Relationship devastated - Not the norm - PLS help.
seekingme last edited by
I'll try and keep this as brief as possible .. it's been a long 4 years and I love this man dearly. Condensed version - I met him 4 years ago, neighbor of a relative. Charming, gregarious, very funny, smart, hard working. The chemistry was out of this world and like nothing I've ever felt but we both acted like we didn't like each other for some time, always debating and a lot of wit. Two months later, we got together one night. Please let me explain about this guy. I was 38, he was 31. While a very healthy sexual male, he had only been with maybe 4 women before me, and none in about 5 years prior ... due to what I later learned as a true phobia to relationships. I literally am the first true girlfriend he's ever had .. I moved 2 hours away a year later and he began calling every night. Our bond grew stronger. We went through a miscarriage (I have 2 kids, him none, he's terrified of fatherhood and wants none due to his icy cold father) ...
It's SO hard to explain this guy. Only I know the real him. He has a one best friend and another family he's close to. Other than that I'm it and I'm the only person he trusts, have a key to his house, etc. He works, comes home, works, comes home, does not socialize hardly ever unless it's a rare neighbor get together. He's charming but also eccentric and somewhat isolated, always talking about what a sad life he has, as if accepting it as such. Even still, he has been devoted in his nightly calls for almost 3 years, and when we have spent time together at his house he has gone through depression when I'd leave .. I cannot emphasize enough what an odd duck and yet in other ways a rare gem this guy is. On the other side of the coin he jokes about literally everything and sometimes he's more than one guy. Very serious, or not serious at all. But either way I've been the ONLY person to ever truly get close to him.
5 weeks ago I got sick, with a female problem he's seen me through, please again keep in mind we are 2 hours away so this recently is all by phone. I kept my phone off a few nights and the third night, I missed his call. I sent him an email letting him know I was sick. Somehow in that, I never heard from him again (up until a few days ago). He sometimes goes into a depression and I've given him his space, so I left it for a while. We've gone a week at most at times like that and the one thing he could never EVER stand is if he thinks I'm hurting. I have always been his "soft spot" and anyone who knew us even if they didn't like him would always say "you and he will always be, the guy needs you." When we'd see each other even all these years later .. the chemistry was as if it was the first time. People used to comment all the time on how "smitten" we always seemed with each other, even if in a smartass type of way. I've been married before and never felt this type of connection with anyone.
Last week it hit the month mark and I began to think okay something has happened to him because he would not do this. I was abandoned in my teen years overnight by my stepdad, my bio father was murdered when I was a child, and 2 other significant sudden absences in my life ... my guy was the one who always swore no matter what .. EVER ... because of my past .. would he ever disappear. So I started trying again to get a hold of him. My daughters called him and left messages. I called and told him I'd be on my way down. It was always the plan that if I didn't hear from him, I'd drive down and check. As of last Thursday I was convinced he was in peril.
Friday morning i received an email "I am fine"
nothing else ... My guy has "gone cold" before but only a few days and never like this. He's aware that I have NO idea what he's upset with me over .... and there is literally nothing he could ever find out, or any betrayal on my part. he knows everything there is to know so the only thing this can be is he tried to call me and got "hurt" that I was ignoring him. But that has happened before and didn't get this sudden "gone".
I left him a message on Friday on his phone and he had gone to the extent of shortening the length of recording time. I ended up just telling him that I'll always love him and care about him but that I'm done too. I then left him an email I had written a few weeks ago, about my concerns for his mind, his well being, depressions, etc (things he only confided in me over) ... and I left it at that.
4 YEARS and I don't know why he's gone, how he could even have it IN him to put me through another abandonment and this time not even know why, let alone that I was sick. I have no idea why it seems he hates me. I have not contacted since then.
If nothing else, he and I had a deeply strong bond, beyond the relationship, our friendship was amazing. I've considered another woman but that is SO unlikely simply due to 1. his fear of pregnancy and 2. he is intimacy PHOBIC .. it took me months and literally living on that same property with my sister. People used to joke we ended up together because a woman moved into his backyard. So I don't think that's it. He's too hermit like and has major sleeping disorders .. but my heart is broken. I've never felt this type of emotional pain over anyone. He was my longest relationship and the person aside from my own kids I'd have given a kidney to. He knows I was ready to drive down to check on him.
He is an Aquarius, I am a Gemini.
I simply want to know if he is going to forever leave it this way, never even telling me why or what happened ... and what if any move at all I should make, in terms of any contact. My gut tells me to wait it out. I said my peace .. but it really appears he's gone into this "ice age" coldness and I don't know if this time he's coming out of it.
I'm in shock ... this WAS the one thing he could never do. Is he ever coming out of it, even so we can say goodbye in a more loving way than this puzzling "hate"?
Judee last edited by
I grounded and cleared and asked to only receive the Truth of the Positive White Light in meditation. Spirit said that he does indeed need medical attention for this depression he is in. He was a little down at the time of your medical problems and somehow convinced himself that you were with another guy when you two didn’t connect.
