Starting this thread for us to continue our conversation - felt like I had hi-jacked Daliolite's thread! I will be back - have some things to say!
I'd thought the same, so thanks watergirl! I'm sure Daliolite will be pleased to have her thread back lol
I thought I'd post up the last two entries we made on Daliolite's thread, just so we can keep continuity:
I've been spending some time in contemplation and feel like the black birds have all been a "hello" from my spirit guide starting way back with the friendly crow from my childhood. He is a native american shaman and from what I have been shown from a tribe that went extinct a LONG LONG time ago. It's funny because they were located not far from where I am now and if I get the next job assignment I think I am, then I will be smack dab in the middle of it. I think black crows have shamanism symbolism, but also wondering if maybe his name had "crow" in it.
He has been applying some "pressure" lately to get going with my spiritual path. I am surrendering (finally).
I'm thinking that I've ignored my own depression for too long, and that the symbolism of black ANYTHING is telling me to address it. I'm not sure what the cause of it is, but ... ? There has been a lot of insecurity and monetary pressure on me for years and it seems like it's coming to a head now. I'm at that point where I'm so exhausted from it I don't care if I do the wrong thing either, so that's scary!
Even saying the above, I still don't know which road I'm meant to be treading, which is confusing me no end!
I think the hormonal changes we go through at our age pretty much guarantees at least a mild depression. When is the last time you had a blood test? Thyroid issues, vitamin D deficiency, etc. can also play a part. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with an Endocrinologist. He specializes in hormonal and metabolic changes in women. Hoping it will help - I will let you know. Tomorrow is just the appt to have my blood drawn though.
I am getting that you are trapped in fear. Your own self-empowerment frightens you or maybe just the changes it would bring. You have the same hump that I do to get over - trusting that you will have the money you need when you need it. Using your gifts as a vocation - working from home - I still see this for you.
Is your man extremely analytical - like an engineer or the like? Or maybe that was about you releasing logic and trusting your gifts...
Oh...and I had a strange tingling in my lower legs when reading for you - below the knee, upper shin. Are you having any problems there? I usually only get tingles on my crown when doing readings so this was definitely something different and I think may be for you...
I am trapped in fear, and readily admit it. I'm so afraid of what to do next, of where the money is going to come from. We've been hit with a huge power bill here, keep running out of water - and neither we nor the owner can figure out why - and I'm foundering just a bit! I can't get work at my old job either because someone is preventing me from doing so, which coupled with the boss's lack of balls to make a decision of her own and I'm left without a mere two or three days a week livelihood.
So maybe the tingling you felt in your lower legs could be for me, although I get more pain in my feet and sciatic than anything. Sometimes though, my legs ache and ache and while i know that usually means moving on and forgetting the past, I'm having trouble digging my way out of that.
My partner is pretty analytical; he can figure out how to fix things by mere logic ... ah yes, the mention of logic! I can be a bit too practical for my own good and as for trusting my gifts, I'm not sure how to begin getting something off the ground working from home. I also admit to lacking confidence after this latest slap in the face from my old workplace. I'm wondering who my friends are and whether or not the house we're currently renting is going to turn out to be a money pit. No sooner do we think things are okay then something else goes wrong here.
I feel like Spirit is trying to tell me something and I'm not hearing it SIGH ...
Yes, I agree that menopause causes a mild depression because I haven't felt any real joy since it began. That feeling has carried on since I became post menopausal, and I feel overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time.
Now I just had a weird message for you: you are being pulled to an area that will ask you to acknowledge things from your past and to release them. Those black birds you've been seeing are playing a part too - I think I saw mention of black crows? There's also something about "gathering", but I'm not sure of its relevance to you. Hopefully it makes sense!? Your throat chakra needs clearing too.
I don't know about you, but I feel like screaming and hitting something or someone. Making them pay, but boy, that's not my nature usually, and it worries me a bit ...
We are still in a period of reflection rather than action so try not to get too frustrated. Things will start to move forward towards the latter part of September.
Maybe the person at your old job preventing you from work is happening for a reason. Open yourself up to other possibilities and even a completely different direction when it comes to vocation. The "let go of logic and trust in the universe" thing - I know that's easier said than done when you have money worries. Do some calming/anti-anxiety type of exercise and/or meditation. Yoga would be great for you.
Don't worry about wanting to scream and hit things (or even people, lol!). It seems to be going around...my best guess is because the last eclipse was in Leo and we are all letting out our inner ROAR!!!
My throat has been sore since my last doctor's appt with the ENT!!! First she shoved a scope up my nose and into my upper sinus cavity like she was roto-rootering a dang toilet and then she grabbed my thyroid and man-handled it like she was going to rip it out of my throat with her bare hands! Talk about a bull in a china shop. Not going back to her.
