Help with Cancer Husband

  • My husband is a cancer I am a Scorpio and we have been married for a 2 and a half years. In the last few months he has been really irritable and complaining that he was not appreciated or respected. We were getting into constant fights due to his moodiness and then out of nowhere he told me that he was leaving. He has been gone almost 3 weeks to his mother’s house and I have tried everything that I can think of to get him back home. Now I am just leaving him alone. We have 2 kids together and he is still very active in their lives, he cannot tell me if he wants a divorce or not, and has left all of his belongings here at our home. He refuses to talk about what is going on but will not completely break off our marriage, saying that he needs some space and he doesn’t want to make the wrong decision. All the while telling his family that he won’t be there for long, and talking to them about (our family, and me nonstop) I am willing to give him the space that he needs but I am wondering if he is being mulipitive and trying to teach me a lesson by giving me that silent treatment. How are Cancers when they break it off with someone? I heard that they do the disappearing act if they are hurt, but then come back when they feel like it. Is there anything I can do to bring my Cancer home??? Please help.

  • I'm not much of an expert, but my ascendant is Cancer and my best friend is a cancer... Cancers have a tendancy to hold on to things no matter howmuch it hurts them ( like a crab's vice like claws) and also put up emotional barriers to keep everyone out... Also, if your husband is like my friend, he's probably very emotional and pent-up and it's hard to keep him happy because something else will always turn up and they can irrationally hold onto a negative idea and then focus on the negative side of things more and emotionally withdraw. It is very hard for a Cancer to separate from a relationship, it's more likely he wants you to be in emotional pain to make sure he knows you can't live without him, and so you know he's hurt. The best you could do is try being as patient as you can with him, and try talking to him and find out what he needs to feel loved and respected. The key thing you need is patience and forgiveness. Take a breath and look before you leap, develop your empathy a little more and stay calm.

  • And never take negative actions from a cancer too personally, it's easy for them to brood and bottle negative emotions and it will always end up coming out on the person they' re closest to. Forgiveness, communication and a calm voice are imperative.

  • I was in a long relationship and engaged to marry a cancer man but in the end it wasn't meant to be. I wasn't as lucky as you, when my cancer man was upset and needed space I couldn't get him to open up and communicate with me as to the why. I learned Cancers are very sensitive, emotional and usually keep their feelings bottled up for quite a while only to withdraw without warning leaving you in limbo not knowing what is going on and what is going to happen next. Everyone needs some form of healthy space in a relationship away from their partner and the demands and responsibilities of the daily grind of work and family. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get him back on your time frame. If he chooses to come back (and most likely he will) it will be only when "he" is ready and feels safe. Regarding manipulation, yes I think just as my cancer man did I think he is staying away that long to teach you a lesson but also because he really does need the time away he is taking to gather himself, his feelings and his thoughts. If he comes back and you want to keep him give him the appreciation and respect he feels he hasn't been getting, if there are certain issues and you both can't seem to work your differences out on your own marital counseling could help providing he would be willing to go that is and open up.

    Best of luck. : )

  • Do you suspect infidelity? Sounds like maybe another person could be in the picture. I have experienced this similar thing before. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you and your children.

  • Cancer men are very sencitive. They need to feel understood and respected. I think many cancer men are more sencitive to what other people feel than many women are. They are probalby the most sencitive man one can find.

    Men in general respond different than women when they are stressed. Perhaps there has been some things that has happened at work, for example. Men are quite proud and want to figure their problems out themselves. If men share their problems with someone, it is mostly because they need to get an advice on what to do. Often they find it better to ask a man for advice, since men automatically will come up with some advice when there is something a man would want to talk about.

    Have you been dramatic back? I think perhaps cancer men in general might be a bit of a dramaqueen when they are extra stressed. If you push the right buttons, he probably gets a fit. This is because they are quite feminine. They are overly sencitive towards what other people think and say about them. So if you have been behaving the same back, so to speak, a cancer man can not cope with that. They need a lot of understanding.

    Many men would want to solve their problems themselves unless they really feel they should ask someone for advice. So men in general move themselves away from people when they need to think things through.

    Perhaps your husband is in a 7 period. Get a numerology report on how his year 2009 is. Perhaps this is his 7 month. Wich means he for no reason need so be for himself to think things through. Contemplate about his life. As a kind of meditation, not because of any particurlar reason. So if you have been trying to get more contact with him when he has been withdrawing, then than could be why he gets moody on you. Because then he needs to be undisturbed.

    Tell him that you love him. He needs to be left alone. That is why he has gone to his mom, not to be with his mom.

    I urge you to get a numerology report on your husbands year 2009. The is really a good site for this.

    Relax. Let your husband be. Use this time to relax and contemplate yourself, if you have the opportunity now when he is staying in his moms house.

    Just dont be dramatic. Cancer men are dramatic like us women. It is difficult to be as sencitive as the cancer men are to other peoples expectations all the time.