Your relationship has very great potential especially if you connect up with him and talk to each other face-to-face. If you have been paying attention to all that has been going on in the stars, you can see the parallel with his depression. The depth of strange effects in ‘the heavens’ (and here on earth) triggered the worsening of his thoughts. Waiting will not be the best thing to do at this time. He needs to see you while you tell him what he means to you. In the situation of his not wanting children, by all means protect from pregnancy because even proper medication will not allay his mental thoughts that there is someone else until you are together again and he knows you will not be with another man. If you can decide you do not want another child make sure he believes you.
But most of all, he needs to see a good therapist who can determine the right medication. You need to help him by offering to go with him to help fill in the doctor on the entire situation, and you need to get him to hang on to your love until the medication ‘kicks in’. With you coming to him, he will begin to doubt his thoughts, but he will need the medication to turn around completely. Make sure he sticks to the meds as they are usually necessary for a long time. But you and he really are meant to be.
In love and Light,
Myviewpoint last edited by
I am a Gemini and all I have to say is, Aquarians are NOT people we should have love/intimacy with, it usually ends up bad.
Aquarians are very private almost secretive people, totally the opposite of Gemini's. Let him go and beleive me you will find it was the right choice. You can only truly find your mate once you get him out of your heart.
I hope this helps...
Antares57 last edited by
I truly understand where you are coming from in your post. This is striking for me, and i have never posted here before, but what you have written here could have been my post. In my case it's a 4 1/2 year relationship, also LD. He a Capricorn, Jan 8, 1953 and I don't know his ascending or moon, myself a Nov 9 1957 Scorpio with Aquarius rising and Gemini moon. The timeline of mine doing his disappearing act is the same at 5 weeks ago this all started. One day all seemed fine, and literally overnight, the light switch went off. The depression, the sleep problems (along with other lifestyle related illnesses), his being reclusive...all of it. I suppose the main difference would be that he has has two failed prior marriages, both also Scorpios.
I will say that he started seeing a Psychologist provided on sight through his workplace... completely unbeknown to me. This Psychologist, at least according to him, has told him that our relationship being long distance, along with other various aspects of his life are at the root of his depression problem. I think much of his depression is due to his health problems, anger issues etc. He has many particularly narcissistic traits, one being incapacity to simply take responsibility for his own failings, and in fact it wasn't until I began to recently enforce my own personal boundaries that his most recent depressive bout began to manifest itself. Hmmmmm.... I wouldn't think that a psychologist worth his salt would endorse simply disappearing with no explanation, especially considering I have never spoken to this psychologist nor has he any way to know my perspective on any aspect of our relationship. While the other facets of my sign might want to give the benefit of the doubt, my Scorpio nature has the red flags of suspicion raised. There are also other aspects of things I found out quite by mistake that are also red flags, but that is an entirely separate blog.
At the end of the day, it sounds like we are both dealing with emotionally unavailable men no matter how we may want to slice it. It might be in our best interests to simply cut our losses as I think continuing trying to fill an empty vessel will drain our own energies. Relationships with emotionally unavailable men will be a roller coaster ride, and an unhappy future to be sure.
Snapper777 last edited by
I was with someone six years and we had a wonderful time together. Then one day, it was all gone. He was emotionally unavailable. It's not worth the time and effort if someone really doesn't care back.
Antares57 last edited by
Exactly, Snapper. For them it is a dictionary definition of Love. All the words are there, but they don't feel any of it. A bleak existence to be sure, and not surprising they are prone to depressive bouts. Such malignant thought processes can change the brain chemistry, not the other way 'round. That is to say, his own guilt and anger has created the depression, and his state of mind is his choice. Unfortunately, as I see it a prison of his own making, I do not care to uproot my life in order to join him in his prison.
Dalia last edited by
Hi, I'm having trouble understanding your relationship from the start and I think you are also. For some reason, and I guess it was a mutual agreement, there was a certain amount of distance between the two of you from the start. He may contact you after the dust settles as he is unable to communicate his feelings. Aquarians are pretty predictable (phone calls.) Maybe you should have called him earlier to let him know that you were too ill to accept phone calls. He may have self esteem issues. He may be so settled in his ways that he is unable to have the type of relationship that you need. He may also need someone that really sets the ground rules. Maybe a more aggressive personality--in some ways. Either way, I don't really know, just ideas. I'm not surprised after reading thru your post. In the future relationships, I would have clearer boundaries or expectations of what you want or need. You accepted that he was somewhat distant. Also, if you have feelings of abandonment from the past, that adds to the struggle to let go of this relationship. It's not anyones fault rather it's a failure to communicate needs and feelings. I don't see you all as a match as far as marriage. I think he would drive you crazy, so to speak. Actually, he doesn't sound like a family person.
