Need help with love or relationships?

  • Sigh. Thank you! Is there anyone on the cards for me in the near future?

  • Yes but you will have to go out and meet him, not live a fantasy life online.

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  • Thank you! I will start going out more. If you don't mind, would you please tell me more about him.

  • 'He has not yet appeared on your radar so I cannot sense him. You have to give off the right vibes to attract a soulmate but I sense some reluctance in you to put yourself out there. Are you sure you want someone in your life, or do you just like the thought of love?

  • I've taken some time to reflect on whether I really want someone in my life. I do, but I admit that I'm very guarded because of recent events (a distressing situation that is still not over). It's hard to take the armour off and put it back on again when necessary, so I wear it all the time. Plus, I'm not used to dating after being away from the scene for so long. It all feels foreign to me. I want someone who will push beyond my initial awkwardness, so I can just surrender into love.

  • NovusDies, then you will never find anyone. It is up to you to do the work of dealing with and getting past your own issues, not anyone else's responsibility. No one is here to save you - you must do that yourself. You have to believe you are strong and wise and brave enough to handle anything. You will lose any reticence or awkwardness when you can focus on other people more than on your own supposed flaws and lack of social ease.

  • Thank you. Believe me, I am working on myself and have done a lot of soul searching. Some of my armour has already fallen away. I’m certainly not looking for anyone to save me; I don’t believe in that. What I meant by “pushing past my initial awkwardness” was that today, especially in a society in which online dating seems to be the main way to meet someone, people have become very disposable. The few dates I’ve been on, if the man said or did anything awkward, I cut him some slack. People don’t seem to be willing to do that anymore. It’s one strike and you’re out. I suppose with the right man that wouldn’t happen. I did meet someone I really liked, but he stopped contacting me. I’m not sure why, but I assumed it was a case of what I just described. Your suggestion of focusing more on the other person is a good idea.

  • I am glad I am not dating! The whole interviewing for a mate thing would be stressful. I think ideally it works best if while you are busy being yourself and enjoying yourself you meet someone and there's an attraction. The shopping for a mate would be awkward for me too. I do believe in fate and people come into our lives when they are supposed to. I have been married a long time and put a lot of my happiness on my husbands shoulders when I was young...and men when young do the opposite. It switches as we aged.....older men tend to want to be homebodies and cling more and older women tend to become more self reliant and want to be all they were born to be.

  • I have a std and I have to date someone with the same condition which makes me go on a dating site. The first person I dated from this site, few years ago, is the one I ever really loved. I do believe in fate too, but I guess this is one too, even though it is like shopping. 🙂

    Ok, I have a question. There is call I receive from a number that is very similar to mine, and I keep missing it. When I call it back, it says does not receive calls. So I believe they call me and then immediately block me, so I can not reach them. I wonder who is this person. I have a doubt that is the guy I wrote above, which I am still waiting from.

    Thanks for any feedback. Love B

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  • It's just a random nuisance call.

  • Thank you Captain.

    Another question. 🙂 What do you see in the near future, or let say for this summer, in the relationship department for me ?

    Thanks a million.

  • I agree BlMoon....interviewing for a spouse? Nah....I can't do the dating websites anymore. I met my last boyfriend on one and have friends who are still out there and looking but I personally cannot do it anymore. I never had a lot of luck with it anyway so it's not a big deal to not go back.

    I do wish I could meet someone but my night shift work schedule make it very difficult to get out there and the social activities I used to do are basically non-existent because of my schedule so that just eliminates more options for meeting people. AND....let's just say that working in law enforcement has opened my eyes in new and wonderful ways of how people deceive and play other people. It truly is going to be an act of God for me to meet anyone. LOL.

