WILL I BE BRAVE ENOUGH?
I'm still feeling really busted, and have been for a few days now. I'm realising my marriage has to end, and more recently, that I am in love with someone else. Nothing is happening with the someone else, but I just feel an inevitability about everything, if that makes sense I'm just so worried that things will get on top of me and I won't find the courage to make the changes/endings I need to, in order to finally have the life I feel is waiting for me. Can anyone see if I will find the courage I need to go ahead with what I'm currently seeing as necessary? And roughly, when? Oh and one more thing: will I be with the person I've been dreaming of eventually? Haven't asked too much have I? hehe. Nah, it isn't funny really. I just can't cope for too much longer with this bloody hanged man feeling and the longing I have for this other person.
And if anyone sees this post who has asked for a reading recently, please bear with me. I'm not on squarely on the planet at the moment, and am not getting much for others right now. Hopefully, a few days'll see a positive change!
Thanks for your help y'all, in anticipation
I have some feelings on your situation.
This may not be what you want to hear, but I feel that you should consider some things. First off I do get the feeling that you are going through a bit of a mid life crises. I get the sense that you may also be suffering from a bit of depression. I feel that you literally need to feel more in your body. Some sort of fun activity that gets you moving would be helpful. I also think a change of scenery would be helpful.
As for the guy you've been pining for, I feel that you are getting lost in your fantasies. Sometimes people come into our dreams as symbols for what we are longing for. This guy seems to represent everything you feel is missing in your life. The thought of being with him makes you excited and you feel more alive. The problem is he hasn't really done anything to indicate that he wants what you want. Even if he does there is no guarantee that you will feel fulfilled from a new relationship.
Consider this...you leave your husband and profess your love to this other guy, you find out he doesn't feel the same way, your husband gets scooped up by another woman. How does that fantasy feel? If you still feel that you want to leave your marriage after reflecting on that very real possibility then perhaps it's beyond repair. I just don't feel that your in a position to make a rational decision yet. If you can get yourself feeling better without the crutch of this fantasy then you can be more rational in your decision making. Try taking a trip with your husband and see if that helps. Try getting involved in a new activity that would bring some excitement into your life.
I've seen women throw away their marriage because it wasn't passionate enough. I've seen them get more excitement than they bargained for. The excitement of their new, so called, soul mate cheating on them and divorcing them. The excitment of going through one bad relationship after another chasing that feeling of being in love.
Only you know what's right for you. Just try not to get lost in the fantasy world when making real world decisions. I wish you luck.
All of what you say is all of what I've thought about. I have no illusions about running to this, or any other, guy as that would be a big mistake for me. We've done the trip stuff, been through this sort of thing before (twice, but not because of dreams!) and still, this comes back to bite me time and again. I stayed eight years ago because I didn't want to put my then 7 year old daughter through a custody battle and/or risk the chance of losing her to him. Now here I am eight years on, wondering if I made the right choice for me then, and wondering what is the right choicke for me now. Have talked to hubby as honestly as I can about this, but still I'm stuck with the reality that we've flogged a dead horse for quite a few years without realising it. Oh, he's okay! It's ME that's the problem, just ask him.
I appreciate what you've said here my friend, but considering my situation, I've been torn between the practicalities and the real chance I just might be missing out on a happy life which is causing me to be down in the dumps; so you're right about the "depression" bit. It's no wonder! This has been ongoing for most of this year.
Luck? Yep, need quite a bit of that I'm aware of the huge risk I'm considering taking. But what I need is the courage to make this choice so long as I feel it's right for me. That's my problem: putting myself top of the list for a change and following my own heart.
Ah, who cares? I might as well give it up and just plod along like I've been doing and not expect happiness to come to me except for the odd day here 'n' there. God knows, I've lived in chains for long enough, so what's another 30-40 years?
Doves46 last edited by
Hello Cris ,
If I may , I would like to suggest a book for you to read , It is called 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea. by Susy Welch . It is basically a book that teaches people how to make decisions whether they be great or small ... By asking youself three easy--and utterly profound--questions,
Just a little info about book
Suzy Welch has managed to solve just about every personal and professional quandary in her life. The Rule of 10 10 10: an amazing, spectacularly snappy guide to decision-making.
