Cancer still contacts me 2 yrs post break up
Hello fellas! I am new here. Gotta say,it's crazy seeing the entire page being almost filled with cancerian men breaking up.Whats with these crabbies lately? So I'll add mine now.
So we were in a serious relationship for a year in 2014 and it was great.Our love was deep and it was a surreal relationship.He kept me on a high pedestial.I broke his trust badly with a lie(no guy involved)which was big but personal and he felt big time betrayed,of course.So we brokeup.However,we have been very different than the usual ex situation.
We have had the ugliest of fights after breaking up but we never stopped talking at all because our bond was very strong during our relationship. Even after our breakup he told me he still loved me but had trust issues with me. However,his behavior suddenly changed from 2016
I must have probably done something,i dont know.He would get very angry too fast.He stopped appreciating,complimenting or flirting with me. Each time i would talk about us, me,him, emotions, feelings,relationships,he would get extremely angry. He said that the realization of the betrayal has increased his hurt with time.Then suddenly from august he changed again.He was sent to different cities for work and he started calling me of his own and often
He would send me photos of things i love and we would talk for more than an hour when he'd call. However,again,he would still not compliment or appreciate or speak any good word about me. It's as if he did that purposely. Whenever i flirt or complimnt,he doesnt reciprocate. But it was still going much better than what it was at the start of the year but i again messed it up by asking him if i was special.
Now as i said,these questions make him extremely angry because they invoke emotions and feelings.He said i was just as casual as anyone else. So we again had an ugly fight over it and patched up two weeks later.Then again,we started callingtexting every weekends from Jan this year. He is in a different city now with his 4 colleagues(3 guys and 1 girl and they have become best friends). Again his behavior slightly changed a bit.He is either way too busy at work(has to work till late nights) or hes busy with his colleagues(they are together all day long).Still sometimes he calls or texts.
I decided to have an open honest talk with him 2 days before valentines. Of course that led to a fight again and he said he doesnt have feelings for me anymore.I told him i still love him and requested him to leave out this negative image he has of me. I promised him if he does that then there wont be any misunderstandings or fights between us.He said "okay,lets see.Go with the flow". Then he wished me on valentines at sharp 12. Since then i sometimes see his behavior has slightly changed for positive. Very slightly but atleast better than nothing.
For eg. post breakup he never said sorry.He would think that he could behave however he wants and i dont deserve any apology because i betrayed his trust. But now,if hes wrong,he apologizes.
Also,when he saw a tagged photo of him on an occasion with his female colleague and shes holding his waist,he knew i might get suspicious so he called me immediately to clarify that there is nothing between them and then flirted with me.
Another example is that as i said he had totally stopped appreciating me so he never liked anything i posted on fb.He used to see it but he wouldnt like it simply because it was mine but now that seems to be slowly changing after 2 years.
Another example is when few days ago i asked if his colleagues know me because we talk on phone every weekend.He said "i think they know about you little bit. They asked if i have a girlfriend and i said maybe or maybe not".
So yeah,that's it
So,what do ya'll make of this situation and him? Does it feel like he has any feelings for me and is only lying out of hurt and anger when he says he feels nothing for me?
TheCaptain last edited by
"They asked if i have a girlfriend and i said maybe or maybe not". He trusts you, he trusts you not. How much longer are you going to put up with someone who cannot make up his mind about you? The best way to see if someone truly cares for you (and to prove to him what he feels about you) is TO NOT BE THERE ANY MORE. Cut him off, vanish from his life, don't email or text or talk on the phone. Leave it to him to do all the work if he wants you back. Otherwise this man will dither forever and keep stringing you along.
Thank you so much for your response,@TheCaptain.
Actually, he's the one who initiates most of the calls and texts. We talk only during the weekends (weekdays are rare). I do call and text too but I make sure that he does then remotely most of it. I hate keeping counts but I know this is a different situation.
Does it feel like this guy is having feelings for me still and is lying about it because hes still hurt and angry?
watergirl18 last edited by
Maybe you are being TOO patient. It doesn't matter who initiates the contact, calls, etc. What Captain was telling you is that you are being too available to him. He knows you are there on his string and available at any time so there is no need for him to commit to anything else. Explain to him what you want and then stop contact and let him make up his mind. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you he will step up. If he doesn't then you will have confirmation that any further contact is a waste of your time.
TheCaptain last edited by
I am back only because you bumped @TheCaptain
I totally agree with what you and @watergirl18 said. Maybe it was one of those advices which a part of me knew but still wanted to hear it over and over again from other people.
We spoke 2 weekends ago.He had come home for the weekend after months and he called me Saturday night.Again,I didn't text or call.He called me of his own and we spoke for usual 40 min. It was bland and again I was the one doing 75% of the talking as anything I ask him,his reply is a monosyllable of "yes""hmm""nothing". I was feeling very emotionally low that night and I texted him the next day Sunday morning telling him that as I have always been very transparent to him.He was out with his friends but he called me hours later of his own. He was out with his friends even when he called.I asked him what did he do yesterday and today and he said "nothing". That got me mad and i told him he is out enjoying with his friends so that's not 'nothing. He said that's nothing for him.It really pricked me why is he being so secretive and distant yet calling me to talk.I told him it's been 2 years since we have done anything together so I told him let's do something together to spend a good time once he reaches home ,like.play a game,watch a movie or just have a deep talk.He said he wants to spend time with his family and has some work to finish. That got me mad.I am a highly considerate and understanding person but the fact that he never spent quality time with me doing something in these 2 years is what hit me bad that moment. Also the fact that he is enjoying outing with his friends but has no time for us is what hit me.He said "i call you and we talk.That's basic and simple and simple is good". So i got mad and told him "sure,please go enjoy.Bye" and we ended the call.Just a minute later he texted saying "i really would like to spend some time with family as I am home after many months and have some work to finish so please dont mind".I just replied an okay and that's it.Then he left for work the following day.
Then he had 3 days holiday this past weekend,from Friday through Sunday. I saw him spend an hour on facebook being online in few intervals throughout the day but he didnt text or call. Then again he was online on fb for an hour on Saturday night and so was I.After an hour he texted me at sharp midnight asking "how are you? and what am you upto". I replied in his tone with just a monosyllable of "good and nothing".He funnily said "good to see you copy me " and i replied in his sarcastic laugh tone and that was it. I am damn sure he knows I am mad at him but he didn't call me or text to cheer me up.He always does when i get mad at him so it really surprised me he didn't.
Now,I got a little too childish and posted a quote on my whatsapp status saying "Goodbye stranger it was nice.Hope you find your paradise"Of course I had the privacy settings applied where only he could read it and not the rest of the world..He read it but no reaction.I felt very stupid for having done that after I was emotionally normal again.
I am trying to move on from him now.I have deleted his phone number so that I dont feel tempted to call him. If he isn't willing to make efforts then I am done here.