SUNSHINE



  • I was thinking more about moving closer to home. Lauren has two more years of school and Logan will be in high school. I see a lot of good things about being here, and I think there might be more opportunities for gainful employment for them here, but I feel that they also need to develop close relationships with the family. Plus, the cost of living is kicking my arse. Also, Because when my time comes to move out of this earthly realm and progress along my path further, I need to be sure that there's family members that will see to them both, particularly Logan. My daughter has expressed to me that she'll take Lauren, but she has never been close to Logan. My niece Tiffany has said she'd take Logan, but I know that they don't know all the difficulties associated with caring for him. So despite my feelings that we should be here, I need to be there. I wanted Texas, because I'm really not comfortable about living in New Orleans. I've thought about FL, but I don't get any feelings about there, good or otherwise. I'm going to try to be open so I can get insight from the Angels, perhaps I need to stop trying so hard.
    I would absolutely love to go to that wonderful hotel and spend some real fun time with you. I didn't see any meditation classes on meet.com up here. The community college had some meditation classes occasionally, I may pop into one and see how I feel. I'm glad you found a great place to heal and be healed. I'd like to find one myself. Poetic mentioned that she like us all to have a reunion and catch up. It's just not the same in here. Perhaps it's me.
    Lost my disability appeal, my date of disability stays the same. I just can't understand how someone can think I could have walked away from a rollover automobile accident unscathed, but can not determine what event caused me to be disabled three years later!! It stinks, but I just need to drop it and move on. I'm tired of a lot of things, and I do have a sense of acceptance and peace about my life, but I'm still believing that there is something good for me out there. So I keep trying to prepare myself for better things.
    Well, kids are out of school for the summer.
    Lauren was I'll a couple of days ago. She had stomach issues and she passed out twice. I got frightened and took her to the pediatrician. It appears that she may have been dehydrated, she recovered quickly when I gave her Gatorade and juice. I still feel uneasy, so I'm paying close attention to her for the next two weeks.
    Anyway, I need to put them to bed. You have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the summer.
    Hugs and Blessings to you!!



  • @blmoon
    Hi to you!! I have been thinking a lot about you and hoping all is well with you. How's your health, and especially your head?
    I saw the neurologist yesterday and I am doing well. Still have the issues with piano playing and memory. The headaches are not as often and intense as before, but they are still a complication. Some stuff I will have to live with so I just have to move on.the kids just finished summer camp and it was a fun time for them. Logan enjoyed camp, but he's going through something. I'm chalking it up.to puberty, but he's got some dark moods going on. Both kids are ver trying right now. Trying to have patience. I have been feeling odd energies from the eclipses. I'm just out of sorts and just don't feel right. I took Benadryl on Sunday night for the histamine reaction I was having to some bug bites and ended up in the ER with anaphylaxis. Don't know if it was the Benadryl or something else. Total.mystery. With the out of sorts feeling also comes one of anticipation, like I'm expecting something to happen. I don't think it's bad, just a expectant feeling....
    Anyway, I'm in Purge mode, throwing out a bunch of stuff, just felt so light when I tossed all that stuff in the dumpster and walked away. .:-D
    Going to bed. Hope you're well. Have a Blessed day!



