Need a reading on family and job situations



  • I do hear you, loud and clear! Even though I have a partner, he can't be all things to me. While sometimes we can sit down and discuss topics like this one, among others, I know that I am still largely alone. He can't solve every problem I have, nor can I solve his. We don't always meet on the same wave length either; sometimes we fight like cats and dogs, but it seems to strip down yet another layer when that happens.

    If you have a chance to, take a look at the reading the Captain gave me on her "Photo Readings" thread; it's very insightful and I'd say, right on the knocker. It's left me with a sense of being burdened, or should I say, I've now realised I have been carrying around a lot of baggage which has become a huge burden and it's tiring me to the point of exhaustion. You, and one other I've been "chatting" to on here, bring this reading to mind as I think we three suffer similar. The Captain's thoughts may help you as well as me.

    I used to watch Supernatural avidly! I loved the show, loved the concept and the actors. I never thought of their lives being similar to ours though, but I can see the relativity you suggest. Their responsibility is huge, and one that weighs on them both, and keeps them constantly moving. In our case though, I think our responsibilities are not as mobile, so to speak. I have quite a few cats, two dogs and birds, so can't just move at the drop of a hat. It takes planning, time and effort. But lately I feel like dumping the lot and just going, while knowing I could never do that.

    So it brings me to yet another question: If we are meant to be unburdened, not tied down, why is it that our lives have brought so much responsibility to us? Responsibilities that we can't just forego when we feel like it, or need to. That is a concundrum ...

    Tribe, circle ... by whatever name we call it, we long to find it. Even my partner is the same. He has very little trust in people, but has four very good, reliable and trustworthy friends. I have two.

    Should we consider ourselves lucky? Maybe. But sometimes the thought of a commune - or tribe or circle - of those of like mind seems appealing. A way of being able to live in peace and not struggle the way we have been.



  • I do hear you, loud and clear! Even though I have a partner, he can't be all things to me. While sometimes we can sit down and discuss topics like this one, among others, I know that I am still largely alone. He can't solve every problem I have, nor can I solve his. We don't always meet on the same wave length either; sometimes we fight like cats and dogs, but it seems to strip down yet another layer when that happens.

    If you have a chance to, take a look at the reading the Captain gave me on her "Photo Readings" thread; it's very insightful and I'd say, right on the knocker. It's left me with a sense of being burdened, or should I say, I've now realised I have been carrying around a lot of baggage which has become a huge burden and it's tiring me to the point of exhaustion. You, and one other I've been "chatting" to on here, bring this reading to mind as I think we three suffer similar. The Captain's thoughts may help you as well as me.

    I used to watch Supernatural avidly! I loved the show, loved the concept and the actors. I never thought of their lives being similar to ours though, but I can see the relativity you suggest. Their responsibility is huge, and one that weighs on them both, and keeps them constantly moving. In our case though, I think our responsibilities are not as mobile, so to speak. I have quite a few cats, two dogs and birds, so can't just move at the drop of a hat. It takes planning, time and effort. But lately I feel like dumping the lot and just going, while knowing I could never do that.

    So it brings me to yet another question: If we are meant to be unburdened, not tied down, why is it that our lives have brought so much responsibility to us? Responsibilities that we can't just forego when we feel like it, or need to. That is a concundrum ...

    Tribe, circle ... by whatever name we call it, we long to find it. Even my partner is the same. He has very little trust in people, but has four very good, reliable and trustworthy friends. I have two.

    Should we consider ourselves lucky? Maybe. But sometimes the thought of a commune - or tribe or circle - of those of like mind seems appealing. A way of being able to live in peace and not struggle the way we have been.



  • Here we go again with the double posting ... sigh ...



  • Hi Moon,

    Thanks for sharing that post with me.

    I read Captain's later post first - about how the soul evolves faster than your circumstances and I think that's where I've been at. I'm in the process of coming to terms with things I need to let go of, layer by layer, and also letting the circumstances play out.

    I don't relate to the earlier post as much. I think that used to be me, or isn't me as much anymore. There have been a lot of shifts in the last few years, and more recently, that have left me more willing to be emotionally vulnerable. I can feel empathy and understanding for the people whom I once could only view as oppressors. I'm seeing the 'other side of the veil' much clearer. Although I feel anger, resentment and angst at times, I feel forgiveness and regret too - for holding others at fault for so long...not understanding that the fallibility of our human-ness and ideological differences will tend to put us at odds as we try to protect our own interests. Everyone does it, including me. I just happen to also want to find commonality and a way forward that is fair. And others do not care for that.

    My sister is now in that shielded place. She's guarding her interests so fiercely, there's no room for compromise or dialogue. All her allegiances and decisions are strategic. She has made this into a situation where it's either her future or mine - any attempt I make to seek balance is viewed as an assault, a way to keep her from her goals.

