Relationship chart, any takers?
I would truley, truely, appreciate some insight into my relationship, ...and my life. In a week I start cosmetology school... I want to own my own business. I want control over my life! and I stll love my man...help.
Me and my "Fiance" met three years ago at a rock concert...I am a sagittarius, and He is an aquarius. It was lust, and fire, and air from the first moment. No joke. : )...however I acknowledge that I was in a somewhat destructive period of my life, and maybe made a rash desicion. ...He is my first and only. Now we have a four month old son. I also had a previous miscariiage about two yers ago. Their is intense LOVE. But he is afflicted with alchol, and drug addiction. Also I found out about six months ago that he cheated on me for about two weeks with a co worker, about a year ago. This hurts very much... As much as we love one another our relationship has always been "crazy" I think about ending it all the time. but I just cant a very true, real part of me just wants to walk this "road" with him forever. we are so connected...He just recently came back from a 2 month rehab...Like I said we now have a precious son...can any one help me? what do I do??? Do I have to leave him? Will he be a good daddy? or is better to keep him away from my son? Will he cheat on me again? Dose he love me like I think he dose? will we always be togethor, or should I just limit the fall out? Will he ever get better and live a good life with me or without me? I need some insight please help me, please help me. and Thank You.
Me 12/05/85 I am a Libra rising.
Him 02/01/82 He is a Taurus rising.
PinkLady58 last edited by
My heart goes out to you as you struggle with all of this. I have been in your shoes, many years ago. I would like to tell you that it will all get better, but I can't. You see, there isn't anything I can tell you to do or say, that will magically transform him. It all rests on his shoulders. He has to want to stop using and only he can make that decision. When he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired, he will take the necessary steps to make that happen. You probably don't like hearing that, I know I sure didn't. I wanted someone to snap their fingers and do something NOW, something that would make the preverbial dream of a happy life happen. And my DH had to crash 2 vehicles that law enforcement said in both cases, he shouldn't of survived either accident. Yet that is what it took for him to want to get help. And he did and has been sober for almost 30 years.
I know that alot of people would say 'if he cheated on you, then get out.."once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't necessarily agree with that, because I am also aware that drugs/alcohol does alter a person's way of thinking. But you have to decide for yourself on the issue of whether or not you should leave him.
IF he is abusive to you in any way, verbally or physically, by no means should you stay with him. GET OUT NOW!!! Sometimes doing something that shakes their world is enough to force them into getting the help they need. You could also try a intervention, but you need trained people to help you and that doesn't necessarily mean he will go along with it.
One thing I will advise you to do is not to enable him. Don't make excuses for him, don't lie for him or clean up his messes. Make him face his own 'dirty deeds' and let him figure out how he is going to make things right again. I know it's hard to do, but if you start to change, he may be forced to do things differently as well.
One last thing I suggest for you to do is go to Al-anon. They are there to help you. You could also get people from AA to help you deal with him or even deal with him directly.There should be a chapter in your town, as they are in most every town.
Hugs are with you in dealing with this. I know that it is hard to believe at this point, but something good will come out of this, I assure you.
Thank you pink lady. : ) Your very knowledgable, and the outcome that you speak of for yourself, and yours, gives me hope. Dont worry he would never hurt me in that way...I am the one who get verbally "abusive"...wich I hate myself for, I have also hit him...pushing and shoving, slaped him when I found out that he cheated...if I go to far and he starts to get angry, he goes outside, or he leaves. he would never hurt me...as far as the cheating thing goes. Yes it is very awful for me, but I also "feel" and he has gone to great pains to reasure me that she was nothing, and that he hates himself for wht he has done. thank you for your advice, and concern. You are as lovely lady! : )
Score last edited by
Hi, deAr ladies, good great advice...
My prayers go out to you.
terramedicine last edited by
I know that you would like to believe things will work out but it's a 10,000 to 1 shot. Addicts choose their paths for reasons unfathomable to non-addictive personalities. I didn't see what his rising and moon are. That would help. But the short form for me is to just 'read' it and it's a losing affair for both you and your son, who is the really important subject here.
Passion and love do not stand a chance against addicition.
I am so sorry.
Terra Medicine woman.,com
I feel that he is sad and feels very alone.He sees you as a strong person whom he can trust. He feel perhaps that he is not good enough for you. That could be why he let you slap him when he wronged you and hurt your feelings. It feels like he feels that there is nothing he can do to help himself. He is just used to being unhappy. I dont think he sees an end to it. Perhaps he finds it difficult to get up. To even feel responsible. He feels that there is no way out, no way for him to get a good life.