  • @sunshine7959
    sunshine! I was thinking of you. Sorry to hear about your allergy attack. I've never heard of being allergic to benadryl! Strange coincidence, I am full of bug bites right now. Last week I stepped in a fire ant pile mowing the lawn and got one leg bit up. Then I went to Bethune beach at sunset to take pics and enjoy the full moon and got bit up by sand fleas and mosquitoes.. Been putting on the antihistamine cream. Are you sure your bug bites were not bites but hives? July was a doozey wasn't it?! So glad it is over. August has always been a new beginnings month for me and like you I can so use it. The energy around you is feeling like a move has to happen. You definitely should keep purging and organizing for any opportunity that comes your way. I agree that you do need to move. Sorry, about the headaches....I don't get too many. I did have a week of headaches last week but it passed. I still deal with the short term memory thing but starting to accept the new me. I do find that it fluctuates with stress and overwork. I don't know how you heal and deal with your children! I understand somewhat as my husband's mental illness has been bad and it DOES cause me bad head days. Right now I'm taking a stress break and doing the Chopra meditations. Just avoiding stress or arguments and drama. I really am aware that healing is affected by stress. I worry over the same issues. How to pay the next bill!!! But they get paid. I'm purging too!!! And it does feel good...altho at first it's chaos and a mess before it becomes order! I want to be prepared as well for a move or change if it comes up. I've donated a lot lately. I'm doing better with the balance thing....walking more. My feet muscles have finally let up some with the pain of keeping my walk normal! That was so frustrating. My feet hurt so bad at times I couldn't sleep well and not sleeping well makes my head worse! It's a crazy cycle! I started walking my dogs late at night for months now, just on my block back and forth to see if I could get past this foot pain. What's nice about walking late when no one is watching is I can freely weeble wobble! The drunk walk I call it. In public I work my feet muscles hard to walk normal. I'm hoping to start the tread mill soon. The thing is as you know the brain cells do not heal. The body and brain at it's best compensates. That's why it's so slow. I started socializing more and trying to fit in without announcing I had a brain injury and it's going well. I'm just in acceptance mode with it is what it is and it could be worse! So, we are both a little more ditzy at times but for the most part we function very well and we have to move on. I am grateful to not be as bad as you have it as far as the accident. I remember just how bad it CAN be so I focus on that. I no longer have the awful spinning and vomiting and the crazy eye spasms. Thank you God! That was the worst. I still get brain zaps...usually when waking up if I worked too hard. After that day I cut the lawn I woke up with head zaps. They are annoying but pass. When stressed I still have trouble with words and speech but it passes. The doctor was right. He promised I would get better but it would be very slow. The most annoying symptom that comes and goes is when I can't get proper sleep! It's as if my brain is not sleeping properly. It will last two or three weeks then be ok. I really hate that. Right now I am sleeping well. Sounds like Logan is going through that rough patch of puberty we talked about. Poor guy. It is a stressful time on it's own, let alone dealing with his special needs. All four of my boys had ups and downs during that early teen age. It is my observation none of them WANTED the changes of growing up! Their hormones are all over the place. Some get depressed and think they are too ugly for public and some get full of themselves and get cocky! It's a rough phase. I hope August is full of new beginnings for you! Keep in touch. BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon Hi BlMoon. I think it could have been a combination of bites and hives. I just chocked it up to a strange immune system day.
    I have been manifesting a move for myself. I need and want a home for us so we can have a yard to grow food and for them to play. I'm tired of the apartment/townhouse community. I want my privacy back. I don't know where or how, but it's going to happen. I still have the feelings of anticipation and expectations. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I have my wishes. Something is going to happen before the end of this year. It had better be something spectacular!! 🙂
    With all this anticipation, I have to expect something special.
    Anyway, I'm sure sorry about your feet. That's not a great thing. I certainly hope that will get better with time. I have dizziness and vertigo when I stand on stepstools or high places. I also have the short term memory issues, and sometimes the words escape me and I stutter and stammer. It's infuriating!! I'm glad you live in a place where you can walk safely at night. I would never do that here. There is no real crime issues in this area, but we do have coyotes and other nocturnal animals.
    I guess we both have a lot to deal with in regards to brain injuries. Slow recovery.
    I have a hard row to how with my two children. Lauren is still angry that Michael isn't here. She wants a dad so badly. My heart hurts for her. Logan seems not to really miss him, but I think he still interacts with Michael on some level. I do wonder if he had his own anger but doesn't know how to verbalize or express it in an understandable way. I feel so "in the dark" with them. 😞
    I hope we will keep in touch. I let myself get busy with them, summer camp and just life in general. I will do better.
    Keep taking care of yourself, and getting better. Healing is slow but it comes.
    Hugs and love,
    Sunshine



