Looking to "pay it forward"

  • Amen to that Libraslair! I'm on my knees in gratitude! Sable, I have learned SO much from Libraslair and learn more every time she speaks.

    Hon, I'm going to honestly tell you that you don't need to probe more into him, but into YOU. Don't worry about whether he loved you or loves you. It is time move forward. Take comfort in the fact that he really didn't want to hurt you, hence the lying. Not that that's any excuse.

    If he's with a manipulative woman,that's his problem. Don't dwell on it because if you are getting better, then thinking about this is only going to put you back in that place.

    I will try to focus away from your feelings about the relationship so I can try and answer the rest of your questions. For now,treat it like a beautifully wrapped gift waiting to be opened and something marvelous is inside.

  • Hi Karma I do have a question for you, do you see me meeting my soul mate at all? I've waited a long time for him. What kind of info do you need?

  • Libraslair:

    Thank you for your commenting on my situation. I appreciate any input or advice. No, I am not swimming... I have not for years. Thank you for telling me this!

    Yes, it takes two in a relationship and for issues, I do understand that... however, when one is doing all the work FOR the other while the other goes out to play... that is using a person. That is what he did to me.

    When I wanted to go out and play with him... he was too busy.

    I did not want to see the signs but it eventually became too painful and I confronted him, which is when he told me the lie of liking someone but nothing happened.

    I have since learned that is a lie with evidence posted on Facebook dated prior to his telling me nothing happened.

    As for me wanting to know if he is with a manipulative woman again... it is something I do not take pride in... but I would feel better if he was because he deserves no better.

    shameful I know, but right now I want him to hurt as much as the pain he caused me... and I have not gone into detail in the ways he has hurt me.

    Thank you again Libraslair for posting to me. Greatly appreciated!

  • Hisbabylove:

    Thank you too again for posting. I really appreciate it a lot.

    I have probed into me often and for years.. (we keep changing) I think that I probe so much into him because I just cannot understand how a person can treat other human beings the way he does and yet be so damned charming to have people enthralled constantly.

    You say he did not want to hurt me... BUT... he has a habit of doing it over and over... not just to me (as he has done it often) but to everyone he has been involved with. Each time I forgave him, and he would do it again.

    Always full of "sorry" but how can one be sorry if they keep doing what they know will cause the same pain again and again?

    I would like to know if he ever did truly love me... don't know why... for some reason I feel that I need to know if some of what he said was truthful. Maybe to see myself as less of a fool.

    I posted about the manipulative woman comment in reply to Libraslair above this.

    I really hope you will be able to see my work/career/finance future for me.

    For some reason, my entire life I have felt....lost.

    Never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Every time I thought I found a career for me, I would find out something I absolutely hated about it or could not do because of health issues.

    I feel like a failure when I try for a career and it doesn't work out, which is often.

    I just do not know where I fit in this world and never have.

  • Sable that was my point only one working at the relationship doesn't make it work. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear. I didn't mean you weren't trying at all. Love and Light it gets better.

  • Hey everyone,

    Hope ya'll have had a good day! My thoughts tonight, hmm...I read through the posts and see so many similarities in our stories/relationships. Sometimes it almost seems like you are writing my own story and that of my former relationship as I can see myself and him in many of the situations. Makes me wonder how such intelligent, strong, independant, honest, trusting, kind, selfless, loving, caring & nurturing women (we seem to share many of the same traits) can have their lives turned inside out, hearts ripped out and broken and be in turmoil over these men we love (who also seem to have many of the same characteristics) ? It's as though they seek us out, prey on our loving, compassionate nature and our committment to love them and stand by their side unconditionally. And although we are NOT weak women, through their charm and sometimes manipulative, controlling & selfish behaviors they somehow bring out a vulnerability in us that leaves us (or at least me) wondering what the heck is going on with me, who am I becoming and why am I letting this man do this to me? They seem to want, need, crave these qualities we have, they want us to love and be committed to them, but then we get too close and it's as though they get scared and they do everything in their power to push us away or run away from exactly the things it is they say want! Sometimes they will run to exactly the opposite of what we are, the kind of woman they say they don't want in their life...one that is selfish and manipulative. But then they return to wanting what they had, whether it be with us or someone who is just like us...and the cycle begins all over again! I somewhat understand the cycle when we are younger and haven't quite figured out who we are yet or our place in this world. But as we get older, wiser, we grow and mature, learn from experiences, then why does this cycle and game continue? I am 45, and I do understand we are constantly growing, we have too, it's part of living, but I am just at kind of at a loss why our men just don't get it, why they can't get past the "flee" pattern when they have found an amazing woman that is everything they say they're looking for and want? Hmm...just my wondering thoughts!

