What can you tell about this man?



  • Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement. I do think that at this point my sister does know what this guy really is like, but is ignoring it. She didn't go to check at the hospital to find out that he doesn't work there, like we suggested. While she is in denial like this, only the hard facts of getting ripped off can wake her up. She is caught in a repeating pattern - just like with her ex-husband, she is lying to us and covering up for her man. It's sad, but she needs a huge wake-up call.



  • Had your sister tried to distance herself from the family in years past? I'm feeling that she considered herself the black sheep and has tried to live her own life, even if it's been to her detriment. I get that she swung between feeling she was different from the family - which gave her a sense of rebellion or being the prodigal daughter - to feeling not good enough. I did see in earlier posts that she suffers low self esteem. This can happen when a family situation is not right for a person (in their view) regardless of how GOOD the family is. How many siblings are there in your crew? I'm getting three ... then four .. ?

    She feels she can't rely on anyone, but isn't wired to provide that reliability herself, so she turns to men because, I think, she also believes that only a man can be reliable. Does that make any sense?

    She's had a long, very disappointing road to get to this point. Her wake up call is coming, and this guy will be the catalyst. I think she'll be soaking your shoulder soon, while she slowly realises where she's gone wrong in her choices of partner.

    I'm sorry you've had to experience this! Your situation is harder than the one I faced with my sister, because I had the resources to solve it quickly, and that situation was when I was about 20 years old, a very long time ago.

    Just keep trying to keep faith, keep strong and believe that she will come out of this a bit less cashed up, but her house intact.

    Cheers,

    MooneySwooney



  • I have four sisters, the last of whom came along much later in life, 16 years after me. Yes, my sister thinks men know and are much better than her because she thinks she is so stupid. Which is odd, because our father was pretty darn useless. It's been about a month now since we've heard from her. My Mum's birthday is next week - we'll see if she gets a call or whatever from my sister. But not expecting it since my sister is obviously 'shooting the messenger'.

    Thanks Moonie-pie!



  • Some people are so afraid of being alone they will turn a blind eye to the truth. She has low self worth so in that sense you can't protect her from herself. Originally, you did the right thing by at least doing some checking up and you all voiced your concerns. You were being responsible. There is no set rules for rescuing..... as you have to allow for people's spiritual paths. You follow your gut. Considering your sister's pathology if he did get scared off she would just get another user. Each time she chooses another man to lie to here the loss will escalate. Rock bottom is were change may come or not. If you are hoping she visits or calls she must feel safe from criticism. If you are hoping she will come to you when needed keep in touch in a small way. Send her a silly card you know she will laugh at...or a sweet card you know would mean something but do not write anything about her predicament or push at all. Just say, was thinking about you and sign it with love. If you start a pattern like that she will be more likely to come to you....otherwise she is alone with him. She really is not in love with him....she is in love with being in love. That's his prey and he has it down well.....the over the top showy love you lies. Her father did not teach her what love really is or looks like.....he was all talk and excuses. Everyone craves love...but not everyone has a clue to what real love feels like or looks like. As for her cash....she's buying his love. Her house is a possibility if she borrows on it to keep up her addiction....which is him. I have two sisters...one who was very close to me who died when I was in my early twenties. I was devastated for decades. She was married to a user and died before her divorce was final. She was beautiful smart and had a heart of gold. I have a younger sister who I tried hard to be close to but she is so difficult and her life is always a mess. We do not fight but she lives in another state and we have no contact. You choose your family and sometimes there is no happy ending. When you put your life out there you are going to get lots of different advice. At the most you did get validation. A part of her senses he doesn't add up. Looking back to my younger days when I lied to myself about a situation....I often have found the truth in my old journals yet had chosen not to see! She knows but doesn't want to know. The most empowering truth that changed my life happened in my forties......It was a painful betrayal. I couldn't believe with all my intuition it happened. I almost lost my faith but I researched many spiritual books and realized that a huge betrayal is often the spiritual catalyst that empowers us to a much higher level of enlightenment. The lesson is....no one can betray us unless we betray ourselves first. Somewhere in that relationship we lied to ourselves and lowered our boundaries......it's a slow seduction.



  • You are absolutely right about my sister...and about how to handle this situation. It's so hard for us to see our own truth, no matter how psychically or spiritually advanced we may be. Thanks, Blmoon. I am sorry about your sisters, especially the youngest - she is missing out on all your wisdom and love.



  • Was wondering how things are going with your sister? I had a thought that there have been some developments since you last posted on here.

    Hope all is going as well as it can!



  • No developments either good or bad. My sister has completely ex-communicated her family. We can only wait for the inevitable.



  • OKAY. .....HE, is getting on my last, last, last, nerve!

    This NEFARIOUS character: has set up several profiles on this Forum! !! His energy is bothering me and he needs to stop!

    like I HAVE STATED BEFORE! ! Son..... YOU better be glad that she IS NOT MY SISTER! !!