  • Hi BlMoon.
    Hoping everything is going well for you. I read on another thread that you have been a busy lady. I was really happy to see you jumping back into things you want. I'd love to read some of your poetry sometime. I 1am praying that everything works for you the way you need and want. Getting back into life is a fantastic way to feel normal again. Despite troubles we are Blessed people with a lot to thank Spirit for.
    However, I'm in quite a flurry of activity right now. I just decided to bail out and go south to visit the family. Lauren has been vocalizing how much she want to visit Grandma and she misses her family. I've been feeling like I was in a pressure cooker and just had to get out. I have been finding that I have some feelings about my life. Don't get me wrong, I love life, my church and most of the people in my sphere, but I feel like I'm in a suit that is too small. I love and need the structure and routine for the kids, but I'm ready for change. Of course, to complicate things, I had a rather stressful situation pop up with one of the leadership in kids primary where I am the nursery leader. It's enough to bring everything to a head and make me feel like I am ready to go!!! I don't want to disrupt the kids' lives, so I am making myself be logical about this. No impulsive crap...except for the sudden visit to family. No bald details because of being in the forum, but I'm guessing you got a clue as to.my state of mind right now.
    Leaving out tomorrow for south bound. Perhaps change of scenery will help me put things into perspective.
    Thinking about you and sending you positive vibes. Love and blessings to you!
    Sunshine



  • @sunshine7959
    Happy Trails! You needed to listen to your inner urges. Last post with you I picked up that you needed to move. But you new that. You have always wanted a different place but I felt THIS is dire. Something...or maybe many things about your current life is not supporting your future. You have outgrown some things AND I did not want to over worry you but felt some kind of negative or just plain needy presence was attempting to make itself at home with you. As a sensitive and with your children, specially Logan being sensitive you will always have to be proactive about spirits getting close. You do keep good Spiritual practices in place so you are on good foundation. But yes.....the current conditions in the planets has amplified drama for all of us! Everyone is feeling a LOT. Unfortunately, even though we have all been feeling the urge for action, we are all mostly not getting a map! So it is a test of faith and belief in our growth that this is that brave action that gets us unstuck. Also, we are all expected to balance action and patience which is a real test! My advice for you as you journey away is to remember when dealing with others...family specially ...is to remember that THEY are feeling upheaval in their lives as well so do not try to overthink anything said or done. Do not wonder if YOU did or said anything wrong. Be your usual compassionate and considerate self BUT keep a good invisible boundry between your stuff and their stuff. This is not a time for fixing anything that does not truly affect you. Only involve yourself in family needs that are part of your possible future. I say that because there is a chance a family situation affects your future but otherwise this trip is all about what your family needs. CHANGE is inevitable...you feel it and trying to have a logical plan is a waste of time. You have been aware for years that your children's needs would very much change as they grew older. Specially Logan. This is a huge burden on you and reality, yes. But it is time to find his next stage of earth angels and you can't find a map for that. Prayer and following patient yet timely action will get you there. You have been a battleship of protection for your children. It is time for you to get healthier faster and RECEIVE help. You are in my prayers too!!! And above all, have some fun! Try not to figure out what's next. Enjoy the moment and stay out of the past in all your thoughts.. You deserve to feel safe and feel happy in just being childlike. BLESSINGS!



