• It feels like history keeps repeating itself. I can't seem to get it right with relationships! I wish I knew what I was truly doing wrong here, but the same message keeps coming back to me: that I've settled for less yet again. I don't know if that's right. Maybe I'm to blame, but whatever it is, I feel like I keep getting men who I can't rely on, don't support me, then throw the blame back at me when things don't suit them.

    I'm not saying my current relationship is over, but boy, as much as I love this guy, have things been bloody hard here and there for a fair part of the last two and a half years. He won't LISTEN, seems to treat me like he's arguing with his ex-wife, then tells me I'm a know-all, basically a "little miss can't be wrong" and the whole thing compounds, then he takes off in a fit of anger and I'm left figuring out what's next!

    Any insights into this situation at all guys? I'm at a loss really ...

    Thanks in advance 🙂

    PS: I kicked him out over a year ago, and pretty well did the same just now. I love him, but sheeeeeiiiit, how much can a koala bear??

  • Do you find yourself attracted to guys who are a little immature or vulnerable, so you can mother and nurture them, Moonie? That would go with your Cancerian nature. Maybe you need a partner who doesn't need 'fixing'?

  • I just need one to man up. I'm tired of not being able to rely on whoever's in my life. My ex husband was very "reliable" but was not supportive to me, if you know what I mean. So I guess I've been drawn to the little boys. I thought I'd hit pay dirt with this guy, but ? I'm so over the drama; I just want a happy life, not one filled with angst and worry. If this rel doesn't work out, I'll be done with men forEVER

  • All the things you want from a man will no longer have any power over you if you give those things to yourself. If you can work towards being your own partner then you will be happy first and a man will just be an added bonus if he comes along. No relationship is perfect. One person will never meet all your needs. Everyone has needs that are negotiable and needs that are essential. We sometimes lose sight of the things that keep us fulfilled. Sometimes you have to get your needs from others including yourself. I know you are very intuitive and you really get people so you can't ignore your man's nature. Magical thinking can take over when you on good days with him forget his nature. And he can only make you feel small if you let him. Your self worth can not be tied to him in any way. Emotions are your obstacle. You have excellent spirit hearing but emotions get in the way. Weak insecure men when feeling over powered will resort to pushing buttons that will stir up your emotions......when you get upset and feel helpless to access your own source of happiness he is actually clipping your wings....keeping you at a level he can contain. It's about personal power and you do get that feeling of underselling yourself......it's your power leaking out. Walk away from the drama. Set him aside and take stock of your heart's desire...your purpose....your peace. We all must work hard for our power......it's work practicing peaceful indifference when someone gets us so upset we leak power and our energy. I myself keep at it. It's never fixed ...it's part of self care. Right now you need to fill your energy back up by being joyful. Do the little things you love. What brings you pleasure? Be good to yourself! BLESSINGS!

  • Hi moonie, It seems like you have so much stress and lots to think about. I keep thinking that somethings just repeat in my life too in regards to relationships as well as jobs. I wish, I knew how to stop the cycle, it is like enough already, got it. I understand the lesson and...it repeats in another time .

    Thinking of you and I hope you can work out the issues w your partner. XO

  • Make sure you are not mistaking loneliness for love. If you think you need another person to fill those empty moments alone, perhaps all you need is to be with family or join a group or a club to feel part of something human?

  • Thanks znl. I think we sometimes THINK we've "got it" then a situation comes up that tells us, we don't.

    Blmoon, yes, I felt like I gave my power away. If or when there is a next time, I'll walk away from it, because I allowed myself to get sucked in to his muck and it did nothing but bring me down. I've walked away from it before, or asked him through gritted teeth to get out, which is what he's expecting and what he gets. UUGGGHHHH

    I thought I'd "got" the lesson that no one person can be all things to us, but it appears I still haven't really got it after all. I've brought my daughter up to think this way, but still haven't walked the talk, so to speak!

    Things have been stressful, before we moved back and after. It seems like it's been one thing after another and we've both crumbled under the strain a bit.

    He has a lot of valuable and lovely traits, and I keep expecting him to be what he's not and that's responsible more often than he is. I wish he'd do more, but knew he was like that at the beginning. Those positive traits outweighed the not so positive ones for me.

    Oh we can be silly sometimes, can't we?

    I must learn to walk away, ignore, and go read a book in bed!!

    Thanks guys. It's time I took the advice I've given my daughter ...

  • " I think we sometimes THINK we've "got it" then a situation comes up that tells us, we don't."

