Genuine love and relationships posts only

  • Marishkaa, shyness is self-consciousness. You need to stop thinking about yourself so much and try to focus on other people. Then you will lose your shyness. And shyness never got anyone anywhere.

  • FaithfulOne, you are going to need a lot of patience and effort to get through 2107. It is a year when you won't see a whole lot of results but you will still need to work hard, not get distracted, prepare well and make your plans. It may at times seem like a lonely and frustrating period but believe me, next year will more than make up for it with a lot of change and great opportunities coming to you. So for now, keep your head down, put in the hard work, and hang onto your dreams - do whatever you have to do to make them manifest. You will start to see signs of progress in the last three months of the year.

  • Thank you TheCaptain

  • You are welcome!

  • TheCaptain, but may i ask if you see someone for me in the near future? Or not yet?

  • No Marishkaa, I don't see anyone coming to you. If you cannot put yourself out there to meet someone, why would anyone want to meet you? Nothing was ever achieved by waiting at home for it. Love like everything else must be worked for, which means placing yourself outside of your comfort zone.

  • Thank you, TheCaptain. Sometimes i think that i don't want even to change anything, (

  • Yes, I do get that feeling from you Marishkaa, that change frightens you, even if it is for the better.

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  • Ive had many changing perspectives on relationships over the past few years and realize it starts with you. I want to keep working on myself and get past my wounded childhood so I can be an overall healthy happy loving free human being without holding anyone to my standards and wounded child perspective. I feel I have many great qualities but after Rene I want to focus on me and change alot on what makes me attracted to pain and chaos (subconsciously). Through therapy, its been helping me with alot but even though I might have to leave shelter soon (if Im not able to get transitional housing-I would have to move back with Rene) I am going to stick with it because its helping me confront alot of demons I supressed.

    I am also preparing myself for the worsr case scenario of living with Rene again because Im here on a day by day case with the shelter Ive been at for the past few months (Im past my 45 days) and living apart from my toxic lover has helped me put alot into perspective and look forward to healing and growth in a powerful way. I also seen a preacher state that God sometimes creates a way through what you see as obstacles. Being apart from my lover, I noticed I need to focus on my needs wants and find myself again outside of everything else going on.

    All while going through all of this financial strife, what is the best advice you can give to someone trying find themselves again and how to follow their inner voice?

  • peaceful indifference! A calm energy hears the guidance that is always there. This too will pass.....the wheel of life goes up the wheel goes down. Patience!

  • Hey guys!

    I am not going to lie I have been really frightened and depressed about the stage of my life right now. I have been psychologically and emotionally abused throughout my life starting with my parents causing me to struggle with my identity and self worth over time. I faked my confidence til I made it overtime my confidence grew as I tried to rebuild myself. I was single for about 3 years before I met Rene.

    He was almost everything I wanted-experienced, adventurous, lively outgoing, fun and popular but he also seemed like that of a playboy but I saw the real him and we grew closer over time and we'd seem to share a deep connection know what the other was thinking ans finish each other's sentences and I was always there for him no matter what and felt good healing him from the all the bad (Ilearned later that I was being co dependent) he even helped me let go of my anger with my parents and seemed to have the a dark past with childhood abuse as well. We could be ourselves and say whatever we wanted around each other which I hadnt felt that open and communicative with anyone before. We both felt great that we can share everything let our guard down and be ourselves. We shared deep talks and dark secrets about ourselves. I lost my virginity partied and had adult fun for the first time in my life working and on my own. After a fight with my mother, I moved in with him because I had no where else to go. Soon after, we became closer partied and but soon after we were evicted and bounced from hotel to hotel. Soon after I became, he was so excited and felt he would be a better man with the baby. I was scared but took responsibility and treated myself as a mom in training and excited to share life with my percieved soul mate.

