How do I handle this Scorpio man? (Cancer woman)

  • I (cancer, 26)met this scorpio man (28) 2 months ago at an event. He was in town on business. We IMMEDIATELY hit it off and we mutually blown away about eachother. He pursued me hot and heavy. We talked on the phone3, 4 hours at a time. Told me he had never met anyone like me in his life and was pretty open about his feelings. I flew out to see him 2 weeks later. We had a great time, really bonded. I did NOT sleep with him but we definitely had incredible chemistry making out etc. He asked me what we were going to do about our "cosmic connection" in which I responded with a lame "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" We are both fairly conservative sexually and neither one of us engage in promiscuous sex. I went home and he came into my city 4 days later and I saw him again for one night. He wanted to have sex but I told him "no, not yet" He later asked me "what we were doing and what I was feeling" I again froze up and was not ready for the conversation and again deflected it back on him. He then told me that his work is stressful and he's all over the place and that he didn't want to rush into anything but was optimisitc about us. I don't know if this was a defense answer or what. Now he's backed off quite a bit (this was a month ago) and I've initiated most of the contact, though he did call me for an hour 2 days ago. Right now I'm just trying to be patient. He will be here again at the end of the month. My spiritual advisor said to be patient and talk with him in person. She said I will see him. Question is, why the backoff? I think he may have gotten scared because things happened so fast and then my answers weren't all that certain. I'm wiling to wait, he IS my dream man. Advice?

  • Hey DC....

    Good luck. I have cancer rising....Dealing w/ a scorpion man is rough. Dealt w/ one for over 8 years. After a ton of meltdowns and beating myself up over and over again, i have come to the conclusion that you cannot read them. They are so intense and are so mysterious. They tend to keep to themselves. Live your life, keep on doing what you always do during your daily routine and trust me, they will come sniffing around. I will say one thing, if you hold off on the sex thing for too long, they will look elsewhere. I hear where your coming from about not rushing into anything, but sex is very important to the scorpion man. The sex is mind blowing, but i cant deal with the drama that comes with that territory. As for me, i have had enough of those scorpion men to last me a lifetime!!

    Once again.... Good Luck!!

  • Thanks. I'm really trying to be patient, but he has withdrawn so much from what it was, I don't know what to think. And I don't want to push a big "Talk" on him right now. I'd rather be patient, live my life and see where it goes. He is unfortunately a bit timid after all that stuff, but ALWAYS responds to my texts immediately and always picks up the phone no matter what he's doing. I don't know what to think. As far as sex goes, we've only spent a total of 6 nights together and he hasn't given me a commitment so he gets nothing as of now, lol. Fortunately I'm VERY patient and have a fulfilling life. I check in on text every 3 or 4 days and he always responds. I'm thinking maybe to NOT check in for a while and see what he does. What sucks is hes on my facebook so he always checks my updates and stuff. Hes VERY nosey, lol.

  • Dont beat yourself up. They withdraw alot. To me, it seems that they are very secretive and sneaky. They keep you at arms length. BUT do it to them, and they dont like it! It keeps them in check for a bit, but there behavior always seems to go back to the nonsense. You could have the big "talk" right now. But, they do what they want. You can be patient and understanding but keep in mind that there is a fine line between being patient and understanding and treated like a jerk*** and being taken advantage of.

    And lets not forget the nosey part. Because of their secretive nature and keeping you at bay, they dont want it done to them. So of course they are nosey.

    Stay on your track. Keep on living your life and do what you want.

    Good Luck

  • Thanks. I'm doing a lot of meditating and spiritual advising. Seems we're all coming to the same conclusion. He's fearful/uncertain from past hurt, he's gone into his shell and there is no other women and he doesn't fully know how I feel. My advisor pulled his card and it was the hermit. He did call me for an hour and 45 minutes on Thurs and confided in me about a bunch of stuff but havent heard much from him since 😞 Not sure what to think! It's like he approaches then withdraws.. I don't get it. Im contemplating just calling him up and telling him how I feel in a collected manner. I don't think he really knows how much I care about him. I have a hard time opening up...