    DO YOU FOLLOW ME!



  • What is his screen name? Just curious!



  • I don't think he is actually here on this forum.



  • Update on my sister: she really has dumped on everyone who cares for her now. Her best friend of twenty years was treated very rudely by her when she enquired why she hadn't heard from my sister recently, as they always chatted at least once a week. Everyone who gets emails from my sister has noticed an odd change in them as if someone else was speaking for her or telling her what to say. This fraudster really seems to have a tight hold (Svengali-like) over her. I rang her last night (had to say it was an emergency about Mum to get her to ring me back - well, it is sorta true as my mother is very anxious about my sister and having many restless nights and is on prescribed sleeping pills) and asked her if she was OK. She said she was angry because Mark was so hurt by our accusations. Her best friend had that day sent her a list of all registered nurses in Australia and Mark was of course not on it, but still my sister refuses to believe he is a liar. I told her her best friend got an email purportedly from her, saying she had quit her job, yet when I asked, she said she was still working and seemed taken aback about the email. I asked her if she had gone to the hospital to check if Mark actually worked there but she said no, she had all the proof in her heart she needed. She had previously told us she had gone, so she is consciously lying for him.

    That now makes every single family member and friend of hers who has voiced their concerns to her about Mark. We now must accept that there is nothing more we can do, she doesn't want to know the truth and must face the inevitable consequences. This has shown my sister in a very bad light as she is turning on everyone who cares for her, people she has known for many years in preference for a man about whom she knows nothing but what he has told her. My poor foolish sister! She will now lose everything because she doesn't want the romantic fantasy to end.



  • Dear Captain. How very sad for the whole family and very much so for your sis. This is really, really difficult, however, since the cat is out of the bag (sort of thing) how about one family member approach the boy friend directly and talk to him. Hang in there. xxoo



  • It's sad and it must also be very frustrating for you to sit by and have to watch it happen. Somehow, this is a karmic lesson that she must learn - that is my belief anyway. I don't think trying to speak with him directly will do any good, narcissists cannot be reasoned with and it will only give him more fuel to get her to resist you all the more. Unfortunately, this is a sit and wait situation. Best thing you can do now is to make it easy for her to come back to you once she hits bottom with this. Which means to avoid conflict with regard to him so she won't feel too ashamed to come to you later on. Hang in there Captain!



  • I did not mean to confront him but to let him know how much you are all there with your sister and want to get to know him. I think this may serve as a warning that your sis is not alone and the family is right there with her even w him in the picture.



  • No one in the family likes or wants to get to know this blatant conman and liar any better. - in fact, we want him arrested! We will never accept him into the family and it's pretty obvious that he won't be around much longer anyway, once he gets what he wants his hands on the money from the sale of my sister's house.

    Yes Watergirl I believe this is a lesson for my sister - she is repeating the same destructive pattern as she did with her ex-husband who was a nasty abusive man She needs to see that her desperation and lack of self-esteem drives her toward bad choices in men.



  • Hmm, that old saying "it gets worse before it gets better" springs to mind here. She knows she's in the wrong situation, but feels powerless to do anything about it except do what she has to, to prove she's not been wrong about this man, and to prove herself right in front of her family.

    I still don't think she'll lose the house. What I do feel will happen, is that this guy will muck up with another woman (he's already doing that I'd say anyway) and she'll find out. That will be the catalyst, and she will come to you first. He will clean her out of money though; he already has. But I repeat: I don't see her losing her house.



  • Mark knows exactly how much we know about him because my sister tells him everything we tell her, like a good little mind slave! But it's interesting that she tells us that she will have proof soon of his innocence. Why the wait though - why cannot the so-called ' proof' given right now? Maybe he is going to say he is an undercover cop working on a secret mission, ha! And really all the proof my sister needs is to go to the hospital and ask for him. But she refuses to do so.



  • Yes, Moonie, we suspect she has already given him a lot of money! I really do hope and pray she keeps the house.



  • Captain.....I see your sister (most recently) as often being impaired. Drinking more than usual and drugs. This man has been a big part of this. I believe I already advised you that your mother would be very adversely affected by this health wise. You gave your sister space and I believe she had the option to find clarity BUT he has amped his hold by making sure she stays foggy headed. One of the drugs I see is a sleeping aid that would seem harmless. Your family should consider pooling money and hiring a private investigator with a good reputation to find his background trail. When you first posted on him I'm positive he was on the site and reading the posts. He considered moving on and was fearing a trace. Also he feared a previous victim finding him. Now his fear has turned to determination because he feels he is so close. Alienating his victim from family and friends is a powerful thing. Now her world is so small and with the recent freedom for him he is snaking his way through all her paperwork and computer accounts. I pray for her.



  • Yes he certainly has a hold over her. It may only be when he leaves with all her money that she 'awakens'.


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