    If anyone has any insights, has anything to add/share or feels up to doing a reading for me, I'd appreciate it. Wishing ya'll peace, happiness and many blessings! <hugs>to all of you =)</hugs>

  • Sable, you feel the need to know if he ever loved you because, if he did, YOU will feel worthy and better for having been loved. It won't have all "been a lie." It wasn't a lie. What you felt was real WAS real. I can't tell you if he was in love with you or loved you in the ways you loved him. But I can tell you that he DID NOT intend to hurt you. He did NOT go into the relationship with any intentions of using you and hurting you. If that was what he wanted, he would have been done long ago, without continuing to lie. He just became unhappy and didn't know how to tell you because he did NOT want to hurt you. That means he cared enough about you to the end. Ok, he didn't care not to lie or cheat on you, but he cared enough not to want to face hurting you. That means something more than using you and "making a fool" out of you was in his heart. I feel that he is genuinely sorry for your pain. He does feel guilty, but he has moved on.

    I really hate to say these things to you because I KNOW it will hurt you, but I feel that you need to know. It is an incredible agony I feel knowing things that will cause another pain and knowing how desperately you want answers to your questions, which is why I agonize over everything I say.

    What you really want to know is if he ever loved you how could he hurt you like that? Well, sometimes people stop loving in the ways the used to. Sometimes they just aren't happy anymore and feel trapped and are too afraid to be honest, so they live a lie until either they can't take it anymore or, in the case of this man, someone else comes along and the lies grow until they catch up to them.

    He stopped being happy, for whatever reason, in your relationship and instead of ending things, he dragged it on until it was more hurtful than all he had feared. Now,its up to you to figure out what you can learn from this. Libra is right, it takes two to make or break a relationship and, though he ended it the worst way, you also share some of the responsibility. Your responsibility is in figuring out how much of your not feeling fulfilled in your career, not feeling like you "fit in," your dissatisfaction with your life's path effected YOU and your relationship.

    When things are not balanced, WE are not balanced. When one aspect of our lives suffers, if we are not vigilant, it WILL effect other aspects of our lives. Too often, we meet someone and things are brighter so we think that everything will be ok. Then we get comfortable and start paying attention to all the other stuff that was wrong before Mr. Wonderful came along and distracted us and if we don't get a handle on it, Mr. Wonderful suddenly loses his shine to us, or WE lose our shine to HIM.

    You need to work through this anger and bitterness, for your OWN sake, before you think of anything else. You need to stop talking about him and "her" to everyone because it is not good for you. I feel like you do too much of this. I feel your anger and resentment churning inside you into rage. Don't contact him or anyone he knows anymore. Don't keep her image in your mind. Don't fixate on them in this way. I also feel this ocean of self pity and recrimination. Put a stop to it before it overtakes you. Try to get help in whatever way you are comfortable, but get help working through this.

    I will be happy to read for the other aspects of your life but, like I said before, I'm getting so much of your emotions that I can't get past them to anything else. It really IS like an ocean, a black sea that needs to calmed so the sun can shine again.

    Please take the advice so many have given here and heal YOU.

    Blessings and Light

  • Danr- Nice to see you again:) I suggest starting a thread for a reading because,to be honest, karmacoma closed this thread a while ago and I doubt many people will be reading through this.

    I will say that not ALL the men who cheat are jerks. They are very wrong, yes. But all the women are not innocent victims. To say that is abrogate any responsibility for our part of a relationship which means we get none of the credit either.

    Some men ARE jerks who prey on vulnerable women. Some women aren't so rosy either. I don't think that victim mentality is good for us. Bad things happen to good people, good people do bad things, but we ARE all responsible for ourselves and what becomes of us in the end...unless you get hit by a bus or a building falls on your car...or you get struck by lightening sitting on your couch...

    Blessings and Light

  • Libraslair:

    Thank you, I misunderstood you. My fault. Thank you for posting again. HUGS

  • hisbabylove:

    Thank You for your posting again.