  • Yet another emotionally unavailable man...Scorpio Schmorpio. If they are this way, the stars don't matter.I married a Scorp at the age of 19, and he too was all these wonderful things in the beginning. In the end he was manipulative and abusive, both physically and mentally. Being a Scorp myself, I probably don't need to tell you it was passionate, and passion goes all ways. A more apt description was nuclear! I can also tell you that yes, we are very secretive, and secretive to a fault. But, don't be secretive with us because if you give us any reason to suspect something we will suspect it. Once the seed of suspicion has been planted with us, it won't be uprooted, and if we think we have been screwed over, we don't have great capacity for forgiveness. We do resent others trying to find out our secrets. Be careful about calling him and opening up though. If he views you as weak, he will lose respect for you and could see you as someone he can victimize. Since I don't know your particular Scorp, I can only tell you these viewpoints from a Scorpio's perspective and from dealing with many other own mother included. We will sting ourselves to death in order to prove a point though.

  • antares57,

    He is very sensitive and he has told me this. But he withdraws, then I Make contact and he responds immediately. The other day I text him, instead of just texting he CALLED and we talked for and hour and 45 mins. I don't think any man talks to anyone for that long unless he cares and wants it. But then we'll talk and he'll disappear again. We haven't talked since last Thurs, not even text and this bothers me. I don't want to have to initiate texts, though I did tell him that was tired of texting and my fingers were sore. He took it a little too literally and has hardly text me since I said that 😕 Dunno what to think. He definitely doesn't know how much I care about him and my advisor said I needed to tell him, preferably in person or I was going to lose him. He has previously been very vocal about his feelings, unfortunately I may have been the one who clammed up first when he tried to discuss the direction of what we were doing. NOw I'm just stuck and confused...I miss his frequent contact so much.

  • OK...I think I'll try to go a different way here just for the sake of argument since I can only glean so much from a blog. I've been 'round the block a few times and started dating back in the "Hey baby, what's your sign" early '70's era. I've met all signs, and while there are some that are on the mark astrologically speaking, there are those environmental subtleties that will shape each of us in ways that put some forks and speed bumps in the road. One thing I will tell you is the heart wants what the heart wants, and even when we see warning signs, we prefer to ignore them...I myself having been guilty of this...and I've paid dearly.

    At this point in time you are only two months into this, that glowing honeymoon phase as it's called. Everybody is on their best behavior so to speak, right? You're still feeling each other out. I'm just going to try to go with a psychological rather than astrological viewpoint here. So...when you have these long conversations with him, what direction do they go in? The content can be important. Since as you say, he "Pursued you hot and heavy, and was pretty open about his feelings." What do you mean by that? It can be a very fine line with these things as to what sort of personality you're dealing with, and I'm just trying to make you aware of some subtle manipulations to watch out for, and again, I don't know either of you, so sorting through things from a keyboard can be difficult. Be honest with yourself he really open about himself, or is he only open enough to get you to open up about yourself? Is it at all one sided? Is he really interested in what you say, or does it seem more like a fishing expedition trying to find out about past relationships, or things in your past that may have hurt you or affected you adversely, while not really giving out the same sort of info about himself. The other end of the spectrum is long conversations that he really isn't taking note of what you are saying, but instead steering the conversation back onto know...Me, Me,Me, but enough about me, Lets talk about you...what do you think of me? A lot of fluff, but no real content. These things can be very subtle manipulative tactics, and I would hate to see you go down a road I've been down myself. For me, straight from Jump street, I see a couple of red flags here. The rushing in hot and heavy, then going hot and cold on you until you make contact and he's right there again. These sort of tactics can be a set up for traumatic bonding (aka Stockholm Syndrome) in that they only throw you a few crumbs to keep you coming back, while escalating punishment (IE: withholding contact till you contact because you are afraid he's pulling away). It's an insidious tactic, and very subtle...and they work very well because it's biology. Survival 101 if you will. Don't blur your personal boundaries. Be upfront about what YOU want from any relationship...try not to be wishy-washy about what direction you want it to go in. When you see him again go with what you said yourself...Question is, why the backoff? So, question him, and carefully take note of his answers. Don't go for evasions or deflections or ways to deflect the blame on you. These are only a couple of aspects from a more psychological viewpoint. Now, astrologically speaking, I'd say Scorps are very good at employing these tactics.Generally we read weaknesses in people very well, and if we are of a narcissistic nature, we can be master manipulators. Please do yourself a favor, and look up the term narcissism or NPD, and just do a checklist and educate yourself. It is a very prevalent facet of modern society, but few people really understand it. I'm not saying this is your situation, but I would hate to see you go down that road. If you know some of the red flags, you can protect yourself. Believe me, I've been there more than once. Even though my gut told me there was something wrong, I didn't understand what i was dealing with and i found myself in these relationships over and over again.