    I have clearly seen her loyalties change in the last 2 years. I realize she's not someone I can count on in a collaborative effort, especially in hard times. You find out who your friends are not, i suppose.

    Sam and Dean have taken ownership of their calling. That's why they have put themselves in a position where there are minimal attachments. And also, they don't have to work to finance their operations, like regular people. With us, we're straddling both realities and there is a lot of murkiness.

    I've received several readings where I've been told of very favorable outcomes to going to school and choosing a different profession, there's success, stability, yada yada. But the timelines are nearly always current, eg I should already have been on this path 1 to 2 years ago. Which does coincide with a decision I made in 2015. But then the caregiving happened mere months later. It's as if I'm living in an alternate reality where the circumstances have forced me to deviate from my actual path. It feels like my entire life has been like that. Do you know the butterfly effect? Where you change 1 thing, and it causes ripples and repercussion in every other subsequent event? I wonder if perhaps we have been toiling our whole lives to move towards a convergence point, where things will start to right themselves... but when that happens or whether that translates into more material stability... I guess we won't know....yet.



  • bump



  • Thanks Moonie2 for bumping this up!

    Hi Danceur,

    Sorry for not "talking" for a while, but I've been away on a house hunting trip, which proved to be a very busy - though productive - week. We've been formerly offered jobs, and found a house although we're waiting on "paper" approval of our application for it as we speak. Here we go again ... SIGH. I can't believe I'm moving again after six months! This is the shortest time I've spent anywhere for a long time. It makes me tired just thinking about it lol.

    I think the Captains post is relative in many ways. for some reason, there's been this thing asking me to move for a number of years, yet I've resisted because I had no idea where to be going or whether or not I was just getting itchy feet or goodness knows. I was also afraid of uprooting all by myself to an area where I may not have known anyone.

    It's interesting how the soul knows, yet the ego overrides it sometimes. Yes, I do know of the butterfly effect - saw the movie too - and find it interesting how something you might do now, has so many ripple effects in another "reality". I can understand how you might feel you live in alternate reality, and also what you said about timelines being how they are, and yet you've ended up deviating from the path, so to speak.

    I had a reading way back in 2009 which said I'd move to a country cottage with a red roof (which I did) and be very happy there. Well, that did happen. And yet she also said I'd buy it eventually, and die there. That doesn't look like happening now!

    Readings are what they are I guess. That's not to say they're not right, or inaccurate, it's just that free will comes into play, and sometimes that alternate reality butts in also. Could it also be that the ego "argues" with the soul, and the ego wins which takes us off the path we were meant to go? Who knows?

    There's always two sides, shades of grey and no real defining line in life. These days, trying to plan anything is also almost impossible. I've noticed that anyway in recent months/years. It's like we're being asked to live in the moment rather than plan, or not have an image of how the next day/week or month is going to be. That'd be wonderful, but materialism prevents us from being able to do that, to an extent anyway.

    So how do we learn to expect nothing? How do we learn to build the life we picture for ourselves rather than be led off that road? Considering the latter sentence, expecting nothing would mean that we don't picture anything, wouldn't it?

    Hence my own confusion!!



  • Hi Moon,

    So glad to hear things are finally moving for you! Sounds exciting - congrats on the house and the new job. Very swift changes are stressful - but it also seems like you've needed this momentum. And I hope it unfolds in a really good way.

    I also believe we are being asked to live in the now, or rather - be able to find goodness/purpose/meaning in the present, amid future uncertainty. And also to find the inner strength to cope. Because there's so much uncertainty in the world now. All these paradigm shifts and emerging ways of understanding are at odds with all the material and financial structures we currently have, and they're slowly imploding. Also feel that until a new 'age' is close to materializing (not in our lifetimes), we will be caught in between 2 realities. I imagine this is infinitely more difficult for those of us who have not had consistent material stability. However, I do think it will eventually be worse for those who have not been uprooted much in their lifetime. Like those who were displaced after the financial market crash in 2008. It's already being said that we can expect there to be similar woes moving forward.

    I've already had the misfortune of having no job security since I was in my 20s. It's a stark contrast to all my peers who have had steady job progression and material stability their whole lives. And I actually graduated near the top of my class. Didn't make any difference. It's only in the last 2 years that I started to feel more comfortable, financially. I thought the tide had turned, but it really hasn't. I'm back to unemployment and depleting hard earned savings. And the young ones who are starting work are in the same boat. They're having to contend with going from contract to contract, working part-time, working for low pay etc. The whole system is changing, and we are all caught up in it.

    My main challenge is to have faith that I will find my way to a better path and to maintain hope and strength until that path appears, and to stay resilient throughout. It's a really tall order, considering all the knocks I've experienced.

