Seeker...



  • Hi!

    I would truley, truely, appreciate some insight into my relationship, ...and my life. In a week I start cosmetology school... I want to own my own business. I want control over my life! and I stll love my man...help.

    Me and my "Fiance" met three years ago at a rock concert...I am a sagittarius, and He is an aquarius. It was lust, and fire, and air from the first moment. No joke. : )...however I acknowledge that I was in a somewhat destructive period of my life, and maybe made a rash desicion. ...He is my first and only. Now we have a four month old son. I also had a previous miscariiage about two yers ago. Their is intense LOVE. But he is afflicted with alchol, and drug addiction. Also I found out about six months ago that he cheated on me for about two weeks with a co worker, about a year ago. This hurts very much... As much as we love one another our relationship has always been "crazy" I think about ending it all the time. but I just cant a very true, real part of me just wants to walk this "road" with him forever. we are so connected...He just recently came back from a 2 month rehab...Like I said we now have a precious son...can any one help me? what do I do??? Do I have to leave him? Will he be a good daddy? or is better to keep him away from my son? Will he cheat on me again? Dose he love me like I think he dose? will we always be togethor, or should I just limit the fall out? Will he ever get better and live a good life with me or without me? I need some insight please help me, please help me. and Thank You.

    -D



  • Hi, I read your comment and I think its best you stay away and end it. You may think you can't but when drugs are involved with, the one you love it will be the hardest fight of your life.If you walk that road it definitely won't be an easy one, and you can help people you love to a point but when fighting it doesn't help wash your hands and walk away.There comes a point when a "crazy" relationship doesn't work and thats when a child is involved.Don't hold back the endless possibilities in you and your child's life for the struggle of someone else's it may be a waste of time.

    I'm a Sag and I was in the exact same situation except my ex was a woman beater, I stuck by him and then it got to be way too much.I walked away by the time I walked away I realized I wasted too much of my and my sons life dealing with his baggage and nonsense.I finally met my Husband who was the love of my life, I knew him for years and I was angered that I didn't leave sooner I wasted 4 years I can't get back.



  • Thank you KT, and I know what your saying about the wasted years thing, I feel that already. I was just starting to "party" when I met him, and then my life just came grinding to a halt...and exactly as you say iv spent the last three years taking care of him...its just hard I have alot of sentimental attachment...we laugh togethor alot...you know its just hard. thank you again. -D



  • I see that you just need to know what is right, and then you will do it. You feel it is wrong to dismiss this person because he is the father of your child. So you in a way feel obliged to let him have contact with you son, and with you, and at the same time you feel obliged to keep him away from your son to protect him. A difficult and important choice you are forced to make.

    I see that you need to stop "helping" him. It is sad, because you really hope that what you are doing for him is going to make him stop using drugs. But I am sure it does not help him to stop his drug abuse.

    I see that if you keep him away from your son, you will be strong. You will be firm in your decision and not dramatic about it towards him. Not crying and emotional like an immature girl. You would stay calm and treat him with respect and tell him that you will let him have contact with your son when he has stopped using drugs, and that it is for your sons own good you are doing it. I feel this person then will feel a sorrow in his heart. And cry over your decision. He will feel in despair. Because he does not know how to stop using drugs.

    Your choice to keep him away from your son is a good choice. Your son needs to see healthy people around him. Your son will feel safe with you when you have made the choice to keep the father away from him. And because then you are not stretching out to help someone who can not be helped in that way. If you do that, your son will feel sad about what you are doing. Your son will benefit on seeing that you are able to protect him from drug abuse. And from a bad role model.

    It is a long process to stop using drugs. Perhaps it would be a strong motivation for this man to stop using drugs if you are firm but respectfully says that he can come back when he has stopped using drugs. I fear that he might just be worse in the beginning after being dismissed by you. But on the long run this might be the very motivation for him to stop abusing drugs.

    Trust your own judgement. Read about the queen of swords who must cut through all illusions in order to serve justice, in order to serve what is best for everyone.

    It is good if he gets help from a professional, from an institution. Incourage him to seek professional help to stop the drug abuse. He needs help from a professional.