  • BlMoon, you are sooo right! Stuff has been coming to a head for a long time for me. I'm sorry that it happened the way it did, but I guess that it forced my hand to unstick myself. My mind and heart are in turmoil right now, but on the lighter note, seeing my children amongst family was profound. Logan looked happy and relaxed like I rarely see him. Lauren was happy as well. Seeing their older sister and seeing how happy they all are to see each other just tore at my heartstrings. I have nothing here right now, no place to be, but I just feel that I need to do something. I've been having an internal struggle with weighing the opportunities and benefits of staying up north and moving south for a long time. I just don't know how I'm going to work this out. You are right. I have know for a long time that I have outgrown some aspects of my life, but have been loathe to change it. Now that it had been brought to a head, I have no choice but to deal with it. I have a great deal of trepidation about the sudden changes coming, but I will have to deal with it and muddle through the best way I can.
    You know something? Would it be an imposition if I asked you to please do a reading for me? I just got this overwhelming desire to ask. I feel as I need some clarity to cut through this turmoil and upheaval going on across my life right now. I don't know how to get a handle on this or where to start. But I think I need to pick up meditating again. I lost it because of letting my life get in the way. I'd really appreciate it, thank you. I've really seriously begun to Purge things at home before I left to come down here. I really started throwing away stuff and I felt a little lighter each time I did.
    Thank you BlMoon. You have been a wonderful and very welcome friend and part of my life for a long time. I just had this funny vision of Michael standing with his arms folded like he always did, and giving a self-satisfied nod. I'm wondering how much he had to do with stirring up my pot. 🙂
    Anyway, I hope you are having better weather than here. We just had a rousing thunderstorm. While I was driving yesterday, the storms were horrendous!!! While I was driving through northern Mississippi yesterday, the storms were so terrible, I had to ride the rumble strip on the shoulder so I wouldn't run off The road, the rain was blinding!!!
    Blessings to you!!!!
    Sunshine



  • @blmoon
    It seems that I have made the decision that I need to move. I spent most of my time looking at foreclosed and rental houses. There is a foreclosure house just 6 houses up the street from my mom. It's a possibility I'm entertaining more seriously. My kids were happy there. I came back to Pennsylvania Because I have some business issues to take care of. Even the car thought it wanted to stay down there. It started malfunctioning on me about 12 miles from the PA state line, in tje.idfle of the night. 4 long hours later, my car was on a flatbed towtruck with us ensconced inside the tow truck on our way to Monroeville. My insurance only covers 15 miles of towing, so I had to pay $250 to get the car towed 66 miles to my home from West Virginia. 😞 We're home now, but I feel like I'm in stranger's house. I think it would be really nice to buy that house near mom. Now I'm ready to go back. Getting my car fixed is my next priority. I'm just trying to determine the total reason I am moving. I really have not told anyone here that I have returned. Trying not to get caught up in the hamster wheel again. Suddenly I feel as if I don't belong here anymore. And I truly feel alone. Perhaps once I can get this car repaired, I will go back. For good.



  • @sunshine7959
    glad you made it. You sound very tired. Good decision to stay invisible awhile! I did feel you do need to be somewhere were you have some positive help. I was hoping it was a family member. A big change can be both exhilarating and paralyzing.You sound like a boat without a rudder! Try not to think too much. Give your brain some rest. You are feeling that detached place that comes from having already moved on emotionally yet physically it has not manifested yet. I'm going to bed but glad I checked back in here first. I was thinking about you! Get rested and concentrate on peace and quiet and meditation. BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon
    Yes, I guess that is right. I'm feeling detached from this place. I think Alan was upset with us being gone so long. I could feel him hovering. Someone touched my leg a few times. Logan couldn't sleep, so I encased him in a protective bubbles and asked AA Michael to remove whoever it was from the house.
    My mother's house has a negative entity inside. It bothers her, and has been for the twenty plus years they've been there. She says it has tried to stab her, push her down the stairs, etc, but she tells it that it's Her house now, and she's going to stay there, and it leaves her alone for a while. The children said it looks like a monster with a clown face that tries to scare them. Logan must have seen it, because he didn't want to sleep in the room. My nephew sleeps in there. I felt it as if it was trying to cut my throat one night, while I was in there with Logan, so I mentally kept hitting it with white light. I placed protection bubbles around everyone in the house, and expanded the white light to cover the entire house and grounds. The pain in my.neck stopped, and my son slept. My nephew woke up and was actually in a good mood and even said he felt happy. The house felt less heavy. I asked AA Michael to keep the entity out of the house forever. But when I think about it, I'm going to do white light in there again to keep it out. I didn't really realize that I had that ability until then. So I'm going to do that in this place often. I'm really upset about my car, but I'm going to focus upon getting ready to leave in other ways. Like purging things in the house. Downsize!!!! And mentally manifest what I need. I think Michael is still helping a lot. That exit I took on the freeway when my car stopped accelerating, was an exit I had never seen before, and I have traveled that way many times. We were fortunate to be safe the whole time. Someone willing to tow a car through two states in the middle of the night, that was a miracle.
    But, I am ready to go. I have friends here that I love dearly, but I'm not even letting them know that I am back. I appear to be cutting cords en masse. Hoping that I can get a good house for us down in NOLA. It wasn't the place I wanted to be, but I think I need to be...for now.
    I'm going to take your suggestion and clear my mind. Now that the kitchen faucet are in school, I will try to meditate more.
    Have a beautiful blessed day!! ❤🙏