I wish you a the best with your marital problems , and hope you will find a resolve to it all soon . People can't help how they feel , and never intent to find themselves in these situations in life . Maybe if you and your Husband should just take a break from each other for a couple of months , and live a part for awhile and that will give you the quite time you need to make the decision as to whether you want to stay in your marriage or just need to move on . Sometime being away from the situation helps you do alot of soul much needed soul searching without to many distractions or mind chatter . Any , It is just a suggestion. I am not a expert by any stretch of the imagination . but those are my thoughts . Take Care and God Bless You . I will say a prayer for you .
If you really believe that it is your marriage that has you so down and that you are wasting your life...then find the courage by imagining another 30-40 years of the situation. The pain of this thought might give you the strength you need to move on.
I wasn't trying to be judgmental. I just wanted you to have a clear head about things before you make such a life altering decision.
I just realized that , in my last post, I misspelled your name. Sorry about that.
Don't worry about name! It actually is spelled Chris anyway, but I don't worry about that for screen stuff. As to you being judgemental, don't think you were trying to be. I understand no-one likes to see a marriage end or someone do something stupid because of what seems to be pie in the sky reasons. I've been over it and over it in my head and still come back to the fact that this is not the first time and I guess I need to find the courage to do what I need to while I'm still young enough to do it! So, hence my question: will I find the courage to do what needs to be done? Hope so. Whichever way it goes, I want to feel proud for what I've chosen to do this time, rather than feel that I did what suited everyone else, although back then, I feel that was the best course at the time.
Thanks so much for your concern MDreams, and Doves46. I'm just scared and don't want to make a bad choice and live to regret it. I'll take a look at that book you mentioned too Doves. Think it might have some pointers in it for me!
Bless you both
dejasmum last edited by
Cris, oh how I wish I had psychic abilities. I would truly try and help you at this major point in your life. But, I don't. It is never easy making decisions such as this, but like we talked about in previous threads, you will know when it is right for you. I get this inkling though, that you are a lot like how I use to be, putting everyone before you. Always doing the right thing, so everyone will be happy. The decisions that I made for myself after the divorce, came back to bite me, but you know what, I still don't regret my decisions. Sometimes people stay in relationships, knowing in their heart that they should go, but really don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The one thing I learned through all of this, the journey may be long, but the lessons I have learned a long the way, are priceless. I am so happy. I can give back to others what I have learned, and have a clearer and better insight. Still don't know where it will take me, although I have a road map. I just know that life is so much better, I am free. I have a new shot at life, love, and it is so wonderful.
My thought is not to worry so much about how your little friend feels, for he is not the issue. The issue is you. You will be brave enough, if this truly what you want, for you! How can you go wrong, if this is for you? I know to some it may sound selfish, but you know, I don't judge others anymore, for I have not walked in their shoes, and they have not walked in mine, its not all about that it is about finding and being the true you, feeling the power to free yourself, from all the negatives that we have been prone to know. Not the law of the universe, but the law of man. Happiness comes from within, and if you can find that true happiness being with your husband, then so be it, but if you feel that time is speeding by and you are missing out on your one chance, then listen to what your gut tells you.
I am a practicing Buddhist, and believe in the universal law, 100 percent. In spite of all the things that happened, are happening in my life I don't let that deter me. People ask me every day how come I can still be happy in the midst of all the storm, and the reason is because I now know, it is my mission in life to go through these things, if it has not killed me, then I know I am heading in the right direction, as long as I am doing it for the right reasons, and not hurting anyone in the process.
Cause and effect is strict....Sometimes we hold ourselves hostage in the chains feeling at times they are tightening, but in reality is all we have to do is wiggle a little and the chains will fall off. What is the big picture that you see? Mine was I knew I wanted to work for world peace on a global scale, I tried to stay in the same town where my ex lived so that my daughter can be close to her dad, that decision, was not the right one. I stayed in poverty, I hated my job, could never find something that would remotely give me satisfaction, because it was because I was living for others, not myself. I prayed and attended many activities, and was growing in faith more than ever, however, I still did not feel 100 percent, I knew for the longest i was not living up to my full capacity, I knew I wanted to go to graduate school in a foreign country to get that international feeling, when I applied for graduate school, I of course kept my child in my mind while making this decision, so I applied for 3 and 2 got back to me, and one being an English speaking country, so I picked that one. The money did not come right away, but I never kept my off the goal. I re-determined myself and just kept going. 2 months before I was suppose to leave, the money came. There were obstacles in my way the whole time, but I never stopped wanting this. When I arrived here it was like my life opened up. Honestly, everyday I wake up refreshed and just love the fact I am free. There are moments when you hit that plateau, but those are the moments I know it is time to do some more cleaning, and also know once I learn the lesson I am suppose to learn, it will be beautiful.
