Leo Man/Scorpio Woman: First Kiss then .. Nothing
His placements: Leo Sun/Virgo Moon/Cancer Venus
Mine: Scorpio Sun/Gemini Moon/Scorpio Venus
Long story short (as I've already posted many times about him):
We've know each other for two years. We worked in the same company (he already liked me then and asked me out many times). He quit 6 months later. Then, I moved to another country. He moved to the same country last August. We reconnected last October.
The first date was great. The second one was horrible as we got into a fight and he walked out on me. The third date was awkward since I was still mad at him and he tried to kiss me ... I told him I wanted to take it slow. I sent him a text to explain I was nervous so on and so forth, he said he wasn't mad and was looking forward to seeing me again.
He went home for a month during which he did not get in touch with me at all. I got in touch with him two days before he came back. He replied, but when I replied to his text, he left it at that.
I waited two weeks. Nothing. I texted him to ask if he wanted to go out. He agreed and we talked a bit.
When we met up, I was the one who went for the kiss as I wanted to. He said: 'You really wanted to see me huh?'. He kissed me a few times on the way to the movies. When we got there, he hand his hand on my leg the entire time (even when I tried to move) and held my hand at some point. He kissed me many times. Funny thing, he took my hand to place it on his chest.
Anyway. When we got out of the theater, he didn't kiss me or held my hand. He wanted me to hold his arm. Fine, not what I was expecting but ok. Then, he told me: 'I can walk you to XYZ street if you want..' (we live in a massive city, cars aren't the best option). The 'if you want' wasn't fine with me. It's midnight and the 'if you want' makes him sound like he cannot be bothered. Then, he wanted to catch the last subway home, so he kissed me and wouldn't let me go. But then he said 'Let me go, I'm going to miss my train'. I got slightly annoyed as he was the one kissing me!
I texted him saying 'thank you' for the date. Now, I haven't heard from him.
I got hurt so many times, that I could be overthinking every detail. But I find this whole thing strange. I know he's not overly experienced with girls (he's 23), but I'm still underwhelmed.
Why has he withdrawn? Any chance he may come back?
watergirl18 last edited by
You told him you wanted to take it slow and didn't want to kiss him and now you're upset that when you wanted to kiss he was withdrawn. Hmmmmmmm.....
Was the fight about moving too fast physically? That's what came through to me so need to know if I'm off base. If so, then first of all do not feel guilty for being strong and knowing what is right and not right for you. His actions may be because he's confused about how to act (especially since you seemed to reverse your stance) and he also may still be a little upset himself about what happened and giving you a little payback. Secondly, don't let the fear of losing him over it make you react by coming off too strong physically and wanting too much too fast. Take it slow (as you said you wanted) on all fronts. Slow and steady, not needy. Neediness pushes men away - especially when they are young as they want freedom at that age, not feeling tied down.
I also feel like there is a change coming in the near future with regard to work - not sure if it's him or you.
A change regarding work? What you just said is scaring me a bit. I highly doubt so, for me at least since I just solidifiyed my position yesterday.
Is it a negative change? Are you saying someone is going to lose their job?
However, he's a graduate student who accepted a job in his home country, but he's still seeking opportunities, just in case.
The fight had nothing to do with getting physical. We fought before it even came close to kissing. It was simply a misunderstanding and he was slightly intoxicated that night. We just fought because he got mad for no apparent reason and I got upset over something he said.
I understand he's confused. However, I've had strong feelings for him for two years. I really wanted this to happen, but when he tried to kiss me, I was still upset because of the fight. After that fight, he didn't speak to me for three weeks! I was still mad and re-assessed everything. Hence, the 'I want to take it slow'.
To be honest, he didn't push to get physical. He just wanted to kiss me, but I was still hurt because he walked out on me during a date and didn't respond to my messages for three weeks. Then, he tried to kiss me. It was a bit hard.
Before thinking about rushing on a physical level, I'm already seeking to know how to get him to talk to me again or re-ignite contact. That would be a good step to start with
I have not bothered him since our last date. I thanked him after the date and have not reached out since. I've definitely learned my lesson when I was younger according to which chasing a man pushes them away.
What do you reckon I should do? Will he ever come back?
After all, he was really chasing me at work two years ago and when we reconnected.
