Cancer Man and Capricorn Woman
My boyfriend and I fell pretty quickly and everything was going really well for the past 2 months. We were making future plans, meeting/making plans to meet friends and family, spending time together all weekend and during the week, making plans for trips (he even RSVP'd me as his date for a wedding in the Fall), and communicating every day all day.
He left for music festival last weekend, and was texting me every day. He went with family so trust wasn't an issue. He always texted right before he went to bed to say how much he missed me. When he got back, we had a great night together. I said I was surprised how much I missed him, and he didn't understand why I would say that. He said I was thinking about you more often than not.
I started being unavailable last weekend because of insecurity and fear of getting hurt (same reason why I used an early work meeting as an excuse not to stay over earlier in the week). One night I was honestly tired and stayed home, which I asked if it was okay to do so and he said okay. Due to a miscommunication, the next night we both went to separate parties. I had committed to the one with my friends since I thought the other party was a different night based on what he said up until the night before. I guess the unavailable part came when I didn't try to go to both or invite him to both. It was a girls night so I didn't think he would want to come. I also sent a picture of us girls so he knew. I also wanted space that night to clear my head because we both have been through some pretty crazy things in life. Mine is medically-related (in-remission). When I tried to talk to him about before, he seemed to shut down the conversation. I could feel myself bringing it up if I was drinking around him.
After talking with my friends, who said I've been through a lot and tend to be very independent, I texted him late that night trying to explain something has been bothering me so I thought it was best for us to keep our commitments to our friends but just needed a night to myself. I think he misconstrued me trying to express my hesitancy to talk to him as breaking up with him. I reiterated the next morning I wasn't breaking up with him, apologized for the cryptic message, and confirmed I didn't want to back out on my friends. The next day we sort of got into a little bit of a fight because he started shutting down right away. When he offered to call later, I told him I was crabby and no need to call. This shouldn't have been out of the norm, because he used that as an unprompted reason earlier in the week as to why he didn't text me much during the day. His boss has been kind of a hassle lately.
I apologized the next morning telling him the PMS crabbiness is gone and wishing him a good day. He turned around attempting to break it off by saying, "Things have been really weird lately and I don't like it. I don't think I'd like to continue this. We both don't have the time to dedicate to this and I see myself having less and less time." I asked if he was available to meet tomorrow night for a quick chat, and he said he should be available. I replied great and said I know things have been weird as it seems we're both stressed and let's just let things settle. I also admitted my mind was on my doctors appointment last week, so thats where "my mind was" on Saturday. He seemed fine the next day when I asked how his day was going. He said he would call me later, and didn't. We had been texting a little this week with me always initiating, keeping it light and happy, and him answering but being unemotional and noncommittal towards me for the most part. He also avoided my request for him to call me last night after work.
I sent our usual early good morning text, which he didn't respond. I asked him later if he wanted to hang out tomorrow or Saturday offering cooking or a movie, he replied, "My weekend is already pretty full. There should be two of me." I had said something about joining him to hang out with his mom earlier in the week, and he said, "You're free this weekend?". I said yes, so he knew by Tuesday that I was free.
I said, "If I didn't think the relationship was this easy to give up based on what we both said and felt, and I'm trying. If you're not wanting to try to find free time or ask me to join you sometime at your place even while you're doing laundry, okay. It hurts and I don't like it. If you'd like to get your stuff back, I'll can meet you tonight after work." He didn't reply at all.
This is infuriating. Is this just him being crabby and hiding in his shell that Cancers seem to do? Should I ignore him or move on? I don't understand why he is avoiding all attempts but still responding coldly.
Can you not see that you are giving this guy mixed messages? You have admitted you drew back from him out of insecurity and fear of being hurt. He senses your reluctance to commit fully to him, plus you are moody and unpredictable. This guy was really into you and you moved back away from him on purpose. You only seem to want him when he moves back from you, thus alleviating your fears of commitment. This is your problem, not his. He wants full commitment and you are afraid of it.