Of course fear of the unknown creeps in and then I have to stop and pray to stay focused, but I know in time, everything will be just how it is suppose to be. On the other hand, because my ex is not one who believes in spirituality the choices he has made has left him desperate and miserable. I am sad for him, but those are choices he made, I can not hold myself responsible for him.
Life is too short, I believe in the fact that you are not running to another man, but trying to find the REAL YOU!
Hang in there my dear and just trust in you!
Thank you dejasmum. I am in contact with this other fellow, but it's friendship and at the moment, I'm happy to have him around - soulmate or no - in whatever capacity I can have him; he's like a ray of sunshine for me (and "sunshine" is what I've called him from time to time before I started dreaming of him). Hubby and I have talked and he believes we should give it another shot, that we're too old to start again on our own, that we're throwing away something great for the sake of "what else is out there". I don't agree with what he's saying, and what really confuses me is the fact that I do still love my husband, but that love isn't enough anymore for me. Being with him physically is hard for me - he's still very passionate and I have not been this way towards him for years and years. Yet, I know there's life in the old dog yet I get very scared as I don't know what's in store for me, although a reading I had a few years ago said I'd reach my full potential in this town. So whereby staying in the same town as their ex may be a mistake for some, I have a strong feeling it'd be a mistake for me to leave here. I don't know how this will pan out, but I come back to a more recent reading which told me I needed to do "nothing" as the marriage would just end anyway. So I've decided to just go with the flow now. Not worry about what I should be doing (I'm too pro-active for my own good sometimes) and just let it BE. The friendship and affection I feel for my husband will never leave me, and nor will the joy and absolute love I feel at just being around my little soulmate either. I feel, though, that running from one to another would be a mistake for me and all concerned, but the knowledge that he may be there for me one day is a comfort. And I'm praying to the universe to send my husband someone. Yes, my Cancerian idealism is coming to the fore here: let's all do this in happy, shiny circumstances and everyone will be so JOYFUL at the end of it all rather than bitter and hurt. But hey, stranger things have happened ...
I do appreciate your thoughts here deja. It's never easy to leave a relationship/marriage, particularly when one is closer to 50 than 40 these days, but I just have this feeling that this is my one shot at doing what I'm meant to do.
And do you know what I feel I am meant to do? Foster children and breed alpacas ... with my little soulmate ...
dejasmum last edited by
I truly understand your situation, and like I said, no body can judge you until they walked in your shoes, and believe me no two pair of shoes are the same, so therefore, no room for judgment. I understand what you are saying about your soulmate, being your sunshine, for I had mine in my life for 2 and 1/2 years, and I miss him terribly, but what can I do, life has goes on. I had to cut the chord and move on for both of our sakes, because the connection was way to strong for our own good, and I had this fear of the next time we seen each other we might have stepped our boundaries, and that would have been detrimental to both of us, because of his situation.
You know, men especially find comfort in relationships, and for fear of the unknown will stay in a relationship, because of the fear of starting over. I understand what you are saying about praying for him to find someone. Everyone deserves to be happy. On the other hand, we women do it as well, some live with the thought it is better to have someone then be alone. I lived with that fear for the longest time as well, but my mental and spiritual well being was being compromised, and I felt so alone anyway.
I found my friend when I really was at my wits end, and had no faith in men, the universe brought him in my life for a reason. Through him I found myself, all over again. When I was with my ex, he use to always belittle my thoughts of a peaceful world, and get angry at me for believing in the goodness of others, always telling me that people were not what they seemed. I knew that, because I am very intuitive when it comes to reading others, as far as having good auras and bad auras, but he would always make me second guess my instincts, and it really threw me off balance a lot.
So my friend, was like a breath of fresh air. I have never felt this way about another human being before, and I just miss our chats, and the laughter he brought in my life. If things were not as complicated I would still have him in my life, but the attraction as well as the connection was way to strong. I know in my heart that one day we will meet again, and hopefully it will be in a way where we can truly be free to share the love we have for each other. But until then, I will continue living my life, in the best way possible. I always wonder though, how can another human being know me as he does, know what I am feeling, know what I am thinking, etc.
I understand about the love you have for your husband, and the questions that you may have in regards to leaving the town you live in. Well atleast you have had a reading and have some sort of implication of your future. I wish that I knew the karma I have with my friend, and wish I could know what the future has in store for us. I honestly can say, I do not think the universe would be so cruel for us not to have each other in ones life, if we brought so much joy and positive to each others life.