You are strong. Your age is perhaps a strength, I mean that you still are in contact with your own innocence. Not affected by making many mistakes in your 20s, to put it that way rather. You have strength in your innocence and that you are quite idealistic and have high standards. You are stubborn: when you know what is right, you do it.
Your strength is quite holy, in fact. Since it can help you to not loose track. With strength I refer to your stubbornness to only do what you feel is right. And you set high standards for yourself. You dont want to make any mistakes with this guy. It is as if he has come into your arms for help. But he needs strength within himself. Where to find it? Where can he find strength to improve his life and do something that is good for him? Where? He does not know. He does not see that strength in himself. Perhaps. . He sees you as a source of strength. As a person he can rely on. You have something that he wish he had (strength). If you get involved with another man,I think his heart will crush. Because he sees you as his only way out from his personal hell. If he only had had your strength.
I advice you to be faithful to what you feel is right to be done. Be faithful to your highest goals. Your child and himself will benefit from it. As you said: Carry them on your shoulders. As I said: cut through illusions like the queen of swords and stay close to your highest convictions in your quest for peace.
As tarot.com always says in the readings. Healing is a process, not an event. It might take years before you will see fruits of what you are trying to do. Or perhaps NOT see fruits.
You are NOT his saviour. You can NOT save him. But perhaps you can be an example to him of how to not give up.
But perhaps in a few years time you will give up to try to "change" him. Because it is really not up to you. Sadly it is up to himself.
As I said before: If he had had a man to look up to, a man of strength. A man who could teach him to believe in himself, that he can do it. A man who is a professional when it comes to motivating drug-addicts from stopping their abuse. I really think a man would be more at help that you. Since he feels as a burden to you. He does not want to burden you with his problems. At the same time he wishes he could just dive into you and rest in you as a place where he can feel at peace. He wants to be saved. He wants to give away all responcibility over himself and his life. He does not want to do the job to help himself. He is sad and can not see a way out. It is as if he is waiting for someone to pick him up and do it for him. When he uses drugs, he feels he is escaping into another world. Where there is not a thing that is demanded from him. No reality. He wishes he could just stay there. Forever. One day he must wake up.
He really should have gotten help from his mother. I read what Cris1062 wrote about her, and I think it is right. But if it is right, then she must do something. She should say sorry. She should tell him that she loves him. She could help him. Perhaps you can ask her. Tell her that you really care about him and love him. Tell her that you think he needs her to tell him that she loves him and cares about him. She could in fact be the whole catalyst in this problem. She could help him to quit. If she really is the one who has made him so used to "not feeling good enough". You are strong enough to talk to this woman. I dont think she is bad in the bottom of her heart, I just think she has a pattern of behaviour that has been bad. She can help him if she realises how important she is for him. She is more important than perhaps he himself thinks. If she is the one who has "created" this problem inside of him.
So see if you can talk with his mother. And dont be "pleeding" or "asking". She needs to know that she can make a difference. She can tell him to go to an institution. She is not totally bad, she is probably not aware of what she has done to him. Since she has probably been used to this kind of behaviour from childhood herself.
But you are not in position to save anyone, nor are anybody else. But you are important because you see him and love him. And I think he loves you.
If you for example let him be your boyfriend, but not your husband - perhaps that would be okay for both of you. So that he does not fall into depression so easily and gets together with another woman in despair. For example that you live as a lone mother with your son, and he sees your son once a week and that you and him are kind of together, but not totally together. Perhaps it is a possibility that it will be okay for the three of you?
I am just suggesting. But do not become what is called "co-addictive". That is what it is called when a person gives everything to help a person, and in the end falls into depression because it does not help or change the person at all. Do not let his disease weaken you. Seek help from professionals. Do not be afraid to do that. Someone else can help. Not only you.
i think that the mother is very important in his own healing process. She needs to hear that she can help him. She needs to feel important as a mother should. She should know that her son needs her help and support. He needs to hear that she wants him to stop. She needs to show him that she really is sorry "if she has done anything wrong" to him. it is difficult to see our own mistakes, she might not understand how important she is for how he feels about himself.
