Should I or Should I Not?



  • Hi all, really need some insight and guidance on an issue i kept within myself for these past few years.

    I got close to this galfriend of mine during a camp after i broke off with my ex.

    She's an intelligent, witty & charming lady and we hit it off after the camp we had in 2006.

    somehow, things went wrong.....when i'm with her, past issues with my ex. re-surface whenever we argue or quarrels. I mean, its not that we argued about my ex...but that whenever we had an arguement, somehow i'm stuck in not knowing how to handle as it always remind me of my past relationships. Somehow, this is also e same reason why i did not get itimate or open up myself to her emotionally.

    Another issue which i find it overwhelming is that when i'm with her, i've done all the nasty things which i never will do in a relationship. (eg. walk off in the mid of an arguement, hang up phone etc.) All these actions actually makes me guilty and upset with myself....but i just cant control it.

    Eventually, we drifted apart and she stopped seeing me or answer my calls in end 07.

    But deep down inside me, i know very well that my feelings for her are true & real. Just that i can't handle myself emotionally.

    After she left me, I blamed myself for treating her bad and am really guilty for all the wrongdoings....but i have this strong feelings that i'm not over with her yet. And i believe and hope my sincerity will touched her some day. (so, i still send her email, sms or cards these yrs....but of cos, without any reply or acknowledgment from her)

    Everyone has this 'solitude period' after break off (i dunno whether anyone agrees with me). And for me, (based on my past relationship experiences) i normally takes 4 yrs to really heal myself before going into another new relationship. I reckon i jump in too fast with her after my relationship with my ex.

    I do not have the chance to explain these to her cos she totally break the connection. Even our common friends.

    This year marks the 4th yrs separation with my ex. which means i'm healed for new relationship....and i fell that my love for this galfriend grows stronger as each yr passes.

    Should i or should i not confess my feelings and e truth to her?

    I recently had a dream that we patched back after all my explanation to her. We even kissed watching the sunset by the beach.

    But when i consulted the tarot card, the outcome don't seems promising but the I-Ching results are good. So, i'm confused.

    Astrological readings are good for us though. i'm 5Mar76 while she's 23Nov74.

    Can someone kindly enlighten me with your insight?

    Thousands and millions THANKS

    Love from Fishy76



  • Are you sure that you will not continue behaving like you did when you were together with her? This is the question that she would want you to be sure of, and that the answer is the right one. Dont do the same again. So firstly you need to focus on your healing. Your selfhealing. Do anything that might help healing your soul from past relationships including your relationship with the one you love.



  • I don't think you can set up a certain time on healing. healing is a continuous work. just like recovery is followed by routine check ups and keeping healthy diet for example. or else you will experience the same thing. if you are talking about relationship, there are two people in it remember? so you said your healing period is over, 4 yrs is done. what about hers? don't you think she has her own timing? you will need to allow her heal too or else it will be roller coaster again. Dreams can be premonition, your subconscious mind trying to tell you something or it simply is what you wish to happen. So it's possible you dreamed of making up because you want it to happen. But then again if you can let go of any expectation, it won't hurt to try explain things to her. I'm saying this because again you need to give her time to recover, just like you have given yourself time to do so. She is a human being, her timing may not be the same as yours. In fact if she has the same timing, 4 yrs, then it will be 2010 won't it? Plus after you allow her time to heal, she may not choose to be with you anymore. You will have to be prepared with any possible outcome and not end up forcing her to accept you again.

    I can't say about I-ching and Tarot results, not an expert in them.



  • Thank you TheHangedWomen and leoscorpion.

    ya, i believe it will be difficult for me to convince her that i will not do all the nasty things to her, since i did it when i'm with her. But trust me, the nature of me are really not like that.

    What kinda self healing process will you suggest? i did yoga and meditation these years. I find the effect good for me. At least i am more self aware when my emotion arises, and can better manage them.

    leoscorpion, you are right on the healing thing. I just presume i am healed based on my past experiences. There isnt any gauge to really prove that i'm healed. Just that emotionally, i can better handle myself after the 4 yrs period.