I do think that going with the flow is sometimes better, because we might make the wrong turn, and find ourselves in a heap of trouble, not knowing how to get out. At the age of almost 44 my career future is something I have deep fears about, so I understand what you are saying. If one was to see me, they think that I am in my early 30's, and you know now a days, age does matter, when we are getting older. So, I have that fear as well. But when it comes to matters of the heart, it has no age limit.
Well, just keep praying for the courage and strength to do what you need to do for your life, and I am sure you will find a way.
sexygem last edited by
Hey cris! Sorry I'm just getting back to you "retrograde" I guess, I've been soo busy. I did your reading last week, it was confusing tho. From the first half of the reading I got the emperor(reverse), queen of cups, and 3 of swords. the conclusion was the ace of cups and the 3 of cups. I also got the queen of wands.
I'll start by saying this guy is, for lack of a better word, "unaproachable" romantically. Meaning that although you have a working relationship (friendship), there is no place/time/room for intimate conversations. The three of swords is the love triangle card, I'm not sure if the queen of wands is your husband or the dreaded... compitition ( i feel it is another woman, but am not sure), unfortunately your guy got the devil card. wich means trouble.
My interpretation of these cards is that your relationship is platonic in nature at this time it hasn't even developed enough for you to express your physicial attraction to him, however if you continue down your current path you will get the opportunity to explore going into an intimate situation with this guy (very pasionate, overwhelmingly so), but it will bring much turmoil and pain to yourself and others. Having said that, there IS a connection there, poweful indeed, and after alot of work things could ultimately work out. The one i did for your husband was not as exciting but more solid, I'd try to work things out with your husband if I were you, but as I said before I've been in your shoes and it is a hard decision. Best wishes with both of your loves.
Dalia last edited by
Hi Cris, I was wondering if you work. I've had to work all my life and if my work isn't fufilling, then I feel miserable. I know your marriage isn't fufilling at present. So, maybe there's two major areas that aren't fufilling. Also, pinpoint what it is exactly that draws you to this guy. I would caution you about making a leap of faith (leaving your marriage) without knowing this guy very well. Personally, I would have to make a gesture towards this guy indicating something. Maybe what you really want is time on your own--your own space. I don't get this from you, however. I think you want to make a leap of faith based on one person and I think it's risky (but I'm not in your shoes). I'm just trying to give good advice here. I know your trying to find happiness. So, what truly is happiness to you.
Thanks Dalia. I agree with you my friend! I do want to "stand alone" for a time; I think that's my biggest problem. I see this other man being at the end of that road though, which is why I'm so drawn to him. In the dreams I have with him, I feel like I've finally come home, so I cling to that. Yet I realise that going from one to the other is like going from the fat to the fire, or at least it usually is. I've never gone from one relationship to another anyway, but then I wonder if this may be one of those times where I need to change my thinking. I really don't know. It certainly would be a major leap of faith for me to leave my marriage and go straight to him; the risk would be very big indeed. But I would need to know I've got rid of any baggage before I did this anyway. No sense going into something new with the old stuff still hanging around now is there? Still, I guess what I'd love to see or know is how this other man actually feels. I do strongly sense that if I knew he felt the same way about me, that would be the thing which would give me more courage to do what I need to, while knowing at the same time, I can't go running to him straight away. Frustrating, but it makes sense to me. Ah well, as you say, I am trying to find my own true happiness in this life and if this man ends up being a major part of that, then who am I to say no?
Just hope all concerned come out of this happy. But I am an idealistic Cancerian! Still, stranger things have happened!
Thanks so much for your concern and thoughts Dalia. I appreciate them very much indeed. I've thought of all this, and know the risk will be huge. But then, nothing great ever came from not taking risks, did it?
tikirose last edited by
I'm not psychic, I can't read tarot cards, and I'm not the best at giving advice. However, my old teacher gave us a quote for any big decisions we were to make
"What is the best outcome if I do this
What is the worst outcome if I do this
What is the best outcome if I don't do this
What is the worst outcome if I don't do this"
I find the quote very useful when I need to make a decision, I hope you will to.
I wish you the best, and hope you feel better soon ^-^
Thanks so much tikirose. I think there's a lot of sense in those questions. Helps one to weigh up the pro's and cons, eh? xoxoxooxoxxo