Some help, or advice? Anyone else been in this situation?



  • Hi!

    I would truley, truely, appreciate some insight into my relationship, ...and my life. In a week I start cosmetology school... I want to own my own business. I want control over my life! and.. I still love my man...help.

    Me and my "Fiance" met three years ago at a rock concert...I am a sagittarius, and He is an aquarius. It was lust, and fire, and air from the first moment, No joke. : ) ...however I acknowledge that I was in a somewhat destructive period of my life, and maybe made a rash desicion. ...He is my first and only. Now we have a four month old son. I also had a previous miscariiage about two years ago. Their is intense LOVE. But he is afflicted with alchol, and drug addiction. Also I found out about six months ago that he cheated on me for about two weeks with a co worker, about a year ago. This hurts very much... As much as we love one another our relationship has always been "crazy" I think about ending it all the time. but I just cant... A very true, real part of me just wants to walk this "road" with him forever. we are so connected...He just recently came back from a 2 month rehab...Like I said we now have a precious son...can any one help me? what do I do??? Do I have to leave him? Will he be a good daddy? or is it better to keep him away from our son? Will he cheat on me again? Dose he love me like I think he dose? will we always be togethor, or should I just limit the fall out? Will he ever get better and live a good life with me or without me? I need some insight please help me, please help me. and Thank You.

    -D



  • ummm i think i should really let the older women on here answer you but ill try, im 21, and also a sag, but im also a virgin so i dont know how much i can help, and yes im not afraid to say that im a virgin lol but i will put my two cents in here and stay clear, um i feel very strongly about cheating, thats the worst thing you could do to the person you love i think.

    ahh but you guys having a son now makes things very difficult indeed, if you didnt i'd told you to leave his ass, but i like to think positive and if he loves you, he WILL get clean for you, and stay that way, does he support you now? (does he have a job) does he let you care of the baby and not really bother to help? , as i said i dunno how much i can help but, since you guys have a son now, even if you dont choose to be with him anymore, you will have to see him all the time, cause he should be able to see his son, UNLESS he is still doing drugs, which i wouldnt recommend having around a child, until he gets clean,

    i geuss i would say to wait a little while longer, and see if he straightens his life out, and LET HIM KNOW that you are not ok with him being high or drunk around your baby, and tell him he needs to get clean if he wants to be with you and his son,

    ok i think im done, we need a womans opinion in here lol



  • um, once a cheater, always a cheater. theres really no way around it. even if hypothetically they dont physically cheat, theyll do it in their head.



  • You did great chevelleman71 for being 21. High five!

    I also was cheated on by a sag I loved with all of my heart and although I still loved him I had to break it off and keep him out of my life because I knew if he were capable of cheating on me once (that I knew of) then he was easily capable of cheating on me twice, etc. and I was not going to even take that risk because the heartbreak wasn't worth it. I was already divorced with two young kids from my ex husband (taurus) when I met him and he had a younger son from his ex wife (whom he finally admitted to me he also cheated on hence why he was divorced.

    After finally healing from that a few years later I had a relationship with a cancer who I became engaged to only later to find out he had a gambling and uncontrollable porn addiction and also physically cheated on me . His addictions, secrets, lies and cheating destroyed the trust. Any addiction is a "disease" and you're not dealing with an emotionally stable level headed sane person...you are dealing and paying the price for HIS DISEASE. Now in most cases and also in my case...once a cheater always a cheater however there are some guys (very few) who grow up, get counseling to deal with HIS ISSUES as to what made him cheat in the first place. A guy who cheats on a woman he claims to love is weak, has poor impulse control not to mention any consideration and respect for the woman who loves him. Selfish behavior.

    He may love you as much as he is capable of loving at his age, maturity level and with his alcohol and drug disease but as have already found out...love isn't enough. You said he's been to rehab two months therefore he wants help or did he simply go because he was given an ultimatum? HE has to WANT to change and the truth is ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT. Two months in rehab is not even near long enough for him to get clean, get therapy and have the mental and emotional tools to attempt to control his diseases, not let them control him. Trust me what is best for you and your precious son is to stay away from him until he get's clean and STAYS CLEAN for a good period of time. He needs more rehab and counseling to deal with his addictions, issues and any negative family background and influences (role models, mother, father, etc.) and any pain he suffered and has been trying to medicate himself with. Most all addicts have more than one addiction. His is alcohol, drugs, sex (cheating). There is hope however for things working out for both of you IF he gets further treatment and STAYS IN THERAPY, he must understand the reasons for his alcohol, drug and sex abuse, get to the ROOT OF THE PROBLEM " BEFORE " he can ATTEMPT TO FIX IT.

    On the other hand addiction is hard to break. Only the strong move forward to live healthy happy productive lives with those they love. I know you love him but ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR SON more and put you and your sons safety and well being FIRST.

    Your responsibility to your son is to remove any and all negativity (his dad's behavior, addictions and negative actions.)

    You seem like an intelligent strong girl...hang in there and STAY STRONG FOR YOUR SON!

    Best of luck to you.



  • above post edit : uncontrollable porn/sex addiction



  • Trying again lol

    above post edit : uncontrollable p o r n / s e x addiction



  • Hey chevelleman! (the 71 ss is a really! nice car by the way) I read your post about the libra chick and I just wanted to say that you have to watch out for libra they would rather string you along than do anything even remotley unpleasant! especially when young. I should know I struggle alot with the "fake" tendencies of my libra rising. and as far as the mental cheating goes...im a sag! lol I do quite alot of my own mental cheating, so that dosnt bother me...I know why he did it, and while it is in NO WAY an excuse...im to blame for alot of antagonistic, and flame fanning behavior...like I said its been a crazy ride...living with addiction is like a living hell...and towards the end of it I was treating him like less than a dog turd. (I moved out at four months pregnant, and thats when he cheated on me...) And spiritual, you are soo kind! and I agree with everything you said...Im sorry that sag broke your heart. Yes hes been in and out of rehab/ therapy since he was 17 hes 27...hes living in a "halfway" house right now and hes trying really hard, but I dont know I just...wait for the worst I guess probably out of fear...I just get so frustrated! its like WHY! why do I have to lose him! why do I have to leave him...why cant I just keep him "safe" forever" why dose it have to hurt so much?...arg! : ) I dont know its a whole messed up enabler/ co dependant mess and I know it is. Thank you all your very, very kind to "talk to me about my problems thank ya'll!


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