Captain....please x

  • Dearest Captain

    I have recently had much change in my life, left my emotionally abusive aquarian ex in the UK and am back in Cape Town. I have been seing someone here, Ross who seems lovely. Very different from the previous guy although I can tell he is not as experienced in relationships as I am - and this can be frustrating at times.

    His name Ross: 22nd July 1992

    I am Kali: 18 September 1990 (libra rising)

    Please let me know what you pick up on the situation and in general.

    Many many thanks,


  • The main challenge in this relationship will be whether the two of you can be sensitive enough to each other’s needs. Insensitivity here is likely to arouse tremendous conflict, and at times can threaten to tear the relationship apart. Any critical and rejecting attitudes on your part are likely to arouse resentment and antagonism in Ross. You in turn may be put off by his penchant for expressing his emotions publicly, and by his own lack of sensitivity to your need for privacy and discretion. Great care must be taken here then to sense the other person’s point of view and to treat it with respect. A love affair between you may tend to be more on the cool side. As lovers, the two of you will rarely delude yourselves about the nature of romance, which you may see as enjoyable but realistically perhaps an illusion in the end. The relationship will rarely give itself entirely over in the emotional realm, tending to hold back and guard its vulnerabilities. I wouldn't call this a true soulmate relationship, but with care, it can be a happy experience.

    Ross can be incredibly charming but settling into a long-term relationship may initially be difficult for him, as there is an emphasis on emotional fluctuations and many love affairs in his life. But once he does find someone he wants to commit to, he can be loyal and caring. His ideal partner will be someone who can recognize the warning signs when he is pushing himself too hard and can encourage him to unwind.

  • Dearest Captain,

    I can definitely relate to most of what you had written to me about the relationship. We are still seeing each other now, however, I feel his level of trying to make an effort and courtship from his side has significantly decreased. Communication, has always been an issue, he is like this with all the people in his life. Not just me. But I know he has the ability to open up more as he did in the beginning but Somehow I could never break through his shell and feel complete vulnerability and rawness. He said his past relationships have all ended because he ends up getting complacent and lazy and also due to his lack of communication.

    Because he was so honest to begin with where his 'downfalls' lie as in, why it didn't work with others combined with me being a very understanding relaxed individual, we never had any arguments. If he had to work late or I wouldn't hear from him during the day I wouldn't get angry but just support him and make plans to distract him from hard work when he got over worked and was feeling low. The problem is, he began to communicate less and less and became he exact complacent person he said he wanted to avoid being in the start of the relationship. Efforts from his side have declined and I gently said a few times over the past month that even something simple like a good morning txt or call to check up on me now and then would suffice and asked him if he still was interested in me and wanted to continue, he said yes both times and that hed give more effort to be emotionally there for me too not just one sided as it has been. However this effort will be apparent for 3 days then disintegrate again and I can't help feeling silly giving it my 110% when on his side its so little. He said hes a bad communicator all round and a worrying thing is that he is still very much in contact with his ex (Christelle) i havent voiced any jealousy but its almost like they have more communication than I do with my own partner.

    He has told me he has never felt the feeling or emotion of being in love even though he was with his ex for 4 years and said he is worried he will never be able to feel it. This, plus his social anxiety and preference to hide away amongst all else has me wondering if he has a slight case of Aspergers.

    I just don't know what to do, I'm giving it my all as there are aspects of him i REALLY like but I don't know how to go about this or to continue trying.

    Any thoughts/advice or vibes you get please let me know.

    I have tried to upload a pic of us but not sure if it will upload properly.

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

    Thanking you in advance and I'm very sorry about the long message!

    Kali xxxx

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  • Ross is not mature enough yet to seek commitment. As I said, his emotions fluctuate and he is not sure whether he feels true love or not. Unfortunately he needs to 'experiment' more with other people before he understands both himself and love.

  • Thank you dear Captain for your time. ❤ agreed, his emotions fluctuate; now all of a sudden he seems to be initiating conversations/plans, however as you correctly mentioned his lack of maturity it would be more wise to give him time as you said to understand himself & love. I have been nothing but caring supportive and understanding with him which he has told me he appreciates as most girls would have gotten irritated with him by now. I just hope i will be able to attract soul mate reciprocated love!! I know I am a soft and good person and am starting to feel like that is what I deserve. can dream...!

    Terribly sorry but I have a question from my best friend Anjali 12th March 1989 and a guy she has just started talking to (Matt - 09 May 1986.) She asked me to ask you if you pick up on anything between them. She has been hurt many times and as a friend I too am concerned. He seems like a lovely chap but there is a slight possibility he may be going too Dubai for work for 6 months (something he applied for long before they met) She wants too know if you can pick up on his intentions towards her? and if there is a possibility of a future...

    As a concerned friend I don't want her to get hurt again, and obviously neither does she.

    Thank you SO incredibly much once again Captain - will attempt to add photo of them x

  • A melding of interests in music, dance, theatre and design is often prominent in this relationship. In a love affair or a longer term commitment, a balance must be struck between intimacy, quiet, contemplation and extroversion. This guy's passion and temper may at times be a bit threatening to your milder friend, who, however, is still quite capable of matching his sensuousness on a regular basis. They may diverge when he takes a frank and uncompromising approach to the relationship, eschewing emotional sympathy and romance - essential qualities to your friend. This man is also independent and may be unwilling or unable to satisfy her need to be needed. He may also not be understanding or patient enough with her moods and needs, whereas she might find him a bit insecure and unable to express emotion. Overall, I would say this makes for a better friendship than a romance. Your friend should seek out people who are more her match in energy, daring and eccentricity. In the end, this guy might be a bit too conventional and straightforward for her. He can have some anger issues and may become too domineering for your friend to bear.

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  • Totitoti, this relationship makes for a better friendship than for love, at least until this man comes to see himself as equal to everyone else. Equality and balance count in this relationship. The pairing depends, in fact, on both your equal status. It is one of those unusual situations in which the self-actualization of both partners is given the same importance. Your ex's earthy qualities and your deep emotions can meld well in the areas of sexuality and feeling. Neither of you will hold back physically, but it may take time for you both to reveal and share the more secretive areas of your personalities. Because you both tend to be trustworthy, the relationship can be well suited to marriage. Should a romantic triangle form, you can usually - amazingly enough - wish each other well rather than acting out of jealousy or vengefulness. The problem is that your ex has trouble putting his own needs first and will often do what others want as a priority (especially if the other person comes across as very needy or helpless). He tends to undervalue himself and must realize that equal relationships with others can be indispensable to achieving his high ideals of fairness, honesty, inclusion, and respect. Whether he realizes it or not, he can either subordinate himself completely to the needs of his partner or exercise a subtle control in the relationship. Both approaches are a direct contradiction to his egalitarian approach to life. At times, hidden insecurities may indicate that instead of being his usual diplomatic self, he may become argumentative and restless; but in general, once he learns to place a greater value on himself, he can be a loyal, loving and supportive partner. But I feel he won't really get in touch with his personal power and begin to see his own equal value to others until he is in his fifties. Until then, he will do hat others want more than he will do what he wants.

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  • As long as he does what someone else wants, he won't be happy.

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