You can talk to his mother and tell him that her son needs her to do something. If she asks: What can I do? Then say: "Show him that you care. Tell him that you love him. Tell him that you want him to have a good life. Tell him that you want him to know that he is loved. Tell him that you are sorry if you have not showed him enough support. Even if you feel you have done a lot for him. If you tell him that you are sorry for any mistakes that you might perhaps have done without being aware of it." So when you talk to her, do not blame her as if you are attacking her. Just tell her to tell her son that she loves him and cares about him. Tell her that he needs support from his mother because she is his mother. Even if he does not live in her house anymore (and I suppose he does not).
I believe you have the ability to talk to his mom in the right way. But again: Do not see it as your responsibility to save anybody. You can not save anybody in any other way but to support and motivate.When you have done that, if they dont want to listen , then you have done all you can. Do not become a co-addictive.
I am absolutely not saying this so that you should try helping him as if he can be saved from himself. He must face himself, he must stand up for himself, he must learn how to feel love for himself and care about himself. That is why his mother might be able to help, even if she and you do not think that she can. She has "hated" him, even if she has not meant to do so. She has nurtured his "self-hate", probably without knowing how powerful affect her behaviour has had on him. So do not see her as only evil. Even if she is. She probably does not know how bad her behaviour has been for her son.
Your response is so detailed and long, thank you for that. I feel that I should respond in kind, but it is hard for me as I dont want to bore any body with needless story telling. But Yes Ryan is very, very, sad. He has almost said your exact words to me before. Tells me that I ama stronger person than he is, that I am a better person than he is. In many ways I am sad to say that he has been a burden to me. It would be a lie to say otherwise, but it is a burden that I have chosen and I know that. I hate that he must feel that way. but as we say it is something that he at this piont is doing to himself. I love him very much...and I feel that I always will. I hate the thought of going through life without him, of loosing him to...himself...
Also right about things with his mom...exactly right. And I feel guilty for my negative feelings about her. Her own father is a very HARSH man...and her mother was like her, selfish...She has hated him I know it is true and so dose he. His childhood was permeated with her drinking and partying...and He and his brother were awar of her loose ways with men, even if they didnt see all of them.... But she is "in love" with her grandson and it has reinvigorated her feelings toward Ryan.
And about me slaping him. I have thought about that alot, even as it happened I remember he just stood their, and after he did not get angry...I do feel that he has come into my arms for help, and I too wish that he could just dive into me...
But I also know beyond a doubt that I can not save him, I know that he must do that for himself...I will talk to his mom and make every attempt to do right by both of them. But I am also determined to stay focused on myself! I must for my son. You have mentioned that a man who has experience must help him, could that be "Brice" ...
Ryan is living in a "Haflway house" run by a godly man named Brice...will this place help him?
I thinkthat I still have the strength to continue our relationship as it is. I live at home with my parents nad we oneanother about once a week. : ) I do want to set an example for him...I will try to help him in that way. That I can do.
I see what you are saying about my "innocence" I agree this is nice to hear, it makes me feel invigorated and YOUNG! ; ) I feel I want to conquer...
I can see that you are a good healer...Thank You.
Also! Terra medicine women, for the sake of interest as my first love is astrology, I am a saggittarius with libra rising, moon in virgo. Ryan Is an Aquarius with Taurus rising, and moon in taurus. Thanks. and I know that it may all be for naught, that it may be hopeless...but with the wise counsel iv recieved and my own "heart" feelings I feel content for now to keep on trying. Hanged women is right, I dont want to make any mistakes.
Thank you for your prayers Lisa! that means alot.
Yepp, I see my text was really loooong;) But not boring. I felt the need to go through feelings in the landscape of mainly Ryan, so that I could see if I could find any hope. His feelings are so on the lowest, so he can not do anything but receive. Someone must do something to fetch him up from his emotional basement. And I still believe his mother and that young man can be important. You are doing everything right, but he needs a young strong man with confidence and who knows how to inspire him and support him all the way. And he needs his mother to tell him that she loves him. And, if she manages, that she says sorry. But if she says that she cares about him and want him to stop what he is doing and begin to care about himself, then I am sure that would struck him as odd and he will not forget it. Even if she has been a bad mother. She must tell him that she cares. He needs her, even if he does not think so. He needs some words from her, not her presence so much I think. If she is direct and short when she tells him that she cares, that is perhaps good enough. As if "commanding" him to care about himself.
I see the man as young, strong, confident, inspiring, good with words. And that he believes in what he is saying to Ryan. The faith he has in his words, surprises Ryan a lot. He just stands there gazing at this man while he is talking to him. Talks and talks about "you can do it" with a can-do attitude while Ryan is kind of shocked. So this young strong man makes a solid impression on Ryan. If the man continues and continues and does not give up, Ryan is in position to change. But this helper must not give him up. He must continue to stay on Ryans side all the way. That is why I said a proffessional man in an institution.