  • Hanged women, thank you so much! This is exactly me...and it is also what I have known in my heart. To hear about his pain is so hard for me because I know that he will react that way too...You are so insightful! and truley helpful, thank you. ...I know that I have to be strong for all three of us, I know that the turn of the tide is in my hands...I just fear that I am to weak, that I am not able. But I can also feel a greater stregth growing in me because of my son...I just want to say thanx. - D



  • No, you are not weak. You are on your way to become a woman with strength. You are no longer a child. You are no longer in search for the right answer. You know what to do. And as you said, you are feeling the strength grow inside of you because of the responsibility that you feel for your son. And it is the right decision that you will take, because of that.

    And it needs strength to be firm to a couple of begging eyes of a lover who begs for help and understanding. But he must be rejected in order to get what he truly wants. What you must do for him will be the only motivation that he ever will get to stop using drugs. It is for his own good aswell. In the beginning he will be in pain, because he does not know if he ever will be able to stop what he is doing. That will hurt him enormously. You must continue to be firm, but friendly towards him untill he does what he must do. The best for him is that he has a man with him who is professional and trained in how to help drug abusers. Then he will have a person with him who is with him all the way. See if you can get help from an office in your town who have such resources. Even if your ex does not agree in the beginning, he will have to on the long term to at all be allowed to see you and his son.

    He needs a man who is professional and willing to help him all the way. He does not need you. Because what he has, has become a disease that only his own determination together with help from professionals can help him with. Please be firm for your own good, for your sons good and for the fathers own good. It will be a service that you do for all of you. I am sorry to say that there is no other way.

    Professionals can also help you in doing the right thing. Professionals can advice you in what to do.

    Perhaps you still can send him christmas presents and short "cheer up"-cards to make him understand that you still care about him. But be firm. Cut through all illusions like the queen of swords in the tarot cards. Because you need to be strong for your son.

    Wish you the best.

    Hanged Woman



  • No, you are not weak. You are on your way to become a woman with strength. You are no longer a child. You are no longer in search for the right answer. You know what to do. And as you said, you are feeling the strength grow inside of you because of the responsibility that you feel for your son. And it is the right decision that you will take, because of that.

    And it needs strength to be firm to a couple of begging eyes of a lover who begs for help and understanding. But he must be rejected in order to get what he truly wants. What you must do for him will be the only motivation that he ever will get to stop using drugs. It is for his own good aswell. In the beginning he will be in pain, because he does not know if he ever will be able to stop what he is doing. That will hurt him enormously. You must continue to be firm, but friendly towards him untill he does what he must do. The best for him is that he has a man with him who is professional and trained in how to help drug abusers. Then he will have a person with him who is with him all the way. See if you can get help from an office in your town who have such resources. Even if your ex does not agree in the beginning, he will have to on the long term to at all be allowed to see you and his son.

    He needs a man who is professional and willing to help him all the way. He does not need you. Because what he has, has become a disease that only his own determination together with help from professionals can help him with. Please be firm for your own good, for your sons good and for the fathers own good. It will be a service that you do for all of you. I am sorry to say that there is no other way.

    Professionals can also help you in doing the right thing. Professionals can advice you in what to do.

    Perhaps you still can send him christmas presents and short "cheer up"-cards to make him understand that you still care about him. But be firm. Cut through all illusions like the queen of swords in the tarot cards. Because you need to be strong for your son.

    Wish you the best.

    Hanged Woman



  • Your welcome, I really wish you the best.I know you say there is a sentimental attachment and thats very hard to break.My ex still sees my son and he calls me up sends jokes to my phone, since I left, his life his got better and so did mine.He's done a 180 and turned his life around he is currently married and has a son even though I'm no longer in love with him he's still around and we talk.



  • KTsmith: That is so wonderful to hear. I wish all brakeups would be so good.



  • I kind of think that it was because when we met we were teens and had a whole bunch of drama surrounding our families.Neither one of was completely a "bad person" but life circumstances kind of made his life turn out pretty bad where he had to "fight" to get what he needed. His wife has calmed him down a allot and thank god for that. Thanks for your reply, I really hope things go well for KC I wish her allot of luck.



  • All she needs to do is to trust her own judgement and do what she feels is the best for everybody. When she does the right thing, God will be with her to help her through it. As long as she continues to pray to God for guidance and help, she will do fine. Strength also is a gift to those who feel they are alone. Strength from doing the right thing is something that is given from angels etc to help her through the process.



  • I have been praying, very dilligently...more so than ever before in my life...not just about this situation either. I have felt closer to god...KT that is great to hear, a "universal" approval to your wise decision. ...again thank you both from the bottom of my heart. - D


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