  • BlMoon, excuse my phone. Apparently it feels that it knows better than I what I want to say. It's changed some words to utter nonsense. I think you get what I was trying to say.



  • Hi BlMoon.
    Been home a bit over a week. Ready to go back south. Trying to wrap up my stuff here bit by bit. I would like to go back before Christmas, but I need to have stuff in place before I go. My kids need to be in school. It's really hilarious that I have fought going back for so long, now I can't go back fast enough. 🤣
    Perhaps holding that precious granddaughter helped solidify my decision. Haven't been to church since I got back. SMH. I'm still having moments of uncertainty about such a rapid fire decision. I wonder if being there is the best for my kids, but the die is cast.
    Just what am I doing? I must be crazy.....



  • @sunshine7959
    Isn't being a grandmother the best!!?Try not needing a road map so much. Life changing moves never come with a guarantee, other than the reward of following your INTUITION. That's why less than more folks take a leap out of their rut. FEAR. Trust that moving is not a trap. You will not be trapped. Your path is not always going to be a straight line point A to point B. You are OVER thinking. Just put one foot forward and let God help you along the way. You know that saying that mostly God has a bigger dream than WE can imagine. Trust that whatever bumps in the road you run into you will deal with them. Maybe you won't stay in the same immediate place. But you often have to keep moving as needed to meet the important helpers in your future and find your home. Nothing is written in stone about your immediate plans. No mistakes....just journey. Spirit HAS given you the heads up it's time to move on. But Spirit also will allow you room to grow into spiritual self sufficiency and encourage you to trust in yourself so it's normal not to get a complete road map.. When facing such a BIG change the only way to keep fear from interFEARing is to not force so many worries on yourself. Say to yourself and.post it on your fridge I WILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I GET THERE. Keep your daily goals manageable and celebrate them. Right now it's all about the move so concentrate on that. Put your list up on fridge with anything needed to get ready to move and cross them off as completed....feel the accomplishment of every step forward. Keep it simple. Like....get boxes.....call post office about mail forwarding instructions and time rules.......pack and label kitchen stuff not needed everyday .........call school about instructions for eventual record transfers.......make an official list of all important contact numbers and addresses of doctors and anyone important for future contact........call about process for retrieving utility deposits. You get the drift. Be excited! I wish you had a computer because just looking at properties for sale or rent is a feel good! I do that lately just because it reminds me that HEY YES I have choices! BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon
    Actually, I have been doing a lot of looking. My computers are busy, but I use my phone. I want a house no more apts. I am afraid, more for my children than myself. It's been time to go. I really want to do right by them. I also wish I had someone to be a help to me. Lauren's heart hurts so much because of not having her dad. That's part of my reluctance to go back in church. It's hard for her to watch her friends hugging their dad's every week. I hurt for them both. But move I must. Praying for the means to do do.
    Thanks BlMoon.