But hopefully this Brice is the man I see. Perhaps his looks is the way I see him aswell? I see him as a guy with brown /dark hair and long legs and a "straight" body - the way he walks and stands is with his back straight. His legs look long, but that could be from the confidence he has when he stands and walks with a straight body. He is not fat and he is taller than Ryan. He does not wear glasses. And he dresses well in everyday clothes. Blue shirt or jumper and jeans. Normal everyday clothes. I dont know if this is just from my imagination, but that is how I see him. But I am just saying how I see him, I dont mean to tell you that this is the way he looks. I always say that I am not clairvoiant, but that I have a good intuition that has helped me many times. So that I dont lead people in believing something that might be from my imagination. And his looks might be from my imagination. But not his nature. This is the type of guy who should help Ryan.
Oh my god! : ) heehehe wow!
cool. its Hal...looks exactly, and acts how you describe.
Ryan is very stubborn! and he has expressed resistance when it comes to Hal...but Hal is inspiring! and impressive! in his zeal. I must admit that I to was somewhat put off by him...he is a very "Its this way or the high way" kinda guy...I can see why he is that way though...and he is very very passionate about helping people. wierd that you mention about his clothes because I was just looking at him the other day watching him as he presided impressivley over a AA meeting and thinkning about how nice his shoes were. lol and he is good looking in a very "leo" sort of way. Brice is very large...and walks like he is self concious about himself.
I am stunned... you can say its just intuition if you want. : ) but I am stunned that is mind blowing...
I have intuition...sometimes I dream things, or know things before I hear them or before they happen, but I dont ever know that until they happen. You my sage counsel are psychic!
Thank you hanged Women. and no your text could not be boring. I have so much gratitude, you have been very kind to me, thank you. Also I did your reading...I hope it is helpful. : )
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
I really have felt so much about this your situation. Like Cris1962 said. This is the "story" that I have felt most about since I started using this forum. That means that this guy is the guy I see. Oh my god. That is really fantastic. This is from God what I have received about how to help Ryan. I am stunned aswell.
I am really stunned. I am in Norway, on top of the planet, high up in the arctic (I live in the north of Norway). You are in Texas, far down in the south. Still I feel your situation so strongly. Incredible. But all honour to God. The Light that created us. We are not alone.
Oh, I did not find your reading. Where have you published it? Thanks again.
yes, all honour to god....wow. we are not alone. : ) Im posting the reading now.
I can feel you are praying for me. I feel it in my eyes, nose, mouth, and throat. And my mind in my front part of my brain. It has moved downwards towards the heart. Then the heart and even stummock has been filled with light aswell. As if someone is praying for me. Or perhaps it is an angel praying for me. Perhaps your angel. I have gotten blessed in this moment. Thank you for believing in God. It helps many more than you can ever come to realise. My faith has also helped people. It is good to believe.
I just reread all of this, please know that I was in no way insinuating that your text might be boring. I just meant that I didnt want to bore, you! : ) And like I told Cris I cant express to you how much this has all meant and for the two of you to say that you are touched is, again touching...This has been turley wonderful...I just have this neat feeling about the world, and "the master plan" and God, and the light...I am forever thankful and I will never forget this unique, and unexpected experience... this gift that the two of you have given me. : )
we are online togethor...I am thanking god for you... : )
...these keyboards can not express! ...I feel warm behind my ears. : )
I love you.
I am grateful too. This is also why I dream about having a spiritual family. The help that we can give each other and to the world is so much stronger and real that when we are only by our selves against the challenges that we have in this world.
I was thinking perhaps one of your angels were thanking me, since I felt light coming into my feelings in the part of me where my thinking comes from and voice (throat) and then the feelings (heart). Because angels are with us all the time, waiting for us to receive their wisdom and their light. They are servants of the light and whenever they see us getting closer to God, they rejoice. Because they know we are more challenged than they are. We must make choices, whereas they are just in the light all the time. It is easier for them. This is what I think about the angels. Perhaps they even are human beings who have become healed and then come down again as servants of the light to help us getting where they are.
Yes I understand you are thankful. We must never think that we are without help. God can always help.
I have several times given the link to the secret to people, because it is a shocking way of seeing things. And true.
If you want to give me your mail address, we can keep in touch on the net.
That sounds wonderful! Cobainbuzz@outgun.com
I have sent you an e-mail.