Is it time to give up
My husband and I have been back on meth for 6 years now after being clean for 12, it's the end of my world. I lost everything chasing him, hoping I could win and bring us back to good life. I need to know if there is any hope, or has John decided to let me fall off, he is fine with using and is going to keep screwing around on me.
This is a case of you valuing your own life and health over anyone else. If you want to stop meth, stop.
I quote where you said "I lost everything chasing him, hoping I could win ... ". You have sacrificed enough for this man - and drugs - and it's now time for you to clean your life up and leave him to his own devices.
I know that sounds harsh, but it's not dissimilar to someone wanting to quit smoking while their partner keeps on doing it around them - it's nearly impossible to quit something when someone else under your roof keeps doing it right in front of you!
I'm not saying this is the end of your marriage, but the fact that "he is fine with using and is going to keep **** around on me" tells me that he doesn't value the it as much as the drugs and the ****ing around he's doing.
For your own sake, give him the rope he needs. Only he can decide whether or not he hangs himself with it, or reels himself back in towards you.
Again, sorry if this sounds harsh, but your needs are important as is your health. Do this for YOU.
You can still do this even with him around you. You just have to really just decide to "stop" for you for your own reasons. Addiction is a very hard thing to overcome but you can as others have done so too. It is ok to have failed even a few times because the important thing is to really "decide". It takes a lot of courage and you need to be strong. I've known couples that when one is an alcoholic and decides to quit the other one still Has her drink. It is hard to quit smoking cigarettes...
Any decision regarding your marriage is really yours too. These are very tough things to deal with and It takes a lot of courage and self love. Be good to you and imagine what freedom can mean to you!! Hugs
I saw a youtube video that said the number one sign who is the worst narcissist is Taurus me I'm totally suicidal now I've had like three attempts and been hospitalized three or four times the first two times we're like throwing caution to the wind if I woke up who cares and I woke up in the hospital but the day before yesterday it was happening and I felt fine happy about it until all the sudden one second went by and I decided to stop but I'm regretting it I swear everytime I read my horoscope it basically says that the day is going to be horrible or that I'm misunderstanding things or that there's going to be some kind of challenge and basically just go back to bed and when I read my husband's an Aries it basically almost always says the seasonal part for you you always know just what to say just what to do it's like unbelievable I don't know what I think anymore I believe in God but I'm sick of this narrow Gates I'm sick of us not having an understanding and not being enlightened I'm sick of him having the power to heal suffering but watching others who are so innocent suffer so I hate him but I seem to not be in a good Groove with the rest of the world everyday honestly is worse than the last day I'm so isolated so alone completely awkward misunderstood and I am truly hated I'm also bipolar which I just now accepted but I don't know what that means in terms of anything all I know is that my intentions are never bad but my world is chaotic isolation and I always have problems