  • @sunshine7959
    This is what I have learned "the hard way" about raising my sons. I am so much a nurturer and as well psychic and was so into motherhood. Truth is it took me a lot of wisdom growth and heart ache and worry to find the balance between taking care of others and NOT enabling. This includes all relationships. Children belong to you YES but they also come into life....just like you....with a journey only their soul knows. I always wanted to spare loved ones any suffering. Truth is that if they had a perfect life they may as well stayed in Heaven because here on earth it is about soul growth. Also, as I got older I realized how important many of my childhood hurts became as my life progressed. EXAMPLE.....recently my mom called cos she''s 85 and has nothing but thinking time, suddenly a woman who NEVER sat and retrospected about anything is forced to think A LOT! She couldn't remember my first school....a old school catholic with all the strict rules AND my first kindergarten nun was a SCARY thing for me. She suddenly had to remember the name of that school I went to for 2 years and had driven herself crazy all week looking up Chicago schools! WHY? But of course I remembered it clearly because of a trauma with my first nun which I shared with her. She actually felt bad. BUT I now see how it was a gift. When I started school my mom was busy at home with my siblings so as first born I was on my own and we were not raised to complain so she had no idea but when I started kindergarten I walked the two blocks myself....got there and was so extra excited! I wanted to meet and talk but there were rules! Also, I'm a big energy....a shiny star of a girl and THAT for a nun is a no no. I mean, they are covered up completely in black! As if a woman's body is bad? Anyway...guess who spent the first two weeks with their nose in the corner? I learned fast to dim myself! This nun never smiled! OH I so wanted to please her! So on the way to school I would pass this one yard FULL of beautiful flowers....so I picked a real big beauty and put it on her desk expecting her to be happy. WRONG!!! To my horror she demanded I tell her where I got it! She called me a thief...a sinner and marched me right out of school and to that yard and insisted I must confess my sin. I was terrified...I was 5 years old! I still remember those big heavy nun shoes stomping all the way. My heart was pounding so hard. We knock on the door and guess what? A very beautiful soul of a lady answered...I thought she glowed! She was smiling! AND she insisted no apology needed and her garden was beauty meant to be shared. I never told my mother. And early on in my young life maybe I did feel alone and neglected around kids whose mothers protected them 24/7 like hawks. BUT I became a Poet and that experience became a published poem AND I became one damn good teacher of little ones so THAT experience blessed me because as a teacher I KNOW just how much a responsibility it is....how much a teacher affects a child. It made me a great teacher and as a Poet it gave me a poem. My poem teaches that we have free will. I had the misfortune of sourpuss nun BUT I had the example of a true Goddess. Who I wanted to identify with was my choice. Allow your children their unfortunate life paths. You have no idea sometimes what their soul path requires. BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon
    For goodness sakes!! I had the same old school Catholic Church school experience. My nun was named Sis Hillary. She was one of the most repressed and evil people. I am left-handed, and she beat my hand everyday until it was swollen to prevent me from using it. She used to beat my legs until they were bruised to prevent me from crossing them. Same as you, I am the oldest child, so my cries to my parents fell on deaf ears, with so many siblings behind me. I hated that nun so much!!! Two years I had to endure that evil person, as did my brother Terrence, who was immediately behind me in age. We're Irish twins, with 10 1/2 months between us. I was too strong-willed to break, but she really did a number on my brother. She started a pattern of behavior with him that took him most of his life to shed. I had my own issues as well.
    As parents, we always want the best for our kids. I always wanted them to have better than I did. Unfortunately, it just didn't happen the way I wanted. I've always felt that I am responsible as a parent, to see that they have advantages to help them get the most out of life. Perhaps being near family will be an advantage.
    Anyway, you are right, perhaps I might be hindering their journey. Being on my own journey towards enlightenment, and trying to discover my gifts and skills could be clouding my judgement.
    I'm working on purging a lot of stuff I don't want or need. Once I get my car repaired, I will have to decide how soon I can get out of here.
    Thanks BlMoon.
    Love to you and have a really blessed day!!!



  • @blmoon
    DAMN THOSE EVIL PENGUINS! By today's standards they would be arrested! We sure survived holy boot camp. Perhaps, we are a lot wiser about how religions can lie. The devil does often dress in sheep's clothing....or looks like a penguin. Spiritualism is as Spiritualism does.Cruelty either makes you cruel or very compassionate. I'd say we learned to endure without bitterness! BLESSINGS!



