course, do it in healthy ways, not going around and punch people in the face or screaming at everyone. But, you’ve got to get it off your chest! It might sound like a contradiction but it’s a spiritual awakening for you to be able to argue, yell, be demanding, or get impatient. There is a 'warrior' within you and she is the key to your greatest potential. When you can put the sweetness or the easy-goingness to one side sometimes, and just let it rip, then you will gain a more conscious awareness of your true path as a gladiator and hero.
Is this something that everyone will like or agree with? No. But, your task is to develop the ability to agree to disagree and to not just say that in a polite, social-nicety way, either. Harmony or peace is not always the answer to making progress. You have to know that being in disagreement is sometimes a good thing, for any kind of relationship. It’s not a sign of a crisis or that you’re an awful person or the other person is wrong. It just means that you’re two people with differing desires, feelings, thoughts, or directions. Therefore, you can actually co-exist better when this is honoured, instead of avoided. You don’t always have to get on the same page as others or force them to get on the same page as you. Sometimes, you can just exist on two different pages, still liking or loving each other in spite of the conflict or tension.
Hopefully these thoughts set you off on your own singular journey. You will find it remarkable what you can do when you’re not spending so much energy on other people. You must awaken to the amazing potential you have to achieve and conquer. Your higher self is truly fearless, kicking ass and taking names. The beauty of this approach will be gaining the ability to approach challenges and know that no one has to hold your hand during it. Instead of always needing to work in a team or always looking to another person for guidance or decision making, you have to develop the guts to make your own choices. These are choices that, again, everyone may not agree with. But, hey, it’s not their path, is it? It’s yours. So, even if you care a lot about the people in your life, you have to develop the ability to just say “to heck with you”, on a certain level, and move forward anyway.
Now, you can still be an incredibly charming, likable individual. Your attractiveness is not something that you need to lose. In fact, the more you embrace your inner warrior, the more attractive you will become. Instead of just appealing to people by being really nice and/or really attractive, you will appeal due to your passion and your spunk. Since we live in a world where people can be fearful and unsure of what they want, the enterprising, gutsy expression of your soul can draw people to you like a moth to a flame. It’s very sexy or very inspiring to many when someone knows what they want and is fearless about going after it.
So, instead of waiting around for that special someone or catering to their every whim, you must be off on your own mission. The great thing is that you can really attract wonderful people into your life who will provide you with the support you need, whether in friendships or romantic partnerships. You, also, will always be that supportive partner. Your ability to be the great woman behind a great man or woman will never die. It’s just that, as a warrior woman, you both can truly be great together, without you leaning on them too much or vice versa. This can bring out a healthy spirit of competition within you. As you develop your confidence and fighting spirit, your soul will be enlightened when you prove yourself alongside other people.
You are destined to step up to the plate and show your mettle. So, in a couple, you should never just be Mrs. So-and-So, someone's wife and the mother of your children. You both have to strive to be strong individuals in your own right. You must be Marishkaa, the bold and beautiful!
The more you grow spiritually, the more easily you will be able to stand up to other people. When you cling to your old sad comfort zone, you interact with others with too much of a “please” in your tone or by saying “sorry” more times than you should. Yet, your soul is deeply tired of this. It just wants you to be unapologetic, when needed. That’s why, when you give in to others too much or don’t stand your ground enough, you will feel like kicking yourself. But, you shouldn’t worry about being rude or unfair. One of the amazing things about you is that you have an essential talent for knowing what’s fair and what’s not fair. In any sort of situation with others, you can assess where you’re coming from and where the other person or people are coming from and meet in the middle. When balanced, your assertiveness won’t be meanness or harshness. The sort of 'selfishness' you must access is totally healthy. When you remain just and fair, you can understand when it’s important or even crucial to simply put yourself first.
So, you needn’t fear that everyone’s going to start hating you, which is something that is constantly at the back of your mind, isn't it? Instead, people will recognize that you are right in your assertiveness and will give you the space to do your own thing. If you can nail this balance, it will have people really admiring your 'ballsy' spirit. When you activate your true potential, you will find a way to be a total sweethearts even when you are being blunt and bawdy. You have the ability to combine coarseness and classiness in the same package, projecting a certain elegance and kindness even in your frankest or most foul-mouthed of moments. Realizing this will help you to see that it’s not bad to act on your impulses, within reason, and that you don’t have to worry so compulsively who you will rub the wrong way or who’s not going to like it. Impulsiveness helps you find your strength because it keeps you from being so indecisive. If you want it, you get it. If you think it, you can say it. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. However, this doesn’t mean that you should always act on your impulses. But, you surely already know this since you still have something of a filter. This inner system of logic and rationale will allow you to assess the consequences or potential damage very quickly and intelligently if you trust it. In doing so, you can decide if it’s worth doing or saying. If nothing that bad is going to happen, then just go for it and see what happens! Not always having to know how things are going to turn out can lead to wonderful things for you. It’s the kind of courage that will allow your soul to find true satisfaction.
Of course, a lot of fear comes attached to taking risks. But, if you want to be truly free and happy, you cannot be controlled by fear. You will reach a level of true enlightenment when you really live by that well-known motto that fear is “false evidence appearing real.” You can’t sit around and get preoccupied over what might happen. You don’t even know if any of that is for sure or just a stressor and a time-waster! None of it has happened yet. All you can do is just live your life, seizing each day with full strength. In doing so, you can transcend into the force to be reckoned with that you were meant to be. You won’t flinch at the idea of being challenged because that’s what you’ll live for.
So how about starting today, Marishkaa, by bringing out your inner warrior? Next time you want to say or do something, go ahead and forget about hurting other people. Be nice of course, but be honest about how you feel and what you want! If you are exasperated with your students, tell them so. If your parents are asking too much of you, tell them so. If your colleagues or supervisors are putting you down, tell them that makes you angry. But be prepared to receive honesty back at you. Stand your ground and fight for what you want!
Try it, you will find it works well for you.
Hello dear @TheCaptain thank you very much for such a detailed answer. A lot of information to think on. I agree with you. You mentioned right about being fair, as i always worry that i may not have assessed my students' knowledge correctly, and they can yes think badly about me. The think that i don't understand about me is that i do try to please other people, but at the same time i can be egotistic, and i don't like it as well!
@marishkaa everyone has an ego - it just needs to be controlled so that it doesn't control you. It needs to be in balance so that you don't think too highly of yourself or too lowly. A well-controlled ego can give you the self-esteem and confidence you need to accomplish anything.
Some ways to boost your ego are: feed your mind with empowering positive beliefs (read self-esteem boosting books, so that your mind in turn feeds your ego and releases a new self-believing attitude and results; invest in a good self-confidence class or a program that helps you create a great self-image; stay away from 'dream busters' - negative people who bring toxic distractions into your life and prevent you from growing and achieving; break the bad habit of thinking poorly of yourself;; get a pet - pet ownership and an animal's unconditional love has been shown to increase self-confidence, combat loneliness, boost physical activity, and instill a sense of responsibility that is truly rewarding; pump up your appearance - exercise, eat healthily and get plenty of good sleep (.when you feel good about how you look, it causes your self-esteem to elevate.)
Remember you need an ego. So become comfortable in your own skin, learn how to march to the beat of your own drum, start thinking of what success looks like to you, and when you do, it will give you the confidence to achieve whatever you want. You do know what that is, don't you?