Aires woman with Virgo man! Help!!
I'm (27y) a Aries woman and my ascendent is in Capricorn born at April 3rd. He (30y) is Virgo born at August 23rd, so maybe he is a little Leo as well, I don't know. We have been hanging out every week for almost 4 months now. He was doing some little things everyday but I was always so impatient and trying to doing everything to please him and make him feel more about me. One month ago things started to be a little weird. His brother would come to visit him (he's still here) and they would travel for a week to another country. Since we never talked about our feelings or our status, I asked him if we were exclusives, and then he just freaked out. He started to compare me with his ex girfriend and also said he thought I was different. I was confused because in my head I just asked a simple question, and I was expecting only a yes or no answer. It made me feel so bad and miserable, I apologize to him in different ways and explained it was just a simple question. And in the end he was kinda nice, but still he didn't answer. After that day, I knew things had changed inside of me, I was so insecure and he was always so distant, well, he always been that way but after that conversation I started to be a little bit needy. He was nice most of the time, with little things but still he was nice but I wasn't reacting, I don't know, I wanted to feel a little more from him.
His brother came, they went to their trip and almost no messages from him but still he was adding the new girls on Facebook. I was so scared but at the same time I was texting him like I was totally ok. I didn't want to ruin his trip. He came back and I spent the whole day with his brother while he was at work and in the end of the day we had dinner together and he was doing nice little things as well, and when we went to bed (I slept in his house that night like usual after hanging out) while we were having sex he told me that night was mine to tell him what I wanted to do. But my head was so full at that moment, It was so hard to react because I was so insecure and sad. After sex I was totally opened with him. I told him in a calm way what I was feeling about everything and that I would like him to touch me more, because we were barely touching each other, since the beginning. He said he would rather be in a casual relationship because this way he was always feeling pressure and obligate to text me or even to hang out with me every weekend. The next day I told him he was free now when I was leaving and in front of his brother, I was so sad and feeling it would be the last time I would see him, I was about to cry, so I left. He didn't text me after, so I waited. After two days I sent him a voice message telling him what I think I was doing wrong all this time. He said he couldn't talk at that moment but we should talk later or during the next day. And nothing from him since that day. I don't know if this means we broke up, or if he just need some time and he will talk to me later, or even if he want me to talk to him first. I really like him but I don't know what to do, he's so hard to understand.
Thanks and I hope everything is well written, English is not my mother language.
In many ways, I feel that you TelLibraFriend are the sort of person this guy wants to be. You have qualities he admires and wants to emulate - like your drive for success and extroversion - things he doesn't experience in himself. But when you act fearful, dependent and insecure, it throws him off and turns him off. From him, you can learn about self-sufficiency, independence, and preserving one's privacy - which he really sees as a priority in his life. He hates other people prying into his business and thinks they should wait until he is ready to tell them about himself. But he will wait a long time before revealing himself to anyone. You need other people to depend on you but he is very self-sufficient, and loathes depending on anyone. He is unlikely to ever give himself completely to you, since he requires a level of understanding and faithfulness that you simply may not be able to supply. This relationship is unlikely, then, to reach the heights or depths of love or passion. Similarly, the two of you are unlikely to form the deepest of friendships, either.
Thus, the ultimate purpose of this relationship is to seek and find in the other person what has been lost, or never truly revealed, in oneself. The relationship can serve an important learning function in each person’s quest for wholeness and self-understanding, but it is not meant or designed to be a good or lasting romantic relationship.
Thank you so much for your reply TheCaptain, it means a lot.
Probably you're right with everything you said, but at the same time it's so hard to just accept it and let him go. I realized that I never liked someone the way I like him. I'm usually so independent and the truth is, I feel that I never truly loved someone. But with him, something was growing inside of me, something pretty deep. I don't know what it means, it's also so confusing for me. But what I do know is that I never cared for a guy the way I care for him.
When we started to hanging out he was so sad and feeling so depressed, I tried everyday to cheer him up at least a little, or even just to make him smile. But I've never succeeded. Everyday I was trying really hard but nothing. And I guess that started to make me feel down.
I came to a point that I wasn't recognizing myself. I started to be so needy and dependent.
Anyways, two days ago, I sent him a message just asking how was everything, trying to show a happy mood. We kinda talk for a little, only random stuff but yes. Then he just started to stop answering again.
So maybe he just realize that he simply don't have feelings for me, or maybe there's someone new already.
It's hard, so hard to have him so far away, but I really want him to be happy.
monakorz last edited by
thanks for sharing your story. its so interesting
You have invested a lot of time and energy into helping this guy, so it's understandable that it is now hard to let go. But he may just have leaned on you as a crutch. And then you on him - that is not love, but dependence.
I had some relationships before, and I never felt like this. This is hurting so much, and I miss him so bad. I'm trying really hard to focus and move on but nothing is working. Maybe we don't match at all, like you said TheCaptain, but I never felt this for anyone, that's why I feel inside of me that I need to try and try, but I don't know how. Probably it's pointless, and maybe he's with another woman already but I don't know what to do. Do you think is it really pointless?
Thanks again for everything TheCaptain!
I don't sense that he feels the same way about you, and that it takes two people to be really deeply involved in order to make a good loving relationship.
I think you're right, TheCaptain, but I was paying attention to a lot of little things that actually doesn't mean anything. The sad songs he's listening to last days. The way he's so off of social media now, even from whatsapp. Maybe he's still sad but not because he still has feelings for me, so I just need to move on.