    It occured to me, that one of the things I need to work on, is to make peace with and let go of the wounded child within. I realize now that I retreat to a place of feeling unseen/unheard, unwanted and basically that I don't matter whenever I feel hurt. I use it to hurt myself. And worse, although I've had to be there for myself my whole life - I have carried the identity of a deprived person (which isn't inaccurate, but it's really not helpful) instead of honoring the strength I've had. In my mind, there needs to be an external support network, and because I've never had it, I look at myself as lacking. Consequently, I've never consistently 'owned' the strength within. It's not fully integrated.

    Yeah I know readings are well, readings. They're based on the trajectory of the prevailing energies, as far as I understand. I believe the readings are not inaccurate. It's just that perhaps I'm really straddling 2 realities at once. The one I could have taken, and the one I did take for caregiving. And they picked up on the energy of the former.

    I think I'm confused about the same things. Perhaps it's not that we expect nothing. Maybe we picture something, but we still have to leave room for it to turn out different than we want. But it's a bit like saying "I want a fulfilling career" and leaving it open-minded, instead of saying " I want to be doing this job at this time, in this company etc.

    I mean it goes against most of what we understand....

    To a certain extent, it may explain why I have not been able to determine what I should be doing as a career. There are things that others told me based on my energy or my chart or my tendencies, but they do not fully resonate on some level. And the caregiving pops in and I have taken to it very easily. It surprised me because I never saw myself taking care of someone, even though there are unhealthy co-dependent dynamics within the family, which I've certainly participated in. What I was searching for was a vocation where I could easily use my abilities, and I didn't even know what those were. In this role, I have been able to love fully and freely and be who I am - that is something I've always needed. So this has been tremendously healing for me. But I realize it will probably not translate well if I do this as a career, like say as a nurse. I am quite certain I will find it enjoyable to go to nursing school. But being around pain and suffering everyday, and working within hierarchical systems where there is backbiting and inadequate protection for staff... I can only surmise that I will come to resent the same things in me, that I feel are a gift in present circumstances.



  • I set 1 intention - to find the career vocation that I would find fulfillment and happiness in. I didn't get that, but I got the underlying bit of it through the caregiving situation. It could very well be that I needed that piece first, and didn't know it. I think it will matter to me greatly to work in something where I have enough autonomy. It won't be good enough if I just resonate to the work. I wanted to focus on the latter, in order not to limit my options. But it seems that it may not work out for me.

    I want not just feel fulfilled in the role, but in the environment. I'm not sure if it's entirely possible, since most people have either. But it's kinda like a hindsight is 20-20 sort of thing. I know it now, so it must factor into my decision eventually.

    The other nuggets I got out of this is that I need a tremendous amount of emotional and soul healing with regards to the legacy of family pathology. I needed to understand that I am not trying to abandon the family, but that I need to go for my own good, for my survival. I needed to begin the process of forgiving the transgressions and moving away from resentment....and to see the difference between the anger that arises in living in a circumstance and people you are out of sync, and being angry because I can't get past historical transgressions and poor upbringing. I needed to see that my definition of family is different, and I have been attributing value and expectations onto people who cannot meet my needs. It isn't their fault, but I need to look elsewhere. I needed to see that I was using my wounded child to hurt myself, and that I need to learn to make peace there. I needed to realize that even if I leave everything behind, that I still have me - I need to honor that support, even if it's not another person. It's the best friend I've got even if at times I will still feel it's not enough.

    It also seems that my original course of action (prior to caregiving) - taking care of my health to allow for more options - is still valid, even though a giant detour appeared. But in order to facilitate my own recovery, I might need to make it a priority to acquire the means to move out first, after the present caregiving is concluded. Remaining in a position where I can be pulled into family crises is keeping me away from what I want, which is the space to be responsible for only myself. I do think the latter is necessary for me to figure out what kind of work might suit me. Not only that, it will allow me to try new things, just for enjoyment or out of curiosity/interest, without linking it to a larger goal. In other words, I need to be on my own, just to learn to live again.

    However, I worry whether I can amass the finances in time to move out, before additional caregiving situations set in. My folks are both in ill health this year. I would like for them to get the care they need when it becomes necessary. But I cannot be part of it, whether in effort or resources.

    If I had had the awareness to find my own path, and already had material stability, I would be amenable to helping out in some way to care for them. But in the present circumstances, it's taking from what I already don't have. I've reached the point where I can no longer handle it, and it's chipping away at my sanity. I have to choose my own survival, if it comes down to it.

    This is the consequence of co-dependence. When you routinely pass up your own needs in favor of another, you eventually get to a stage where you don't have a solid enough foundation to provide for yourself. And then you become dependent on others. And it turns into a vicious cycle. My parents did that - and I'm in that process, and I want to break it. It doesn't resonate with me to be a matyr, no matter what generational pathology is haunting us. I hope believe that the Universe will support me, when the time comes.


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