    While yes, it did hurt, I need to have reality.

    It hurts that he has moved on, and moved on while still telling me everyday that he loved me, and I have such trouble moving on.

    Like you said, it is an ocean of pain within me. Just when I think I am getting out of it... a tidal wave comes along and drowns me all over again.

    it has overtaken me more than once... to a depth of darkness and pain I never want to see again.

    I am trying, so very hard to stop the pain.

    Other than the not contacting him or anyone he knows... I do not know how to get over the pain.

    How do you stop the hurt inside?

    I have been busy with other things, trying to distract myself, and I am doing MUCH better than I was this summer.

    the pain is still there.

    Unlike him, I cannot bounce from relationship to relationship.

    I do NOT want to rebound and right now I don't know if I ever can put my heart out there again.

    thank you for all you have written here for me. HUGS

  • Sable,

    You're welcome and I'm very sorry you are hurt. Thank you for validating my last reading, it really helps me to continue what I do.

    I want you to know that you were led here and I was given these messages because you needed to hear them. God, the universe, whatever you believe in, wants you to begin to heal and that's why you came here and I happened to be led to read through a closed thread...so you can get these messages and begin on the new path meant for you.

    I have to tell you that I don't want to say some of this because I worry that you're too fragile or you might be hurt,which is the last thing I want. That said, it isn't up to me to decide what you should or shouldn't hear. I say all this because what's to follow might seem a bit tough and I want to be receptive,open minded, and sure that its said from a loving place. I asked and prayed for guidance in what and how to tell you what I have been getting. Your questions have helped me to proceed with confidence.

    When I told you that good things were in store for you once you cleared the negativity from your life. The first thing you need to clear out is the self pity, hon. I know you feel like you were abused by this man and nothing I say is going to either take away that feeling or convince you that he really did not want to hurt you-even though he did. But this isn't just about HIM. Its something you've lugged around for much of your life.

    Self pity diminishes us. If you feel sorry yourself, then it means we see ourselves as less than we really are. You are not some poor, pathetic thing. You are a warm, gentle, sweet woman with a lot to offer. Learn to see yourself for what you are not what you went through.

    Next, let go of the bitterness. Actually, you will never be rid of the self pity as long as you harbor any bitterness. A big step toward that is stop rehashing the past. Stop going over everything that he, or anyone, has done that hurt you. Notice I said what they HAVE DONE THAT HURT YOU, not what they did TO hurt. There is a big and important difference there. Either way, you are dwelling on them and the past, then circling it all back to you.

    This has a huge impact on how you see yourself but ALSO, how you present yourself to the world. As much as people feel for those who have suffered and bear that suffering like visible scars, they don't think of calling that person for a fun time out, a date, or even a comforting conversation because we ALL assume that when someone is obviously unhappy, they prefer to be with those you are closest to them or just by themselves. And, in all honesty, how much time would YOU like spend with someone whose energy was at such a low ebb?

    I'm not saying any of this to make you feel badly. so please do NOT add blame to the many things you heap on yourself. We ALL have our war wounds from things we have fought through in life. The important thing is whether we keep them open wounds or let them heal into painless scars with a story we can tell about how we got them and how strong we were to get through it.

    Sable, i KNOW how hard it is to let go. But if your in an ocean, holding on to an old piece of luggage that's dragging you down with each wave, wouldn't it be the wise thing to let go so you can start swimming and LIVE? Don't you know that if you swim like heck and make it shore you can replace all that raggedy old stuff in that dumb old luggage with wonderful new things?

    Its ok to hurt, but no more wallowing and drowning. I highly recommend talking to someone. I also recommend getting on meet up dot com and joining a walking meet up group, a coffee meet up, books, sewing, yoga...whatever YOU are curious about or interested in. You will meet LOTS of new and fun people. You are NOT allowed to bring up the old bag. Let it sink to the bottom of the sea. Let these people get to know YOU for who you are, independent of him and the past. Besides, no one wants to be around a wet soggy mess. Yes, friends should and do care. But you are going to build a new image and life for YOU where he and she are NOT the focal point.

    Join these fun new people and start swimming! I would REALLY encourage you to join a walking or some sort of exercise group. You'll meet new people AND feel better both physically and emotionally.