    I just hope to let her know my feeling or at least, apologize to her in person cos she has been occupying my mind all these years. Somehow, she still holds a very important place in my heart.

    Yup, i agreed on her healing timing and such. Thats why i'm struggling between the confess or to just let her go.

    Rationally, i do not want to impose on her peaceful life or to cause any suffering to her cos thats the last thing i ever want to do. So i just watch her at a distance these years. But in my heart, there's this calling and yearning that i have for her which is overwhelming.

    So, i hope to know whether or not our path will cross again in near future. If its a no, then i seriously do not want to impose on her and will start to convince myself to let her go.

    Frankly, the agony of missing someone so badly for these past few years is really hard to bear. Somtimes, i really cannot take it........



  • I know how you feel. I can say the things I said above because I've been through it too.

    You are going through this because life needs you to understand some things. You hurt someone and you admitted it. This is one lesson on its own. Now you must learn that there is time for everything and everyone and you have to respect this. 24/7 is human definition of time. The universe doesn't bow to this definition. Live your life the best you can. Work, school, exercise as usual etc. Let go of any expectation. All lives are connected in the universe. When the time is right, which is when you are ready and so is she, you will be given the chance to meet again. Be ready for this moment, it may come unexpected.

    Confess if you feel like it, but make sure it only contains the truth. You broke up with your ex before you met her, so the universe was actually giving you another chance when you met this 'witty' girl in the camp. It may not tolerate another lie or uncertainty in your words and actions next time so be very careful with what you say and do from now on. Any of these girls you meet, could very well be the one for you. Like I said, be ready for the universe doesn't go with our timing.

    I would suggest that you do a type of yoga called Kundalini Yoga and for meditation try Zazen. I practice the ones from www.anmolmehta.com. You can try this site or you can google it, lots of sites can offer you free exercise. I like Anmol because you can actually contact him and he will set up an exercise for you at no fee. I am not Indian or getting commission for referring him LOL so don't worry I'm not a good salesman. Kundalini is important to 'wake you up'. All the problems we have created in life, has affected us and others. This happens because we are 'asleep' spiritually. I can't tell you what will happen if you are finally 'awake', it's different each person. But I can tell you that you will change, and so will your life and others. You will 'wake up'. Don't wait. Start now.



  • Omg, I have been here before, I wonder after it is all said and done. Is it really worth it to linger over something for 4 years, I broke up with my first love in 07 and I just got over it this year. In the process I tried countless times trying to mend what was broken, reinvent myself, a-z I did it all, in the process I would disregard myself from other prospective relationship opportunities, simutaneously my love she was already moved on, and in love with someone else all over again. I am not raining on your parade, and if your heart tells you that you should declare your love to her, give it your best shot, but please don't waste time because in the process of lingering over what is already lost, the time that is suppose to be a productive healing instrument is contridicted by the pain that you are causing yourself. I am a pisces male, I could tell you so many things about this because I have lived this many times, and today I always say that I wish I would have just had the courage to let it be, and move on like other people do.

    I wish you the best.

    Victory.



  • I do the latihan excercise that is within the organisation subud, www.subud.com. But I feel that this is not something that you would have any interest in. But I would advice you to not think so much about who you should really be with. It is not important (ouch! Dont hit me!!! lol). It really is not the most important thing in this life. Probably you just feel that you dont know what to do. As you said. Just dont do anything. Relax. Are you sure you are not just jealous that you ex has a good life without you? She has probably learned from being with you, that she should take care of her self and not let anyone control her life. You perhaps have helped her become a stronger person, who knows?

    You really need to learn how to relax. Dont worry. Relax. Everything is and has allways been allright. It is all in your head.Stop making problems where there is none. You ex has probably seen that this is what you are doing and concluded that she is not capable of making you stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

    Open your eyes. You are really complaining too much. And for what? For a girl......I am harsh to you now, but really, you must really see the plain truth here: You have no problem. You are making it up. You think too much.