    Bottom line, this is about you and your happiness. Don't look for validation from others. It's hard to shake that mindset because we are trained to that all our lives. We always want that A+ grade, and even when we know our work deserved better, if someone else gives it an F, we judge ourselves that way. You are the only real soul mate you'll ever have...keep your boundaries and be sure that he respects them (AKA-YOU), and if he can't do that, ask yourself if you would be happy living that way?

    It can be very convoluted, and hard to sort out but hey, this is YOUR life and YOUR happiness we're talking about here! What's more important? On your deathbed in those last few moments are you going to be saying "Wow, I sure wish I'd given away more of my self respect, and worked harder to keep someone else happy!" With a controlling person, they won't respect your boundaries. They don't want you to be a separate person, but merely a reflection of themselves. They will move on quickly if they are of that ilk, and if that's the case, you are better off for it. Better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with a jerk the rest of your life.

  • Hi DC,

    I too share your pain. I am an Aries headstrong woman with a moody Scorpio. We have been on and off for the past 3 years and I still can't figure out some of the things he does. I think Antares57 is right about a great deal of this stuff. You definitely need to be careful with Scorpio men, they like to play a lot of mind games to see how strong or weak you really are. You should let him know how you feel. Its better to be upfront about your feelings then to try and hide them. No one knows how to hide feelings better than me. It doesnt always work to your advantage. Good luck!


  • Hey Aries22! The all time BEST, BEST, BEST relationship I've had is an Aries man. He truly is a compliment to me...all the things I'm not. he is, and vice-versa. He is a sweet, thoughtful person who is capable of empathy, and respects me. I have put him through the ringers, but he has been here for me and supports me, even with my glaring faults and failings...truly a friend and lover. Yes, they do exist! He gets my viewpoints, but he won't put up with my how could you not respect that?? Much of that is environmental, I'm sure! His parents relationship was a partnership, not a tug-o-war. They respected each other, and both viewpoints were accommodated. So...there ya have it. I have known him since '84, and that is what can only be termed as a long term relationship.

    One thing I want to add to DC. DO try to avoid the text conversations, because you don't get the unspoken communication that way. The phone, while better, is still a poor substitute. It is absolutely true that about 93% of communication is non-verbal, so it's at those times you are face to face that you need to have the serious conversations about commitment issues. That's the feedback that will really say what you need to know.

