How to read my cancers actions/behaviour ??? please help !

  • ok I have been reading the forums in hope to feel better, I read a lot of advice but nothing that I can kind of relate to... so I decided to post a new topic concerning a Cancer boy I just been involved with....

    well first of all,, we work together and we are not real close at work but quite friendly.... i always commented that i think he is hot, oh yeaaaa ! anyway although its really funny... everytime we are close to each other or go past each other we get little nervous.... i can feel it in the air... the energy... this is all goin back 6-8 mths ago... so we were just work mates....

    however last friday's party changed it all..... we all got a bit drunk.... him , myself I went to my house just to hang out and thats how it all started.... we started makin out... and couldnt get enough of each other, it was great... but we only made out no sex. so the next day he msg me to see how I am and how I am feelin bout it all.... I told him.. i was cool with it...(i didnt take it so seriosly , more so fun.... because my boyfriend & I are goin through a rough patch )

    so then the following day we started emailing each other at work.... and its all fun & games... lovely. then it went on to texts ,, we were quite naughty ,,, but it was awesome fun.... we were so into each other.... I dont think I was ever so exited.... and he told me he was too and he cant wait to actually be with me and..... that if his friend didnt come to pick him up he would have been at my house every night now..... so all good back and forth... until he asked my friend if I had a boyfriend, my friend hesitated and said ... kind of... she told him we are on the rocks......

    and since then ... he has been completely different..... he spoke to me and told me yep ... we will meet up and then couple of hrs later postponed our meeting till tomorrow.... then when I emailed him the next day.. if we are still on... he said: " I know you told me you havnt spoken to your BF for 3 weeks, but I am not comfortable with the situation. I know I will regret this choice later.

    I was so heartbroken, i didnt understand the whole... leading me on.... why ??

    and then I confronted him niceley.... and he said he was in a relationship with a girl that was taken and that it turned messy. I wanted to say and explain a lot... but the timing and place wasnt right... so I kind of said I understand, but I dont really, not the fact that we want each other so much.

    anyway minutes after.... I sent him email saying.... I am sorry if I was too forwarding for you

    ( because I was honest in sayin how much i do want him and how its so mch fun, he was the same towards me...)

    to that he replied to my mobile phone becasue he couldnt via work email as he stated, its to

    x rated..... and basically wrote in the sms..... how much he would have loved it, being intimate with me.

    so I am soooo confused..... I dont really have a bf..... as far as I am concerned.... i would never cheat on someone I love or if I am in a committed relationship. and I told him that, he didnt say much at all after I told him that.... to the point I said, he is playing games and I dont want it anymore.

    So after a day of space.... I wrote him an email today....

    I wanted to make things not so tense at work.....

    so I told him... I am not mad at him... and I think we should treasure our good times and at least we can laugh about it..... life is to short not to.... because it was fun. told him we shouldn't be strangers because we are better than that...... also i told him he did make a good point bout how he feels about the situation and I appreciate his honesty.

    he hasn;t replied to me yet.

    I am real confused about what he is actually telling me.....

    feel stuck and anxious... I cnat stop thinking about him.... fisrt thing in the morning

    ( of course he doesnt know that )

    hope you guys can shed some light, would greatly appreciate it.


  • It's very simple, he does not want to be the cause of your beakup with your boyfriend. Who he thinks as your boyfriend. Because you have not put a difinite point behind your current " so called Boyfriend " From what I can understand from your post..he was once involved with a girl/ women before who belonged to another. He does not want to go through that again. He might think you are playing or trying to have an affair to make the other jealouse. He does not want to be part of that. If you really want this man, you will have to let it be known that you and your current have broken up and make sure sure that it is true. Wait awhile and see if he responds to you. He may not trust it for a while because of the mixup in the beginning. Just my take on it.

  • He didn’t lead you on. As soon as he heard you had a boyfriend he told you he wasn’t comfortable with the situation. If he’s already been through it then he won’t want to go through it again, especially if it was messy. You told him no big deal…it was fun. Do you have a boyfriend or not? Not kind of sort of. It needs to be clear in your mind whether you do or not because he will then think you are using him just for fun and the boyfriend is the real relationship. Some men are (for lack of a better word) honourable, some are players. The players will have fun with you no problem because it’s your problem and they won’t get emotionally engaged. Players are players for a reason. The others wouldn’t get involved at all. I’m not trying to be mean, but I do think you need to see it from the other side.

  • ya totally agree with light-en-dark. follow his advice

    Cancer ppl are very very very very possessive in relationships.

    He is scared because he thinks that your x boyfriend might come back.

    Cancer ppl are very cautious. they dont like getting hurt.

    You have to choose one. Dont keep contact with your x. Not even texting. If your cancer guy comes to know that you are still talking to ur x he will not forgive you.

