Leo male, Scorpio female .. Help please!

  • Scorpio (me) 11.06.66' (ascending : Pisces)

    Leo (him) 08.08.74' (ascending : Libra)

    This relationship is over but, I am left with no idea why. That is the aspect I am hoping to get some help for. I'll try and keep a very long story as short as possible!

    We had been friends for 12 years, 5 - 6 of those, very close.

    The romantic aspect began in 2006. We got together for a drink after work and he propositioned me. He was married at the time and having some difficulties; I told him to go home. I was not interested, our friendship was very important to me.

    In 2008, about 2 weeks after his divorce was final he asked me to come over, he said he didn't want to be alone. I showed up with flannel PJ's assuming I'd be sleeping on the couch. I get there and he has 20 - 30 candles burning .. he again expresses the desire for us to be together. Despite the one hiccup 2 years previous, I was very, very surprised. We didn't sleep that night; we stayed up talking about anything and everything. We took a small hike the next day and when getting back to his house he wanted a physical connection. I was definitely attracted but, I hadn't really had time to process it. Also, I made it clear that I would not have him be some sort of secret, and neither would I. I was also worried about the rebound effect which again, could destroy the friendship I held so dear. There was an enormous amount of passion displayed from him .. "You fit me perfectly, this feels SO right," etc. For the reasons above I again declined.

    About a month later, his desire was made clear again. Again, I declined. I was definitely attracted but would not be any part of secrecy .. I hate secrets, on many different things. We talked more and I let him know that when he felt ready to have an 'out in the open' relationship, I'd like that very much. He said, "I need some time." I said, "Take all the time you need."

    Flash forward to last Sept. (09') He calls, we get together and he takes me out on a surprise date and again, makes his feelings clear. I feel more confident now and we end up together. The beginning was great! but, after not so much time he begins a behaviour that I have never seen from him. Out of the blue one day he starts texting me writing truly horrible things, insults, etc. I'm shocked; this man had Never said an unkind word to me, not even once, over a span of 12 years.

    I tried to be as understanding and tolerant as possible to understand what brought this on. To get to the bottom of it, so to speak.

    We enjoyed mostly good times (a beautiful Christmas together) for 7 months. The last time I went to his house he seemed to be in a state of psychosis. I was degraded, put down in every way possible .. and this was in my face, literally. Even with the previous text freak out I was so shocked by his behaviour, I froze like a deer in headlights and stayed for the whole two hours of his rant. This rant of his included mocking me for the sexual abuse I endured as a young child. WTF? Who does that? When I left, I knew I'd never set foot through that front door again.

    After a week of zero communication, he dumps me via text on Valentines Day. Wow, so tacky. Within the text he says I am nothing.

    So, I lost this person who up until the previous Sept., had truly been a wonderful friend, as I had been to him. Or, I suppose, he lost me to be accurate. He has never apoligised, or shown any remorse. It seemed very easy for him just to cut me out of life.

    Sorry for such a long post! It's hard to sum up 12 years succinctly!

    If anyone could contribute some analysis from the outside point of view I would appreciate it very, very much. I have zero ideas on the why of it .. I am in the process of letting go, but, I have a much harder time doing that when I have no answers, no truth, regardless of whether it hurts or not. I'm a 'truth' person.

    Thanks so much for taking the time to read my little story. S

  • doublescorpio, I feel so bad telling you this, but I feel his behavior is almost surely because he met another woman. (I feel he was the one who initiated divorce before in 2006; is this true? Or perhaps his wife did because of infidelity).

    You had a very passionate relationship with him and your connection was almost immediate after you met. You are both adventurous, daring people. Your intuiton told you in the beginning to be cautious--but your connection was so strong that you understandably fell for him. I feel he was too much of a coward to end things respectfully.

    Know now that the worst has passed. You say, "When I left, I knew I'd never set foot through that front door again." You have been through an extremely difficult time, and my heart goes out to you. But things are looking up for you now. You have just lost a selfish, immature, and hateful person with no empathy whatsoever, and who has the inability to learn life lessons. You, however, have learned a valuable one, although I know it hurts, about his true nature. I also know you will find someone else. For now, focus on healing and rebuilding your self-esteem. I wish you the best--Junemoon.

  • Dear Junemoon,

    Thanks so much for reading and replying. No worries, I thought of that myself. Actually it was his wife who left him and initiated divorce. (There had been a time in the past when they had separated that she accused him of infidelity.) When she left, she took their children with her and moved to another city and immediately began seeing someone else. They are now engaged to be married and I wish her the best. I have always liked her a great deal. I'm sure the verbal abuse must have been an absolute nightmare for her. As for him, he was truly heartbroken, devastated that the relationship could not be worked out. I think, to some degree, the role of husband, father, homeowner, defined him.

    Well, thank you again for your reply, your advice and best wishes. Now I have a bit more to consider in this painful process of letting go. All the best to you as well, S

  • Im so sorry about what happened doublescorpio, just to be clear though. His texts of insults just came out of nowehere? there was no argument or fight?

    Not to say it can ever be justified to fight in such a way with people, its not effective, its hurtful and there is no coming back from it. But if this was the case- could it be that he just has serious other problems?

    Again Im sorry of what you must be feeling, but never regret going over that line with him and losing that friendship, now you know what would have happened and truly what a 'firend' he was. Hope you are feeling better 🙂

  • You're welcome. It's great that you are on the path of healing--from now on, it will get a little easier every day. 🙂

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