    Accept that you are a wonderful person. Let the feeling sink in. You dont need to prove your self to anyone. You are imagining your life to be worse than it really is. It is all in your head and I am sure that you are creating all your problems yourself.

    No mercy to you in this. Dont be upset, it is the harsh truth that we must all accept the responsibility of our own lives and not surrender it to others. Because this is as if you are giving this girl the responsibility of your life. If you are, then stop doing it. Wake up.



  • Hi again Fishy76.

    I see that you say you want to apologise to this girl. Really. I agree.

    I had a boyfriend that treated me really badly because of bad relationships before me. He only a few times said sorry after the relationship finally ended, or even at all. He could not see how it was possible that it was all in his imagination, so it really was only rarely he said sorry. Still I fear his accusations, even though it is summer 2003 I saw him last. If had had met him today, I mean, I would probably not feel good enough in his eyes. It is a bad feeling of not being understood and accepted. He does not know who I am. Probably, since he just confronted me with all his anxiety of getting cheated by me all the time. As if I was another person totally.

    So it is good to say sorry. So that she knows you did not mean it. Or that she knows that you take all the accusations back. So that they dont have power over her anymore. She might have problems with it still, but perhaps not.

    Forgive your self. Or ask God to let you receive Forgiveness. I use a capital letter there, because forgiveness is an energy. A totally different energy. On the same level as Peace, Healing, Gods Light etc. They are all names of the same God. The energy that saves us from our fears, our wounds. That heales our souls.

    Wish you the best. I think you are in a healing process allready. In your mind and feelings. Let the process work inside of you. Open up to the Divine. Let go of frustrations, fears, sadness. Let forgiveness come to you. In the Bible, it says that it helps to ask the person for forgiveness. It helps you to forgive yourself. If the person would say no, then ask God for forgiveness. And take the forgiveness in. You are forgiven allready, But you must believe in it and accept it. Take it in and let it grow inside of you.

    Just an advice.



  • Thanks to leoscorpion & Victory for your kind advises.

    Thank you TheHangedWoman, just wonder whether you are a psychic reader?

    if so, meaning you read that everything is fine with me and that i am creating all the problem myself?

    Pls dun read it as i'm confronting you as i do not have any of this meaning. Cos, if you really read me this way as a psychic, then i should really reflect and examing myself for improvement.

    Seriously, i dun feel it the way you described. Or that i dun understand myself?

    No, i dun feel jeolous at all that my ex is living a good life without me. I will be gladed that she is happy and healthy all these while.

    I just feel guity towards her as i dun treat her well when we are together....i behaved very different towards her as compared to all my past lover. Like what you said, somehow my anguish and frustration from my past relationships is projected towards her whenever we quarrels or argues....and i cant control myself emotionally. No, i dun accuse her of anything, just that i'm tempermental when with her.

    And of cos, to let her know that i still have feelings for her after all these years and that i wish to be with her for the rest of my life.

    Eversince our break off, i am already determine to 'cure' myself first before approaching her again....

    But of cos like leoscorpion mentioned, i am also ready to accept that she might not want to be with me after all these while.

    Hahaha....But I do agreed that i have a restless mind. Forever active....but not sure whether its the cause of all my anxiety and problem.



  • HELLO FISHY... I THINK YOU ARE BEING TO HARD ON YOURSELF. THE TIME YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR SELF WAS FOR YOU TO HEAL NOW THE ONLY THING I THINK IS THAT YOU HAVE TO TRY TO BE A FREIND TO THIS WOMAN FIRST. DONT JUST GO AT HER AND TRY TO START WHERE YOU LEFT OFF AT THAT WONT WORK YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND HOPE THAT SHE WILL FORGIVE YOU ALSO. DO YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEEL ABOUT YOU IF SHE IS WILLING TO EVEN TALK TO YOU IF SHE DONT THEN ITS TIME TO MOVE ON. THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA JUST REMEMBER THAT IT TAKES TIME TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP JUST DON RUSH INTO ANYTHING .