    Cancer guy is very devoted loving and romantic loyal and great kissers

    They will do anything for you if you are true to them

  • you have to make him belive that you have taken your x boyfriend completely out of your life. he may not ask you but you have to keep telling him. Make him feel that he is really important to you. Dont keep your phone engaged for long time. Because when he calls n your phone is engaged he is gonna think that you are talking to ur ex. spend more time with him. be available whenever he calls.. good luck to you

  • why did you hide that you have a boyfriend n you r going thru a breakup. You should have told him in the beginning. Now whatever you say he is not gonna belive you fully

  • totally agree with AquaBubbles. good advice there "Some men are (for lack of a better word) honourable, some are players."

  • Honey, you also have to remember that in addition to being possessive, Cancers (both male and female) are incredibly PROTECTIVE. Think of the Crab with its hard shell. They will retreat into their respective shells the minute they feel threatened, frightened, etc. And this, I believe, is exactly what your friend has done. If you really want this guy, it's up to you to cultivate the opposites of these negative feelings and lure him out of his shell. Carefully, gently, in a low key manner and it may take some time.

    My late partner was a Cancer and I have Cancer Rising so I know all about these characteristics.

    You've been given some good advice thus far. Heed it, but most importantly, make your Cancer friend feel safe and sound and he will begin to come out of that armor shell. However, as has been stated above, there can be no fuzziness in this relationship. You must be upfront and honest at all times.

    Case in point: do you have a boyfriend or not? Start with this and work your way forward. Make the boundaries clear. Cancers like to have things structured and clear. Make sure that YOU'RE not the one doing the leading on here.

    May I ask what sun sign you are? Moon? Ascendant? You'll have to factor all these things into a relationship with this man. And it's up to you to be sensitive to all the various aspects that come into play.

    Good luck and blessings.

  • first of all I appreciate all of your feed back and I thank you for it.....

    and your right I wish I didnt make any labels of what I wanted... and confirmed my status with him prior, but we both didnt think we were going end up making up etc.

    just to make it a little clearer... I didnt hide I had a boyfriend..... we work together....

    for the past 6-8 mths or so..... so he knew I had a boyfriend...I mentioned my Bf previously .... at work. So at the time where we kissed..... he should have known that I might still have one,,, but never asked me nothing, instead asked other people..... and a friend told him.... that we are going trough a rough patch and havnt been in touch for 3-4 weeks and that things have been going on quite badly of late ( for past 3-4 mths ).

    then he asked me and I told him the truth... that we havent spoken at all.. and that I dont see it happening anymore. And thats truly how I feel.

    But how will I go on now and start proving him that I am available, because I don't really know if he is just playing me.... I know your saying he might be sincere... but he has also said one thing and done another.... he said he will meet and then postponed and then again.... meet and then cancelled..... he might not ever be comfortable with me... and that would be sad.

    I mean I dont want to be back with my boyfriend regardless of cancer guy....thats for sure, but I dont want to beg any one either....I hope you understand what I am saying.

    I just want to know could he be just getting a big head because I want him so much ... and play the game with me because he thinks he can...?

    should I just leave it for a while and give him space to think about it... I hope he replies to my last email nicely so at least we can face each other in a friendly way and then things might get better... with time of course.

  • thank you Gwalchmai, appreciate it, very good advice... by all thus far...

    I dont have a boyfriend, according to me i didnt have one for the last 3 weeks, however we have agreed to break up 2 days ago.

    my starsign is capricorn,

  • In your first post, you said very clearly, that your friend told him that you sort of or kind of have a boyfriend, and that is when he retreated.

    my hunch tells me you were not honest with him at all. you are the one that misled him, and you have issues with honesty.

    based on what you wrote above, you just wanna have fun. it's you that is a player, and not really looking for a steady boyfriend.

    it maybe too late to lure this cancer guy back. this was a physical attraction for you, and becasue the trust with him was betrayed, he probably won't take that chance again.

    what are you really looking for? drama? well you got yourself a theater or a stage, now all you have to do is act like a drama princess.


  • I’m not sure why you think he’s playing games…from what you described he hasn’t played you at all. Cancers can be wary at the best of times. I’ve never known one to get a big head because even though they may be secure in a relationship they still need reassurances every once in awhile. Compound that cautiousness with trust issues then you’ve got your work cut out for you. You have to remember too, that they are emotional and can get carried away by those emotions at that time, but when they go into their shell it allows them time to think about whether those emotions are real or not. The emotions of the libido are not necessarily real. So depending on what you are looking for, I would suggest you subtly let him know that you are available, then be the friend you were before this happened. This way he can see what you’re all about with his own eyes but if you chase him then it’ll just scare him off. The move will have to come from him.

  • Looks like to me this man has learned a valuable lesson for his past mistake, and is wise enough not to let history repeat itself, and i dont see any games on his part at all, i do see that he appears to be honest and has good values and he appears to want that kind of woman.