  • Breze1 and AuntBuck, you want someone in your life but what are you actually doing about it, apart from grieving over your lack of luck or dreaming up a fantasy? Are you putting in any hard yards to bring your soulmate to you? Do you have the right mind-set? Are you - shock, horror - thinking you are perhaps getting too old or tired for love? That you are not attractive or energetic enough for someone? Shame on you if you are! Are you preparing yourself by sprucing yourself up, maybe losing some weight or getting a make-over or hair cut - as if you are going out on a date with him at any moment? Are you psyching yourself up to attract a soulmate? Are you listening to love and self-empowerment affirmations (you can plenty of them for free off youtube) to put yourself into a positive and loving frame of mind? Have you made a written list of the person you want to attract and asked the Universe very firmly for him to contact you? In order to receive whatever you want, you first have to give it. Are you giving love unconditionally and joyfully to others or simply going through the motions because you want to be loved in return or think it's your duty to look after others? Basically, are you in love with yourself - because unless you radiate love from the inside, you will never attract it. Or are you just feeling tired and jaded and ready to give up? When you really REALLY want something, you don't give up on it until you actually get it, and the passing of time is just an endurance test to see if you still really want something or have given up early, maybe just before you got it.

    Now, don't just moon over it - prepare yourself for love!

  • Hello TheCaptain,

    I was hoping to get some advice, a reading or insight into my current relationship with my cancer male

    My bday 07/07/1986

    His bday 07/09/1986

    We are both cancers

    Me an my cancer have been together for almost 13 years and have 2 kids together. As of recent we have had a fall out which resulted in him moving out, an he has begun to ignore me.

    A couple weeks ago he told me he was going to go hang out with some friends which i had no objection too untill 2 days later he told me once again he was going to go hang out with his friends at his friends house, immediately my intution told me something was off an I called him out on it in which he told me i was going crazy, come to find out the very next day that he indeed was hanging out with some friends and some girls at a nightclub which he knows i am completely against him going to clubs. This has been a big issue for us ever since he lost his job last year, i tried to work thru it an hoped once he started his new job we would get back to how it was.

    I confronted him about it an explained to him that i will not put up or tolerate lies. He became mute an had nothing to say instead proceeded to ignore me an play on his phone! Yes i became infuriated an told him he had to understand that his family is his priority and if he couldnt get that he could go. Needless to say he partially packed his stuff an left to his moms house. I did not speak with him right away but a couple days later tried to bring up the subject to see if we could come to some understanding an get passed it, in which he dsid he did not want to talk about it. I did not insist an havent brought it back up, just letting him sort it out. He textes me usually everyday an it pretty vague hi, how are you doing. But as of last week i have not heard from him an its really bugging me.

    I feel as though i didnt do anything towards him or wrong for me to be pursuing him. I understand in the heat of the moment it could have been better dealt with but in the 13 years we have been together I have come to terms with my flaws an bad habits an have grown up an adjusted an changed not for him but for myself an my family. I feel as though he isnt willing to make a change or even talk about one! Im not saying we his family are not a priority but he sure doesnt make us feel that way & his behavior right now is not helping. I feel he is being immature

    Im beyond hurt an almost heartbroken that he just picked up an left so easy but had hope that he would come around an calm down an we would talk, hash it out an he would return. Its been a couple weeks now an although he contacted me everyday, now i havent heard from him for almost a week and im not sure what that means or how i should interpret that since he would not usually go more than 2 days.

    Will i get my cancer back home an back on track? Any an all help is greatly appreciated.

  • Moonlove77, the two of you being quite alike can be a problem here - though you seem to have matured faster than your partner who is still going through a childish and rebellious 'do-the-opposite-of-what-you-are-told' phase. Also, fantasy can play too large a part here - you wish he would be different to what he is and may always be trying to change him, and he wants you to be more - and less - of a mother to him. Your partner is a 'beautiful dreamer' with unfulfilled desires and dreams that he thinks he still needs to accomplish, no matter how unrealistic they are. Unless you both can come to accept that 'what you got is what you got', then the relationship is doomed. This union needs a lot of privacy and communication to work, but with your partner running off to his friends or his mother, you cannot get it - and that suits him fine. He is not yet capable of having an adult relationship where you both sit down and work things out. He also has a low stress threshold and cannot handle criticism, misunderstanding, and rejection, so you will need to handle him with kid gloves for the sake of his fragile ego. I don't sense him growing up and behaving in a more responsible and mature manner for about another fifteen years or so. So you can either accept the role of his 'mother' or find someone else a bit more grown-up. He does need you to keep him feeling grounded and secure, but are you getting enough in return?

  • Captain, thank you. I know what you are saying is right. The problem is I feel I am not ready now and I am giving myself the liberty to ramble for a while. I need to fill my well first, as you say. It takes me lots of time though. I am so slow I know. 🙂

    Have a great day. B

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