Need help with love or relationships?



  • Thank you Captain, i am having so many confusing feelings an thoughts. I dont so much think im trying to change him but bring out the good qualities I have seen from him in previous times. I must agree he does have a low threshold for stress an cannot take criticism very well an at the sign of a misunderstanding he closes himself off. I believe his lack of communication to this issue is why we are in this predicament, but I dont know how to help him without pushing him more in his shell.

    I in a sense have come to accept some of his characteristic because he is a good man & good father but their are somethings i cannot over look ( him running to friends an mom & making us feel less than we should) i understand that the loss of his job last year shook his security but I would have hoped that upon starting a new job a couple months ago he would slowly return to what i would call his normal behavior which wasnt running to his friends an mom.

    I have given alot of love, lotalty and time to my cancer an my family that i just honestly dont know what to do next. We have had many good times an good experiences as well as have many downs which we have overcome together with him having lots of patience with me as me for him, but i surely did not expect to be going thru a situation like this after so much time invested.

    Btw he did end up calling yesterday an was very non chalant, it does concern me that maturity could take 15 years but the last 13 haven't been so bad. Im not sure if i should just ignore him as they're kids involved but being a friend seems difficult for me to handle.

    Sorry for the long post!



  • MoonLove77, you are in fact trying to change his present condition back to an old one, a state that may not even exist any more. Perhaps he was only behaving well at the time because everything was going well for him. It is during times of stress that people show their real selves. You need to stop living in the fantasy of "what might be" or "what was once" and deal with your partner as he is right now.



  • Breze1, don't put a time limit on yourself - we all evolve at our own natural pace.



  • Thank you for the clarity, I do believe you are right. If you wouldn't mind, what would you suggest my next course of action be.

    Im usually very intuitive an clear minded, but i feel mentally blocked an at a stand still as to what path i should take. Maybe fear of the unknown



  • MoonLove77, you have to decide if the current situation is something you can live with for a long time, or if perhaps a shakeup (like leaving) is needed to perhaps 'wake up' your partner or to save yourself from further misery. That is, how much do you love this man versus how much you love yourself?



  • Captain, I have tried dating people meanwhile. I am not limiting myself in any way. However, it feels like more I date others, more I miss my ex and more I understand why I still miss him. I am conscious that is not a physical need or fear of any kind that keeps me stack in that "missing him" place. I am very independent person and I love living by myself and don't mind being alone. But with him, there was that energy match that I felt great just by being next to him, in silence. I can't explain fully because it is a feeling. He gave me that space to love a man unconditionally, which has been impossible for me before knowing him. It is soo hard to forget this, which I have to, before someone else pulls my attention. Till then I will focus on my professional life. Lol

    Love, B



  • So what broke you up from this ex, Breze?



  • Honestly, I don't know the real truth. I believe his fear for commitment is the biggest. He had ended his 7 y marriage few years before meeting me, and he didn't like to talk much about it. On the other hand he feared showing himself being in a relationship because of his 2 daughters- as he expressed himself. From social media, I know his ex-wife still loves him and will not stop waiting for him. I think he didn't want to promise me anything, but I kept trying to make him show/give more into the relationship, which made him withdraw. On the other end I am difficult person too. I left him both times in a heart bit. I felt taken for granted. I am a fight or flight person. I can't tolerate deceiving. He starting coming around again, this past January, after 5 months of brake up, but I immediately blocked him. I was very angry and still can't forgive him, for deceiving me. Deep down I believe he was a tormented soul. But I don't know the truth. Any way, thank you for asking me Captain. Have a great day ! B