    The Hanged Woman

  • “In the last few months he has been really irritable and complaining that he was not appreciated or respected.” Is this true or are you blaming his “moodiness”? He is telling you something important here, take it seriously. The reason I say this is that my guy said the exact same thing about his ex and he was very bitter about it. He might let things go for awhile, but if it keeps happening over and over again, irritability, being critical and complaints are classic signs of an unhappy Cancer. He might already feel he has given you the message but didn’t see any results from it. If you appreciate and respect what he does for you, then let him know it and not just once or twice, it has to come naturally in your every day life.

  • I agree.

  • Yes. I do know that this is my fault. I did not understand what he meant when he was telling me these things, to me I was respecting him and appreciating him. Keep in mind these things mean different things to different people. Now that he is gone I have done research and found the repect dare book. While reading this i get a rude awakening and saw my faults.

  • BUT now I need to get him back home so i can prove that i can give him what it was that he needed.

  • Good that you learned. I also urge you to read the book written by John Gray. He is a proffessional psychiatrist and has written a book called "Men are from March. Women are from Venus." Or the other way round. Check his website:

    This guy is a guru in explaining how men and women should communicate for better understanding and more peace.

  • We are who we are and there are times when I don’t realize until much later that I might have done or said something thoughtless. But I am now more aware of my actions/words which is not necessarily a bad thing because it has tamed my bluntness at times.

    The only thing I can think of right now is for you to tell him that you understand why he’s upset and that you truly do appreciate and respect him. If he won’t sit down and talk to you then phone him or send him a note and just tell him. Sometimes the problem with giving him too much time in between the “problem” and the decision is that he is basing his decision on there still being a problem. So he will think that if he comes back nothing will have changed, but if you let him know that you do understand then he’ll feel there’s hope. Am I making sense? tMercury Rx is killing me!

  • Now he wants a divorce. It's devastating,

  • I'm so sorry to hear that femscorp. Did you talk things through or was this decision purely his own?

  • What the hell? Don't let your husband divorce you until you seriously talk things through. You can get to him, just be creative. If he wont answer your phone calls, then physically get yourself to wherever he is staying. How can he divorce you without actually talking about whats going on?

  • The decision was totally his. He made his decision after being out of the house for 3 weeks. Although he told me he wants a divorce he still texts me and even came over to the house on Friday with a migraine. His sister drove him over to get the kids for the weekend when he could have just asked her to pick them up from me. He looked awful and I think that he wanted a hug from me but I am just too messed up by his decision to have any contact with him physically.

    Someone please give me some good advice. I really need to get my husband home. He's made a hasty decision and if he was not giving me other signs i would believe him but I know he misses me.

  • am also a scorpio and am in love with a cancer. i know these gys abit. i think,this is not fair,u guys have to settle the htings,think abt the kids. tell his family members abt it,i know they are aware but do it. set up a meeting and make sure u guys leave without a divorce point. u should only work things out,no divorce is necessary here. he has to tell u whats wrong,and u will have to promise to work things out.and u should get back together with yo man,no divorce is necessary. this prob doesnt call for a divorce-it calls for a talk.

    u are parents and am sure u do love each other-i dont see any reason to call 4 divorce. go talk to them,and get ya man. dont care what they say,just get the man down,for a talk and nothing else. unlesss,he has some other hidden reasons he is hiding 4m u,this is no big deal 4 a marriage,it can be solved my dear. there are many big things that call 4 divorce-but not this. he has to talk to u first and he's got to be honest.

    get him down and ask him how does he feel apreciated and respected-coz u might have been thinking u are doing so,and he doesn't see that. ask him how he wants u to do it.and promise that u will do it that way,tell him to come,and that u love him. do your best. try hard my dear.

    i never grew up with a father 4 sm reasons,bt i hated my self 4 the divorce that went btn my mum and dad. and up to now am so affected,all my life is affected,so do it 4 yourself and those lovely kids.

    takecare dear.

  • You missed an opportunity to have put your arms around him and say “Honey, come home. I know we can work this out, we just need to find a way to communicate better with each other.” Look for another one and just speak from your heart.

    This is not the time for you to shut down, because it will just push him further away.

  • Unfortunately I think it is much too late for that.

  • he wants you to show him how much you care about him, so do it. i know it seems grim and honestly, you did wait too long it seems, if he's actually asking for a divorce....but what you need to do is get persistant. Get Aries! LOL if this was me, i'd hunt him down and tell him face to face that you didnt realize what you've done and you;ll start making it up to him right then and there. and thats when you just blurt out nice thing after nice thing until he wants to vomit from niceness, LOL. If he kicks you out call and leave a message. Dont give up if you want to keep him. Right now your just sitting on your heels, and this is probably telling him you dont care. Listen to Aqua! DOOOO IITTT.

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