  • hmmm maybe i can be of some help, even though im a sagittarius(male). ive been going threw the same thing i think,

    i was introduced to this girl off the internet, and without even meeting her, we text all the time and were moving WAY to fast at first, she is more like you i think, she was very secretive about her feeling towards me and i felt like she was hiding somethng. I on the other hand was very persistent with her and very hot for her at first! and very open to how i felt about her, which i think scared her because her past relationship really hurt her. and doesnt want to get hurt again. and i also told her that ive never felt this way about anyone too!

    but then when she didnt really respond to my text the way i wanted her too cause i was trying to get her to open up to me and talk freely about her feelings. i felt myself drifting away from her cause it felt like, ok maybe she doesnt feel he same way, or maybe she thinks im weird for liking her so much. after a short period of time

    I too am i very sensitive and ive talked to her for 3 hours one night!!, i would avoid texting her also for a couple of days(which was very hard for me to do and i think hes doing it too) until she text me cause that meant that she wanted to talk to me. and that shes still interested in me. weve have hung out like 4 times. and i still really havent made a move yet, cause i like her and care about her so much, and respect her, that i feel like if i make a move on her its just gonna push her away from me. and i dont want that.

    and as of right now i met this girl a month ago, and just yesterday we just had the BIG talk, but maybe more different than how yours in going to go, i told her that alot of other women have noticed me, since i have more confidence, like i went to the karoka bar and had some girl over me lol, and i didnt do anything!, so i think that made her jealous a little bit, and she probably felt like if she didnt oepn up to me now, i was going to move on,

    then i shared a little bit about my troubled past, which got her to FINALLY!!! open up to me and share her past also, then a shared the rest of mine, and after that happened, i feel like im on top of the world right now. and i think if you were to have a deep, big talk with him and express how you feel, IM SURE OF IT! HE WILL COME AROUND. i know i did

    well i hope sharing my story has helped and im still going threw it today, but it feels like a huge! weight has been lifte off my shoulders. good luck!! go get your man! lmao

  • Antares57,

    yes i agree with you!!! i failed to mention this in my above post, but me and this girl are both really shy, and we had out BIG talk yesterday all through messages on myspace, cause its easier to express your truly feelings that way. yes, it felt like i was writing a novel at times lol but it was worth my fingers hurting later.

  • Antares57 thank you so much! That was VERY helpful. Chevelleman, you as well! Up until today when I initiated contact AGAIN, we had zero contact for 6 days. I text him and said I was thinking about him and asked how he's been and he said "I'm good, just scrambling, have my charity event tonight" and I responded but didn't hear back from him. This seems to be his MO, he responds once or twice and then disappears. But then he'll call me like once every 2 weeks and we'll talk for like 2 hours, this is all after I'VE initiated most of the contact. I don't call him by the way, he calls me. He's been like this for like 3 weeks now. QUESTION: Why the hell would he call me for 2 hours and tell me all about everything if he didn't care? But then disappears! I don't know what to think! I'm SO confused. I'm afraid of addressing the issue because I dont want him to withdraw more. It's a crappy catch 22 and I'm so STUCK it's making me miserable.. 😞

  • P.S WOW the message board seems to have A LOT of inquiries about problems with Scorpio men lately! Maybe something is going with their sign...BTW, everytime I do a tarot reading I pull THE HERMIT for him LOL

  • thats the same thing i have been going threw!!!! im telling ya me and this girl talked for 3 hours one night, about alot of stuff, and even after we'd see eachother, like a movie or something, she was very quiet and didnt text me much at all, maybe 3 times a day, with very short answers, but i still text her alot during the day like almost a play by play during the day lol which some times got me worried when she didnt respond for hours.

    and i like to think with me texting her so much it shows how much im interested, maybe if you dont text during the day, maybe wait until night time to text him and ask him how his day was, and wait for a response( i think he will anwser) and show that care you care! say something like, (bad days) oh man i wish i could help, or awww that sucks, i feel for you! (good days) lol omg that sounds like you had fun today im glad, or your friend did what? lol man i couldnt do that!.

    those just off the top of my head, but it depends on what he says to you of course, and then when he responds and you tell him something like that, it might keep the conversation going, and then dont forget to include how your day went also, even if he didnt ask you!