  • Hey Dizia,

    I agree with you all the way..not just the Cancer men do that us cancer women feel the same.. I have been Lied cheated and played last friday to a guy who was suppose to be my boyfriend we met about a month a go online and finally met in person last friday we both fell inlove with each other and the next day I found out that he was in a relationship with another girl 3,000 miles away I confront him about her and he told me he wasnt...but both of us girl confronted him after he told me he wasnt in a relationship with her.. I was crushed hurt real bad and still am...He met her 5 days b4 he met me too...well after he dumped me but not her on saturday.. I saw on Monday that he has another girl that he was seeing too on the 15th....You dont tell someone that u love them and then the next day you confront them in a lie and its all ur fault in his now he deleted his facebook and blocked me on plentyoffish and he still has his myspace with his relationship of her on it.....But now on POF hes still lookn for a relationship...He dont take my calls so that we can talk about it so i just gave up...I even chose him over a good friend of mine that I have know for 5 mos and have strong feelns 4 but hes not ready for a relationship only friendship and i respect that too...But he worth waitn for in my eyes...So get to the point us Cancer ppl do clam up real fast to go protect our hearts from getn hurt again and then our trust issues weakns ea time we get hurt too..and yes we are clingy some times and we are a loveable caring honest reliable and moody too....Romantic type of ppl...and yes we are sometime hard to get along with only when we are hurt real bad, but we do get over it too...The only thing that we want is to find a trusting honest person who will love us and dont hurt us too...all we ask is for you to be upfront and honest and dont keep things & secerts from us then things will go the right way..But when u do catch a cancer you will have a Bestfriend,lover,partner that willstick by you forever if you dont hurt them and betray them...well thats my point of view....

  • Tularegrl,

    Sorry to hear that. i think being single is the best

  • What is strange here is that here you two are talking, texting, getting all cozy - seemed like you were hitting it off. Then, rather than take your word about anything going on with old boyfriend Cancer guy asks one of your friends if you have a boyfriend. Then everything blows up.

    I totally understand what everyone here is saying about Cancers, I am one, they are right, and I have to say something feels strange about him going to someone else to learn about you. As a Cancer I'd have to say, something in his instincts didn't trust you all along, so he did some outside research. Cancer instincts are pretty keen and you won't override them easily. It sounds like he does like you, but I know I'd be very leery of someone who hadn't spoken to their ex for only three weeks. Now you only make it official two days ago. Who wants to be the "rebound guy" you know? My suggestion is to give yourself some time and make sure you know what you're really doing before you try to start the next relationship with him or anyone else.

    If you're serious about Cancer guy, make it known to him that you are taking time out from all relationships. Then actually do that, take some time out. Don't push Cancer guy, don't go after anyone else. That will demonstrate to Cancer guy that you're not interested in him simply to fill in the time left empty from the last guy - and I think it would be good for you as well to take time for yourself and regroup emotionally. The Cancer in me is seriously questioning whether you could end up going back with that old boyfriend who you "officially ended" things with a mere two days ago. Rocky relationship or not, three weeks is not enough to be convincing to a Cancer, two days is not even close, lol. I'm not saying you can't win Cancer guy over, but it will take some time and sincerity. I wish you good luck!

  • hi everyone,

    thanks for all your reply's, it helps me a lot to see things differently, appreciate it.

    I understand I might have gone about this cancer boy the wrong way.... I thought he was up for fun until I realized he is different which made me appreciate him even more....

    so now I am stuck.

    I am now officially a single girl and I havnt told him about it because I really dont want to make it look like I have done it because of him.. Because its not like that. I have made the decision because it was right for me & ex... I dont intend to tell him bout it either, I am happy to be single now and take some time on my own and move slow..... I am not going to lie and tell you I dont want him... I do ... however I have been hurt too in life .... and I guess now that I am single I will have to be convinced by cancer boy as well.

    My friend told me, that there is a party this friday that we are going to.... and then she said.... he asked her who she is going with.....she didnt want to answer.... He then asked if I was coming.... she then said - probably. He said ok.

    I now am not sure if I want to go.... there is 2 things that are making me not want to go:

    1. I dont know why he asked that.... is it because : if I go to the party, he wont go...... which would break my heart if I end up going as then I would know its because of me he didtn go... that would make me feel sick .


    2. because he wants me to go .

    however ..... if he doesnt trust me and has made the decision to let it go.... he might be afraid I would bring it up. and wants to avoid me.... maybe cause he knows if we get drunk... we will be in the same spot again....

    I am thinking the best thing is not to go, as that way he will know I am doing the right thing and giving us space. We havent been in touch for a week now by the way.

  • Good for you! It feels right!

  • This post is deleted!

  • did you go to the party? did you talk to him?

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