    Life was hard we both couldn't keep our jobs because we kept bohncing from place to place. He would still party and ended up battling addiction and would go out frequently. I supported him at first because I knew he loved to dance and wanted to see him happy but after awhile I became lonely and would ask for him to be with me. Rene became more and more depressed and would start acting out as he got angry at oyr situation. Never do things with me, always in a bad mood and didnt seem to cater to my emotional needs but would always apologize soon after. He was so deep into his addiction and we suffered as he wasnt thinking straight and qe bounced around. He got a job 2 days before our son Roman was born and we struggled to find shelter after. He was so deep into his addiction at times he would be mean as I cried and constantly forget about me when it came to his friends. I figured it was steess and that we both needed help so we did the only thing we could at the time move to CA with his parents who were willing to help.

    We moved to CA with our son and quickly discovered how choatic living with his family was. Constant battles over rules and money and it was hard because there were times I felt he was disrespectful to his parents and he would get mad if I got involved. It was here I felt Rene started being more mean spirited self centered and abusive towards me. I didnt know what it was he would always lash out with a vicious tongue selfish self centered attitude. We hardly had space together without the baby and he got to go out alone way more than me which I became resentful of. We started doing mostly what he wanted and he would blow money when we needed to save and use it on more useful things. I was stuck taking care of our son and struggling to be heard. There was alot of emotional abuse in this period put downs yelling name calling sarcarsm then came the random sprouts of physical abuse that would escalte from the arguments. He woudk cry and tell me he hates himsrlf and blame it on the stress of everything especially not having our own place then it continued.

    As time progressed our convos wouldnt be as fluid. I was still in love and invested but it felt as if he didnt feel the same. He would put his friends wants and needs first before mine and I wouldnt be able to do the things I wanted to do with him like go on dates unless he wanted to go. He didnt compromise on his tough parenting style that I thought was too much. He would go off on walks instead of wanting to talk to me and I remember when I would cry he would coldly dismiss me as crazy or weak or how he couldn't handle it or understand it sometimes yelling as I had my panic attack. He would seem sorry and r3morseful after the damage was done. I caught him flirting with girls and even had Craigslist post for men but swore he didnt cheat just acted out fantasies. I was embarrassed but still loved him and wanted to work things out. We soon became evicted from his parents and ended up in hotels and things became worse. He became more distant, self absorbed mean and abusive. I didnt know what to do but felt like he still loved me but I found it hard to deal with because there was so much happening at one time.

    Eventually we found a trailer to settle at as our home, I would think he would be better being we triumphed out of homelessness but the distance selfishness and abuse became worse. It was almost painful how much alone I felt and he would have no explaination which would bother me and hed be seemingly cold but then tell me hes sorry and how hes so stressed which isnt an excuse. I had discovered Craisgslist ads of him messaging men and trannys for sex which bothered me because we had been so open with each other and I was aware of his bi tendencies but felt sad he would even flirt or attempt to step out on me. Long story short after a fight he disapperead one night cruising for sex met a man who discussed spiritual thigns with him guided me to the shelter where Im at and now here I am trying to heal and repair myself one day at a time

    My 45 days here are overdue and its been almost 90 days. 90 is the limit I havent found any transitional housing and have no place to go if I dont and now I might need to move with my ex. I currently attending consueling, hes expressed how he wants therapy for himself and a relationship consuleor has reached out to us before. I am just overwhelemed and feel he treats me the same- but sometimes Im confused and feel he cares. I know love doesnt feel this way but my journey has been all over the place and Im not sure whats the purpose or how to handle all of this.

    Do have any insight to my situation? Will I find housing outside of my ex soon despite no job and little money (working on this) and if I do have to move back is there any chance I will be ok?

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  • Asia, do you think you were projecting what you wanted to happen onto this relationship and your own wishes and ideals onto this man? I think you need more grounding and realism before you can cope better with life. I think you have to put aside your dreams and focus on what is. You are the only one who can save yourself and create the life you want.

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