    2 hours on a phone talking means HE CARES!

  • dman oops sorry i hit submit when i wasnt done! lol

    but yes talking on phone that long is a good thing. maybe he cares for you so much that it scares him half to death. and doesnt know how to deal with it, (that was like me but i was the one chasing her lol) maybe he has something that hes hiding that might make you think hes weird of some sort, either a secret from a horrible past, or something, and feels like you wont except him if he were to tell you about it. or he really was in love with his EX or something and is afraid of being with someone again and getting hurt,

    hmm thats all i can think about right now, so i hope it helped and do the texting thing i told you about. good luck

  • Chevelleman, thats how I feel, I don't think a man or woman talks to someone for that long if they don't care or have romantic feelings! I know I don't! My friends are lucky to get me on the phone for 15 minutes. The thing is, the texing nice things, asking how he's been (usually at night too) hasn't really gotten me anywhere. He'll respond once or twice then nothing. Though he does respond very quickly. I'm feeling dumb because he hasn't initiated much besides the phone call last week and that was AFTER I text him and he called instead of doing text which I was happy about. Also, I'm very tenacious, I don't stop going after what I want until I get it, Sometimes I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing or if that sort of ambition scares guys off? I just know what I want but I hear guys like to do the chasing? I'm just not into games and trying to play the mysterious card. I already told him that too...I also told him I was an alpha female within 10 minutes of meeting him and he liked it. He has always liked my confidence. I'm the one that went up to him when he smiled at me but was too shy to say anything (he told me this afterwards) BUt then he came after me and just as quickly withdrew. it's just so weird. I guess the only way to find out is to ask him and risk completely scaring him off. He will be here in 11 days and we haven't discussed it but my SA told me that Id see him and to address it in person. I think thats the best way, but HOW do I keep my cool in the meantime??

  • hmmmm this guy like me in alot of ways lol , you said that you came up to him, which is good cause (im not really into chasing girls cause i never have, but with this one im seeing it was different) may i ask how old you guys are? what type of person he is? is he overweight at all? maybe he has low self confidence, (like i did at first)

    or maybe depending on how old he is, do you think that he's possibly a virgin? and having a girl interested in him scare him alot? i dont know but these are alot of the same feelings i had felt, im a very shy person, seeing this girl who is also very shy, BUT for us shy people we tend to be attracted to people who are out going and not shy, and i dont know what it is that draws us shy people in,

    maybe cause they help us "loosen up" cause they are so out going it puts us at ease and it lets us know that its ok to come out of our shell, but you cant change this overnight,

    he's coming back in 11 days? where did he go? hmmm he wanted you to know that he was leaving, but also told you that he was coming back, so thats good, i get the feeling that was kinda like saying "wait for me" ,

    maybe you dont like too pursue guys, ( i dont pursue girls) but ive realized that it was worth it, it was worth feeling out of your "comfort zone" and taking a risk, or maybe you are so used to getting what you want when you want it. that having this guy, seem like he's not interested has been driving you crazy, cause its different from the norm.

    I always kinda got what i wanted even if i didnt go looking for it, if a girl showed me interest,(even when i was shy and nervous), i felt like i was stud LOL but i never really acted on it, but when this girl and me met, i dunno I could just tell that she liked me , and i was very open to say how much i liked her, but then when i didnt really get the response i was looking for, it made me crazy, and all i could think about was her, and made me want her even more, cause its a challenge,

    ok i ran out of things to say again, hope this helps again. lol

  • He is a sensitive person and is willing to please to make Happiness to everybody, he will love to see the Joy of life around himself and however it is not always like this and it is waste .

  • No he's definitely not a virgin, but he's not promiscuous either. He's a very handsome, well built man. Sh*t I may as well put this out there too, he's a pro baseball player and I'm a model. We both have a lot of options but are both very picky and specific about what we want. We are practically the same person which is why he calls us bizarro twins.

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