There are issues of my past that have come up again for a revisit - part of the Mercury Retrograde I guess! You are not the first person to mention a gathering that I am supposed to attend. The hotel I work for now has it's Grand Opening the middle of September. I really don't want to go and so far have not been told that I must. I do have an excuse not to fly with my inner ear issues and have intended to use it. But why are so many people mentioning the "gathering" or "event" I wonder? Maybe it's something else entirely...
Sounds like you copped a butcher of an ENT! What a rotten experience I hope your throat soon recovers, but y'know, if it were me, I'd report her frankly!
Well, the message I got regarding "gathering" wasn't a meeting of people actually; it was more gathering of worldly goods, information, collecting ... that sort of thing. Of course, that could still relate to "collecting" people, but more in the arena of getting a group of people of like mind together, that sort of thing. I'm sorry I'm a bit sketchy on what this means, but a meeting like you're talking about, isn't what I thought it meant really!
As for this Grand Opening you mention, I'd follow your instincts and not go if you feel that strongly about it. How many times have we gone against our initial instincts about something or someone, and ended up suffering for it?
Just to acknowledge a question you asked before, blood tests I had about two years ago did prove menopause, but recent ones didn't really show anything much. I've often felt like I had a thyroid issue because weight just seems to cling on to me even if I cut down what I eat. But, blood tests don't show any deviation from the norm, so I guess most of my issues are all in my head lol!
On to the topic of my old job; a close friend has been trying to find out who it is who has a problem with me because she feels the whole thing is wrong and shouldn't have happened. I agree with her, but apart from my ego wanting to know the who and why, I am taking it as a message that I'm not meant to work in Health again (I even lucked out with another position I applied for that is under the Health umbrella) and even cleaning! Weird really, but I'm trying not to panic about where the money is going to come from and simply pick up a brush and keep painting this house we're currently renting. It's coming along wonderfully, and I'm really pleased with the results, as is the owner who comes and pops his head in every now and then. I think he's happy someone is finally wanting to help him get this house back to a semblance of its former glory, even though it IS a rental. I don't think that way though; I figure any place you live in, rental or no, is home and it should be treated that way. I've been ripped off in the past for my efforts, but I still won't give up on my attitude towards it, and figured that eventually I/we would find a landlord who supports those efforts and will appreciate them. I hope that's the case here, and all things so far are pointing to it being so.
I feel a bit calmer about the work situation though, and told my friend not to stress so much and not to hang herself on my account. She still works there and is really disappointed at what's happened and feels I should take things further. I may do, but at the end of the day, I don't think I'd want to work back there with a bunch of bitchy hags who can't see past their own noses anyway! Still, it's the principle of the thing that's got me annoyed, and that my good name is being sullied by the attitude/s of over-sensitive, narrow minded people. I'm sitting on it for now, and I'm sure Spirit will direct me to what avenue to pursue here, if any.
Why are we so bloody exhausted?? Pffffttttt ... I feel old lol!
I don't think your issues are in your own head. You know that the test "norms" are based on somewhat of a bell curve and what's normal for one person may not be normal for the next. It also all ties in together - the hormonal changes of menopause, thyroid, etc. My initial doctor who diagnosed my thyroid condition left town so when I went to the next doctor, they told me my test results were "normal". I told her that for ME, a TSH level of no more than 2 is what works best for me (the test results showed almost 3). She ignored me. But that change of almost 1 point significantly changed my quality of life. Come to think of it, the initial doctor told me that the "norm" for TSH had changed and some old school doctors still think that a level up to 6 is "normal". Now the "new normal" is 4, but like I said, for me 2 is best. I went to an endocrinologist last week for the blood test - he's not just an endo, he specializes in hormone changes with menopause and looks at the entire system. Hoping he will be the new doctor I need.
If you want, I will do a reading specifically on the work "friend" - let me know!
Hope your house is looking wonderful and starting to feel like a home
Yes, the house is starting to come along and the new paint colours have freshened it up and it's feeling more homey as I go along. My back's suffering though lol! Been at it for about a week without stopping, so might need to take it easy today more's the pity. Just want to get it done ...
What you say about thyroid results is very interesting. I've always tested "normal", although I didn't know what the normal range was/is supposed to be. Guess it may vary from doctor to doctor, but I've had this suspicion that thyroid could play a part in why weight is something that I'm stuck with. I might go back to the doctor and ask for what my thyroid levels tested at, and go from there.