leoscorpion last edited by
I was close to an aquarian male once. it was confusing I wouldn't even call it a relationship. I liked him so much but at the time we were just in our 19s and both of us were eager to finish college. The manner that got us together was a bit awkward. I was trying to reach a friend, but I dialed the wrong number. It was just one number off and he ended up answering. I told him sorry I was looking for A and he said there was no A here. He said if he knew full name he might know the humber so I told him A's full name. He didn't know, but we kept talking somehow and that was how it started. He was really nice and polite, very sensitive to my feelings and shy too. But his friends are the opposites and didn't really like me or my friends. I think he was torn between his friends and I plus my parents didn't like him. One day we were supposed to go on a date, he showed up and said that he couldn't go because his mother was in town. his parents didn't live in the same town and probably didn't like me. I wasn't impressed. because my parents didn't like him and yet I still went for the date, why couldn't he do the same? so things turned around since then. I broke up with him, it was my idea and he was mad sending me a letter saying that I started it and I ended it. Anyway a friend said I was being immature so I decided to make up with him. and then he made remarks this and that about me and my plan for our future. We broke up, again this was my idea. Then the truth came out. He told me he had a girlfriend who lived in another town. We mostly talked on the phone, so I never really got to see him at his place or he see me in my place, and we never got out together because everytime he would say a family is here whatever. At the time it just made sense. Of course, he has a gf that's why he never wants to be seen going out with me. I was mad because he could've told me earlier but he said he didn't want to because he felt I really liked him and didn't want to disappoint me. I never contacted him again, I never answered the phone whoever called. He still called on christmas day to wish me merry christmas but I always hung up before he finished. I felt lied to and I didn't appreciate it. After a few years someone called me on behalf of him LOL what the heck I thought. Couldn't say it himself I guess. She said he is now alone or something and depressed of losing me that he almost or thought of killing himself. I wanted to hung up but she said, please don't hang up and we ended up talking for an hour. Her throat was practically dry after this LOL so she had to hang up. I wasn't seeing anyone at the time. I wanted to find someone that would want a relationship with me because they want to, not because they pity me. I never actually knew whether this Aquarian had a gf or not, but we never got further than phone calls so I didn't think there was a future to it. Both our parents didn't like us being together anyway, I wouldn't mind running away with him if only I can see that he is able to stand up to them like a man would. If he can't stand up against them and go out on a date with me, at least I know that if I'm going to fight for him, it would be worth it. I have no problem of fighting for the one I love, I did it for my husband a Cap. This aquarian was nice and caring, but he wouldn't be able to stand up against family because he doesn't want to hurt anybody. I had moved out and changed my phone number since the last conversation with whoever it is speaking on his behalf. we met on the road, he suddenly stopped in front of me. I pretend I forgot and made a turn. I met my husband around 6 years after that and we've been married for 9 years. I can feel he felt bad for lying to me, but I want a man not some momma boy. he is very close to his mom so if she doesn't like me, then that's it we have zero chance anyway.
It's a long story I hope you can relate to this somehow. I don't even remember him until I read your post. I can't tell if your guy is seeing someone new or not, but that is still a possibility. if you really love him, find a way to relocate and live close to him. this way you can see him every day and always be there when he locks himself in somehow. it's hard to handle a depressed person, especially an Aquarian being they are sensitive by nature already. but that's just me and I am not a gemini.
leoscorpion last edited by
" If he can't stand up against them and go out on a date with me, at least I know that if I'm going to fight for him, it would be worth it. "
typo. I mean if he 'can'
gandy last edited by
well you seem like a good person inside so domy worry about it everything will be okay just take the time an give him a lil bit of space let him breath an he will come around just trust your instects
gandy last edited by
help i need to kno why i a not in a relationship yet ima a libra searching for love an i want to love that one i like this guy he gos to my school but i dnt kno his sign hes ive know him4 almost 6months but not that much about him we talk almost everyday in school i really want to be wuth him but i dnt really kno if he likes me like i like him is birthday my be in may or april i jus wish he knew how much i like him but i dnt wanna tell him cuz i dnt really kno wat he might say plz give me sumthing that will help me with this confusin im 19 an hes 17 but werr close on age i wud jus like to kno
MMack last edited by
I'm trying to understand everything you mentioned. Did you drive down to see him? My feeling is he was hurt you took the phone off as it is something he would not do to you. His depression may stem from being overly sensitive for one reason and if he felt rebuffed by his closest friend/lover it may be enough to send him into a depressive funk. If you love him my suggestion would be to drive to see him and see what happens. I've known Aquarians to get into some serious depressions. My brother does that and considering Aquarians thrive on being around people it sounds like a true depression. He may not understand that you as a Gemini do have 2 personalities....that warm loving side and then a more common sense serious almost distant personality. He probably needs to understand that you really are that warm always loving person even if the "phone is off the hook". It's very hard for someone who has been hurt to always keep themselves open. It sounds like he is pushing you away because he's really afraid you were pushing him away and he's afraid of being more hurt. Is he on medication?
MMack last edited by
I shold have read your response b4 I sent mine. I think you are right on the mark about his depression and the way he's feeling and the medications too.