  • I am just projecting my own experiences on you. I am not a psycic. It is good that you are better than my ex.

    From my own experience and from what I have learned, everything comes out from our hearts. So if we feel fine, everything is fine. If we feel bad, everything is bad. So if we believe there is a problem, then the problem arrives and it becomes reality. If we believe there is no problem, then suddenly everything is resolved and fine. This is universal. So I always say to people not to worry, because there is really no reason to worry. It creates the problem, in fact. Thoughts become real in our lives, so that is why I say we must not worry. There is also an invisible communication between people in the whole world that creates and solves problems. If you let go of the past with you girlfriend, then in fact that could create a reaction in her. It helps both of you at the same time. This is called telepathy. And in the Bible it is called to bless/pray and curse. So what is in our selves becomes true. That is why it is said in the Bible that we should never worry and always be happy. Because it is in fact from what is inside of us that we lives our lives. And what is inside of us also is what comes to us. We attract miracles in our lives by believing in them.

    An example of the phenomenon is shown in this link: http://www.thesecret.tv/ or on this film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8

    That was just what I meant.

    And my own experience was that I realised that I was in fact believing that there was a problem between me and other people when there really was none. So I was creating problems myself by believing that there was a problem. All I needed was to relax and know that everything was allright and has always been. It was an awakening. This happened to me about ten years ago, and I have never gotten back to the old way of thinking, because it is not practical for me.



  • Thanks baebae for your advise.

    i remembered writting her letter telling her i treat her as friend....that was when i realised i couldnt handle myself emotionally. But i reckon she read it as i break off with her.

    So she arranged a meeting with the presence of another friend of ours to tell me that she no longer treat me as friend....and since then, she is off. (that was end 2007)

    Since then, as and when, i will sms her, email her to ask about her well-being...which of cos, no reply then. I still remembered calling her one day before her birthday last yr so as to wish her Happy Birthday...of cos, she din pick up the call.

    Now that i recall, i actually used 4hrs to muster my courage to make that phone call....hahaha lol. But it goes to show how much weightage she has in my heart.

    Ya, i actually hope to be a friend to her.....to let her know/see my actual/true self before jumping into any relationship. That is also the reason why i wanted to be friend with her when i cant handle myself properly few yrs back.

    So you think i should on-hold my confession and try to be friend of hers huh.



  • FISHY IN THE MEAN TIME YOU NEED TO GET OUT A DATE MAYBE YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE TO FILL THE SPACE THAT YOU ARE YERING FAR PLEASE BE FREINDS BEFORE YOU GET IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. THEIR ARE A LOT OF US WITH THE SAME PROBLEM ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WE HAVE TO GET UP BRUSH OFF AND PULL IT TOGETHER NEXT TIME YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING BEFORE IT GETS TO THE POINT YOU WILL BE RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU ARE . I WISH YOU MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE . SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP IF YOU SEE OR HEAR FROM HER LATER LET HER BE THE ONE TO COME TO YOU .



  • Hi baebae,

    I dun quite agree with u in finding another one to fill in the space or emptiness. It will be unfair for the gal whom i'm dealing. Both the one i'm holding in my heart, and the one that is filling up my space. I dun wan to get myself into anymore trouble....

    Moreover, when my heart is occupied, it is quite difficult for me to open up to another.

    Not sure whether you understand what i'm trying to convey.

    If she really comes back to me....i will gladly accept and love her much.

    cos thats what my heart tells me so.

    Thanks for your wishes and advises though.

    Really appreciate them



  • this is why you need to give her the time she needs to recover from the pain you inflicted on her. you didn't do this intentionally, you were just echoing your past sufferings. the pain you felt after breaking up, you haven't recovered from it and you projected it onto this girl. what happened happened and you have taken your time to learn from it. keep living your life and keep reaching out to your higher self. the universe will notice and the time will come when she comes around her past hurt and then your path will cross again. she knows you regret your actions so you have to leave it as is and move on. you have begun a great work on your self, you just need to continue and stay alert. when the time comes, you shall find what you seek. be ready, for the universe timing is not the same to ours. you don't want to miss another opportunity, whether it is the same girl or not. good luck fishy, in time you will 'wake up'.