I'd love a reading if you're able! I'm just curious as to who and how many said they didn't want me back and why. Admittedly I wasn't the easiest person to get along with a month or two before I left, but gee, what about prior to that? I think I may have mentioned this above, but why are peoples' memories so damn short? It did get me questioning who my real friends are here though, and it reminded me of an earlier reading you'd done for me about this move that did mention relationships, work, etc., so there's some validation for you
This new doctor will be very versed on modern treatments, etc. He'll take notice of you and listen properly. I think he'll mention wholistic treatments as well as conventional. I think he will be the doctor you need. I'm getting that he's a very enthusiastic person, and keen to learn new things. He may treat you as a guinea pig though, so be prepared lol!
Thanks Blmoon, think I'll add another bump lol!
Moonie, I'm sorry for the delay....I was covering for a work mate that was on vacation last week and I was too frazzled to get in the "zone" for a reading. Playing catch up this week but will be able to do a reading for you tomorrow or Saturday. Hang in there!
No worries! The world will not end lol!!
As far as who is preventing you from returning to work it is definitely female energy and someone who seems a bit tyrannical, imposing herself on others victimizing others - likes to stir up negative energy in order to manipulate situations to her own personal gain. Very destructive person, but underneath is a wounded child. She has hidden agendas and fears your return because you would be competition for her. She feels very secure in her role and her power over others and you would rock the boat. Not sure if that helps you determine who it is or not. That's just the energy that came through.
I asked for advice for you in this situation and was given another nudge about overcoming your fear of having enough money. Also another nudge about an entrepreneurial and/or creative pursuit, teaching or communicating knowledge, skills, etc. Can you go into a training role for the work you used to do? Otherwise, it is once again a message about using your spiritual gift.
Is there another situation going on in your life that involves someone lying to you or victimizing you in some way with regard to money? I see a need for you to defend yourself - stand up for your rights or reinforce boundaries in some way. Definitely a situation involving money. Although I see the need for this strength in standing up for yourself, I also see you walking away. Make any sense?
Sorry this took so long!
Thanks for this Watergirl. The person you're describing could be who I think it is, although if it's her, she's very deceptive in that she comes across very sweet, quiet and not someone who is manipulative and controlling. In saying that, I've been told that she's caused similar for others in the past. One who has been bitten by her said "such and such has more clout there than we thought". I'm wondering if you have an image of her at all?
I did go and confront the boss there the other day. I wish I hadn't because it left me with the shakes, and a suspicion that I'd been blatantly lied to, and that what my good friend here has told me was all rubbish. I sat there during the discussion mutely and meekly. This woman wouldn't let me get hardly a word in. But if what I'm told is right - which I believe it is - then the boss was not the one who decided I was not to come back there; it was this other woman.
So, my partner and I are now looking at leaving here altogether. In a weird way, I feel I've done what I was meant to do coming back here; like I can now leave here without feeling that awful sense of homesickness. I realised after talking to my old boss that it's not HERE that I thought was home. It was my old job and those I worked with that I considered to be family. How wrong I was.
To that end, I've randomly applied for a position that requires a couple to caretake a homestead in a place about 4 hours away from here. It's near the coast, and in actuality, myself and my partner have experience relevant to the jobs going.
I'm scared of another move, and that's because of money as usual.
I'm wondering if you're seeing my partner where you mention someone else lying to me about money? My partner or the one he's been working for these past months, or both. I fronted him about this the other day and told him I could not and WOULD NOT stand for our budget being strained by stupid spending.
Boy, it's all happening! I'm so over everything, and as sad as I am about having wasted time and money moving back here, I'm feeling like leaving may be the best option. It's possible I wasn't really meant to come back here, but did out of desperation and that homesick feeling. I think that'll be gone now. I know who my real friends are here and will keep in touch with them. But this time, I think I'll be leaving without a backward glance, unlike last time.
How's everything with you? I'm getting that you're a bit overwhelmed at the moment and scratching for rest. Try to pace everything ... put it in what I call "manageable piles" and tackle each thing one at a time rather than looking at the whole pile
Haha! It's the one's that are "very sweet" that are often the devious ones (at least in my experience). The saccharin sweet exterior is a cover. And if my description is what brought her to mind then it's her. I didn't get anything about physical characteristics but she came through as a younger woman - or at least young and hungry for power energy. I think brunette or darker hair. I did not get that it was a boss so you are right in your assumption. Definitely someone looking to move up the ladder or gain power and control over others.
I did not see this move as turning out for you, at least not as you had hoped. My vision was of you moving near water, so hopefully this new place will be THE ONE. Using your skills did come through so this new job sounds like a good fit for you.