Thank you for your post watergirl
watergirl18 last edited by
Kissing is physical
I did get that you tend to let your thoughts run away with you, in a negative way, so it’s funny that you would assume a “change” at work would be negative. Just something to notice…
It sounds like he is still pretty immature - he’s 23 after all - but drinking too much, walking out on you in the middle of a date, not being chivalrous enough to see that you get home safely, etc... Is this really the type of behavior you want in a relationship? He has a lot of growing up to do and you as a Scorpio could just be too intense for him at this juncture.
Since the change at work did not come through clearly as one or the other of you, it could be both. I did feel that your focus on work was about success - or already achieving success - and needing to keep your focus. I got for him that his career is not as far along as yours so his focus would be on laying foundations.
Let him be for the moment and do some thinking about what you really want in a relationship as he may not be able to give you what you need, want, deserve at this point in his life. Also, the time apart without you chasing him will do him some good too. Be clear about what you want - he will either step up to the plate or not.
I know kissing is physical, but I meant more than that, obviously.
I agree. I tend to think of negative scenarios first. This is definitely a trait of mine that I do need to correct.
Yes, 23 is pretty immature. I was 23 once, so I know what is like. You want one thing one day and the opposite the next. He also lacks confidence which makes him more vulnerable to my 'harshness' to a degree. I know what I want, so it can be pretty tough for him to deal with me. I've already been through many disfynctional dynamics, more specifically one when I was 23-24 and it taught me a lot. I remained singles for two years afterwards, until I started dating this Leo. So I've already experienced the stage he's currently in and I'm viewing the situation from his standpoint with the lense of my 23-year old self (he reminds me a lot of myself then, minus the drinking).
He actually told me I was the 'most interesing' and 'smartest' person he's ever met. He repeated many times I'm 'marriage material'. He kept on bragging about my 'intelligence' to his friends in front of me and even in private. Hence, I'm fully aware he knows my true value, but the problem is that he does not know how to deliver. His lack of confidence combined with his limited finances and past rejections were the recipe for him not being able to deal with this situation properly.
I have to admit though. When we reconnected, I was 100% focused on work. Work is my main priority because I want to achieve great success. I have been working very very hard and him coming along was amazing, but professional success remains my main focus because I know it's what is going to satisfy me in the long run. He knew work was my main focus.
Yes, his career is still in the 'laying foundations' stage. He said he actually looks up to me from a professional view-point because the trajectory I took with my career is one he would like to pursue too. I think he's very traditional and therefore felt slightly inadequate that I would be the one being ahead of him, sometimes paying on dates while he's struggling with student loans ... He actually told me the aforementioned blatantly. He told me he felt inadequate because he's struggling financially and he's dating me, which means he cannot deliver to the standards I'd expect (all in his head).
To be honest, he did all the chasing. I only chased once, it was when I set up the last date to make up for my rejection. That was the only time I chased because I knew the ball was in my court. Other than this time, I didn't chase once. He did all the work.
However, when you say: The time apart without you chasing will do him some good too .. Do you mean this 'relationship' was stressing him out?
My take on it is this time apart is fine by me, because I can give myself to work and to other things that need my attention, but I still want to eventually be talking/seeing him again. So, in other words, can time apart like this make him come back to me on his own or will it just push him the other way?
I won't intervene and reach out, but I'm just curious as to the thought process.
Danceur last edited by
I think you have some of the answers you seek, namely that he cannot match the standards you'd expect. That's crucial.
It is possible to like someone and enjoy being around them (people would tend not to refuse that), but then be misaligned in terms of what you each want to achieve from the interaction. Also possible to continue caring for someone, but knowing that they are on a different path - and to just leave it be.
Sometimes, it's hard to put that into perspective, especially if it's someone whom you've had your eye on, who finally makes a move, out of the blue. But it doesn't change the underlying situation, which is that you're not currently on the save trajectory. That was what stood out to me in what you wrote.
Sometimes we're just not ready for, or sure of what we want. And then we have these little spurts of belief and courage, that sometimes align to the other person/situation, and creates a sense of connection - which is invariably fleeting.
Feel it's good that you continue doing your own thing and get more solid on what you want as well. I'd like to think that we have these encounters to remember our value. You want to add to the equation, not take away from it. Time apart can go either way. As long as he hasn't figured out where he stands (what he wants and what he is willing to put effort into), trying to re-ignite it could possibly result in only a temporary rekindling. That would eventually give way to backpedaling and dissolution, once he remembers again that he's not up to speed with where you're at.
Does that make sense?
Hold out for what you deserve - even if it ultimately comes in a different package