  • Thank you leoscorpion for your valuable advises,

    i reckon i will still tell her the truth on what has happened in the past, ask for her forgiveness and confess my feeling to her.

    And of cos, if our path cross and she returns...its a bonus for me. Else, life goes on for me huh.

    I guess thats what you trying to tell me?

    hopefully by telling her the truth, it actually shorten the pain i inflicted on her? cos, all these while, it all about me and myself. I know she is having some insecurities herself and i dun want her to think the break up got anything to do with her.

    you ladies will feel stressed or obligated if i were to send her gifts or cards? cos for the past few years, i still buy gifts for her during festives...just that i keep it. Knowing she is a Sagi, i dunno whether my gesture will touched her or push her further to a corner....Sagi dun like to commit, for what i know.....hahaha



  • You in secret buy gifts to her? Afraid to pressure her, so you keep the gift? That is so funny. So sweet 😉 lol

    Perhaps you should send her a letter together with all the gifts that you have been keeping for her....That would shock her, dont you think? Like this: "Here are all your gifts that I have bought for you since we broke up. Hope you like them and that we can meet. Hope you dont feel that I am pressuring you now."

    That would be something. I think I would be perplexed by getting so many gifts at the same time. And I sure would feel pressured, but in a funny way, perhaps 🙂

    lol Youve made me laugh now. 🙂



  • Us piscesns are overly emotional by nature. I personally know it's impossible to get over a relationship without starting a new and better one. You need to stop chasing after her, because it sounds like you're being too clingy and this will only push her away. All you can do is put yourself out there and convince yourself you can find someone better that needs you, think more about what you want from a partner more than focusing on one person that has moved on already. Don't send her gifts, you're only proving you're thinking about yourself and what you want rather than what you think you're doing, which I assume is convincing yourself that she's the only one for you... Notice "she is the only one for me" still focuses on "me"m." I know it's hard to discern what you dealt feel, I'm a Pisces and I'm never sure of my emotions, we're just like our element, in an indescisive ocean that on the surface has a few waves from the changing winds but the undercurrents never seen and the constant swimming of fish in every direction confuse you so you're unsure which way to go. Take time to sort out your thoughts instead, compare and contrast other women so you know what you want, it's better to listen to constructive critisism instead of what you want to hear from people. There's a good chance you won't ever get this woman back... It's like trying to get a floating beach ball out of water, as you move the water and push at it to get to the ball, the more you will trip and the force you use to move ripples the water and the ball floats away faster. Slow the persuit and show restraint, the beachball might come back to the beach, depending on how far into the ocean you've pushed it already.



  • Not that I'm saying it's your fault, but perhaps you need to try finding someone morebpatient, understanding, and level-headed. Relying too much on horoscopes is never a good idea, you may interpret it differently than it's written with a biased view. It's sometimes hard for us to be level-headed and open minded, as we swim around eratically, unsure which way to go and where we are. Stop and use reason(very hard to do for Pisces, since we tend to think with intuition, biased logic, and convincing ourselves to beleive something is true, I am a victim of this) mixed with a bit of intuition and empathy to sort out confused feelings, and learn to go with the moving current instead of going against the flow to get back to where you were before, because that moment in the past is over and done with. If your lucky, the current may take a loop and you're back where you were before, but that is not always a good thing.



  • yes that's what I mean by saying that you should confess the truth.

    I don't see anything wrong with sending her gifts or cards, anything nice.

    you just have to let go of expectation that's all

    means you can send them but if she is still mad and returning it, you need to accept it.

    she'll come around. I don't know about Sag and commitment, but again you are not expecting anything from her as for now anyway.