I did not get that it was your partner lying to you - someone around you and I believe male however.
I have caught up after covering for my work mate. Not much of a thank you from anyone, but that's par for the course! Not so much overwhelmed now, just have tasks to complete that I'm not all that thrilled about doing - I was overqualified for this type of assignment 20 years ago, LOL!
I'd say you've hit the nail on the head with who you're seeing as the reason I am not able to work there again. She does have short, dark hair, and acts like the boss quite a bit in her own (cleverly) quiet way. So thank you for that!
It's funny, but I recall you saying earlier this year that we'd move near water, and if we luck in and get these caretaking positions, we'll only be about 20 minutes from water. Location-wise, it's not quite where we want to be, but we'll be given a weekly wage, a cottage supplied - presumably rent free - and access to a work ute. So we'll be able to save some $$ which will help fund our desire to end up near the water at last. We're keeping our fingers crossed because this situation could be the stepping stone we need to get where we want to be. Unless of course we thoroughly enjoy what we're doing and end up staying there lapping up the best of both worlds, ie, farm life and being close to water.
As for the money situation, I have the feeling it's the landlord of this property as he sprung to mind when you said definitely not my partner. I have had suspicions about the guy he's been working for though; he's got a reputation for not paying people but the landlord kind of stuck out. Pity because he seems like a stand up sort of guy, but ... ? Who knows?
Thanks so much again! This has cleared up a few things for me. Today I feel more peaceful than I have the last few days. I feel that I can leave here now with a clear conscience, and not feel like I'm leaving my "family". I simply feel sad that we went to so much effort to come back here, only to find that I've not been as welcomed back as I thought I would be. Them's the breaks in life sadly.
One more thing that has stuck out to me since we came back here is that everything that's happened has hit the hip pocket for me/us. The house has cost us a bomb in power bills and water. Not to mention rent, which for this area and the distance out of town, is a wee bit high. I've come to calling this house a "money pit"!
Life can deal out some cards at times. I'm still amazed at the fact that I'm considering moving again, less than a year after doing it. But sometimes, that's the only solution. I don't feel like I'm running away from anything either - more like running towards ...
I did get short hair but didn't relay it to you because I wasn't quite certain about what i was being shown
Also, I did get landlord but left that part out because I thought I might be wrong (again!). He may SEEM to be a nice guy, and maybe he is, but ask yourself if he hasn't taken advantage. How much have you done to fix up his place with your own cash? How much of that was cosmetic (paint, etc.) and how much was stuff he should have been responsible for (electrical, plumbing, etc.). You should ask to be reimbursed for what you have done. At the very least, the last month's rent should be waived.
The new place and work sounds like a good fit for you
Thanks again for validating this.
Initially we thought we'd landed on a really good landlord in that he let us have the first month or so rent free considering the abysmal state the house was in when we moved in. It hadn't been looked at once beforehand, hadn't been cleaned or maintained. The carpets were disgusting, the kitchen drawers had been damaged, the oven filthy, and it was riddled with spiders, rats and mice. Plus, there wasn't a fully working shower in the place, and out of three toilets in the place, only one was working, but started blocking up after we'd been here a couple of weeks. He did buy new cisterns though, so we sure couldn't complain about that.
In truth, we've had to buy water in even though we'd used LITRES of it trying to flush out the septic line for that blocked toilet. He didn't even offer to go halves with us for that. We'd also flushed this line out more than once before this incident and it really got on our goat! As for painting, well he's paid for the paint, and I've done the labour. I've painted three rooms, although one was at my own expense in that I used my own paint. It's the labour that really does add up though. My partner's annoyed because i've done a lot of work here, and his thoughts are that we should've at least been offered reduced rent considering how much $$ we're saving the owner in labour costs. That hasn't happened. As for the power bill, well, I don't know if we got ripped off with that. Before we moved here, we were told that the power covered our house and the machinery shed. Once the bill turned up, we were to work out - how I don't know - how much we owed and pay that. Instead, when the bill did come a few weeks ago, we ended up having to pay the whole thing, so I get the feeling we've been ripped off there.
I'd say what we'll do is skip out of here and leave NO rent money at all considering there is no lease and there was no bond paid. We're both over landlords who simply want to take the weekly rent, expect tenants to do a lot of work to the place as well, and not do much in return. This landlord has been an improvement on the last two though, even considering the above.
We haven't heard about the caretaker position/s yet, but I did get a call from another job I applied for online this morning, and it appears both of us will have jobs lined up when we move there (YAY!!)
Now we have the task of finding a house that will allow us to bring our five cats, one dog and cockatiel aviary. Here's hoping!