    Each time you find yourself going back to that place, treat it as an object you accidentally picked up and immediately put it back down. Picture yourself doing this. Read back into your posts. In EACH and EVERY one, there is ONE them; he lied to me when he said he loved me and cheated on me.

    Do you know why this is repeated over and over? Because YOU are repeating it to YOURSELF.

    DO you know why you keep repeating it to yourself? Because deep down, you are feeling that if his love was a lie, then YOU weren't loved. then maybe you weren't lovable.

    Sable, you aren't missing HIM or the relationship. You are missing feeling loved and worthy of being loved because it validated YOU.

    You need to find that within yourself. I can tell you until I'm blue that you ARE worthy and will be happy again. It will not happen until YOU get out there and make it happen.

    NO more TALKING about him or her or what he did. You can give yourself a few minutes to let out your feelings to a friend or counselor, but make an effort to speak in terms of YOU. For example you can talk about feeling blue or having a tough time, as opposed to you're being heartbroken by what HE did and HIS lies.

    I really, truly hope you take this message to you as a sign that its time to turn the corner and do what is meant to lead you forward.

    Hugs and Light and ALL my best wishes.

  • Thank you hisbabylove;

    yes, that was very difficult to read... I cried a lot..

    I know you are right.

    I am trying and then some little part of me seems like a child having a tantrum screaming no no no no!

    then I cry even harder.

    It is not as bad as it was this summer... that was living in hell.

    I am better but still.... my heart is still....

    I will keep trying... have to... no choice

    thank you for writing again.

    thank you

  • Hey there KarmaComa

    Saw you in another thread 🙂 Welcome back to the forum and hope everything is coming along well for you

    Talisa x

  • Hello KarmaComa,

    If when you have time, could you do a reading for me? My dob is 12/30/1959. I was wondering if this coming year, my soul mate would make his entrance into my life? In case we don't connect before Christmas, have a very Merry Christmas!....Merry Christmas to one and all on here, and I do hope the joy of the season fills your hearts with love, hope and peace!....

  • Hi KarmaCorma. I have reread your reading for me. I understand your reading well now. Now, much later:-) It is a good reading you gave me. That is just what I want to say.

  • bump

  • thw thank you, its very nice of you to say. : - )

    Talisa! I never forgot about you... To you and anyone else that I never got to I am truely sorry...honest to god my head is just so completly wraped up and consumed with my problems...Sorry ladies.

    ...I am going to go get my cards and see what I come up with, see if its decent.

  • For Talisa.

    Death, Ten O Cups, Ten O Pentacles, and The Sun

    Wow! Talisa this is reading is literaly screaming CHANGE! at me.

    As you probably already know Death, is always the symbol for rebirth and renewal, but When Death and the Sun come togethor they are calling for almost incredible! benefits to your life. All of that brought on by the ending and thus a new beging that wee see in the Death card.

    The two Tens also show the completion of a cycle, and new hope for new ambitions and enterprizes. Ten is seen as holding all other numbers witihin it. It is the ultimate in its suit, and has many symbolic associations that you should try to apply to your daily experiences. The tree of life is one, and The Ten commandments is another.

    Both tens also speak of Marriage? And some problem concerning it? Were wedding plans made and then never realized...Did one of you very much not want to get married?

    I get the impression that you are back togethor? Is this true? If you are back togethor, your still having the same problems? If i'm right then I think that the cxards are saying that the seperation was good and right for you. If you are indeed still seperated, then I'm sorry love but I think you stay that way. : - )

    Talisa thanks for being so kind. You are very much appreciated.

  • hisbablove...I would a love a reading form you. if you feel anything for me?

  • Hey KC 🙂

    So great to see you back on the forum, I know you were missed. I have seen from other forums that things arewn't so wonderful for you at the moment so know that I will send positive energy and thoughts your way to help you to deal with what you have to.

    Thanks ever so much for your reading, I appreciate you taking hte time with all you have on your plate. We are still not back together and I am starting to come to a realisation that he may not have anything overly positive to offer me anymore. Just took me a while to take the rose coloured glasses off I think!! smiles He was the one who propsed to me back in 06 which I accepted but guess it wasn't meant to happen huh

    So when you say witht he death card and sun card together it calls foralmost incredible benefits.....what areas does that mean or in what way will things change? Or is it telling me that I MUST chhange or that change is inevitable??

    Sorry to ask questions, just want to understand things given you took the time to do the reading for me


    Talisa xx

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