Is he ever going to come back?



  • This story has my mind going round and round in circles without me understanding what happened.

    Two years ago I met a younger Leo guy. There was a strong interest in each other from the get go. However, we bickered often. He wound up leaving the company 6 months later and we didn't remain in touch despite being friends on FB. He remained in my thoughts long after.

    About a year later, I moved to another country halfway across the continent. Roughly a month after my move, I found out he was moving to the same city for college.

    About two months after his move, we started talking and the bond was intense. We'd talk all day everyday and saw each often. One day, we had a fight and he walked out on me during our date. I texted him and got zero response. He didn't speak to me for three weeks! Then, he came back, but I was still hurt. So hurt, that when he tried to kiss me, I froze and pushed him away.

    Understandanly, he got hurt and didn't really speak to me for a while. I reached out to him to organize a date. We saw each other and I kissed him to make up for my mistake. He was very affectionate then, but he hasn't spoken to me since the date three weeks ago. During that date, he disclosed his alcohol issues. He found it easy to confide in me.

    The problem is that although I understand I may have hurt him, I don't understand he decided to toss me to the side like this. I'm beyond confused and hurt. I thought he cared about me, especially as he'd asked me to trust his intentions towards me.

    The moment I let my guard down, he ran away.

    Will he ever come back? At least to provide an explanation ?

    Thank you!



  • You must stop taking this so personally - this guy has issues that are not about you. He has ego problems up the wazoo and has trouble dealing with not getting his way. He is very immature at the moment and his way of dealing with life's disappointments is to withdraw into a bottle. This relationship has no chance until he grows up and realizes that alcohol is ruining his life and not making it better. He also needs to learn to put those he loves first and not himself all the time. Encourage him to seek help because things will not get better between you until he recovers from being an alcoholic. While drink is clouding his judgment, he will continue to make bad decisions and treat you badly.



  • I never said he was an alcoholic per she. He just said he drank enormous amounts of alcohol.

    As far as taking it personally - how could I not? I have feelings for him. I opened up to him after three years of no dating at all. I had/have real feelings for him and he's been acting as though my existence is irrelevant. It was a huge step for me to put myself out there, especially with him since I had strong feelings from the get go. I'm obviously hurt.

    He indeed has slight ego issues and can only see things through his own lense. However, when I met him, he was not like that. He was very kind and generous. It seems as though him moving over here for college got to his head. When he initially got here and didn't have many friends (and therefore didn't party at all), he was rather 'normal' and I found in him the guy I liked back then. However, it seems as though his social life has taken another turn and he chose to leave me in the ditch.

    I was there for him when he was talking about his financial struggles. I supported him and helped him understand that it's only a phase. When he was looking for a post-degree job, I was very supportive and kept praising his abilities, boosting his confidence.

    When we fought, I always tried to talk to him to understand whether I upset him and once he shut me down for three weeks. I apologized even though I did nothing.

    When we had dates, it was either on his schedule or not at all. I always tried to rearrange nt schedule to see him and cater to his schedule even though he's a student and I'm a professional with other obligations outside of work.

    Yet, this is what I get in return? I can't believe it. I really am hurt, baffled, confused and feel utterly disrespected.



  • Thanks for your answer captain.

    I told him many times he needs to stop drinking. During our last date, I told him he finds any excuse to drink and then he took it oddly saying I called him an 'alcoholic'. He afterwards admitted his consumption is 'enormous'.

    We also spoke about smoking because he brought it up as a joke. I told him I know he smokes and he said no. I then argued that it was plain obvious and I don't believe him. Then he went on some bizarre talk about hard drugs, made no sense to me.

    That last date was oddly enough all about his issues which he brought up as a joke, yet it was obvious there was more to it.

    I care about him a lot though. He's acting like I don't exist, so me pushing him to seek help is not going to happen at this stage. It hurts me a lit because when he was not high onn alcohol, he was amazing. We had a beautiful connection. The best I've ever had and I've had many great connections.



  • So your love is conditional - "if you don't pay me back for all that I have done for you, then I won't love you!"

    You'll never have a truly loving relationship if you are always looking for payback. But you also shouldn't let him take and not give back anything. Ask yourself if he really loves you or just wants a good old sounding board for his problems.



  • No, my love is not conditional. What on earth are you talking about?

    What I meant was I tried my best to help him out because I cared for him and now I'm left with the pain instead of the happiness of having him in my life. Of course, I was not looking for a return from his end. I wasn't supportive just to get something in return, what an idea! I'm talking about the trajectory it took.

    Besides, he already liked me before dated and before he had his issues. He was chasing me and since we worked together, I didn't want to get involved.