  • @blmoon
    Yes we did. I actually left the Catholic Church because of being abused particularly because I was the one child who had questions that infuriated the nuns. I wasn't being a nuisance, I just wanted questions answered that resulted in me getting beaten by the nuns and priests. I left the Catholic religion at 18 and never looked back. That's why I'm Mormon. However they have their issues too, but different issues. I realize I've outgrown them too.
    We did survive, didn't we, BlMoon. I'd love to see Sis Hillary right now and tell her to her face that she tried to break my spirit, but she FAILED!!!!
    AND write with my left hand!!!! Hahaha!!
    Good night, Blmoon!!! I see the soap has leeched in again. Same person, eh???
    Have a Blessed day!!!



  • Hi BlMoon.
    Overwhelmed!!! One day at a time.
    One project at a time.
    How's things going with you??
    Hurricane Florence remnants trickling in. We've had rain, but not as bad as was forecast, but we still have a couple more days window for weather. Eventually I will have to let people know that I am back. So far, I have been keeping a low profile. Trying to stay out of things that will distract me from what I'm doing.
    Hope you are okay. Have a blessed day!!



  • @sunshine7959
    I give you permission to not owe anyone a notice of return. ☺ You are not the only one on this cosmic path of following your need despite any backlash from others. The details may be different but many of us, specially overly care taking goddesses, are on this path. It's being backed up by the universe for several months now. I have a close friend much younger than me who is on the same path and boy, we have really needed each other! Once you make that save myself decision that you know is going to be scary AND probably not make sense to others AND will make loved ones not happy......you are going to feel the up and down side of that new COMMITMENT. For my dear friend, she was in a job that was growing more toxic everyday. The pay was needed although her husband has a good job. The college she worked for went under new management a couple years ago and like a cancer started slowly eating away at employees who had been there for many years. So many fellow employees started getting sick with illnesses. Slowly some left and would reach out to others to be brave and just leap out. My friend would think about leaving but then worried about others who depended on HER. And the universe pushed her more as her extended family leaned on her with drama. She was withering but could not make that brave leap. The board of directors have a lot of influence and she feared a backlash on her resume. Most who left there went on their own. I knew my friend was spiritually emotionally and physically dying. She knew it but could not understand why it was so hard for her and worse those she worried about being able to leave. Her husband wanted her to stick it out because he feared the loss of pay. Her parents as well felt it was not wise. Thank God for good spiritual ties that keep you strong in your faith when you have to make unpopular decisions in the name of LOVING YOURSELF. That's why people withering get stuck. It's the fear of disappointing others and not having a responsible plan to show others. I had my own leap as well so we spent hours at times talking each other through the next step and celebrating our rewards as they came.You need that too...this is why I'm sharing. My friend quit her job then of course it upset others. She had to really protect herself, her faith that by taking that step of self love that the universe would back her. And it did! BUT mostly it was down to the wire, just when it seemed the darkest a surprise financial opportunity came. She had to distance herself for weeks from her husbands fears and under his breath anger. She got a few freelance grant writing jobs. Her son moved up and she began dreaming up her own OFFICE at home. THEN she found out she had a large amount of cash in a retirement she could cash in. Finally, she could say to her husband...SEE...this is that faith in God that no one could see. We are blessed to have each other to talk about this new place of commitment to following our intuition when others rely on us to just stay put. This is why people can't always escape a draining situation even though they know it's not good. To make a commitment to YOURSELF FIRST means you must face those uncomfortable moments of disappointing others. You must be prepared to stand ALONE with decisions at times to stay strong and not have others planting doubts. It means having no answers for others when they judge. And they will. Be strong Sunshine! And honor your need for space and only allow others who support your spiritual inner guidance. This IS a hard step but you are ready. You do not owe anyone any explanations for your KNOWING what is good for you right now. When you need it most...help will come. When you commit to inner guidance over logical thinking your life changes. You give up a false sense of comfortable safety for a truer sense of spiritual safety. Is it an easy choice? No. But you will gain a sense of empowerment that is truly peaceful. You will feel SAFE within yourself. BLESSINGS!🦋