    Yes Moonie. Unless it is repeating the same thing and the lesson looks the same but we cannot avoid it/the cycle as you said "History repeats it seems" Agh.

  • just putting my two cents in.... I Totally get the continuing cycle in different areas in ones life (me totally included ) i keep wondering what part of the lesson i didn't quite get i thought i mastered it but no i didn't because why would i relive it again ... I believe (i'm no expert) the lessons that one must learn is always our blind spot so when we think we get it we really don't for us to receive the lesson there must be a total alignment of understanding (intellectually ,physically and emotionally) some times we mentally see it and say yes! i see where i went wrong i wont do that particular thing again. then when it shows up a next time the same way we say ah yes i know what that looks like i'm not getting trapped . Then it shows up differently but at the root its the same energy same thing presenting itself just different mask (scenario ) to you but because we haven't emotionally identify it our intellect does not recognize that there is no difference, At it's worst when we either recklessly or compulsively keep doing it and not identifying (or learning) we get the physical backlash it's like the universe most severe attempt but i believe in emotionally attuning yourself feeling all the feeling and energy and not deceiving oneself eventually the situation changes and you would not have to make any effort for that to happen ... it's quiet effortless but darn when you're blind to it' it requires total focus good luck all the best !

  • Bumpity Bump Bump Bump! Calling for the end of spam once and for all!

  • I think we tend to confuse self care with a permanent fix. The problem with feeling we failed is it actually interferes with self love, self worth and forgiveness with out judgement. We often as well curl up in our shell and close our hearts. It's best to not dwell on how gullible, stupid or wrong we are and in a perfect world we should not use that self talk!....in fact without realizing it, we have so much disappointment and anger and frustration at the loved one....who could care less because they do not take responsibility for their actions. People who do not take responsibility dump it on others. That doesn't mean we need to accept that. Trying to get the reaction you want from someone else is spinning your wheels. Our ego wants justice. Getting that from someone irresponsible is not going to happen. Justice is moving on and living well! BLESSINGS!

  • Very true Blmoon. Im going through that with my ex right now

  • I appreciate all these words of wisdom, and can feel a shift happening in my own thoughts and expectations.

    So far this week, Blmoon, I have become "joyful" and instead of worrying about what I SHOULD be doing, have done what I plain WANT to do. Until I start work - which I hope happens soon - I am using this time, for once, as a time to stretch out, do what I enjoy doing and just plain BE JOYFUL.

    You lot might think I'm a weirdo, but I've discovered that I much prefer prettying up my house than socialising. Yes folks, I LOVE HOUSEWORK, and feel a real sense of achievement and satisfaction when I look around at my clean house. Still haven't got to those spare rooms out the back though ... many boxes still in there and unpacking to do ... makes me tired just thinking about it lol!

    Thanks all! I don't think I'll lose the bones of this lesson this time, so I'm grateful for those bones finally sinking in.

    The past will clutch on if we let it, won't it?

  • PS: I realised that because I was expecting myself to do or be certain things, I was projecting my dissatisfaction on to my partner. He also has issues with his manliness and control, which doesn't help when arguments happen. And I am sure he forgets who I am, and I become his ex wife when fights start. He poo-poo's this of course, but I'm sure I'm right ...

    PSS: Why do most men dislike when we women are right, which is more often than not? PPFFFFFTTTTTT it's annoying!

  • Moonie, there is a definite correlation between us and our homes so it is a good thing that you want to beautify your place. It means you are devoting more effort to yourself and your needs. You are now clean and spruced up and ready for the new to enter. Get rid of all that clutter though (says she who can hardly move in her bedroom for junk).

  • hahaha! I confess....right now my bedroom is the drop off for later stuff that has no home! Bad bad bad! I know better and can tell when it's full because my sleep is restless. TODAY IS THE DAY....my room gets it's due love! Love a space and it will love you back ; )

  • We have to get over the idea that we are going to re-use EVERYTHING in our homes one day and that useless junk is going to be magically useful in the future.

    So if we are our homes, does that make YOU the drop-off for everyone else's stuff, Blmoon?

    Me, I HATE clutter - so why do I have so much of it????? Aarghhh!

  • yes! oh wise captain it does mean exactly that! And I must be diligent . It means I put myself last by nature. It's after 2am and I got a lot done in my room. I picked up some sage today and a really beautiful stone ...lepodite? something like that...it was pricey but oh my it's beautiful and full of energy......my gift to myself for neglecting my room...I accepted my apology ; )

  • Lodolite?

  • Luddite? 😉

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