Blmoon, please help. Having trouble with my brother.

  • Just to confirm that I didn't actually see your long post before it disappeared. Sorry for the additional bother. I'm going to my brother's today, so will see how that goes.

  • It worries me that you're afraid of your brother. Please trust your instincts. Be careful.

  • My brother actually gave me something very nice. We also discussed the house and my plans. He said he was open to it and to leave it with him to think about. But I still have a niggling feeling that I cannot trust him. I hope he was sincere and that I am being paranoid.

  • Hi Blmoon, you said that you had posted a reading that had disappeared, but that you would repost. I would really appreciate it if you could repost it please. Thank you.

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  • Did your brother's gift have anything to do with his remark he wanted to bring something to the house? A secret? I originally got a very creepy plotting toying with you vibe. The kind of fear you described feeling is hard to read through. I got that he is manipulating and he knows your weak spot....he is passive aggressive and he sees you as easily paranoid. The mood swings he has is the result of his self medicating. Can't see if it's drinking drugs or both. Is he different in the late evening than early in the day? He may be medicating during the day and drinking on top of that in the evening.......the drinking would make him more outspoken and aggressive. He's trying to hide from himself and not face all he has silenced with distractions. Also, because he was very transparent to his mother he developed a habit of trying to throw off people who are close to him.He does that to you....and it was probably low key and just quirky to in the past but with the recent self medicating it has intensified and I can see how it really looks psychotic. You can ask your mother to help you see through him. You really need to practice not being emotionally bullied by him. In reality you have much more strength than him and he is REALLY the vulnerable one. I only see him as dangerous when drunk or his ability to be secretive plotting, manipulative in his attempt to feel powerful. The positive side is he loses courage easily when he settles down from a personal anger fit. He really is at war with himself. You give no indication of how you respond to him when he says something odd. You must help him break that habit and respond without fear. It bothered you when you asked him what he wanted to bring to the house. A secret was not an answer you should of just let pass. Be honest if it creeps you should have responded..."you are creeping me out" Why is it a secret? If the secret was the gift then yes you are paranoid but if it wasn't then he can't be doing that to you. As for his health will be the result of his ignoring his body's warning signs and his self medication. I am getting a prescription for anxiety or depression but he abuses the dosage and combines alcohol. Or he runs out of his meds too early and drinks to avoid the withdrawal. I feel he will feel at some point he's having heart issues....chest pains as his anxiety attacks intensify. Once under medical treatment they will sort out the neglect of his will be a scary time for him but he may keep those emotions to himself. This is one of those "free will" opportunity to be vulnerable or to continue on as he has done so far. On your side.....this is a great opportunity to own your power and practice feeling safe. I'm busy with shopping for insurance at the moment....uhg! But will respond again. BLESSINGS!

  • Thanks so much Blmoon!

    Yes, sorry if I wasn’t clear: the gift was what he wanted to bring to the house. When he said, “it’s a secret”, I replied, “that sounds ominous”. He laughed (via text) and said that no, I would like it. I didn’t want to say any more than that, otherwise I would have revealed my fear (paranoia). I thought it was something legal. A few months ago I wouldn’t have felt that saying “It’s a secret” was creepy, because my brother hadn’t revealed this other side of himself yet. Recently he has been trying to manipulate me, to get in my favour because probate is imminent. I think this was the grand gesture in that line. That same day he also invited me over for Mother’s Day, saying that he didn’t want me to be alone at the house thinking of our mother. He wept as he said it. I was surprised at this invitation and the tears, seeing that at Easter I didn’t exist at all for his family. As a result of this, I had already accepted another invitation for Mother’s Day.

    The last time he was verbally aggressive, I calmly told him to stop being so melodramatic. When he is in that frame of mind, he has no control over what he says. I am able to control my tongue quite easily, and in those moments have much more presence of mind than him, and I can maintain my strength. Normally he is extremely passive aggressive, as you said.

    He asked me if I had thought any more about the house. I asked him his thoughts, and when I could see the direction the conversation was going in (inclined to sell in this rock bottom market) I felt that I needed to tell him my intentions, which are to eventually buy him out. I said that I would rent the property myself for now and pay the money into the Estate bank account. I mentioned that as I don’t have any children, the house would go to his children when I die. Twice he said he was open to the idea and to leave it with him. Now I’m concerned that out of vindictiveness he will simply refuse. This would make him feel very powerful indeed. That is what he did last time, when I was thinking about subdividing the property. “Yes”, when he was in a good mood, and “no”, to pay me back for not allowing him to take Estate funds to pay his debts. I also mentioned to him that this would give me an opportunity to physically split with my husband. I feel I have placed myself in a very vulnerable position – this is my weak spot – but I also felt it was the moment to tell him of my plans.

    I am seeking more legal advice. The other lawyer was from legal aid. He gave me good advice, but the time was very limited. The ideal situation would be to have the house transferred directly into my name, and I would pay instalments to my brother, instead of paying rent to the Estate. The money might appeal to him, but I’m not sure he will accept having the house put in my name. Naturally a legal contract would need to be drawn up. The point is to avoid paying taxes twice. And of course it would give me the security I’m seeking.

    It’s difficult to say whether he is different at any given time of the day. Since my mother died we have hardly communicated, and mainly by text. As I mentioned, of late he has been more present, but I feel that is because he is trying to manipulate me. It’s still been via text or email. He wouldn’t tell me if he had health issues, especially the type you describe. I think I may have mentioned in the past that he didn’t tell us for two years that he had separated from his wife. And only then it was because I became suspicious from a slip-up he made on social media. Maybe he saw it as a personal failing or a weakness.

    I will practise tapping into my power and feeling safe.

    I really appreciate the time you’ve spent with me, Blmoon. I hope your situation resolves quickly and in your favour.

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  • Hi Blmoon,

    If possible I would like an update on this situation, please. In the end I made an offer to my brother to buy his half of the house, which he immediately accepted and confirmed in writing. We were going to get a deed drawn up by my lawyer. I suggested he contact his lawyer friend to work out a detail, but when three weeks had passed, I knew he was scheming up something. In fact, he sent me a long email in which he said that he wanted $50,000 more than the amount I had offered and he had accepted. He based this decision on the fact that when he said yes immediately, I replied, "Really?". To him that "Really?" meant that I was willing to pay more. He threatened to take me to court. Even though he doesn't seem to comprehend that we would have to sell the house simply in order to pay the legal fees. We have now reached an impasse as I didn't bother to reply to his email. I want nothing to do with him. I had to see him at his son's engagement party. He continues to be passive aggressive and manipulative, all the while spitting out how much he loves me. It makes me sick to the stomach. I do not feel at ease in the house, as every time I come home I expect to see his car in the driveway. I have also fallen into a slump with my business because of the sense of uncertainly regarding the house. I am picking that up again now, but have lost time. I feel he doesn't have the courage to actually go through with any legal action, but of course I can't be 100% certain.

    Could you please tell me whether you feel he is scheming up anything else? I remember that the overall conclusion previously was that everything would work out in the end, but I would still like confirmation, please.

    Thank you

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